First Comes Love: College Students & Relationships - Class #3
Dating, Engagement, and Marriage - "More Than a Feeling"
Marcel LeJeune
Do you believe that there is one person you were made for?
Describe the perfect marriage?
-Who yearns to be loved and to love?
-This is part of how we were created.
-But, if you try to fill this desire with something false, then you will feel even more empty
-We need to fill ourselves with God's love first
-Then let Him lead us to the fulfillment of our heart's desire
-Dating/Engagement should have all of the following:
-Authentic Love and Discernment
-Infatuation vs. true love
-Emotional superficial love vs. love at the core of our being
-Right understanding of our sexuality
-Not just a list of "dont do this"
-A man may never kiss his fiance until marriage and still lust for her and see her as an object
-Tenderness and Purity are the keys
-Romance
-SELF CONTROL is key here
-You shouldn't date anyone until you have it
-Prayer
-Start praying now for your spouse
-Exclusive dating is a discernment of and preparation for Engagement
-Engagement is a discernment of and preparation for Marriage
-Marriage is preparation for Heaven
Seven Habits of Highly Effective Dating
1. God at the Center of the relationship
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33
2. Dating someone with a belief in Christ
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with
lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness. - II Corinthians 6:14
3. Be friends first
Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another. Romans 12:10
4. Do not isolate yourselves from friends or family.
For you, brethren, have been called to liberty: only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but
through love serve one another. -Galations 5:13
5. Don't forget to think about the FUTURE
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom for the future. -Proverbs 19:20
6. Don't date someone who takes advantage of you or uses you
You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. -I Corinthians 7:23
7. Don't mistake a physical relationship for love
For this is the will, your sanctification; that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you
should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor; not in passion of lust, like the
Gentiles who do not know God. -I Thesselonians 4:3-5
3 Ways To Date and Give Glory to God:
1. Dating shoudl help us GROW as individuals
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge
Him, and He shall direct your paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6
2. Dating helps or allows us to contribute to the GROWTH and betterment of another person
And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works. -Hebrews 10:25
3. Dating helps prepare us for the "RIGHT" MARRIAGE partner
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become
one flesh. -Ephesians 5:31
Present choices affect future marriages.
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to
his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.
-Galatians 6:8-9
What To Avoid In Choosing Your Date
1. The first AVAILABLE syndrome
For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise. Hebrews 10:36
2. Being fooled by the EXTERNALS
But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused
him. For the Lord does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at
the heart." -I Samuel 16:7
Setting Standards Before You Go Out
1. Start with setting standards for the BEGINNING
But seek frist the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33
2. PRAY before and at the end of each date
Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. -Mark
14:38
3. DRESS in a way that encourages your date to treat you with respect
Abstain from all appearance of evil. -I Thessalonians 5:22
4. Don't COMPROMISE any of your standards to make them happy
But Peter and the other apostles answered and said, "We ought to obey God rather than men." -Acts 5:29
Why Should I set Standards
1. Setting standards shows that GOD is important in your life
Jesus said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your
mind." -Matthew 22:37
2. Setting standards shows that your future SPOUSE is important in your life
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become
one flesh. -Ephesians 5:31
3. Setting standards shows that you care about YOUR OWN life
Do you not kow taht you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles
the temple of God, God will destroy hm. For the temple of God is holy, which temple are you? -I Corinthians
3:16-17
Three Lies About Temptation
Lie #1 No one else GOES THROUGH what I'm going through
But remembver that the temptations that come into your life are not different from what others experience. -I
Corinthians 10:13
Lie #2 The temptation is too STRONG for me to resist
...And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it.
I Corinthians 10:13
Lie #3 There is no WAY OUT...except to give in
...When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you wil not give in to it. -I Corinthians 10:13
Keys to dating or When Not to Date:
1) If you can't see yourself married to this exact person in 10 or 20 years then get out now.
2) Get out of any relationship that isn't glorifying to God and can't/won't change.
3) Get out of any relationship that takes you away from Christ and can't/won't change.
4) Abusive relationships should end.
5) Manipulative or jealous relationships should change/end.
6) A relationship that isolates from friends or family should change or end.
7) A relationship that means one or both persons must compromise their beliefs should change or end.
Things to look out for in a relationship:
1) Expectations of your spouse and relationship
2) Finances -- debt is dangerous to a relationship
3) Priorities -- make sure you are living out what you say your priorities are.
4) Needs -- be careful of leaning on any one person for all of your neeeds
-- Guys need guy friends
-- Girls need girl friends
-- Everyone needs a divine friend
5) Learn how to disagree and argue.
6) Romance -- understand it's purpose and limits
-- Purpose: to win hearts/not a body
-- Limits: not the only or best way to show love
Guaranteed way to have a marriage that lasts:
1) Do not have sex outside of marriage. If you are then stop. Purity is essential (no co-habitating).
2) Pray together every day.
3) Get married in Church and Go to Church together every week.
4) Use Natural Family Planning
5) Tithe