Sample Expository Essay - High Level
This demonstrates how the text is seamlessly and purposefully integrated into this
formal writing approach.
Style: expository
Form: first person formal essay
PROMPT: ‘We all have a responsibility to take an active role in the conflicts
around us.’
When I was young, I once toted guns made of plastic, and felt a thrill as I sighted
down my crooked barrel. The click of the trigger brought honour and glory, and no
game compared to war. Yet as the years pass, I begin to realise the potential horrors of
conflict. Bullets are no longer plastic, war no longer a harmless game. Its legacy is
often not of the glory, adventure and honour I once imagined, but of shell-shock,
courage and atrocity. Sadly, the blights of conflict are not only death and destruction,
nor is its insidiousness exclusive to the clash of swords or the buzz of bullets. The
boiling pot of conflict also brings to the surface some of humanities’ most detestable
attributes as they partake and are actively responsible [Responding to the prompt] for
brutal conflict. However, a person’s active responsibility in conflict may be for the
better, and in other cases avoiding it is best. To watch the fiery flames of the furnace
is to observe the mystery of humankind’s responsibility in conflict: it either blackens
and burns, or refines in its absence or participation. [An excellent introduction,
providing a clear point of view and directly responding to the prompt]
Another mystery is the stars. I often look up to them and wonder what humanity must
sound like from the heavens. Surely it must be a symphony of tears and screams; for
ironically, that which is common to us all destroys us all. The crimson thread of
conflict, endured by every race and people, is the clash and clamour that divides and
degrades. It is these sorts of conflicts that we should not hold the responsibility to take
an active role [Responding to the prompt] as it is only to result in pain and bloodshed.
The Rugmaker of Mazar-E-Sharif, by Najaf Mazari and Robert Hillman, explores this
concept. The protagonist, Najaf Mazari, has grown up in Afghanistan, a land which
has long been divided by international, tribal and civil war. [Clear knowledge of the
text] The reality of Afghanistan as being a land of conflict has simply become a fact
of life to its people where ‘safety’ is only an illusion. The bitter war between the
Afghan resistance, the Mujahedin, and Afghanistan’s Russian-backed communist
government has been one of the key causes of conflict. Both sides wished to recruit
every young Afghani male they could get their hands on. Najaf informs us that to be
caught simply means certain death in battle. The war between these two forces has
produced devastating effects on the people in Afghanistan, where neither side were
concerned about innocent civilians and acted with no real conscience. It was simply a
struggle to power and as a result countless have been killed and maimed in their
continuous battle. Surely innocent people do not have the responsibility to partake in
such horrific violence, in the acts of callous and dangerous slaughtering others. Sadly,
in this case, it is the innocent that suffer by being forced to take an active role in the
tragedy that is Afghanistan. [A clear and powerful paragraph; the prompt is directly
responded to.]
While stars only hear one discord, it is conflict on the individual level [Development
of the point of view/argument] where it is often most potent. Najaf recounts
encountering conflict at its worst when he is captured and brutally, repeatedly tortured
by the Taliban. It is important to note Najaf’s identity and situation as a Hazara.
Traditionally Afghanistan has been ruled by the ethnic majority, the Pashtun, whom
the Taliban is largely constituted of. Cultural conflict lies at the root of the Taliban,
and like a fire proves a spark, being a Hazara meant trouble with this group was
unavoidable. Hence Najaf has two choices: [Response to the prompt and direct use of
the text] to attempt to fight against them, or to flee. The term ‘fleeing’ may hold
cowardly connotations, however it is critical to understand that Najaf holds a
responsibility to himself – to remain alive, and in doing so he is able to support others,
such as his beloved family. [Strong argument] The chances of taking the ‘safe’ option
to leave his country were greater than escaping the Taliban. It is essentially this
responsibility that means he does not take an active role in the conflict in
Afghanistan. [Thoughtful insight]
But to return to the analogy of fire: [Clever link, clearly in control of the shaping and
development of ideas] without its purifying and regenerative force, refined gold would
not exist. There are times we should consider when we have demonstrated
responsibility to take an active role in conflict. Consider also the wind – it may blow
and howl and break the branches of the tree, and many have been felled by its gust.
However, what drives the roots of the tree deeper? What makes it stronger? In life we
must all experience times of testing. While sometimes it may not be the safest option,
one still has the responsibility in other circumstances to stand up and take
responsibility in times of trail and suffering. This responsibility is not always
negative. Away from war, as an Australian, we know of the conflict between our
global humanitarian obligations with border security – our nation’s desire to protect
its borders from illegal intrusion. [An effective link to the text] Playing on our fears
and insecurities is the incident on September 11 of the terrorist attacks on the New
York World Trade Centre. Whilst we may be afraid, it is stories like Najaf’s that
remind us of the violence and bloodshed in other countries and the desperate plights
of refuges and harrowing journeys to escape it. As compassionate and empathetic
humans, we have, to an extent, the responsibility to help these people, who are fleeing
from persecution and war, who eventually arrive on our shores. Najaf asks readers
[Rich knowledge of the text] to imagine if suddenly there were no Australians left and
it was up to the refugees incarcerated in detention centres to rebuild society. His
answer is simple – the refugees would become the new generation of Australian with
all their passion and hope for the future there would be artists, scientists, mechanics,
and like all societies, there would exist elements of the criminal class. Najaf urges
readers and our authorities to consider the humanity of refugees and accentuate how
asylum seekers have become victims of the broader conflict, the war on terrorism,
[Excellent link to previous ideas] which has affected the way Australia encounters
refugees. While we fear terrorism and terrorists, it is up to us as a nation to act
responsibly and take a role in such conflicts. [Ideas are skilfully developed.
Arguments are shaped with insight.]
When I was young I not only toted guns, I also aspired to the stars. I have learned that
I have the responsibility to partake in some conflicts and avoid others. [A most
effective return to the point of view] Previously mentioned were the stars, the wind
and the flame. All these are elements of nature which share in common of humankind,
conflict and their source of life. The fire is born of friction, the wind of struggles
between warm and cold air, and the stars of heavenly explosions . [Colourful
language] All are useful – the furnace refines, the wind propels, and by the stars
humans have navigated for centuries. [Sophisticated ideas] Likewise, I will
inevitably encounter a time where I must make a decision [Effective return to the
prompt] regarding my responsibilities to take an active role in a situation of conflict,
be it safe or not. I do not have the responsibility to participate in acts of violence and
destruction; however as a human being I am inclined to help others actively in times
of need, even when the situations may be deemed as dangerous. From this I can only
surmise that responsibility may be a gift or sin granted in encounters of conflict, and it
is ultimately up to us to use it wisely.
[1230 words]