Andrew Foy
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Since endeavoring upon the college application process, and planning the rest of
my life. I realize how important it is for me to write an essay about myself, rather than an
event which you may or may not find significant. I haven't had an easy life, to say the
least I have over-come a huge Inter-personal struggle that I feel it is also important to
explain to you who I am and what I value; I have chosen to write to you about coming
out and being homosexual. It is difficult for me to feel comfortable writing about this
because I have had a hard time coming to terms with this myself. My hope for this essay
is to give you a more in-depth synopsis of who I am and what I believe in. I plan to
explain the influence of my childhood, my parents, high school, the influence of my
peers, and my own journey towards self-realization. I decided it was crucial for me to
choose this somewhat risky topic, because how else can I explain to you why I have done
what I have done, who Andrew Foy really is, and what my goals are as a homosexual
teenager, living in Fairfield, CT during the 21st Century.?
My parents grew up in a very traditionally different world. They didn't experience
the liberal views of the 21st century, I am lucky to grow up in a time where one of the
most respectable traits in a person is being the ability to not only be whoever you are, but
be comfortable in your own skin as well. I had the hardest time getting past my families
"theories" of what was "wrong" with me, it being a stage, or ignoring the fact all together.
When I was very little, my father accepted a job in Portland, Maine. So we packed up the
whole family in our Chevy Suburban and trucked off into the suburbs of rural Maine. We
had a good life, for about the first two years. Then, as my fathers' workload started to
increase, so did his consumption of alcohol. It was hard for me to watch him drink
himself deeper and deeper into alcoholism, and as the drinking got worse, so did his
relations within our family. He would call me names, put me down; challenge the very
essence of who I was, even though I was too young to fully understand it at the time. He
was a very difficult person to live with, and his alcoholism eventually led to abusiveness.
Yet for some reason I still tried desperately to capture his love and attention, even after
the way he treated my mother, brother, and I.
My mother, on the other hand, has one of the kindest hearts I have ever seen. She
never did well in school, or really understood the importance of a good education and
being independent. Instead of going to college she got married as soon as she graduated
high school. When we lived in Maine, she and I would constantly serve as my father's
punching bag; however she didn't believe she could ever make it without him, so we
stayed. After sitting with her every night while she cried silently to herself, I decided I
would help her and my little brother Kyle, who was three at the time get out of that hell
hole if it was the last thing I did. It was also this moment; I decided I wanted more for
myself than this life. I also figured out that in being "different" it would enable me to
express my individuality in a way that would give me the tools to break the stereotypes of
society, and be my own person, with my own views. It wasn't until I caught him cheating
on my mother, and he kicked us out, that she stopped loving him, and gave up on her
vision of us being the loving family we once were.
Furthermore, we moved back to Connecticut and in with my grandparents when I
was in 8th grade. Once the divorce was over (middle of my freshman year) I could again
focus on myself and who I really was. Until this time I had shoved all of my uncertainties
about my sexual orientation, and more importantly, my very being, way back to the
Andrew Foy
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farthest faucet of my brain. Now that I could think again about me, I began to figure out
what exactly was "wrong" with me and why. This was really the most important time in
my life, and for the whole process of discovering who you really are, and what exactly it
is that makes you "different". It was also during this time that I made the decision to cut
off the relationship with my father. I told him how I felt, that I was angry he gave up on
our family and that he couldn't suppress his alcoholism to be the father I knew was inside
of him. I told him that I didn't want to talk to him again until he stopped drinking and was
the father that I once loved, my hero, who loved me for me no matter what imperfections
I may have. After this, he tried for a few months to keep in contact with me, mainly
intoxicated messages on our answering machine. Eventually, he gave up, and I haven't
spoken to him in about four years now. Everything I had been dealing with finally started
to catch up, seriously affecting me, and it forced me to have to put school on the back
burner (I wasn't doing that well in school during that time, but this self-searching disabled
me from my academic and social success, and forced me to make time for myself, and
my own personality) to figure out my own issues. I don't regret doing this, but I do hate
looking at my transcript, fearing that my goal of college is contingent upon the failure I
encountered during those rough years of my life. If you learn anything from this essay, I
hope it is that I didn't not want to try then; I did try, really hard. I just was not in the right
frame of mind to perform to the best of my abilities.
On the contrary during this time I found friends, not in a sense you would
normally think. What I found, was not your typical spoiled stab-you-in-the-back kind of
people that inhibit the hallways of Fairfield Ludlowe High School, but truly inspirational
people who without I would not be where I am today. It is these people who helped me
get through one of the hardest times in my life. Since coming out they have told me they
knew I was homosexual from the first time they met me, but rather than confront me,
putting me in a corner they would wait until I was ready, until I brought it up to them.
Eventually we did have that conversation, and it was the greatest feeling to have met such
accepting people. They, as well as their parents, have embraced me for me and never
questioned or frowned upon any of my life choices. Not only did they give me the
courage to come out to my peers, but they gave me the courage to sit my mother down
and say "Mom, I'm gay. I know you may not like it, but it's my life and you're just going
to have to get over it. You did nothing wrong and I want you to love me anyway, no
matter what". After that, they gave me the strength to deal with her ignoring it completely
and pretending that the conversation never happened.
Finally, I have found my "niche", as my school loves to call it. I know who I am,
who my friends are, and most importantly what I want out of life. I want more for myself
than what I've experienced growing up, which is why I look at college as an opportunity
to do so. In trying to achieve this goal, I work as hard as I possibly can every day in
school. After school, I head over to my job at Re/Max Heritage saving almost every
penny I make, except for the payments I have to make for my SAT tutor, and the
insurance for my car, (a gift from my aunt). I feel too guilty asking my mom to pay for
my tutor, because so I go, and pay for it myself. I feel better doing this, never in my life
has anyone held my hand or helped me do anything I couldn't handle. It forces me to be
independent and do things for myself. In turn, I will never depend on anyone, for
anything. I have noticed that my homosexuality inspires me to work harder, I know I
have different qualities than many other of the driven high-schoolers around me, and
Andrew Foy
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because I am such a competitive person, while I worry that this could hold me back, I
really feel that If I go about it the right way, this difference, this quality, can give me all
the "difference" I need in order to reach my full potential at being successful. I hope the
high standards I set for myself will prevent me from being put in the same situation as my
mother, I hope one day to be able to support in her the ways my father lacked, I think that
influences my motivation more than even I can realize, its odd to think about how the
lifetime experiences we are dealt with, can truly shape who we are, and will become, as a
person. I sometimes wonder who I would be if I hadn't been liberated of that life I lived
when I was younger.
My goal, in sharing such personal information with you was not to make you feel
sorry for me, so please don't. I am truly happy. Besides, sympathy just makes people feel
like they have an excuse for the mistakes they make. Instead, my goal is to show to you
the amount of drive I have. I hope to have the opportunity to rally my peers next year into
getting involved, and making efforts to stop the things we see that are unjust, no matter if
it is a LGBT issue, or any wrongdoing out there in the world. I wish to be able promote
change in areas we feel need change. I can promise you I will work as hard as I possibly
can to truly take advantage of the opportunity which you would bestow upon me by
granting my this scholarship. I deeply appreciate you consideration. I look forward to
hopefully hearing from you soon.