UC Personal Statement Editing Guide
Prompt 1 (freshmen applicants): The World You Come From
Describe the world you come from—for example, your family, community, or school—and tell
us how your world has shaped your dreams.
Prompt 2 (ALL applicants): Personal Quality, Talent, Accomplishment or Experience
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is
important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does
it relate to the person you are?
Edit and Revise: After reading your rough draft, place a check mark in the RD column next to each item
that you have completed. If you have not completed an item, you know that you need to work on including
that item in your essay. Use the features of MyAccess to help you edit.
TECHNICALITIES
RD
FD
____ ____
Both of my essays combined do not exceed 1,000 words.
____ ____
Neither of my essays are fewer than 250 words.
____ ____
Both of my essays employ expository writing (no poetry, screenplays, lists, etc.)
____ ____
Perhaps other than in my hook, I do not use quotations.
____ ____
I have not discussed the same topic or details in both of my essays.
____ ____
I have not referred to one specific campus in either of my essays.
____ ____
Both of my essays are my own; I have not plagiarized.
INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH
Hook
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have captured the reader’s attention by using at least one of the following:
□ vivid description
□ question
□ quote
□ surprising statement □ figurative language □ strong opinion
Background Information
RD
FD
____ ____
(prompt 1) I have given some background information on my world.
____ ____
(prompt 2) I have given some background information on my quality, talent,
accomplishment or experience.
Thesis
RD
FD
____ ____
(prompt 1) The last sentence of my introduction states how my world has shaped my
dreams and aspirations.
____ ____
(prompt 2) The last sentence of my introduction states how my quality, talent,
accomplishment, contribution, or experience makes me proud and how it relates to
the person I am.
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BODY PARAGRAPHS
RD
FD
____ ____
(prompt 1) I have described my world and explained how my world has shaped my dreams
and aspirations.
____ ____
(prompt 2) I have described my quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience
and explained how it makes me proud and how it relates to the person I am.
__ __ __ __ I have included significant details and concrete examples to support my points.
__ __ __ __ I have included discussion of one or two (not several) of the following:
□ my academic record, accomplishments, or activities.
□ any unusual circumstances, challenges, or hardships I have faced and the ways in which I
have overcome or responded to them.
□ my initiative, motivation, leadership, persistence, service to others, special potential, and/or
substantial experience with other cultures.
□ my experiences outside of the classroom (church, family, travels, etc.).
□ how my culture has influenced who I am.
□ my achievements in light of the opportunities available to me and/or my disabilities.
__ __ __ __ I have focused on one topic per essay rather than just listing several accomplishments,
activities, work, awards, etc.
__ __ __ __ I have demonstrated that I have a sense of who I am, where I am going, and how I am going
to use my education and my experiences to accomplish my goals.
__ __
__ __ My paragraphs follow a logical order, such as chronological, order of importance, etc.
CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH
RD
FD
____
____ (prompt 1) I have reflected on the significance of my world.
____
____
(prompt 2) I have reflected on the significance of my quality, talent, accomplishment,
contribution, or experience.
__ __ __ __ I have included a reverse hook.
TRANSITION WORDS & PHRASES
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have included transition words and phrases to lend structure to my essay.
__ __ __ __ I have varied the use of my transitions.
GRAMMAR & STYLE
Word Choice
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have varied words that appear too often in my paragraph.
__ __ __ __ I have replaced vague or inappropriate words with stronger, more sophisticated,
precise, vivid, academic words.
Flow
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ When reading my essay aloud, I am able to read it without confusion or
awkwardness, flowing from sentence to sentence without sounding choppy or longwinded.
2
Sentence Structure
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have included a variety of sentence lengths (short, medium, long).
__ __ __ __ I have included a variety of sentence types (statement, command, question,
exclamation) where/when appropriate.
__ __ __ __ I have included a variety of sentence structures (compound: FANBOYS & complex:
subordinating).
__ __ __ __ I have included a variety of sentences beginnings (openers).
__ __ __ __ I have no run-on sentences.
__ __ __ __ I have no sentence fragments.
Tone
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have used academic language and avoided slang, swearing, and unnecessary
sarcasm, humor, and clichés.
__ __ __ __ I sound genuine.
Point of View
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have written in the first person point of view. (I, me, my, mine, us, we, our, etc.).
__ __ __ __ I refrained from speaking directly to the reader with second person pronouns you and
your.
Tense
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have not shifted verb tense inappropriately.
Spelling
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have double-checked any words that I was not 100 percent sure how to spell.
__ __ __ __ I have double-checked all commonly confused words, including those listed below, to
make sure I have used the correct ones.
□ there, their, they’re
□ accept, except
□ to, too, two
□ affect, effect
□ its, it’s
□ lose, loose
□ are, our
□ past, passed
□ your, you’re
□ were, wear, where, we’re
□ than, then
□ through, threw
Punctuation
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have used the correct end mark for each sentence.
__ __ __ __ I have used quotation marks around dialogue (if included).
__ __ __ __ I have used apostrophes to show possession.
__ __ __ __ I have used appropriate punctuation when combining sentences.
__ __ __ __ I have used commas:
□ with double adjectives
□ in series
□ with non-essential clauses
□ with introductory words/phrases(openers)
□ with conjunctions (FANBOYS) that combine sentences
□ to set off dialogue from explanatory words and speaker tags (if included)
3
Capitalization
RD
FD
__ __ __ __ I have capitalized the first word of every sentence.
__ __ __ __ I have capitalized all proper nouns.
Finalize:
Whichever draft you submit by the end of the day on September 7 will be your final score for
your assignment in this class. If you plan to apply to a UC school, make an appointment with
your teacher to further improve your essay well before submitting your application.
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