Explanation
What follows are two copies of students answers to the same question; one written
before I gave the authors some feedback, one after the receipt of that feedback, In
other words it shows (successful) student efforts to improve on a piece of written
work. I have removed all of the subject-specific ‘technical’ comments that related to
the relevance or accuracy of the materials the authors chose and so forth; the
comments that remain relate to general writing skills.
I hope that by reading through these two versions you will be able to get a good idea
of the kind of assignments I would like you to produce for me. Moreover, because
they are two versions of the same answer, they should illustrate how to go about
improving a relatively poor piece of work in order to get a better grade. In the first
version my comments are in blue italics; in the second they are in black italics.
NB not all teaching staff will agree with all of my comments. Nor is it safe to assume
that you know what other staff prefer. If they do not tell you explicitly, then I would
advise you to ask them for guidance.
Best wishes
John
Japanese Business Environment
The colours are groovy, but you should reserve red for things that are
dangerous.
Critically assess the proposition that industrial growth in Japan after
1955 was planned and managed by the Japanese government
Introduction
Industrial policy definition:
‘Can be defined as intervention by a government in order to change the
markets allocations of resources, most often in favour of manufacturing
industries’ (Ito; 1997; p.196)
Surely this ‘sentence’ did not begin with ‘Can’ ?!! Sloppy transcription.
The purpose of this report You were not asked to write a report, but an essay. is to
evaluate the extent to which is to evaluate to what extent the extent to which (poor
English) the Japanese Government has influenced industrial growth by means of
industrial policy. By looking at the planning agencies and relevant bodies, e.g.
Ministry of International Trade and Industry (MITI), the Economic Planning Agency
(EPA) and the Japanese Development Bank (JDB), we will come to a valid
conclusion that will answer the question that we have been set.
This paper’s introduction is inadequate. It should have given an overview of how
you intended to go about answering the question or solving the problem(s) posed
in the paper’s title. Instead it just states that you are going to look at the main
agencies and bodies - How? In what way? What kind of look? There is simply too
little detail offered of the structure of your proposed answer, and the method you
are going to adopt in reaching a conclusion. What exactly does ‘looking at‘ mean,
for example? Describe? What?
If you are unsure about the recommended structure of written work I recommend
you to have a look at my personal web-site which includes lots of details on that
and other topics relating to learning techniques. You can find the site at the
following address:
http://www.staffs.ac.uk/sands/buss/bsadmin/staff/s3/jamr.htm
Main Planning Agencies
The most important planning agency for implementing industrial policy is MITI. It
can be regarded as the essential element of Japanese industrial policy. Where is your
evidence in support for this statement? You should at the very least include some
kind of reference or source for a major statement like this – Ito, 1996, p.234 - or
some such. Alternatively, you can use a properly referenced short quote from an
authority in the field to support your conclusion. What we are looking for is sound
arguments, and they consist of valid conclusions supported by valid reasons or
evidence. If you need further information on arguments/or referencing systems,
have a look at my web-site:
http://www.staffs.ac.uk/sands/buss/bsadmin/staff/s3/jamr.htm.
In a piece of student work you are not expected to use nearly as many references
and quotations as a professional academic journal article, but you are expected to
reference all of your sources. In a paper of this length you might expect one or two
references to your sources per page. It is not necessary to reference every statement.
The main aim of this government-controlled agency is to protect infant industries
from foreign competition by using various policy-measures to drive exports. They are
and have been able to do this in particular by controlling exchange rates. The
exchange rates were artificially kept low An example would have been appropriate at
this point.
in order to encourage low-priced exports, therefore increasing demand that resulted in
high industrial growth.
Tariff and non-tariff barriers against foreign product, though temporary, ensure a
domestic market for producers. MITI then When? Weird grammar. favours cartels if
competition within a particular sector becomes too strong. What do you mean by
competition becoming ‘too strong’? This can be considered helpful in fostering
industries to gain a comparative advantage, as the government actively determines
which companies within a particular industry in their domestic market are funded by
the government and are therefore finally able to compete globally. This ensures that
industrial growth in newly developing industries can increase without external
influences and can develop a comparative advantage before having to compete
globally (e.g. economies of scale through cartel formation).
Japanese Business Environment
There is no need to repeat the main title on every page. It merely makes the
document more confusing and messy.
Main Planning Agencies (cont.)
MITI controls the flow of government money via the JDB. Japan has a fiscal budget
system that allows money to be invested in “strategic” or “target” private industries.
JDB funds the identified “key industries” and is believed to have a multiplier effect,
as it indicates to the national banks what sector MITI expects to perform well in, in
the future.
The other important planning agency is the EPA. This agency consists of press,
businessmen, academics and organised private groups. They meet to discuss and
arrange plans for the economy. Since 1955 the EPA has prepared 11 – 12 medium or
long-term plans, including the plan to increase national income in ten years in 1960.
Plans include estimates of growth and suggest ways in which they can be achieved
(e.g. change of public policy). Plans are constantly monitored and revised in order to
reflect current economic situations. Once plans are made they are presented to the
government, and if they are approved, they become a nominal guidebook for policy.
Although the government varies its policies, it has four major policies.
1. Creating communications for all industries
 Roads
 Industrial ports
 Water supply
 Power plants
2. Allocating resources among industries
 Subsidies and import protection
 Infant industry protection
3. Industrial restructuring among individual industries
 Helping industries to reorganise their structure
 Co-ordinate cuts in operator capacity
 Prevent excess competition
4. Dealing with the problems of small and medium-sized firms
 Measures taken to protect small and medium-sized firms from all of the
structural changes

Source? This has clearly been taken from some text; reference it!
These four policies were designed to provide a basis for industrial growth in Japan
after 1955. It What? opened all routes of communications to industry, therefore
giving Japan’s industries the ability to develop and expand within the domestic
market and the opportunity to compete successfully on a global scale. This can be
seen as the foundation of industrial growth, which would indicate that it has been
planned by the government.
Japanese Business Environment
There’s that header back again.
Effectiveness of Japan’s Industrial Policy
Japan’s industrial policy has been effective in nurturing infant industries that are
Terrible confusion of tenses ‘has been‘ and ‘are’. believed to have a future
comparative advantage. On the other hand there are some arguments against the
effectiveness of Japan’s industrial policy.
This is highly desirable. If you are asked to ‘critically assess’ something you will
need to discuss the pros and the cons. Good.
Manufacturers of products (e.g. sewing machines and cameras) grew and exported
their products without any help from the government, although slightly helped by low
exchange rates.
It is also evident that the industrial policy was not always implemented. For example
MITI stated that only one or two car manufacturers were needed for Japan. But due to
pressure from Japanese car manufacturers we find numerous amounts large numbers
of Japanese carmakers prospering globally.
Also policy cannot be justified by theory. In other words the stated reasons for
industrial policy are not always consistent with theoretical justification. For example
MITI stated that ships must be built in order to distribute goods, whereas after the war
shipbuilding was a necessity to help save foreign reserves. Very confusing
paragraph!
There is no actual link between planning resources and budgets. Even though written
down as nominal guidelines developed by the EPA and MITI, nobody had to follow
these plans. Therefore banks did not invest into the industries because of the plan,
they invested because they wanted to. This is an interesting claim, but it is
contentious, and should definitely have been referenced so that the authority of
your source could be assessed.
NB this section offering reasons to doubt the efficacy of Japanese government
planning is good, but too short. It should also have been followed by a discussion of
precisely how much weight should be given to the arguments for and against the
statement in the question are. This problem is addressed briefly in the conclusion,
but in an unsatisfactory manner. This is important, because the solution of that
particular problem lies at the heart of a satisfactory answer to the question.
Conclusion
Finally it can be said that Japan’s industrial policy efforts have been forward looking,
which means that they have targeted high-growth industries and have taken advantage
of scale economies. This report has shown some of Japan’s industrial policies and the
ways of implementing them. From this, the evidence shows that the government
encouraged industrial growth, which was planned and managed successfully to high
degree.
Conclusions
In the conclusion of a formal essay you are expected to explain precisely how you
have answered the question posed in the essay title by summarising all of the
evidence you have amassed in support of the conclusion you reached. The
conclusion above is far too short and does not explain how the question was
answered. For example, since you described both arguments for and against the
statement in the question, on what basis have you decided that the government
’successfully planned and managed’ ? More detail is needed here, and more of a
summary of the evidence offered in the paper. If you are uncertain about essay
writing techniques, you can find references to several useful books on my web-site
at:
http://www.staffs.ac.uk/sands/buss/bsadmin/staff/s3/jamr.htm
Overall this is not a bad answer. The section listing the opposing points is good,
albeit very brief. However, the whole style of the piece is a bit too ‘list-like’ for
comfort. Much of the content is actually presented as list. I am not keen on that
style and would prefer it if you re-wrote things into conventional paragraphs using
your own words. You need to brush up on your referencing skills.
Japanese Business Environment
Bibliography
Ito, T. (1997) The Japanese Economy, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, The
MIT Press
Boltho, A. Was Japan’s industrial policy successful?, Offprint
Boltho, A. (1975) Japan: An economic survey 1953 – 1973, Offprint, University Press
Komiya, R. (1988) Industrial policy in Japan, Tokyo, Academic Press / Harcourt
Brace Jovanovich
Sakoh, K. Japanese economic success: Industrial policy of free markets, Offprint
Trezise, P. (1983) Industrial policy is not the major reason for Japan’s success,
Offprint, The Brookings review, pp 13-18, Brookings Institute
Vestal, J. E. (1993) Planning for change: Industrial policy and Japanese economic
development 1945 - 1990 , Clarendon
If you have a look at my web-site you will see that I strongly recommend you to
omit bibliographies altogether, since they may as well be headed as follows:
‘Here is a list of books that I did not bother to read when preparing this
assignment’
Bibliographies are pointless in student work!!!! Even if you have read all of
the books listed in a bibliography, there is no way that your markers can
know that fact. If you wish to demonstrate that you have read widely around
a topic then use quotations from more than one source and support some
claims in your work with references to more than one author. NB, as I point
out on my web-site, not all members of staff agree with this opinion, you
should always check what your assessors prefer.
Best wishes
Version 2
Question 1
‘On the record, as a matter of batting averages rather than individual
successes or failures, Japanese industrial policy is the best in the world’
(Johnson, C., The institutional foundations of Japanese industrial policy)
Assess the accuracy of this claim concerning the Government’s contribution to
Japan’s economic success
This assignment will evaluate the extent to which the Japanese Government has
influenced economic success by means of industrial policy. In order to answer this
question there will be an analysis of the main planning agencies (e.g. the Ministry of
International Trade and Industry and the Economic Planning Agency) that controlled
and implemented Japan’s Industrial Policies.
By looking at Japan’s industrial policies and how they have been utilised this
assignment will show to what degree the government has contributed to Japan
becoming a dominant player in the world market.
This introduction is an improvement on the last one. However you are still not
really explaining what you are going to do: what does the word ‘analysis’ actually
mean in this context? What does ‘By looking at’ mean? Remember that you are
expected to do more than just describe things at this level.
Industrial policy definition:
‘Industrial Policy can be defined as intervention by a government in order to
change the markets allocations of resources, most often in favour of
manufacturing industries’
(Ito; 1997; p.196)
Japan’s industrial policy was created and implemented by the Ministry of
International Trade and Industry (MITI). (Ito, 1997, p.198) Better! This agency had
the power to implement strategies thought to be of use to the Japanese manufacturing
industries and controlled the flow of government funding. Once plans were made they
were presented to the government, and if they were approved, they became a nominal
guidebook for policy. (Trezise, P. 1983, p.2) From all of the policies that have been
proposed over many years, four have been considered to be major influences in the
development of Japanese industrial structure. These are:
5. Creating communications for all industries
 Roads / Rail
 Industrial ports
 Water supply
 Power plants
 Telecommunications
6. Allocating resources among industries
 Subsidies and import protection
 Infant industry protection
7. Industrial restructuring among individual industries
 Helping industries to reorganise their structure
 Co-ordinate cuts in operator capacity
 Prevent excess competition
8. Dealing with the problems of small and medium-sized firms
 Measures taken to protect small and medium-sized firms from all of the
structural changes
(Ito, 1997, p.197-198)
These four policies were designed to provide a basis for industrial growth in Japan
after 1955 and opened all routes of communications to industry. Strange language,
what does ‘opened all routes’ etc mean?
This gave Japan’s industries the ability to develop and expand within the domestic
market and the opportunity to compete successfully on a global scale.
Another way in which the government implemented Japanese Industrial policy, was
by controlling exchange rates. The exchange rates There is only one exchange rate
relevant here were artificially fixed to 360 Yen to a Dollar in order to ensure lowpriced exports (Komiya, R. et al, 1988, p.25) therefore increasing demand resulting in
high industrial growth. Tariff and non-tariff barriers (e.g. The bank of Japan
controlling interest rates (Ito, 1997,p.114); against foreign products were put in place
to ensure a protected domestic market for producers.
The government, via MITI, also encouraged the formation of cartels, after the
conclusion of the Ministry of Agriculture and Commerce (MAC) stated that there
were too many firms, abundant cheap labour and inadequate channels for information.
In which industries? This What? The cartels or the market structures? Unclear
sentence structure.
resulted in small firms dumping goods overseas, not earning much foreign exchange
or meeting their costs. The Zaibatsu who monopolised the markets exploited medium
and small enterprises by supplying raw materials at high prices and taking
consignments of finished products at low prices. What has that got to do with the
government? Are you suggesting that this supports or undermines the statement at
the beginning of the question? What is the relevance of this piece of information?
During 1925 MITI passed two new laws, the Exporters Association Law and the
Major Export Industries Association Law to alleviate this problem. Which problem?
The meaning of what you are trying to say may be clear to you, but you have to
remember that your readers can only read your words not your mind. ‘In them we
see in embryonic form major instruments of policy that the Japanese Government has
employed to the present day, notably the “recession” and “rationalisation” Cartels as
they were called in the MITI era.’ (Johnson, C. 1992, p.98)
Points Opposing Effectiveness of Japan’s Industrial Policy
Why have you put this sub-heading in here, but omitted one earlier?
There have been numerous debates concerning the effectiveness of Japan’s industrial
policy. Below are four points opposing the statement that Japan’s industrial policy has
been effective.
1. Manufacturers of products (e.g. sewing machines and cameras) grew and
exported their products without any help from the government, although
slightly helped by low exchange rates.
2. It is also evident that the industrial policy which one? was not always
implemented. For example MITI stated that only one or two car manufacturers
were needed for Japan. But due to pressure from Japanese car manufacturers
we find large numbers of Japanese carmakers prospering globally.
3. Also policy cannot be justified by theory. In other words the stated reasons for
industrial policy are not always consistent with theoretical justification. For
example ‘planned shipbuilding’ was implemented after the war to help save
foreign reserves. In what way does that constitute evidence that the
government’s industrial policies were ineffective?
4. ] ?????????!!!!!!!
5. There is no actual link between planning resources and budgets. Even though
written down as nominal guidelines, nobody had to follow the policies that
were created and proposed by MITI. Therefore banks did not invest into
should be ‘invest in’ the industries because of the plan, they invested because
they wanted to. Might it not be argued that investment followed the plans
because potential investors believed that the government would support the
targeted industries, and that investment therein was thus extremely low-risk?
6.
??????!”!!!!!!!!!
Conclusion
Japan’s industrial policy efforts have been forward looking what does that mean?, it
they led to a way of ‘form of’ “Communistic Capitalism”, source? meaning that in
spite of it what ? Poor grammar. supposedly being a free democratic market, the
government still dictated what was supposed to be done. Therefore Japan has had one
of the most effective industrial policies in the world. That ‘therefore’ is
unwarranted. The argument you have constructed using those two sentences is
unsound. The fact that the Japanese Government implemented industrial policies
(some of which were unsuccessful as you have pointed out), does not prove that
those polices were some ‘of the most effective…in the world.’ It only proves that
they had some policies and that some were successful while some were not. You
need some evidence to support the claim that they were among the world’s best. You
have not presented any such evidence. You might for example, have offered data on
Japan’s economic growth in the post-war period. However, you would still have
been unable to prove that the (partially) successful implementation of industrial
policies had caused that economic success. Nevertheless, you might have argued
that it was possible that those same polices contributed to that success, and you
might have argued that there is little evidence that those policies actively impeded
Japan’s economic growth.
’The prototype of industrial policy did not fly well, and the improved model
crashed, but the suitably modified production version of the 1950’s amazed
the world by its performance. From this perspective the early years of
industrial policy were a period of indispensable gestation in the evolution and
perfection of a genuine Japanese institutional invention, the industrial policy
of the developmental state’
(Johnson, C., 1992, p.115)
That is a particularly good (i.e. directly relevant to the question; apposite;
germane) quotation. However to make it work well as part of your answer you need
to comment upon it and incorporate it into a coherent argument in answer to the set
question. Instead of doing that, you have just plonked it down like a dead mouse
brought in by the cat
Overall this is much better than the first attempt. Apart from the odd grammatical
shortcoming, the last remaining serious problem lies in the conclusion. My
comments about your initial conclusion are still relevant:
In the conclusion of a formal essay you are expected to explain precisely how you
have answered the question posed in the essay title by summarising all of the
evidence you have amassed in support of the conclusions you reached. The
conclusion above is far too short and does not explain how the question was
answered. For example, since you described both arguments for and against the
statement in the question, what is the basis for your decision that the government
’successfully planned and managed’ ? More detail is needed here, and more of a
summary of the evidence offered in the paper. If you are uncertain about essay
writing techniques, you can find references to several useful books on my web-site
at:
http://www.staffs.ac.uk/sands/buss/bsadmin/staff/s3/jamr.htm
Good effort – you are getting there!
Best wishes
John
Question 2
Critically assess the significance of the role of Japanese banks in that country’s
economic success since the Second World War
(Ramsay, J., Japanese Business Environment Handout, 1999, p.7)
This assignment will assess the significance that Japanese Banks have had on the
economic success since the World War Two. Since 1955 the Japanese Economy has
achieved a high rate of economic growth supported by investments in plant and
equipment and by expanding exports. Even though there were fluctuations in the
economy it would achieve equilibrium in the Balance of Payments and the stability of
prices. (Suzuki, Y., 1990, p.3) This assignment will deal with the financial tools
available to Japanese Banks for supporting infant industries after World War Two.
Japanese Banks played a vital role in the economic success in the early stages after the
war, as they were heavily regulated and isolated from the world financial market.
With the prohibited flows of financial resources by the Japanese Government, interest
rates were set at very low levels. Lending from the banks was limited and consumers
and small businesses had difficulties in obtaining a mortgage or business loan. The
reason for this limited amount of money leaving banks was so that the money could
be aimed at investing into newly targeted industries. (Ito, T. 1997, p.114)
Japan’s economy after the war had certain conditions to face. They had to make
sacrifices of capital and raw materials, which restricted economic growth, although
there was a dedicated labour force. Therefore the priority of the Japanese Government
was to direct financial funds towards investment and export, which could be done by
reducing financing costs. The Bank of Japan (BOJ) achieved this by introducing an
export-financing scheme, which reduced the financing costs of exports, as well as the
previously mentioned, control of interest rates. (Tatewaki, K., 1991, p.13-14)
As individual businesses had no monetary capital, they had to rely on outside funding;
this was achieved by indirect finance, which is a form of finance where borrowers
may obtain funds from financial institutions. The background to this is historical in
those early attempts of Japan wanting to become a modern industrial nation with
encouragement coming from the banking system. There were three contemporary
reasons for the predominance of indirect finance. The first used a variety of controls,
which stabilised the business environment of the financial institutions and encouraged
the development of these institutions. Second was the low level of flotation of public
bonds; in other words because bonds had low risks they were floated in large lots,
they encouraged market transactions, therefore the lack of such bonds made the
development of open markets difficult. Third was the use of interest rate controls and
controls on foreign transaction; these controls hindered the development of bond
markets. (Suzuki, Y., 1990, p.23-24)
The dependence of businesses on indirect finance led to over-borrowing in the highgrowth period from the middle of the 1950s for two major reasons. First was a
concentration of demands for funds that in turn, the bank intensified over-borrowing.
Secondly banks found it profitable to rely on low interest loans from the BOJ enabling
them to continue their excess credit provision in a stable business environment. Both
short-term and long-term financial markets were undeveloped and therefore the BOJ
was unable to conduct open-market operations in a flexible manner. (Suzuki, Y.,
1990, p.23-24) The reason that the BOJ had surplus funds was due to the old adage
that you saved money for the future. This was encouraged by the government and led
to surplus cash in the banks. The money could then be invested into a variety of
industries; thus creating jobs and wealth. It could be argued that this was the creation
of a ‘snowball effect’, where a dedicated, motivated workforce were prepared to work
long hours, encouraging industrial and economic success.
Conclusion
Japan’s Banks did play an important role in shaping the economic future and success.
This was achieved by encouraging infant industries to go to the banks and ask for
funding which would enable them to prosper. This was encouraged by favourable
conditions to bank loans through the four characteristics used during the high-growth
period, as they were all interrelated.
‘For example, over-borrowing reflected the predominance of indirect finance.
Also, over-borrowing and over-loan were merely two sides of the same coin.
Over-loan only occurred because of the Bank of Japan was more or less
forced into granting credit due to the underdevelopment of long and shortterm financial markets, which in turn was a result of the same predominance
of indirect finance that caused over-borrowing. In addition, over-loan could
be maintained only because the Bank of Japan engaged in direct lending
primarily to city banks, and thus underpinned both the mal-distribution of
funds and over-borrowing by corporations.’
(Suzuki, Y., 1990, p.25)
How do these two questions interrelate?
The Banks played an important part, as they can be seen as a means of implementing
industrial policies. This is because the government had control of the financial sector
through their monetary policies. It was the government that agreed on keeping interest
rates low, to encourage growth and investment in export industries (Companies that
relied on exporting goods). Japan needed to export goods to increase their market and
also needed foreign currency (e.g. DEM, £ sterling, US $) to enable them to import
raw materials necessary.
The relationship between Industrial policies and the role of the banks
Industrial Policy
Role of Banks
Creation of Transport and Power Funding from the Bank of Japan
Infrastructures
encouraged this growth
Dedicated workforce – Encouraged to Dedicated workforce – Encouraged to
create world’s leading economy
save, to provide necessary funds for
investment
Targeting of Infant Industries for creation Lending through Commercial Banks –
Flow of money to commercial banks
controlled by Government banks
Targeting of domestic high growth / high Funding by Government Banks
competition markets for cartel creation
and internationalisation
Encouragement of exports and protection Control of exchange rates by the Bank of
of domestic market
Japan
References
Ito, T. (1997) The Japanese Economy, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, The
MIT Press
Johnson, C. (1992) MITI and the Japanese Miracle: The Growth of Industrial Policy,
1925 – 1975, USA, Leland Stanford Junior University
Komiya, R. (1988) Industrial policy in Japan, Tokyo, Academic Press / Harcourt
Brace Jovanovich
Suzuki, Y. (1990) The Japanese Financial System, New York, Clarendon Paperbacks
Tatewaki, K. (1991) Banking and Finance in Japan, New York, Routledge
Trezise, P. (1983) Industrial policy is not the major reason for Japan’s success,
Offprint, The Brookings review, pp 13-18, Brookings Institute