Kristie Schmidt
Eng. 258
Nancy Bradbury
I Am a Writer Because I Write
I have often hesitated to write largely because I feel I have little to say. White and
middle class, the one burden I carry is my femaleness. Yet, the social and political
complications I have faced because of my sex have hardly ever seemed burdensome
when compared to those of women who have faced blatant sexual oppression, the
institutionalization of racial inequality, and poverty. Therefore, my own experience as a
woman and as a woman writer, is historically not parallel to those of Woolf, Walker,
Rich, Didion or Morrison. I only speak of them comparatively because in writing about
my own experiences, I have feared lacking meaningful content. This is not to say that
racism, sexism, and classicism are not of great concern to me for they are, and could not
otherwise be. It is to say, however, that my greatest task has been admitting that not all of
my writing need discuss those important topics, only that sometimes, it must.
In speaking of myself as a writer, I am often taken aback. Most of what I write
remains in reduced or primitive form. I collect flashes of ideas for future papers, develop
contrived character sketches, and even compose retrospective lists of events that might
someday be useful. How can it be that I can call myself a writer when so much of what I
write is incomplete, dormant, or still gestating?
First and foremost, I believe I call myself a writer because that is what I do and
have always done just as other non-professional artists such as painters or musicians have
done. Rather than acquire the label “writer” through others’ recognition of my work, to
me the act of writing in itself validates my claim to it. Still, in pursuit of this art, I have
never ceased to question my right to adhere this label. For in the act of writing I have
written primarily in response to the desire to know and define my own self. This, rather
than racism, or classicism, has been my link to writers past and present. Striving to
discover our own place in the world, we record our impressions using writing as a
symbolic vehicle to constitute reality.
Contrary to popular belief, though, writers do not sequester themselves away from
the rest of the world. We are necessarily global individuals who are ever evolving
because we are inherently multiple persons. I am simultaneously a daughter, a sister, a
musician, a student, a psychology researcher, a feminist, and a writer. Merely describing
myself with only one of those terms is incomplete, as would be limiting my writing to
just one experience or just one perspective. As I grow and change, so must my writing.
When I first began to write, I wrote for sheer aesthetic pleasure. I liked
discovering and using colorful or unusual vocabulary words, pairing words together for
the sound effects, and perpetually rearranging sentences until they read just right. These
were phenomena my peers couldn’t understand, joys we could not share. I have and will
always love words, but I have since come to realize there is much more to writing than
mere manipulation of language.
At times, I have, like others before me, erroneously succumbed to my egoistic
writer’s impulse. We entrust an enormous amount of faith in our readers, believing that
our perspective of the outer world and the inner psyche is worth reading. However, such
types of writing cannot always hold an audience’s attention or adequately speak to their
experiences. In response, writer’s only conditionally write for themselves. The opposing
motivations for writing are then complicated, and I am still struggling to balance them in
my work.
To break out of the confinement of my egoism, I have nudged myself to follow
more political impulses. In numerous pieces I have read by different writers, inevitably a
sense of conviction has impressed me most. I believe it is useful to mirror that element of
their styles because conviction, conveyed by tone, carries works to their ends. Realizing
beliefs on paper makes them real and empowers a writer. Words are arranged in a set
manner on the page, but as a writer, I can mobilize through them. This is perhaps the
most difficult and challenging way to write, silently hoping to effect change in yourself
and others. And it is the most rewarding kind of writing to me right now.
Nevertheless, I value any writing I do, politically imparted or not. Each act of
writing and every thought transformed into that act, exhibits a precious part of myself and
the world. Although I do write for a given audience and for particular reasons, I always
return to writing for myself. I am a writer because I write.