University Writing Program
Fall 2005
Donald Meisenheimer, CAI Coordinator
dkmeisenheimer@ucdavis.edu
Nominalization and Passive Voice Exercise
Summary
Students arrive in class having read Lesson 3 from Joseph Williams’ Style: Ten Lessons
in Clarity and Grace. The instructor reviews the material on passive voice with a couple
of sentences starring Little Red Riding Hood, then goes around the room asking students
to distinguish nominalizations from verbs in a selected list of terms. Next, students
identify nominalizations and verbs in an exercise containing paired sentences, after which
students revise the less effective, sentence using its superior partner as a model. Finally,
the instructor reviews the passive/active distinction, and assigns homework involving the
creation of a grid identifying common characteristics of three different passages about
passive voice in science writing.
Target Courses
I observed this lesson in a UWP 104E Science Writing course, although it has wide
application in other UWP courses.
Amount of Time Required
The lesson took the full 80 minutes of class time.
Software You’ll Use
Word, the classroom Pickup Folder, and possibly PowerPoint and Remote Desktop.
Prep
The instructor should review Lesson 3 from Joseph Williams’ Style: Ten Lessons in
Clarity and Grace and place the “Nominalization” document, “Exercises 3.4 and 3.5”
document, “Suggested Solutions” document, “Passive Voice Identification” document in
the classroom pickup folder. She should also make enough photocopies for all the
students of the homework assignment, available below as the “Passive Voice Grid”
document.
LESSON PLAN
Background
Students arrive in class having read Lesson 3 from Joseph Williams’ Style: Ten Lessons in
Clarity and Grace.
Step 1: The Instructor Reviews Passive/Active Voice Distinction and Calls on Students to DeNominalize a List of Words
The instructor brings down the overhead screen and opens a Word document, “Nominalizations,”
based on Williams’ text.
She begins with the first example, which is a pair of sentences about Little Red Riding Hood,
one using passive and one using active voice. She asks students to identify why the passive
voice sentence sounds odd. Based on student responses, the instructor underlines all the verbs
that have been changed into nouns in the passive example, then underlines all the verbs in the
active example. Next, she underlines verbs in the passive example for comparison, and argues
that overly nominalized sentences have fewer and less interesting verbs.
The instructor now scrolls lower in the Nominalization document and displays a list of words.
She goes around the room and asks each student to identify whether the next word on the list is a
nominalization or a verb; if it’s a nominalization, she asks that the student change it to a verb or
an adjective.
She suggests students use the following test: If you can place “the” in front of the word, it means
it’s a nominalization. If you can place “to” in front of the word, it means it’s a verb.
Within ten minutes, all the students have been called on.
Tip: The introduction to passive and active voice sentences could be done using a
PowerPoint presentation. Alternatively, you could give students the odd, passively
phrased Little Red Riding Hood example and ask them to rephrase it as an active
sentence (or vice versa) on their own computers.
Step 2: Students Bold Nominalizations and Underline Verbs in a Set of Exercises
Next the instructor asks students to open the classroom pickup folder and drag to the desktop
Exercises 3.4 and 3.5 from Williams. She says, “Put all nominalizations in bold; underline all
the verbs; then pick the better sentence. Please do not revise the sentence just yet.”
Note that in these exercises, the sentences have not only different styles in regards to passive and
active voice, but different content.
The instructor turns off the overhead screen as students work. They spend about fifteen minutes
on the exercise. Once students have finished, the instructor shows them her “Suggested
Solutions” document on the overhead screen.
Step 3: Students Revise the Less Effective Sentences
Next, the instructor asks students to revise the less effective sentence of each pair, using the
better sentence in the pair as a model. She guides them through the procedure on the overhead
screen with the first two sentences, then assigns the class exercises 3,4, and 5.
This step takes students less than ten minutes, after which she asks students to offer their
revisions aloud.
Tip: Students’ revised sentences could also be volunteered on the overhead screen
using Remote Desktop.
Step 4: The Instructor Reviews Passive/Active Voice Distinctions and Assigns the “Passive
Voice Grid” Homework
Finally, the instructor opens “Passive Voice Identification” on the overhead screen and discusses
why passive voice is usually preferred in science writing. In the example sentences on the
overhead, she solicits student input as to which sentences are passive, then underlines the passive
verbs. She takes a moment to distinguish between passive and past tense as well.
This demonstration leads into the homework assignment. The instructor hands out the “Passive
Voice Grid” assignment, which she asks students to complete in group of three. The goal is to
read three statements about passive voice in the sciences, the construct a grid mapping out their
characteristics. In addition to the grid, students must also produce an explanatory paragraph.
The idea behind the grid approach originated in Writing in the Sciences: Exploring Conventions
of Scientific Discourse by Penrose and Katz, page 91. In the class I observed, this exercise was
meant to help students with the synthesis process they would soon be using for the upcoming
assignment, a literature review.
Nominalizations
Why does the following sentence sound so odd?
Once upon a time, as a walk through the woods was
taking place on the part of Little Red Riding Hood,
the Wolf’s jump out from behind a tree occurred,
causing her fright.
And why does the following sentence sound better?
Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood was walking
through the woods, when the Wolf jumped out from
behind a tree and frightened her.
Nominalizations are noun forms of verbs and adjectives. Walk and jump (in the
first sentence) function as nouns instead of as verbs; they are nominalizations.
If we name the “characters” in the subjects of this sentence, and name the actions
they perform in the verbs (that is, turn the nouns into their verb forms), then the
sentence is much clearer (as in the second sentence).
The following list contains verbs, adjectives, and nominalizations. Examine these
words and turn the verbs and adjectives into nominalizations and the
nominalizations into their verb or adjective forms.
accuracy
comparison
evaluate
analysis
conclusion
examine
appearance
decide
explanation
approach
decrease
expression
attempt
define
failure
believe
description
improve
careful
discuss
increase
clear
emphasize
intelligent
suggest
thorough
Now compare the following two sentences. Which one seems clearer?
2a. Despite her knowledge of the need by cities for
more money, the governor executed a veto of a
bigger education budget to give encouragement to
cities for an increase in local taxes.
2b. Although the governor knew that the cities
needed more money for schools, she vetoed a
bigger education budget to encourage the cities
to increase their local taxes.
Identify—in both sentences—all the nominalizations you can find.
Another example:
The application by the farmer of pesticides in
large quantities to the crops results in the
desired increase in yields in the first years.
However, after many treatments, the resistance of
some of the individual insect populations under
assault by the pesticide allows for the
establishment of new populations with no ill
effects from the pesticides.
Revised:
When the farmer first applies pesticides in large
quantities to the crops, the yields increase as
desired. However, many insects can resist this
assault and can establish new populations that the
pesticides won’t affect.
Exercises 3.4 & 3.5
Put nominalizations in bold; underline verbs.
1a.
Some people argue that atmospheric carbon dioxide does not elevate global
temperature.
1b.
There has been speculation by educators about the role of the family in the
improvement of educational achievement.
Revision:
2a.
Smoking during pregnancy may cause fetal injury.
2b.
When we write concisely, readers understand easily.
Revision:
3a.
Researchers have identified the AIDS virus but failed to develop a vaccine to
immunize those at risk.
3b.
Attempts by economists at defining full employment have been met with failure.
Revision:
4a.
Complaints by editorial writers about voter apathy rarely offer suggestions about
dispelling it.
4b.
Although critics claim that children who watch a lot of television tend to become
less able readers, no one has demonstrated that to be true.
Revision:
5a.
The loss of market share to Japan by domestic automakers resulted in the
disappearance of hundreds of thousands of jobs.
5b.
When educators discover how to use computer-assisted instruction, our schools
will teach complex subjects more effectively.
Revision:
6a.
We need to know which parts of our national forests are being logged most
extensively so that we can save virgin stands at greatest risk.
6b.
There is a need for an analysis of library use to provide a reliable base for the
projection of needed resources.
Revision:
7a.
Many professional athletes fail to realize that they are unprepared for life after
stardom because their teams protect them from the problems that the rest of us
adjust to every day.
7b.
Colleges have come to an understanding that yearly tuition increases are no longer
possible because of strong resistance from parents to the soaring costs of higher
education.
Revision:
Exercises 3.4 & 3.5 – SUGGESTED SOLUTIONS
1a.
Some people argue that atmospheric carbon dioxide does not elevate global
temperature.
1b.
There has been speculation by educators about the role of the family in the
improvement of educational achievement.
2a.
Smoking during pregnancy may cause fetal injury.
2b.
When we write concisely, readers understand easily.
3a.
Researchers have identified the AIDS virus but failed to develop a vaccine to
immunize those at risk.
3b.
Attempts by economists at defining full employment have been met with
failure.
4a.
Complaints by editorial writers about voter apathy rarely offer suggestions
about dispelling it.
4b.
Although critics claim that children who watch a lot of television tend to become
less able readers, no one has demonstrated that to be true.
5a.
The loss of market share to Japan by domestic automakers resulted in the
disappearance of hundreds of thousands of jobs.
5b.
When educators discover how to use computer-assisted instruction, our schools
will teach complex subjects more effectively.
6a.
We need to know which parts of our national forests are being logged most
extensively so that we can save virgin stands at greatest risk.
6b.
There is a need for an analysis of library use to provide a reliable base for the
projection of needed resources.
7a.
Many professional athletes fail to realize that they are unprepared for life after
stardom because their teams protect them from the problems that the rest of us
adjust to every day.
7b.
Colleges have come to an understanding that yearly tuition increases are no
longer possible because of strong resistance from parents to the soaring costs of
higher education.
Williams, Exercises 3.4 & 3.5 – SUGGESTED SOLUTIONS
(See book for directions: put nominalizations in bold; underline verbs.)
1a.
Some people argue that atmospheric carbon dioxide does not elevate global
temperature.
1b.
There has been speculation by educators about the role of the family in the
improvement of educational achievement.
Revision:
Some educators have speculated whether the family helps students
achieve more.
2a.
Smoking during pregnancy may cause fetal injury.
2b.
When we write concisely, readers understand easily.
Revision:
When pregnant women smoke, they cause injury to their fetuses.
3a.
Researchers have identified the AIDS virus but failed to develop a vaccine to
immunize those at risk.
3b.
Attempts by economists at defining full employment have been met with
failure.
Revision:
Economists have attempted but failed to define full employment.
4a.
Complaints by editorial writers about voter apathy rarely offer suggestions
about dispelling it.
4b.
Although critics claim that children who watch a lot of television tend to become
less able readers, no one has demonstrated that to be true.
Revision:
Although editorial writers complain that voters are apathetic, they
rarely suggest ways to dispell that apathy.
5a.
The loss of market share to Japan by domestic automakers resulted in the
disappearance of hundreds of thousands of jobs.
5b.
When educators discover how to use computer-assisted instruction, our schools
will teach complex subjects more effectively.
Revision:
When domestic automakers lost market share to the Japanese,
hundreds of thousands of jobs disappeared.
6a.
We need to know which parts of our national forests are being logged most
extensively so that we can save virgin stands at greatest risk.
6b.
There is a need for an analysis of library use to provide a reliable base for the
projection of needed resources.
Revision:
We need to analyze how patrons are using the library so that we
can project what resources we need.
7a.
Many professional athletes fail to realize that they are unprepared for life after
stardom because their teams protect them from the problems that the rest of us
adjust to every day.
7b.
Colleges have come to an understanding that yearly tuition increases are no
longer possible because of strong resistance from parents to the soaring costs of
higher education.
Revision:
Colleges understand that they can no longer increase tuition yearly
because parents are strongly resisting the soaring cost of higher education.
Passive Voice Identification
In the following sentences, which are passive, which
active?
• Ida opened the window.
• The window was opened by Ida.
• Max reflects on the results of the election.
• The results of the election are reflected on by Max.
• The program has been suspended by the dean.
• The dean has suspended the program.
• By then, a new kicker will have been signed by the
49ers.
• By then, the 49ers will have signed a new kicker.
What do all the passive sentences have in common?
How can you recognize the passive voice if you see it?
What’s the difference between voice and tense?
Passive Voice Grid
Assume you’re writing a review paper on the topic of scientific writing. You
have come across the following 3 statements about the use of passive voice in
scientific writing, each from a different textbook on writing in the sciences. You
need to synthesize the advice given here into 1 paragraph as part of your overall
explanation of what the experts have to say about strategies for clear and
effective scientific prose.
1.
Read the 3 statements.
2. In small groups of 2 or 3, construct a grid (see P&K p. 91), charting
similarities and differences in what the 3 writers say, what they emphasize, the
examples they use, and the reasons they give for deciding whether to use active
voice or passive voice.
3. Write 1 paragraph, synthesizing the views of the 3 writers. Cite the authors
as you would in a scientific paper (e.g., While Penrose and Katz (2004) and
Pechenik (2004) argue that ..., Day (1998) makes a different point...)
4. One person in the group should type up the group’s paragraph, give it a
unique document name, and drop it into the Share folder on the fileserver.
5. Be ready to explain to the rest of the class why you made the choices you
did.
Active Versus Passive Voice
(1)
excerpt from Robert A. Day (1998) How to Write and Publish a Scientific Paper,
pp. 209-10.
Let us now talk about voice. In any type of writing, the active voice is usually more precise and
less wordy than is the passive voice. (This is not always true; if it were, we would have an
Eleventh Commandment: “The passive voice should never be used.”) Why, then, do scientists
insist on using the passive voice? Perhaps this bad habit is the result of the erroneous idea that it
is somehow impolite to use first-person pronouns. As a result, the scientist typically uses such
verbose (and imprecise) statements as “It was found that” in preference to the short, unambiguous
“I found.”
I herewith ask all young scientists to renounce the false modesty of previous generations
of scientists. Do not be afraid to name the agent of the action in a sentence, even when it is “I” or
“we.” Once you get into the habit of saying “I found,” you will also find that you have a
tendency to write “S. aureus produced lactate” rather than “Lactate was produced by S. aureus.”
(Note that the “active” statement is in three words; the passive requires five.)
You can avoid the passive voice by saying “The authors found” instead of “it was found.”
Compared with the simple “we,” however, “the authors” is pretentious, verbose, and imprecise
(which authors?).
(2)
excerpt from Ann M. Penrose and Steven B. Katz (2004) Writing in the Sciences,
2nd ed., p. 51)
. . . [T]he concrete information in the methods section is usually presented in the simple past
tense, either active voice (“We collected water samples every three days”) or passive (“Water
samples were collected . . .”). Although the “scientific passive” has a long and venerable
tradition, it is often easier and more direct to write in active voice, which is the mode preferred by
many journal editors in the interests of brevity and clarity. The editors of the Journal of Heredity,
for example, directly inform contributors that “first-person active voice is preferable to the
impersonal passive voice” (Heredity 2002).
On the other hand, it is observed in the American Institute of Physics Style Manual (AIP
1990) that “the passive is often the most natural way to give prominence to the essential facts” (p
14). The AIP editors offer as illustration the sentence “Air was admitted to the chamber,” in
which it is not important to know who turned the valve (p. 14–15). The AIP does recommend
shifting to active voice where necessary to avoid confusion or awkwardness. You’ll notice that
active voice often leads naturally to the use of first person (“We collected . . .”), which is
increasingly common in scientific prose, a trend also endorsed by the AIP (p 14) and other
editorial panels. In addition to the use of active and passive voice for clarity and emphasis,
scientists sometimes use these stylistic features strategically to highlight or minimize—to make
“stylistic arguments.” For example, note how Mallin et al. (1995) use passive voice in their
introduction when describing their own research, but active voice when describing the new
dinoflagellate they are investigating (Chapter 11, pages 328–330). The effect is to put the new
dinoflagellate in the forefront, to call attention to its “active” existence and thus its toxicity, while
downplaying the role of the researchers in discovering it.
(3)
excerpt from Jan A. Pechenik (2004) A Short Guide to Writing About Biology, 5th
ed., pp. 97-98)
The passive voice is often a great enemy of concise writing, in part because the associated verbs
are weak. If the subject (“Rats and mice,” in the following example) is on the receiving end of
the action, the voice is passive:
Rats and mice were experimented on by him.
If, on the other hand, the subject of a sentence (“He,” in the coming example) is on the delivering
end of the action, the voice is said to be active:
He experimented with rats and mice.
Note that the active sentence contains only 6 words, whereas its passive counterpart contains 8.
In addition to creating excessively wordy sentences, the passive voice often makes the active
agent anonymous, and a weaker, sometimes ambiguous sentence may result:
Once every month for 2 years, mussels were collected from 5
intertidal sites in Barnstable County, MA.
Whom should the reader contact if there is a question about where the mussels were collected?
Were the mussels collected by the writer, by fellow students, by an instructor, or by a private
company? Eliminating the passive voice clarifies the procedure:
Once every month for 2 years, members of the class
collected mussels from 5 intertidal sites in Barnstable
County, MA.
Similarly, “It was found that” becomes “I found,” or “We found,” or, perhaps, “Karlson (1996)
found.” Whenever it is important, or at least useful, that the reader know who the agent of the
action is, and whenever the passive voice makes a sentence unnecessarily wordy, use the active
voice:
Passive: Little is known of the nutritional requirements of
these animals.
Active:
We know little about the nutritional requirements
of these animals.
Passive: The results were interpreted as indicative of. . .
.
Active:
The results indicated. . . .
Passive: In the present study, the food value of 7 diets
was compared, and the chemical composition of each
diet was correlated with its nutritional value.
Active:
In this study, I compared the food value of 7
diets and correlated the chemical composition of
each diet with its nutritional value.
Note in this last example that it is perfectly acceptable to use the pronoun “I” in scientific writing;
switching to the active voice expresses thoughts more forcibly and clearly and often eliminates
unnecessary words.