Mrs. Bell’s commentary on the 2004 Prose Essay “The Pupil”
Prompt: The following passage comes from the opening of “The Pupil” (1891), a story by Henry James.
Read the passage carefully. Then write an essay in which you analyze the author’s depiction of the three
characters and the relationships among them. Pay particular attention to tone and point of view.
Things to notice/do:

Always make sure you understand the story and who the characters are (avoid misreads): Mrs.
Moreen is the aristocratic mother of Morgan Moreen her 11 yr-old son, Pemberton is the man
hired to tutor Morgan but hasn’t begun that process yet. Include a few sentences in your
introduction that show you understand the plot. (Did you notice that Pemberton was from
Oxford while the family he is employed by is American?)

First notice how they are depicted before you focus on relationships – use DIDLS = Tone and point of
view which is 3rd person limited omniscient (only letting us see into the mind of Pemberton).
o Pemberton: “poor young man hesitated and procrastinated: it cost him such an effort to
broach the subject of terms, to speak of money…yet he was unwilling to take leave…he
would like to hear the figure of his salary.” “Pemberton was modest – even timid; and
the chance that his small scholar might prove cleverer than himself had quite figured, to
his nervousness, among the dangers of an untried experiment.” His “university honours
had, pecuniarily (financially) speaking, remained barren.”
 We do hear Pemberton’s perspective on the other two characters and what he
is most concerned about (money, not being outsmarted by an 11 yr-old), which
may make us more sympathetic toward him (in a first, timid impression with an
employer over money, under confidence) or maybe we dislike his selfish and
judgemental perspective on the other two characters that we hardly know and
do not have insight to their feelings or situation. It is not fully in 1st person
though, which gives it some distance and credibility.
o Mrs. Moreen: “[she was] a person who spoke only of feelings and, as it were, of the
aristocracy.” “…large, affable lady who sat there drawing a pair of soiled gants de Suede
through a fat, jeweled hand…repeated over and over everything but the thing he would
have liked to hear.” “She became more gracious to reply: ‘Oh, I can assure you that all
that will be quite regular.’”
 large/fat, jeweled hand=aristocratic and maybe lazy, affable/amiable= friendly,
soiled gloves = untidy or maybe not as high class as she would like to be OR
unwilling to dirty herself with the world (must wear gloves).
o Morgan: “the first thing he should have to teach his little charge would be to appear to
address himself to his mother when he spoke to her – especially not to make her such
an improper answer as that.” “…weakness was in the region of the heart. He had known
the poor child was not robust…” “sickly without being delicate, and that he looked
intelligent…big mouth, big ears…he might be unpleasant.”
 Has “heart” problems (literally and maybe metaphorically), besides being
unattractive he metaphorically has a “big mouth and ears” hears and tells all.


When writing on relationships among characters go beyond their roles and depictions and look
for conflict and complexity:
o Pemberton and Morgan: Pemberton seems to only be concerned with making this child
considerate and proper and is glad he seems intelligent but is afraid he is “cleverer than
himself.” Obviously Pemberton thinks highly of his own intellect even if he seems to be
timid. He feels awkward speaking of money in front of the child. Morgan appears to be
like any 11 yr-old boy: curious, maybe entitled. He is not what Pemberton expected:
“The young man’s impression of his prospective pupil, who had first come into the
room, as if to see for himself…was not quite the soft solicitation the visitor had taken for
granted.” He is sent to get his mother’s fan and comes back “with the casual
observation that he couldn’t find it. As he dropped this cynical confession he looked
straight and hard at the candidate for the honour of taking his education in hand.” And
Morgan says “Oh, la-la” when Pemberton finally does ask about his salary, which
Pemberton takes as mocking disrespect.
o
Morgan and Mrs. Moreen: The child is purposefully sent out of the room when his
mother wants to talk about his health issues. She seems to dote on him and try to
protect him. The things she said were “extravagantly to his advantage.” She is not
bothered by his casual treatment of her and his tutor, but is more concerned that her
son is “all at the mercy of a weakness.”
o
Mrs. Moreen and Pemberton: They might be foils for each other and the boy. The
conflict is only one sided from Pemberton’s perspective, feeling embarrassed and vulgar
to ask about money; Mrs. Moreen seems to have confidence in him and is unconcerned
with trivial details like his pay, leaving him with elusive answers. Pemberton wonders
“what ‘all that’ was to amount to – people had such different ideas.” This can be read
into as a larger theme (or foreshadowing) in the passage. It might be a very different
story told from the young boy’s perspective.
Overall tone – cynical/critical/prejudiced (from Pemberton’s perspective), tentative/hesitant,
notice the focus on classism and possible mockery of the bourgeoisie (or maybe proletariat)
class. Notice how children are expected to act versus what they actually do. How are adults
childish? Why should this child trust Pemberton? What does “being educated” mean?
Vocabulary words that could be used in this piece: the child is of tertiary importance,
Pemberton’s salary is dubious, the nascent relationship of the pupil and teacher, Mrs. Moreen’s
insouciant attitude toward Pemberton’s money situation
Mrs. Bell’s Commentary on the 2002 Prose Essay “Quoyle”
Prompt: Read carefully the following passage from the beginning of a contemporary novel. Note the
author’s use of such elements as diction, syntax, imagery, and figurative language. Then write an essay
in which you analyze how the author’s use of language generates a vivid impression of Quoyle as a
character.
Things to notice/do:

Always make sure you understand the story (avoid misreads). It is obvious that he is ugly,
shunned, average, mistreated – but how is this uniquely demonstrated through language?
o Mention words from the prompt like “vivid impression of Quoyle” in your introduction
and keep coming back to the prompt throughout your essay.

Annotate the prompt for the items they ask you to look for. Underline sections you can quote
and label sections to help you categorize and organize your thoughts (D=diction you will
mention, S=interesting syntax…). Make notations /observations/questions as you annotate.
Circle repeated words/images/motifs/symbols that you may want to address.

Diction and imagery that create a vivid impression of Quoyle: There is so much you can choose
to focus on that you may need to categorize – look for patterns/motifs and theme/tone. If you
want to separate diction from imagery, focus on why the author choose a particular word to
convey a particular tone versus a series of images that build our perception of Quoyle as a
character.
o Objectified: “…raised in a shuffle of dreary upstate towns” is ordinary and nondescript,
indicating that Quoyle was shuffled about like an item, just as the section that describes
him in nonhuman terms with a head like a melon, hair like a ruffle, body like a loaf, eyes
like plastic, chin like a shelf in paragraph six. He seems inert like an object and incapable
of changing.
o
Physique: He was “hive-spangled, gut roaring with gas and cramp” we feel repulsed in
the first few sentences. He eats “prodigiously, liked a ham knuckle, buttered spuds” so
it isn’t a wonder that he is a “great damp loaf of a body…buried under a casement of
flesh.” The failure of appearing normal is only exacerbated by his monstrous chin which
he feels he needs to cover with his hand. This physical description is anything but
flattering, though it is vivid and even develops cacophony to create further tension.
o
Perception of self: “His earliest sense of self was a distant figure: there in the
foreground with his family; here at the limit of the far view, was he.” He “survived”
childhood, “stumbled” through his twenties “camouflaged torment with smiles and
silence…separate his feelings from his life, counting on nothing.” He is portrayed with
diction such as “bereft, brimming with grief and thwarted love.” His jobs are the most
average and even menial: distributing vending machine candy, convenience store clerk,
third-rate newspaper man. He was “soft” and he knew it. He takes courses at the
university that he doesn’t understand and eventually drops out. Even Quoyle’s name is
unusual and awkward.
o
Water imagery: Here water is developed as yet another symbol for Quoyle’s failures and
foggy mental state. He fears water and can’t swim, despite his father throwing him into
“pools, brooks, lakes, and surf.” He knew “the flavor of brack and waterweed” which
develops negative sensory images. He has a deeper family connection to water when he
realizes that they are from Newfoundland and he not only looks up pictures of his
ancestors on a ship “Leaving home, 1946” but also visits Newfoundland. And the last
paragraph of the excerpt compares Quoyle’s thoughts to the Sea Lung “a heaving
sludge of ice under fog where air blurred into water, where liquid was solid, where
solids dissolved, where the sky froze and light and dark muddled.” This telling simile
summarizes not only Quoyle’s mental state but also his purpose in life and his
perception of himself.
o
Connection to Family: “Until he was fourteen, he cherished the idea that he had been
given to the wrong family, that somewhere his real people…longed for him.” This isn’t
surprising since his father clearly believes his son is a failure. His brother calls him
“snotface, ugly pig, warthog, stupid, stinkbomb, greasebag” and beats him. Quoyle
seems to take these abuses as deserved.

Syntax: “Here is an account of a few years in the life of Quoyle…” Sounds matter-of-fact, candid,
straight forward, and plain – we believe it as the truth just as Quoyle does. The fourth
paragraph is only two sentences: the first is a long series of “failures” repeating that word eight
times to create a parallel structure that emphasizes the multiplying failures in his life. It ends
with the short fragment of a sentence, “His own failure” referring to his father’s view that
Quoyle is the father’s failure as well. The excerpt contains a series of fragmented sentences “A
great damp loaf of a body.” “Eyes the color of plastic.” These fragments, which reveal Quoyle in
snatches, are lacking verbs just as Quoyle himself is lacking action.

Figurative Language:
o Hyperbole: All of par 6 “The monstrous chin, a freakish shelf jutting from the lower face.”
o Simile: “failures multiply like an explosion of virulent cells.” “Head shaped like a
Crenshaw” “His thoughts churned like the amorphous thing that ancient sailors…called
the sea lung.”
o Metonymy/symbolism: He is represented by his parts – covering his chin is a symbol for
his ugliness, awkwardness, and shame
Vocabulary to use: Quoyle’s onerous or execrable physical appearance, suffering the invectives
of his brother, conspicuous chin, has a propensity for self-loathing, replete with foibles