Topic: Sleep Deprivation
Trait/Score
Lead
General level
of writing
Number and
quality of
sources
Use and
quality of
quotes
Depth of
information
Dramatic
Elements
Acceptable(70-79)
Makes an attempt at
engaging the reader;
evokes some curiosity; is
relevant to the story
Competent (80-89)
Makes the reader want to read on;
includes appropriate detail and
description; flows easily into the
story
Captivates the reader's interest;
developed with rich description of place
and character; engaging narrative; flows
seamlessly into the story
Story is readable and
flows naturally;
transitions between
sources and ideas are
evident; few grammatical
errors
Less than the minimum
number of required
quoted sources. No
secondary sources of
information.
Writing is fluent; transitions are
effective; detail and description
enhance the story; journalistic
conventions are evident; no
grammatical errors, considers
audience of article
Meets the required number of
quoted sources; sources are
diverse in background; secondary
sources used to provide specific,
relevant information, goes outside
high school for interviews,
Entire story is engaging, easy to read,
detailed, and interesting; quotes and
descriptions are woven into the
narrative; strong sense of journalistic
style; no grammatical errors, style and
tone appropriate for audience
Meets or exceeds the required number
of quoted sources; sources are diverse
in background and notable in their fields
of expertise; secondary sources provide
rich, relevant supporting information,
meets the required number of sources.
Quotes are relevant and
interesting; they add flavor to the
story; the quotes tell much of the
story in a natural voice, effective
use of transitions
Quotes weave the narrative together;
they are interesting, relevant, and
important; every quote flows naturally in
the story and is emotion-evoking and are
transitioned appropriately
The story goes beyond what the
reader expects in terms of
information and background
Meets word requirement
The reader is left with no unanswered
questions; the story goes beyond what
the reader expects in terms of
information and background; the story is
instructive in its depth and meets the
number of words required.
Focuses on central characters;
conflict is present, resolution may
be uncertain, or the impact on
central characters and reader
unclear. Contains a descriptive
scene showing characters in
action.
Contains well-developed central
character or characters; conflict is
present (either external or internal);
resolution is shown or suggested; impact
of the action or conflict is made clear
through effective scenes.
Quotes are relevant,
diverse, and appear
often. May not be
introduced or punctuated
correctly.
All of the important
questions are answered
clearly
Less than the minimum
required # of words
No clearly defined central
characters, conflict is
present, resolution is
uncertain, but story is
more than a series of
opinions on an issue.
All ideas flow together
easily; focus statement
General level present and ideas tied
of organization loosely to it
Evidence of an organizational
scheme or pattern; ideas are
presented in a logical pattern;
evidence of focus statement and
main ideas tied appropriately
Exemplary (90-100)
All ideas flow together seamlessly;
obvious organizational scheme or
pattern; readers questions are answered
as they would naturally occur; strong
sense that the author has anticipated the
reader's needs. Focus statement clear
and supported by ideas and informative
sources.
-- This story wasn’t written as well as the “Tattoo” story. Lead (Acceptable) the lead was just a bunch of
things that someone was saying. No one knows who is talking; you are supposed to introduce your
speaker before you throw quotes at your readers. The quotes did make me want to read on so I could
find out who was talking. General Level of Writing (Competent) you used details and descriptions that
enhanced your story. Number and Quality of Sources (Between competent and exemplary) your
sources provide efficient information and they also are diverse in background. They weren’t excellent,
but they were well written/used. Use and Quality of Quotes (Acceptable) your quotes are relevant but
practically all of them are punctuated incorrectly. You need to introduce the speakers with a complete
sentence before the quote. You also might want to include a better introduction to some of the quotes
(explaining who the speakers are).Depth of Information (Competent) you give thorough background
information however readers may have some other questions left after they read your story. You also
fulfill the word requirement. Dramatic Elements (Between competent and exemplary) it contains a
scene where your main character is explained. Another one of your characters also talks about the main
conflict of your story. General Level of Organization (Competent) there is evidence of an
organizations pattern and you attempt to fit your main ideas together.
"Why is your head down on the desk?" the first block teacher says to the student, eyeing him
suspiciously. "You know what can happen if your head is down on your desk. Why are you tired?"
Well, the answer is obvious. This student was snorting premium-quality cocaine, riding wild stallions
through the streets of Flemington, and lighting fire to his elderly neighbor's curtains, along with the
other twelve students in the room who are lying face down on their binders.
No, not really. This student was actually awake until 4 a.m. completing three projects for AP classes that
are all due tomorrow, constantly IMing, and gulping down coffee from the tremendous pitcher that
rested on his desk. He completed the projects, but he is left with a splitting headache, the inability to
concentrate, and an unsympathetic teacher who is threatening to send him to the nurse for drug testing.
This situation is all too familiar among high school students, but the question is: who or what is to blame
for students' sleep deprivation?
Cathylynn Vintzileos works as a nurse in the 9/10 health office at Hunterdon Central. She recommends
that adolescents get eight to nine hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, and she believes that staring at a
bright screen right before bed prevents teenagers from falling asleep easily.
“Parents need to be firmer,” she said. “They need to tell their children to turn off the computer and the
T.V., but at the same time, students need to start to take responsibility for themselves and develop good
time management.”
Beginning in the 1997 to 1998 school year, Minneapolis Public School District changed high school
starting times from 7:15 a.m. to 8:40 a.m. based on studies that showed that falling asleep later and
waking up later is part of teenagers’ natural biological cycle, said University of Minnesota’s College of
Education and Human Development. Melatonin, a brain chemical responsible for drowsiness, is secreted
between 11 p.m. until approximately 8 a.m. in teenagers (circadian rhythms). Overall, adolescents are
frequently unable to fall asleep before 11 p.m., and their brains remain “asleep” until 8 a.m., despite
what time they go to bed.
Lack of sleep has also been shown to cause disciplinary problems among students and poor
concentration in school. Psychologists Amy R. Wolfson and Mary A. Carskadon discovered in a
1998 survey that students who reported that they were getting C's, D's and F's in school went to
bed 40 minutes later and got 25 minutes less sleep and than students who reported they were
getting A's and B's. More shockingly, in more than half of the 100, 000 traffic accidents caused by
fatigued driving, teen drivers are at the wheel, said the National Highway Traffic Safety
Administration.
Although Vintzileos feels that if students take responsibility their exhaustion won’t be as prominent, she
is also aware of the above information and believes it to be accurate.
“When I read an article about Minnesota schools changing starting times, I thought this was definitely
something that needed to be done. I thought the rest of the country would catch on. But starting school
this early in the morning won't change unless parents and the community cause uproar, so what happens
is we have to adjust our lives.”
But according to the results of the above medical study, is the exhaustion that teenagers feel at 6 a.m.
five mornings a week something that can ever truly be adjusted?
Craig Blanton, Vice Principal of Hunterdon Central for the Class of 2010, believes that if students are
responsible, organized, and don’t stay up late IMing and text messaging, they will adapt to the school
hours.
“Take people who do shift work,” he said. “Their work hours keep rotating, but they manage to function
in their professions. The body can adapt to an early schedule.”
Blanton continues to discuss how the Board of Education has frequently spoken about delaying
Central’s starting hours.
“But this is a complicated situation, not something that Hunterdon Central can just embark on,” he said.
“We’re locked into a jointure arrangement with the Flemington Raritan Transportation Department.
Also, if we push back the school day, our sports teams won’t be on the same schedule with competing
teams from other schools.”
But this early schedule is at every student’s expense, not just the athletes. In the early hours of the
morning, Hunterdon Central junior Yiwen Zhan yawns in front of the bright computer screen in
her bedroom as she completes her homework. She is currently enrolled in 4 AP classes and gets only
4 or 5 hours of sleep a night.
“I take naps after school,” she said. “Between 5 and 7 p.m., I start to work [on homework], talk on IM,
and take random breaks until midnight or 2 a.m.”
Zhan notes that a lot of the stress and anxiety she feels is a result of sleep deprivation.
“Lack of sleep makes me pessimistic,” she said. “And I’m always worried I won’t perform well because
I’m tired.”
When asked if it was possible for her to get 9 hours of sleep on a school night, which is the medically
recommended amount for teenagers, her answer was quite surprising.
“That would require me to be in bed by 9,” she said. “Which I could do, if I lived like a drone and spent
my afternoon doing nothing but homework, eating, showering, and going to the bathroom.”
So perhaps achieving a healthy amount of sleep per night is possible for even the most hardworking
Central students, like Zhan. Circadian rhythms aside, perhaps sleep deprivation is ultimately the fault of
the students. But can teenagers really be blamed for wanting to do things outside of school work during
their waking hours? Even if students would rather come home, do homework, and go to bed at 9 p.m., it
is common knowledge that colleges are getting increasingly selective and choosing students with
extracurricular, employment, and volunteer components to their application.
Blanton feels that students are trying to do too many different activities each day.
“Kids need to prioritize,” Blanton said. “They’re taking on too much—jobs, sports, AP and honors
classes, and IM. There’s only so much time in a day.”
However, after changing starting times to 8:40 a.m., Minneapolis Public School District found there to
be significantly lower drop-out rates, fewer psychological and emotional problems among students, and
higher grades and SAT scores being earned overall, said University of Minnesota’s College of
Education and Human Development.
So perhaps this perpetual weariness, stress, and anxiety really isn’t about taking on too much, but the
hours during which we’re forced to take our activities on.