Heyday Module 3
Another Fat Day
How are you feeling today? Are you under siege by feelings of being fat? Have you ever convinced
yourself you are fat, or maybe it doesn’t take much convincing for you and you permanently believe
you are fat, unattractive or ugly?
If you feel fat and have many, many fat days where you feel your thighs are like tree trunks, your
stomach is like a tyre, and your arms are flabby, you will find it very difficult to change and achieve
weight loss. This feeling of fat and badness will only drive you to eat. These beliefs keeps you locked
in a negative space of believing you are not good enough and keep you self-esteem eroded. We give
this fat voice so much power by listening to and believing it. Its voice is so frequent we have become
desensitised to it so that it is normal to feel fat, feel bad and feel ashamed about our bodies and
how we look. But feeling bad, ashamed, guilty and blaming yourself will never lead to positive
change. What do you tell yourself about your body and how you look- your stomach and arms?
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What is Feeling Fat About?
My fat attacks usually have a few commonalities:
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I cave in and feel helpless
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I feel anxious, defensive and threatened
I feel impatient with myself and those around me
I feel I’m not good enough
I tell myself I MUST lose weight.
Conquering the Fat Attack
I usually have to work backwards to see where this attack came from. It takes me time to recognise
that I am in the midst of this fat trap because it creeps so gradually. You can ask yourself what has
happened between the last time I was feeling normal and now? What’s going on?
Describe a recent fat attack, whereby you feel bad and ashamed about your body. Perhaps you are
caught in one right now. How do you normally react when you feel yourself caught in a negative trap
and feel fat? How do you feel during this time- small, suffocated, helpless, angry?
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You can only break the inner voice by recognising it and being aware of it. Only then can you take
action to manage it. Each time you stop the attack and defend yourself, you give yourself belief and
the confidence to change. Here are some things you can do when caught in a fat attack:
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Tell the inner voice to shut up. Talk to this inner voice as though you are talking to someone
you despise and have no respect for, as if you are a teenager talking to a teacher or parent,
to whom you have no respect.
Be aware that this is what is going on, ‘I am feeling fat and terrible about myself.’ ‘I am
telling myself that my face looks awful’. In this way, you are separating yourself from this
inner voice, ‘there’s that voice again telling me I look awful’. The crucial thing here is that
you are disengaging from the attack. You can begin to see how nasty that voice is.
Be curious about what you tell yourself about you. Disengage from the inner critic, stand back and
watch the unhealthy and disruptive thoughts. When you do this, their power over you weakens.
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The Benefits of Weight
It may surprise you that being overweight can serve a function. While a part of you feels bad about
being overweight and despises having extra weight, there may be another part of you that is holding
onto that extra weight. But there are advantages to remaining overweight. If you are not aware of
the benefits of being overweight, you may find it very difficult to let go of your extra weight, and
keep those pounds at bay. Also, if you have recently lost weight, are struggling to maintain your
weight loss and fear that you will gradually regain the pounds, then it is crucial that you look at the
reasons why you might be holding onto extra weight.
Example 1: Weight as protection
Example 2: Weight reduces unwanted attention
 Does your extra weight make you feel safe?
 Does it make you feel protected from other people?
 Does your extra weight mean you can blend into the background without being noticed,
without being the focus of attention?
Example 3: Weight signals lack of self-trust
When weight loss occurs as a result of dieting, you may not trust that you will remain slim. Have you
had a similar experience with dieting and weight loss in the past, as discussed in the programme?
Your past experiences of weight loss may make you fearful of being slim and losing weight again.
Example 4: Weight makes you feel capable
Once Lorraine started exploring her weight and food difficulties, she gradually came to realise that
by being overweight she felt more capable. Why did she feel more capable when she was
overweight? Do you feel that extra weight helps you get through your day in some way? Lorraine felt
that being overweight gave her substance and physical presence. It made her feel capable in a
challenging world. When you lose weight you are physically smaller in a world of high expectations.
A new slim body means a smaller version of yourself- you are smaller physically. You no longer have
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the fat armour to protect you. You may feel more fragile and vulnerable. Having extra weight has
protected you. Without it you may feel exposed. That is why many people who lose weight regain it.
Here are some more functions of weight:
 Being overweight can make you feel less vulnerable, stronger, more ‘thick skinned’ and less
likely to be pushed around.
 Being overweight is an excuse to put off actions that may seem challenging or scary.
 Being overweight may suggest low self-esteem and poor self-image. It may be a reminder to
you and the world that you are not good enough.
 Having extra weight focuses workplace attention away from a person’s appearance and onto
his/her performance.
 Being overweight may make intimacy with a partner less likely to happen, and can be an
excuse not to be intimate.
 For women, having friendships with other women can be easy because a fat woman is not a
threat, whereas if you lose weight other women might perceive you as a threat.
Being overweight is not simply one-sided and negative. Having extra weight has a function and a
purpose. So ask yourself, why you are holding on to weight that a part of you does not want? Does
having extra weight serve you in any way? You have probably never considered or been asked
these questions- Why have I chosen to be overweight? Why do I keep acting in a way that hurts
me? What’s in it for me by being overweight?
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You may feel bad about your weight, but importantly can you see a new meaning in your
weight? This is your chance to experience what the extra weight is all about.
When I am Slim...
Most of us would like to be slim. We imagine we would be lighter, healthier and happier. But many
people unconsciously fear being thin. If one is slim one is expected to fit the norm, to be and to act a
certain way. In being slim you are exposed to what you tried to get away from by having extra
weight. If you are not aware of the reality of being slim and the challenges it brings, you will struggle
to maintain a healthy weight. Or you may have lost weight more recently, you may fear its return.
 Did you feel there were more expectations on you? Did you feel too admired, that you did
not know how to cope with the interest? Did you feel that you commanded too much
power? Did you feel uncomfortable about the competitive glances thrown at you by other
women? Did you feel your friends or family members were envious, and you felt
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uncomfortable as a result? Did you feel you should have everything sorted out, that you had
no excuse for difficulties in your life?
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The negative images associated with being thin are not always conscious. We are not always aware
of them in our day-to-day lives. After all, have you ever heard a discussion on the disadvantages of
being slim or on the advantages of being overweight? It is vital that the reality of being slim and
overweight is understood. This will prepare you for losing weight, and will enable you to maintain
weight loss and manage life as a slim person. This is why we explore the ideas that you hold on a
conscious and unconscious level about thinness and weight. Understanding what your extra weight
means to you, the benefits of being overweight, and the expectation that we attach to being thin is
important. It helps us understand what we are trying to express by overeating, and why we have put
ourselves in the position of being overweight.
This brings me to another point. If you do not feel good about yourself when you are overweight,
then you will not feel good about yourself when you are slim either. This is one of the reasons why
the majority of people who lose weight regain it. They still feel bad about themselves, and changing
their bodies physically does not make them like themselves any more. Learning to like yourself as
you are right now is vital.
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Accept Myself?
You cannot lose something unless you own it. Ownership of your whole body is essential before
losing weight. How can you lose weight if you do not own it in the first place? You must accept your
body in its present physical size before you can give it up. Without self-acceptance, weight loss and
breaking the cycle of dieting and bingeing is only temporary. Without accepting yourself you will be
drawn to food to deal with difficult situations and feelings. Acceptance does not mean complacency.
Acceptance does not mean not changing how you look or not losing weight. It simply means looking
at your body without feeling disgusted and annoyed with yourself, without cringing . It means
befriending your body. Self-acceptance does not lead to complacency.
The irony is that by doing what scares you- accepting yourself- you will change on the inside and on
the outside. You see, acceptance is very much linked to awareness. Once you become aware of the
negative effects of what you are doing (in this case refusing to accept your body and disliking it) it is
easier give it up something. Once you become aware of what you are doing and of how you are
treating yourself, you are able to make a decision to change it. How do you know that acceptance
will not change you and who you are if you do not give it a chance?
The first step in developing a positive body image is to accept the body you have. You use this body
every day. And so far you disliking or despising it has not changed it. Rejection and disgust do not
lead to change. If they did, you would have a very different body. So perhaps you need to think
about accepting your body. This is your body. It has carried you through rough and difficult times.
Acceptance means looking at your body without feeling disgusted. It means being a friend to
yourself.
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Accept Myself
It is important to develop a familiarity with your body, so that feelings towards yourself come from
the inside rather than just the outside. Set aside a couple of minutes, to observe your physical self in
a full-length mirror. The aim of this exercise is to observe your body, without judging the image you
see. Look at where it begins and ends, where it curves in and out, without hiding parts of your body.
This may feel uncomfortable because you are used to judging and criticising yourself. Or perhaps you
are so used to avoiding looking at your body, or cringing at the image you see. Most of us are aware
of how our faces look but not in relation to the rest of our bodies. You may feel resistant to
accepting your body as it is. But decide to go with it rather than fighting. This exercise will encourage
self-acceptance.
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The Food Pushers
Are there people around you might who make it difficult for you to lose weight? If you frequently
interact with people with weight and eating difficulties, it is likely this will negatively influence your
relationship with food. Your interactions with other people can have a huge impact on your weight
and eating. For example, do you eat more when you are in the company of particular people? Do
you feel justified eating more when you are around others and there is food available, even though
you may not be hungry? For example, you might sit in watching TV or head out to the cinema and be
drawn to eat because the other person is eating. Or, do you have an eating buddy- someone who
encourages you to have an extra dessert, because they are having one also? Be aware and observe.
How is your relationship with food and weight influenced by those around you?
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Dealing with Food Pushers
Are there food pushers in your life- a mother, friend, spouse or partner? Their practice of constantly
offering you food can be subtle but undermining, ‘Oh, go on and just have one bun, it won’t make
any difference’, ‘It’s the weekend, have a chocolate’, ‘you don’t need to look after your
weight...you're grand as you are'. Be kind but be firm in responding. By standing up for yourself and
being firm, you are taking charge of your eating and taking care of yourself. You are respecting
yourself.
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Do people around you have an influence on your food choices and on your eating habits and
patterns? If yes, how does that make you feel?
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What can you do practically to take care of yourself in such situations, and ensure you are
not pushed or pulled in an unhealthy direction?
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Say ‘No’ to Eating when You are Not Hungry
You may be offered a piece of cake, everyone else is eating some, and wouldn’t it be rude to refuse?
Or maybe you feel you would be missing out if you didn’t have your share? Or you eat because you
might regret not having the cake later when you start feeling hungry and want something sweet?
So, without checking in with your stomach, you dig into the cake. When you start eating when you
are not hungry, you are already out of tune with your stomach, and so may end up feeling bloated
and too full. Once you start eating when you are not hungry, you can end up consuming a large
quantity of food.
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Often we can be concerned about saying ‘no’ when offered food, refusing someone’s generosity,
appearing rude or being the only one not eating. Here is an example from Emma and how she dealt
with it:
‘My work colleague, who I don’t know all that well, bought me and two others steaming mince pies
from the bakery across from work. I knew I wasn’t hungry, but was concerned that I might offend her
if I refused. I know she was just being kind but I was afraid that by refusing she would think I was
rejecting her. But anyway, I did refuse the mince pie. I said “thanks very much, but I’m just not
hungry. I might have it later”. It wasn’t as big a deal as thought it would be’.
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Can you identify any situations, as exemplified above, where you find it difficult not to eat, even
though you may not be hungry?
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Try to say ‘no’ to food as often as you can when you are not hungry. Remind yourself of how much it
hurts you when you eat when you are not hungry. It may be pleasurable for a few minutes as you
sink your teeth into the food, but can leave you feeling bad afterwards. Rejecting food, 'I don't want
it' puts you in charge, instead of the food being in charge of you.
Finding it difficult to say ‘no’ to food can reflect other areas of our lives. For example, how often do
you say “yes” when you really want to say “no”- to spending time with people you do not want to be
with, to having visitors you don’t really want, to doing something for someone that you really don’t
want to do. Why do you find it difficult to say “no”? Is it because you would feel guilty turning
someone away? But how do you feel when you say “yes” when it’s really not what you want? Does it
leave you feeling helpless or angry? Saying “no” is caring for yourself and being honest with others.
Practice saying “no” even once today. When you start saying “no” to what you do not want and the
food you do not need, you can also begin to say “yes” to what you want and what you need.
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One of the best pieces of advice for eating is to eat when hungry and refuse food when you are not
hungry. Choosing not to eat when you are not hungry will help you feel in charge of your eating and
food, a marked contrast to feeling helpless around food. It shows you that you can take care of
yourself in the area of food and eating.
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Forbidden Foods
We often have a list of ‘bad’ food that is forbidden or illegal. Some of mine included chocolate
M&Ms, chocolate-covered biscuits, full-fat cream cheese. Once I started eating from my forbidden
list, I found it very difficult to stop. Isn’t it amazing how much food you can eat in ten minutes? In
five minutes? I have been known to eat an entire packet of biscuits in less than ten minutes,
followed by packets of crisps and then more biscuits. I felt so guilty and ashamed while eating.
Do you notice that so much of your eating is done in such a way that does not allow you enjoy food?
Do you feel guilty about eating while you are eating? It’s not enjoyable swallowing feelings of guilt.
Do you notice that voice in your head telling you that you have been ‘bad’ for eating or ‘good’ for
eating this or that? What foods do you think of as ‘good’ and ‘bad’? Do you have rules around food‘I should/should not be eating this’? Where do you think these rules have come from?
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This doubt and lack of self-trust is a result of years of dieting and being told what to eat and what
not to eat, which all gives you the message that you are not capable of choosing your own food, that
you cannot be trusted around food, that you need an external authority to tell you how and what
you should eat.
We may feel guilty for eating and believe we should be on a restrictive diet. Food has become our
enemy, and there is a voice in our mind telling us what we should and should not eat, and reminding
us about what we are not allowed to eat. And so we do not allow ourselves to eat and really enjoy
our food, and are either shovelling food into ourselves or restricting our food intake.
In this next exercise we’re going to focus on getting over the guilt and fear surrounding certain
foods, so you can enjoy eating without the guilt.
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Take the Fear out of Food
What do you believe about chocolate or that illegal food that is often banned from your kitchen? Do
you fear that if you start eating chocolate, you will lose all self-control and not stop eating? Do you
feel you do not deserve to enjoy the food? Having a healthy relationship with all foods, not just
chocolate, means giving yourself permission to have it if you really want it, free of worries about
weight. Let’s use the example of green beans, as one of our participants mentioned. Let’s say you
enjoy eating them, and they make you feel good and healthy. Because they are low-fat and low in
calories, you are not afraid of gaining weight from them. So you do not deprive yourself of green
beans, like you may do of chocolate. Feeling deprived of certain foods drives you to overeat, but
with green beans there is no deprivation and so you are not driven to overeat them. Similarly, when
you realise you can have the foods you like when you are hungry (and within reason!), the desire to
have all that food all the time will gradually lessen.
Our perceptions of food and attitudes towards food influence how we eat them. You often end up
wanting a certain food because you know you cannot have it or are not allowed have it or because it
is forbidden. You can also feel deprived even when eating that food by not really letting yourself
have it without feeling guilty. This guilt can cause overeating.
Let’s look at how you can eat and enjoy forbidden food, without the guilt and fear. So, the next time
you want to eat a food that you usually forbid yourself, you can instead give yourself permission to
have it. Just remember that it is not wise to eat sweet foods or other junk foods when you are
hungry or on an empty stomach, as you are not likely to feel satisfied afterwards.
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Pick a food that scares you or that makes you anxious- bread, crisps, cheese, chocolate. The next
time you decide to eat this food, savour it. Eat it slowly and enjoy it. Take time with the chocolate or
other food. If you eat it when you are driving, watching TV, dressing your children, talking on the
phone, you will quickly eat the whole bar. Because you were distracted you will have missed the
taste and will want more. You will believe you cannot be trusted with chocolate. Participants often
mention that as one square of chocolate is in their mouth, their attention is on eating the next
square and the remainder after that, instead of paying attention to what they do have. They end up
feeling they could never have enough chocolate. In our group video, participants mentioned inhaling
food or hovering food.
So, the next time you come into contact with this particular food, whether chocolate or cheese,
remind yourself to pay attention to what you do have, rather than focusing on what you do not
have. When you allow yourself to have the food without guilt, you will be less likely to overeat. You
have taken charge and are making a conscious choice to take care of your eating needs. Workshop
participants who describe themselves as chocoholics are often amazed at this experience. They
allow themselves to eat what was previously forbidden and to enjoy and savour it, such as a bar of
chocolate, and then realise half way through that they have had enough and put the remainder
away for a later time. One participant, Janet, allowed herself have and really enjoy brown bread icecream. She gave herself permission to eat it without guilt. She was amazed that once she bought it
and started eating it without guilt, she did not want it as much as she thought she did. Chocolate or
other such foods are not fattening, as we often fear. Rather, it is how we eat them and our attitude
towards then that determines if we gain unwanted weight.
What is your food of want- chocolate, cheese, chips...? If you felt you could eat this food as much as
you wanted and in the same way that you feel about those green beans or broccoli, would your
desire for this food change? When you realise you can have all the food you want, it will lose their
power and appeal. I am not suggesting that you eat what you want, whenever you want and as
much as you want. For one, eating what you want, whenever you want, regardless of whether you
are physically hungry or not leads to weight gain. If you eat what your mind wants you will gain
weight. What I am suggesting is that you give yourself permission to eat and really enjoy your food
when you are hungry.
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If you eat low-fat cottage cheese on ryvita with a few sticks of celery because it’s on the diet plan,
and you ‘should’ be eating it, it may not be what you really want to eat. Instead you might really
want that plate of home-cooked lasagne with vegetables. If you go ahead and eat the low-fat
cottage cheese and celery, you will not feel satisfied. You will feel as if you have not been fed and
nourished. You will crave more food. And you will find it, and will end up eating a lot, lot more than
if you ate what you really wanted when you were initially hungry. When you give yourself
permission to eat without guilt, you will be able to stop eating when you are satisfied.
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Thoughts & Beliefs that Drive your Eating
So what thoughts drive you to eat? Identifying these disruptive thoughts is crucial. Once you pause
and look for the disruptive thoughts, and respond to them, managing your weight and eating will be
easier. It is not always easy to identify the disruptive thought. Because this is exactly what you want
to avoid by eating. You eat because you want to escape from the thought and the feelings. You
might want to go unconscious to what you are thinking and lose awareness so you don’t have to feel
uneasy or uncomfortable. So slowing down and pausing to zone in on the disruptive thought that
has you reaching for food can be challenging. You may feel anxious and be tempted to eat, you could
ask yourself, ‘what am I thinking right now?’, ‘what’s going through my mind?’ Here is a list of some
very common thoughts:
“It’s not fair that I can’t eat this.” “It looks so good. I’ll just have a little and then I’ll stop.” “I deserve
it after the day I’ve had.” “It’s a free sample. I might as well try it.” “I can eat what I want, and I
won’t put up with others telling me what I shouldn’t eat.” “This new food plan takes so much effort. I
just want to relax and treat myself.” “I’ve no self-control or willpower.”
What are the thoughts that cause you to reach for food? What are you thinking as you reach for
food?
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Track your Thoughts
In the video clip with Neil we mentioned slowing down and bringing awareness to the thoughts that
drive you to eat. If you find it difficult to identify your thoughts, check do they fall into any of these
categories:
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All-Or-Nothing Thinking
“I’m either cutting down what I’m eating, or I’m eating anything I want”.
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Negative Future Predictions
“I haven’t lost any weight this week. What’s the point, I’ll never get to grips with my weight”.
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Unrealistic Predictions
“I’ll be able to eat just a little of this food and then stop”.
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Assumption About What Others think
“She’ll think I’m rude if I don’t try the apple-tart she baked.”
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Unhealthy Food Rules
“I shouldn’t waste food or throw it out. I can’t inconvenience my family by cooking other meals or
throwing out junk food.”
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Justifying Your Eating
“I’ve had a bad day and I deserve to eat this. I can eat this because it’s a free sample.”
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Exaggerated Thoughts
“I just can’t manage my eating any longer. I’ve no willpower.”
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There may be some truth in them. For example if you are preparing dinner and want to eat a packet
of crisps while you’re waiting for it to cook, you might think, “well I am hungry”, and this might be
true. You might also think, “I’m so hungry I just have to eat a few”. This thought is a problem
because it is not true. But you accept it without really thinking about it.
Creating New Responses
You cannot stop disruptive thoughts from arising but you can respond to them. As you identify these
unhealthy thoughts, you can create new responses.
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When you are faced with a trigger or a disruptive thought, you can pause and slow down instead of
immediately reaching for food. In that moment you can give yourself the space to choose how you
will respond. Here are 3 examples from Neil. Neil’s thought was:
1. Sabotaging thought
By pausing he became aware of the disruptive thought that was driving his eating, and was able to
respond:
Helpful response: “I have to decide whether I want to eat like everyone else and continue to struggle
with my weight, or start to take charge of my eating.”
2. Sabotaging thought
Helpful response: “I might not care right at this moment but I’ll care in a few minutes and I’ll feel
bad about it.”
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3. Sabotaging thought
Helpful response: “I am good enough. I do my best. The bread is tempting. I’ll be drawn to eat but I
can resist it. It’s more important to me to manage my eating and weight. I’ll get momentary pleasure
but I’ll feel worse after.”
This process takes practice, and there will be times when you will not want to pause and instead just
want to eat and dive straight into the food. After all this is what you have been doing for some time
now, and pausing to identify that disruptive thought is exactly what you have tried to escape in the
past by eating. So be patient and be persistent. Try to gradually build on this practice. If there are
days when you forget to practice this new skill, then simply remind yourself and how it can benefit
you.
Handling Difficult Moments
Some disruptive thoughts can be particularly stubborn and deeply-engrained. For example, Kate, a
workshop participant, frequently thought “My eating is out of control. I just cannot control it.” This
thought drove Kate to eat. Kate used these questions, which we use in the workshops, to respond to
her this thought that were causing her to reach for food. Her:
1. What kind of mistake could I be making by thinking this?
I might be over-exaggerating.
2. What evidence is there to support this thought? Is this thought a fact?
My eating isn’t out of control 24/7. I’m ok during the day. It’s mainly the evenings that are a
problem. I can control myself in other areas of my life, such as work.
3. Is there any other way of viewing this?
That I can control myself, but sometimes I want to let go of control. I choose to be out of control.
4. If I continue thinking this, what is the most likely outcome?
I’ll continue to struggle with weight and eating, and feel bad about it all.
5. What would be the effect if I changed my thinking?
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If I changed my thinking I would handle the situation differently. I’d feel different and so I wouldn’t
give in.
6. What would I tell a friend if he/she were in this situation and thoughts this way?
That I care about her and I don’t want her to feel so bad about herself. That she can chose to be in
control.
7. What should I do now?
I could distract myself from food. I could tell myself firmly that I have NO CHOICE. I could give myself
a new response:
“It’s not that I can’t control myself around food. Sometimes I simply don’t want to be in control
especially after a stressful day. The urge to eat is so strong then. But there are things I can do to
address that. I’d feel so much better”.
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Handling Difficult Moments
Sometimes short instructions can be helpful. For example, Adam often had a strong urge to pick up a
takeaway from a fast food drive-thru. He wrote down direct statements, which he stuck to the
dashboard in his car. One read:
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Leave right now. No excuses.
Adam also put reminders inside the kitchen cupboard on slips of paper.
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Do I need you?
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Am I really hungry right now?
This helps him pause before reaching for the food. It helps Adam reject food, and say ‘no’ to it:
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What are your Thoughts?
What are your thoughts about changing your thinking and practising new responses?
Sabotaging thought: “This seems so hard. It’s not worth the effort”.
New Response: “Even of part of me thinks it might not work, I should really try
everything that could possible work if I want to look after my eating and weight”.
Sabotaging thought: “I’ve been thinking this way as long as I can remember. I’m not sure I can
change it now”.
New Response: “This is a new skill that I can learn over time. I need to be patient, and
with practice I can become skilled in managing the thoughts that drive me to eat”.
Uncovering Your Fixed Beliefs
You may have very fixed and solid beliefs about you and your weight that are negative and deeply
rooted. You may have formed these negative beliefs as far back as childhood, where they took root
and strengthened over many years. Because you are overweight or may have been in the past, you
believe certain perceptions and images of yourself. Here are some examples I hear from workshop
participants:
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“I’m not loveable”.
“I’ll never reach my weight loss goal”.
“I won’t get this or do that because of my weight”.
Can you identify any negative self-beliefs you hold about your weight?
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These beliefs are often fixed, deeply engrained and people live with them as though they are true
facts. These beliefs are also extremely limiting, and cause people to dismiss changes and
achievements they make in weight loss or their eating habits and patterns. Many people who lose
weight regain it because they still think of themselves in the above negative terms. While they may
have physically lost weight, their inner self is still overweight and they still have a perception of
themselves as the overweight person who just isn’t good enough.
Have you noticed that so much of your energy and time is spent in a preoccupation with the past
and the future, while the present moment is overlooked? The present moment is all you have to
learn and change. If you are always on the way to somewhere else, to a better body, a slimmer self,
then you will never be in this moment. The past is in the past, the future is in the future, and this
moment is all you have. But by being distracted and preoccupied with your eating and weight, even
as you eat, you miss the present moment. You have a choice in what you do and how you think in
relation to your body and your eating. This requires the motivation to leave behind the whirlwind of
unconscious eating, habits of unawareness that feel like a weight on your shoulders.
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Wanting It All Now
I’ve listened to workshop participants describe the compulsion to eat as the sense that ‘I want the
food so badly that I’ll run someone down to get it, or ‘I’ll get into the car and drive to the shop
during the night to get my hands on food’. Compulsive eating, overeating, bingeing, and, turning to
food for relief are all types of troubled eating. Bear in mind that any quantity of food can be
classified as a binge or episode of overeating- wolfing down a gallon of ice-cream and a few packets
of biscuits in one sitting (or standing), or simply eating three biscuits. Compulsive eating is a
subjective attitude.
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Compulsive eating means eating without regard to physical hunger and feelings of fullness. It means
not being aware of feelings of hunger and fullness, and being out of touch with your body. You get
caught up in compulsive eating because you want to change your weight and eating. So you restrict
your food intake, but feeling deprived of food can trigger you to binge or overeat. Compulsive eating
is not just about the food. It is a symptom of feelings, of situations, of beliefs about yourself. Turning
to food, in this instance, is not an insane, crazy act. It is purposeful. It is a signal to yourself that
something is wrong, that you are not giving to yourself what you need- either physically with food or
emotionally.
Compulsive eating is about numbing yourself, jumping into oblivion. Sometimes life can seem too
difficulties, certain feelings and situations can be too much to handle. When you think, ‘I need to
eat’, what you might really be saying is, ‘I need an escape from all of this. I need space from all of
this’. Not having to be responsible for family members, not having to listen to someone else’s
problems, not having to deal with a certain difficult person, to tune out from feeling anxious or
upset. Or, you may have no awareness of what you are feeling, just the wild urge to eat. Compulsive
eating can be a desperate attempt to care for yourself.
Our goal here is to break your compulsive eating patterns so that food and eating become less
painful and more satisfying. This means breaking the addiction to compulsive eating, and to
changing eating into a pleasurable experience. This change can happen if you move out of the
painful cycle of overeating and bingeing, followed by dieting, rebelling against the diet and feeling
out of control around food again.
Allow Yourself Eat
When you allow yourself eat what you want when you are hungry for it, then the need to binge or
overeat will drop off. When I say really let yourself, I do not mean that you tell yourself, ‘well if you
want chocolate, you can only have this low-calorie Weight Watchers bar’, ‘Instead of having ice21
cream have yoghurt- It has a lower fat content’. If you can eat whatever you want when you are
hungry, there is no need to eat it all now because you can have it again tomorrow. A binge or
overeating represents an effort to have all of what you want before you can’t have it anymore.
The purpose of this approach is to encourage guilt-free eating so that you can listen to what your
body wants and give it the kind of food it needs. Some people may be tempted to see this as
permission to ‘eat all you want’. I am not suggesting that you eat what you want, whenever you
want and as much as you want. This would only lead to weight gain. What I am suggesting is that you
give yourself permission to eat and really enjoy your food when you are hungry. Choose foods you
want to eat and that satisfy you. Eat it slowly enough to taste it. Pay attention to the food. See how
much of it you want. Now see if you can stop when you are satisfied. If you can allow yourself to eat,
you will be more able to stop when you have had enough. The goal here is to eat without feeling
guilty, which can lead to further unwanted eating.
Build Up Confidence
When you no longer forbid yourself food and place it in that box that you call forbidden, you will no
longer feel the urge to tear it open and eat its contents. As you eat the food you have chosen you
will be better able to enjoy it without guilt or judgement. Because you have let yourself eat
whatever you want, you will be more able to stop when satisfied and feel content afterwards.
What we are trying to do here is break the compulsive eating patterns so that food and eating
becomes more satisfying and less painful. There can be many obstacles in this process. There will be
times when you find yourself wanting and grabbing food or having mini-binges. This does not mean
this process is not working or that you do not deserve to eat what you want to eat anymore. Each of
these experiences can help you figure out your own eating patterns.
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Keeping Track of Your Progress
What we work on is how to become more aware of when (times you eat) and how (fast or slowly)
you are eating. Your Awareness Tracker will be helpful here. For example, you may notice you feel
anxious when eating with others, or anxious about sharing food, afraid you would not be able to get
what you want, that you will be deprived. Sort through feelings of insecurity and acknowledge
them. Explore your eating patterns. See if they have roots in your personal history. As you begin to
figure out these roots, remember that each eating experience is a chance to change. You can then
learn to intervene and do eating differently.
What to do When you get off Track
Have you noticed how impulsive your eating habits can be or how strong your urge to eat? You react
without really thinking and succumb to the pulling power of food. These moments comes out of the
blue, triggered by a thought or simply the sight of food. Impulse moments can happen when you
come home from work, or after a disagreement, and before you know if you’re cramming crisps in
your mouth. Someone says something that hurts you and seconds later you are shoving biscuits into
your mouth. Then minutes later it is all over and you feel bad. Those moments can derail your best
efforts and leave you feeling so bad about yourself. It’s like getting to the finish line, only to trip, and
you’re kissing the pavement. Often it can be extremely difficult to interrupt your eating. You feel
sucked into it, you just want food and you want to block out everything else in those moments. But
it can be reassuring to know that you can break that cycle of needless eating.
Getting Back on Track
Ask yourself:
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How did this episode of overeating begin? Why did I begin eating in the first place? Was it
out of stomach hunger or mind hunger?
What was I thinking? What was I feeling? What happened that caused me to overeat?
What food did I choose to eat and why?
What traps me into eating? Is it a certain time of the day? Is it the people I'm with, is it that
I’m surrounded by food. Is it a negative interaction with someone? Is it paired with an
activity like TV? Identify when and where you feel the impulse to eat.
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By asking yourself these questions, you are taking charge. You may be more used to scolding
yourself, but if you listen to yourself without judgement, you are more likely to change for the
better. Make an advanced plan for what you can do differently the next time. By being prepared you
are in a stronger position to change how you respond to these events.
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How can I intervene in this cycle? What can I do differently?
How can I help myself the next time?
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Staying on Track
Each time you overeat there is a lesson there that is too important and urgent to ignore. Once you
have learned from this experience, let it go. This is powerful because in doing this you are taking
charge of your eating. You are interrupting old patterns of behaviour and taking charge of your
eating.
Coping Without Food
I can recall times when the thought of coping without food seemed so daunting and overwhelming. I
remember thinking; how will I cope in the days, weeks and years ahead? I knew that even this
feeling of helplessness could drive me to eat. This scared me. Instead of feeling helpless and
overwhelmed, I started reminding myself to take one day at a time, or one minute at a time. Life
does not happen all at once. Each day comes and brings challenges with it. By slowing down, being
aware and listening to what is happening within I am more in charge. Each time I eat when I am
hungry is a chance to take care of myself and my needs. Overeating and bingeing does not stop
overnight. They take time and patience to overcome. It is likely there will still be times when you
overeat or turn to food when you are not hungry. And that is normal. You are not expected to be
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perfect. But if this happens ask yourself, what can I learn from this? How can I help myself the next
time?
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