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Reflection and Recollection
The Hug
Jonathan
The atmosphere in the room was filled with coldness. I felt so empty. Sadness
was so overwhelming. It permeated my entire body. Only a few hours ago I had
been left behind by my beloved.
People gathered around her to give her last respect for we would never ever see
her again. My parent and I paid our last respect before we moved our stiff body
toward our car and drive home from the cemetery. On our way back home,
nobody opened their mouth; the interior was filled with silence. Our minds
were flashing back to the memory of her, my grandmother.
We passed the park; it still looked the same after 25 years. The park brought so
much good memory about her; she used to bring me here when I was small.
Whenever I got hurt running around the park she would rush to me and
hugged me, saying everything was alright. She held up my body, gently tapped
my back, and checked the wound. A surge of warmth filled up my body. It was
so soothing that I stopped my cry and started to enjoy her comfort. I felt that I
was the luckiest people in this world to have someone to care me so much. As
she hugged me, I caught a glimpse of her face, tears flowing from her eyes. I
regretted why I couldn’t stay by her side during her final days. I cried out why
I hadn’t hugged her and told her everything was going to be fine, as what she
had done for me.
As I grew up to a teenager, I was subject to the pressure about growing up.
Like other teenagers in the world, I felt lonely and puzzled about the adult
world, suffered from a complex feeling about my own identity. I had no one to
consult to; I was isolated from this hectic world.
She recognized me and assigned herself as my personal consultant whenever I
had trouble. She would be there waiting in her big smile, lingering in time for
me to approach her and poured out all my worries to her. She would be
equipped with all the advices and the warmth to gear up my emotion.
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Once I had problem with my dad. He despised my decision to suspend my
study and went directly to work. We had a cold war; nobody broke the tension.
He didn’t speak any word, and I felt guilty about my poor decision. I wanted to
break the ice, but had no nerve to do it. I am a man of principle, as I inherited
it from my dad like a gene running down to my body from generation to
generation.
He walked down the hall, passing me. I caught the glimpse of his eyes. I knew
he wanted to talk to me, but nothing happened. I was too timid to break the ice
that froze our relation. My grandma was familiar with this condition as she also
witnessed the same scene between my dad and my late grandpa.
She called me and inquired me to accompany her to the park, where that I
hadn’t been since my last elementary school. Memories popped out and I saw
myself playing and running with my family. Dad was laughing, mom was
smiling, and grandma was resting below a shaded tree watching me. What a
joyful feeling.
She held my hand and hugged me, saying nothing. The hug was stronger than
any word. I understood what she was trying to tell me. I asked her apology, and
ran home to my dad and told him that I was sorry for having done such a
terrible thing to him. I told him why I made the choice; he accepted it and let
me go abroad to work.
Nobody was talking inside the car, my parents were silent. I broke the silence as
I raised my voice and asked apology from them. Minutes passed and still no
answer from them. I cried out, “What are we going to do, Mom?” She turned
her head, glanced at me and then hugged me.
Warmness crept inside my body and I felt so peaceful, I felt regretful for having
missed 5 years, during which I stayed in South Korea after I finished my high
school.
She whispered by my ear. “Mom was happy to have you back home, and
grandma too would be very joyful in heaven seeing you back here gathered
with your family”. My grandma was a caring person; she took care of me when
I was a small kid. She always gave me advice when I needed it. She never
deserted me; she was always on my side. She was a kind of person whom you
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would inquire for guidance whenever you lost your way in your life.
“You shouldn’t leave the country,” my father broke the silence. Please dad, not
now! I knew he was outrageous when I refused to stay to continue my study. I
had tried to explain to him the reason. I wanted to make him, my mom and
grandma proud of me. I was wrong but I finally realized they were proud of
me. They were proud of having me as a member of the family, as they gave me
their support for my decision to go abroad.
I told my dad that I went to South Korea to gain knowledge about the outside
world. I wanted to be independent and searched my own identity. I wanted to
experience the torment of being alone without anybody to help me when I am
in trouble. I told him that this is my path to become an adult, like a boy had to
go to war to become a man.
Leaning my body up against bedside; I cast my head to the bed. Drops of tears
gradually flowed out from my eyes. The sun light flashed my eyes. The sun light
that reflected from the window reminded me of the smile and warmness of my
grandma. I could still see images reflected from my eyes about her, how she
hugged and kissed me on the lip, how I used to play with her hair and run
around her. I still could catch a glimpse of her smile when I told her I finally
passed the test and graduated from school with top score. I rarely shared my
feeling with other people except her for she is the only closest friend that I ever
had.
She was the only one who approved my departure; she really understood how I
felt at that time. She knew that I had to take that path as my father did when
he was in his teenage. She recognized the importance of the path that a boy
needs to cross in order to be man. She just asked me to call home when I had
time.
In the first year I endured many obstacles. I cried and still nobody came to help
me. Only the words from my grandma gave me courage to tackle these
obstacles. I called home every week. The first voice that welcomes my phone
was her familiar voice, my grandma voice. She gave me strength through her
voice. I remembered her voice in the phone reminded me of the fact that “my
home is my castle. Every brick, every tile, all are built with love. The smiles of
my family are my treasures. Only returning home can I know, how important
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myself really is”. I spoke with mom and dad; I knew they missed me. I missed
them, but I knew I had to go through this path before I go home.
Grandma, do you still remember? I once called you in the middle of the night.
You were surprised. I just wanted to tell you the feeling of a boy who left home
and went abroad was complicated. Feeling lonely without anyone to share, but
because wanted to climb higher I had to deal with the obstacles bravely. Feeling
tired in my mind, I always wanted to go home and hid myself wishing I would
not grow up forever.
I was always afraid that time would steal you from my life, and time really
surpassed me. I am too late to hug you for the last time. I was too foolish to
realize that wrinkles appearing in your face have already given me a sign about
your departure to His side.
I am afraid the time passes so quickly, so that I could not look into her eyes
thoroughly. I am also afraid the time passes so slowly, that she always worries
about me day and night.
I wish she can rest her mind now, stop worrying about me anymore because my
life becomes better and better. I recalled the time I spend with her, becoming
her good grandson. She will be always in my deepest heart and be part of my
life in the rest of my life.
Grandma I love you.
The Death of a Fly
郭文馨
It was such a sweltering hot day that I found it almost impossible to find
any motivation to move. The steaming air was so suffocating that nothing could
spark my interest in anything. I went about my routine chores perfunctorily.
Sitting down at the table, I tossed the clammy cloth onto the surface. Before
starting to wipe the table, I turned my head, finding myself acquainted with an
electronic fan. It whirred incessantly, stubbornly insisting to crack annoyingly
every time it turned.
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On such a lazy, blistering afternoon, I was intrigued by an interesting
creature while I was trapped by my boring routines. Halfway through the
cleaning, I was interrupted by a pestering drone. Invisible, yet distant, but
nonetheless existent, it lingered in its unwelcome presence. The irritation
became unbearable as this pesky buzz continued endlessly. Suddenly, this
humming mystery startled me by jumping into visual existence. It was a fly.
Disliked and ugly, fat and hairy, it scuttled into clear daylight. It buzzed to a
clumsy stop, while its wing gave protest to the rough landing it made on the
table. Its bursting abdomen was stabbed with twisted hairs, puncturing the air
wherever it flew. Its legs stuck out appallingly, at awkward angles of deformity.
The fly, completed with alien bulk, glowing eyeballs, appeared so disturbing
that I started to wonder what God had in mind whilst creating such a creature.
This creature, impatient and annoyed, scuttled across the surface, as if
frantically searching for something lost. Again and again, it brushed its front
legs in agitation and frenzy, grunting complaints and fidgeting all the way. It
dashed to each corner in abrupt, sharp moves, but quickly gave up, being futile
in its hysterical search. Disappointed and fed up, it took off in a huff. Having
become so overwhelmed with frustration, it lost all sensible awareness, allowing
itself to be quickly sucked into the churning electronic fan nearby. The droning
halted. Its successor, emerging through the shock, was the eerie silence that
replaced the once continuous buzz.
A brutal turn of events left an unexpected fly severed in the blink of an eye.
Spat out as rapidly as it had been sucked in, the fly lay deserted on the floor,
maliciously mutilated by the coldness of the electric fan. In such a sluggish
afternoon, even the shocking unanticipated visit of death can surprisingly
occur. With half an abdomen, faltering wings, and limp legs flailing
ridiculously, this was what was left of the once irritated, hysterical fly.
My New Watch
張雅壹
I always get a brand-new watch as a reward when I am distinguished in
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the academic performance or when my watch breaks down and cannot be
fixed. But this circumstance was unusual. After I took the Basic Competence
Test in junior high school, I knew I didn’t do well in the examination and I told
my families that I would probably get bad scores. Several days later, I got the
result, which was just like what I conjectured. I was pretty depressed because I
was unable to apply for the top two schools. In fact, when I handed in my
examination papers, the result was irreversible. I was desperate but I still had
to hand in the priority card of my choice on time. I persuaded myself to face
the fact and accepted the admission to Home Economics and Business in the
National Yuan-Lin Vocational High School.
I was ready to start all over again. My mother took me to buy a watch in
the hope that it would cheer me up when the admission list was announced. I
felt a little bit uneasy and uncomfortable because I had never gotten a new
watch in such a bad condition; my mother made an exception for me.
Nevertheless, I could not help asking her for the reason why she hadn’t blamed
me for the bad scores, but instead bought a new watch for me. She simply
replied with smile and said that it was a gift for my entering another stage of
life. There was no doubt that the watch carried inner and deeper meanings.
As we entered a watchmaker’s shop, I was caught by a pair of brand-new
watches on the upper level of the display cabinet. For this style, there were two
color choices, sky blue and light pink. The Swiss-made watches contained a
sapphire rectangular glass cover, distinct initials and logo, willow-leaf-shape
hour and minute hands, a rod-like second hand, a date window above the
number 6, and twelve Arabic numbers in an artistic font. Besides, the watch
bands were genuine leather with shell patterns linked with metal rings made of
stainless steel to prevent the bands from snapping into pieces. The ordinary
watches won’t embed such design. I was so intrigued by it that I could hardly
refrain from the desire to have it. As a result, I selected the pink one, which
symbolized the youth of a girl and suited me very well. I have had great
affection for the watch ever since. It reminds me of my mother’s love.
My mother always gave me the best she could offer and she is concerned
about me all the time. The watch jogged my memory of my mother. Every day
after class, I smelled the fragrance in the air as soon as I came home. The
dinner table was full of my favorite delicious dishes cooked with my mother’s
love and she sat on the chair quietly waiting for me. My family did not start
eating until my father arrived home. During this short period, I usually sat
beside her, enumerating the happenings at school and anecdotes about my
classmates. Likewise, she shared her interesting stories with me when she was
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at my age. If I were praised by my teacher for my well-done homework or good
behavior, I also brought the joy to her. She didn’t appear excited, but I knew
my mother accepted the happiness and hid it therein. I was not afraid to pour
out the innermost feelings in front of my mother since she gave me much
freedom. I realized my mother’s care from the watch. She would attend me
with every minute and every second.
For me, the watch symbolizes my mother’s spirit. When I wear the watch,
the leather band encircles my wrist tightly. It suggests that my mother
accompanies me closely and gives me supports all the time. On the contrary,
when I take off the watch and put it aside, the leather band loosens from my
wrist. It seems I’m given more space and freedom. This is my mother, who
wants to give me a chance to become independent and mature. If the watch
goes slowly and runs out of the battery, the next step is to exchange a new one
and it can operate normally. Similarly, if my energy is consumed, I should take
a rest and recharge myself, so I am able to go further and further. Several years
later, my watch is not brand new anymore; torn leather and worn watch
indicate that time flies like an arrow with my youth passing swiftly. I believe
that my mother always wants me to have a positive and optimistic attitude
towards life so that I am able to overcome the obstacles or challenges and grow
up with confidence. With the watch given by my mother, I’ll cherish every
moment of my life. With her love, I’ll walk towards my goal.
My Reflection on Bye Bye
林伊軒
Mariah Carey’s Bye Bye is one of my favorite songs. It describes how
Mariah misses her father, who was dead when she was still small. Her father
protected her so well that he hid bad news or difficulties he confronted from
her, shouldering them on his own. Through this song she tells people who lose
their beloved not to be too sad, and get the courage to live on. When I first
heard this song, I was so touched that I felt I could totally relate to it.
Just before I was about to have the College Entrance Exam, my
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grandfather passed away suddenly. Although he was diagnosed of Leukemia
when I was in the third year of senior high school, he was still in a good
condition after the first stage of chemotherapy. However, during the second
chemotherapy, because of an accidental injury, he was infected and suddenly
passed away.
That day, I was in the school, feeling excited over a good grade and
thinking what to eat for lunch when my mom called me and told me this
astonishing news. I rushed home by taxi, thinking all the way,” how can this
possibly happen? He was still fine a month ago, and I saw him smile at me,
feeling that everything was good.”
It was very hard for everyone in my family to face the reality, especially
me, because my grandfather loves me most among his grandchildren. It was he
who drove me to school from my elementary school days to high school.
Although his old Ford car made a noisy sound, I really enjoyed the trip with
him. Whatever I needed, he was always willing to pay more to get me things
with good quality. The pair of glasses I used to wear was worth five thousand
dollars, which was really expensive and too costly for a student.
I went to see my grandfather twice when he stayed in National Taiwan
University Hospital. His body was attached to needles all over - necks, hands,
and his head. He became much thinner and weaker. My heart ached whenever
I saw him lying helplessly on the bed.
He was old and fragile.
What he could do is suffering from the tortures instead of enjoying his life
in comfort and happiness. He tried to crack up a smile at me and other family
members. I knew that smile contained helplessness and pain. He was the person
who put other people in the first priority. There were so many things that he
did for me, but I could not repay him. I knew at that time the only thing I could
do was to study hard, to enter the best college, so that my grandfather would
feel proud of me. And this is the reason that inspired me to strive for success.
“And you never got a chance to see how well I done. And you never got to
see me back at number one.” My grandpa did not get the chance to see me how
well I have done for making him proud of me. He did not see how well I did on
every test and how diligently I studied. He is the force that drives me through
all the difficulties.
“I wish that you were here to celebrate together. I wish that we could spend
the holidays together.” He was not by my side when I was excited about being
admitted to NTUT. I did not share the happiness with my grandfather, for he
left too early.
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“I thought you were so strong. You'd make it through whatever. It's so hard
to accept the fact you're gone forever. It’s hard to say bye bye.” Everyone in my
family thought that my grandfather would be recovered, since he had survived
the first stage of chemotherapy. But unfortunately, he did not fight over that
accidentally injury. No one was prepared for his departure. It was really hard
to face it.
When he was still alive, and whenever I go back to HsinChu, he would
greet me with his big smile, give me pocket money to buy anything I need, and I
would also tell him everything happened in Taipei. But this will never happen,
because he had gone forever.
Even though my grandfather is not around me anymore, I deeply believe
that he is watching and blessing me in heaven. “And soon as you reach a better
place, still I'll give the whole world to see your face…Put your hand way up high.
We will never say bye bye.” I know he has reached a better world, a world
without worries or diseases. I will never say bye-bye to him, because if I say it, I
am afraid that I will forget him gradually. I decide not to say goodbye to him,
so that he will always beside me.
Whenever hearing this song, I always have the image of my grandfather,
and all the things that he did for me. Every single word in the song comforts
me; it reflects exactly how I feel. The more I think of him and hear this song,
the more courage and confidence I have. This song has been rooted in my mind
and become a part of me. It lingers in my heart. If some of my friends lose their
family members or feeling frustrated, I will comfort them with this song. Most
of them get the same feeling as I do. The power of the lyrics is the best medicine
to comfort and encourage people.
An Unforgettable Memory
Bahyan .M. Mawloud
It was in the evening of November 22, 2001 when my sister gave birth to her
first child (a baby girl). While my sister was in labor, I said a thousand prayers
because I was both anxious and excited; anxious about my sister’s and the
child’s safety, and excited for I would soon see my niece.
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I knew my other family members had the same feeling as me for my mother
was sitting beside me and every now and then she pushed herself towards me
and hugged me for a while: When I looked at her face, she gave me a kind smile
as if to say to me and herself that we do not have to worry. My brother-in-law
was walking back and forth through the hospital corridor in front of the labor
room; his face looked red and sweaty, from time to time he stopped just to take
a look at us and give us a smile. Other family members sat quietly one beside
another; sometimes we spoke to ease our minds. One could easily read mixed
expressions –worries and excitement- on each of our faces. Some of us went to
talk to my brother-in-law to make him feel eased. Occasionally one of my funny
cousins told jokes and made everybody laugh.
The very first moment I heard the child crying, I could feel my heart beating so
fast with delight that it seemed to resound in my brain. When the doctor came
out from the labor room, we all stood up and hurried towards her. She cracked
up a big smile and said it was an adorable baby girl, and that the mother was in
a good health. We all thanked the doctor. I immediately rushed to the room,
even before my brother-in-law. I was extremely elated because it was my first
time to become an aunt.
Upon opening the door, my sister looked up from her bed right into my eyes,
giving me a tender grin and spread her arms to give me a hug. After hugging
my sister, I kissed her forehead, and moved towards the baby. I slowly took her
out from the baby cot bed and gently pushed her against my heart. I felt an
affection and an excitement which I had never experienced before. I thanked
God for both my sister’s and niece’s safety. While the baby was in my arms, she
opened her lovely eyes and I was looking into them, smiling and feeling the
strong love towards the innocent creature which holds my blood. I saw a new
hope was born into my life.
A few moments later all of our family members came into the room and
gathered with delight around my sister and the baby, each saying something
about the baby, one said very cute, another said so beautiful…etc. We
congratulated one another. My brother-in-law also embraced the baby, and
gently pushed her into his heart, saying with a smile, “My dear daughter,
welcome to this world”. Then he handed the baby to me again because he knew
how eager I was to see her.
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The new born baby had a pleasant scent. She looks exactly like her mother. She
had a peaceful white face with two beautiful black eyes, a tiny nose, and a pair
of little red lips. All my family members said her eyes and cheeks looked like
mine, and the rest of her face looked like her mother’s.
While I was humming a lullaby into to the baby’s little ears, wishing her all the
best in her life, I felt the rose scent emerging from her. She was breathing softly
on my laps, and suddenly grabbed my index finger. At that moment, it seemed
like time stopped, I felt nothing around us, only she and me. That was amazing
just like in a wonderful dream.
Both the family of my sister and the family of my brother- in- law felt blissful to
receive a new member, and above all because both the mother and the child
were in a good health. After leaving the hospital, we all gathered in my
mother’s house to have a quality time; we had a wonderful dinner and a small
celebration together until late at night.
While having dinner, we discussed about what name to choose for the child. My
mother said ‘Daban’. My sister’s parents- in- law said ‘Zahra’. My
brother-in-law said ‘Aween’. Finally, we all agreed to name her Aween because
it means true love.
The next day, most of our relatives came to see my sister and the child and
brought cute gifts for the baby. Some of them brought clothes, some brought
jewels, and others brought flowers or nice scenery posters to put in her room.
All of the gifts were very beautiful and dainty. My mother’s gift was a white
baby cot with all its dress and necessities. My gift for her was a necklace of a
fifteen inch curb link gold chain with a gold heart locket pendant, in which I
placed a picture of Aween when she was only one hour old on one side of it, and
on the other side, I put a white paper on which I wrote “Dear niece, I was very
blessed the day you were born. I love you.” Another gift of mine for her was a
cotton sweater which I weaved under my mother and my sister’s construction
because I am not a good weaver. On the left side of the sweater there was a red
heart, and on the right side a yellow oval smiley face.
For me, this is an unforgettable memory. Whenever I think of it, I get the same
excitement and touching as the moment when my niece was born. My niece is
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eight years old now, and I still love her as a part of my heart and soul. I am
very proud of her, and have great faith in her for she is a very smart and
intelligent pupil who always gets first place in her class tasks. She is also a good
daughter of her parents, her grand parents, and me.
Flight of Fancy
Jennifer
Never have I thought a fragrance so intangible and so imperceptible has
such a magic power of triggering a memory from the very deep in my heart just
like the siren. Last year, I received a gorgeous rosy jar of perfume as a farewell
gift from my sister when I was about to move to Taipei. My sister loves this
perfume for its fruity aroma mixing with flowery scent. She almost wears it
every day. My sister is a superwoman, who is also my idol that I wish someday I
can be as capable as her. When she went to Seattle for college, I always sneaked
into her room to drip one or two drops of the perfume, imagining my beloved
sister were there with me. A scent of sweetness wafted up from my wrists, the
back of my ears, my elbows, wherever there was the pulse. Whenever I put this
perfume on, it feels like I have turned into the most glamorous creature on
earth, the peacock, surveying all the flowers blooming gloriously around me.
Being the stunning ruler of the pleasant empire, I, the peacock, spur myself to
pursue my dream without fear. I should not be afraid of tasting a new thing,
like the haughty peacock with its tail spreading distinctively on the bottle top.
In Taipei, I was alone without any acquaintances. I wandered lonely in this
totally unfamiliar place. I did wear this fragrance every day; I did try very
hard to convince myself that I could fit into this brand new city. However,
things just didn’t work. Neither did I get any bosom friend, nor was I happy.
Worst of all, I got severe homesick and felt like I was subject to melancholia.
My pulse seemed to slow down day by day, so did the smell on my wrist. The
flourish dreamy fragrance faded into some stuffy smell.
One day, I smelled something familiar. It was the flowery fragrance! I
followed the flourish path of sweet smell and found a girl with curly dark
kelp-like hair in a lovely dress full of pink-geometry images. She focused on her
lunch attentively as if the noise around her was a piece of light music. After a
while, I assumed that she might be harmless, so I took a deep breath and
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approached her. Not until the second time of my interruption that she jolted
abruptly like getting an electric shock. Then, he traced the voice with her
high-fringe-ponytail radar searching me, and looked me up and down. It
seemed the air was pumped into her witty big and bottomless dark eyes
rotating. I could hear nothing but the rumbling of silence. Then with a
blooming smile, she greeted me. It turned out that we were from the same class
but I had not been aware of it because I had not paid any attention to the
classmates around me. I felt so embarrassed that she laughed out and kindly
searched the topic to my first impression. We then continued this delightful talk
about the perfume which we both had, and also the background knowledge of
each other. She was brought up in Taipei. Her sister was in Seattle for college
studies, and her old friends moved to the southern Taiwan. She found no
company to play with in Taipei. It turned out that we both have sisters who
study in Seattle. More surprisingly, our sisters both love perfume. I was reset
again and the garden of my dream came to life gradually.
She volunteered to be my exclusive tour guide in Taipei for this is her
turf, which did me a lot of favor. We become inseparable soon after we
discovered that we have so many things in common. We were both influenced
by our sisters. We both feel different scents carry different messages with
unique episodes of life encapsulated in them.
Both of us like day dreaming by which we indulge ourselves in soaring
across the sky without a limit. We both indeed play well active roles in the class
soon afterwards and find ourselves fit into other classmates well. We both try to
attend every competition or event to challenge ourselves.
We collected different fragrance as alternatives for each of the perfumes
fits with various occasions. On the day of the speech contest, we put on the
Anna Sui perfume, like a tacit agreement. I whispered to ask her the reason for
choosing this sweet juicy fragrance when we were waiting at the stage door.
“It’s simple,” she said,” I feel like I am the peacock of my garden empire now. ”
It was this flowery aroma that has accompanied her and me in the days we
built up our pleasant garden empire of challenges. Right now, all of the flowers
were blooming with rich multicolored and dazzlingly brilliant crowding around
us.
Even if we had hundreds of millions of perfumes, I believe this fruity
and flowery scent would always be irreplaceable. This is the salvation of two
young girls who was almost defeated when they were about to step into the
milestones of their life. This is the trademark of those who dare to close their
eyes and make bold attempts. They will ultimately be rewarded a bouquet of
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flowers as they open their eyes again. The name of this magic perfume is, Flight
of Fancy.
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