“DESCRIPTIVE” FEEDBACK: REFLECTIVE MEMOIR ESSAY
Form groups of three. Begin by having each person read his or her essay out loud to the others.
Just listen to each other; don't follow along on the printed copy, and don't take notes. Just listen
as you would if you were listening to a book-on-tape. Enjoy.
Now distribute copies of the essays, so that you each have your own essay and two of your
classmates’ or trade essays around the circle.
For Your Classmates' Essays:
1. Write a sentence or two in general terms describing what the essay is about. Try to locate the
"center" of the essay-the idea or issue or discovery that the essay explores most centrally. Not
"It's about your Uncle Fred," but something like, "It's about how your Uncle Fred's life has caused
you to reflect on your own role as a father."
2. Now go through the paper copy of the draft and draw a line across the page wherever the essay
"turns" from one section to another. These section breaks may or may not be marked by space
breaks or even paragraph breaks. The idea here is for you to let the writer know where you felt a
"break" or ''turn'' in the essay.
3. Once you have divided the essay into these sections, write a sentence or two that describes
each section. Number these sentences on your page below the general description you Wrote for
#1.
4. Now write a sentence or two that describes the overall "movement" of the essay, based both on
what you wrote for #1 and on what you wrote for #3. You will write something like, "The essay
begins by ... and then describes. .. before moving to a scene in which . . . and then finally
explaining. . . "
5. To finish, I'd like you to pose no more than three questions to the author. These can be natural
questions of interest (such as "How did you find out about your uncle's becoming a novelist?") or
more specifically geared to the writing (such as "Why did you choose to start the essay at the
picnic, as opposed to at the dance where the two of you met?"). My hope is that your questions
will prompt the author to reconsider his or her approach, or at least encourage him or her to add
details or explanations.
For Your Own Essay:
Now that you've read your essay out loud, go through the essay once more and make suggestions
to yourself in the margins. You might say,. "Fix this sentence," or you might say, "Describe what
Cheryl looks like." Or you might say, "Delete this paragraph." As we read out loud, we often get
a fresh view of our own writing, so take advantage of it!
By the end of class, you should receive sheets of paper from two classmates with responses to #15 above. Take this feedback home and use it as you revise for next class period.