THE ESSAY
Warm-up: The following are sentences taken from students’ essays. Which ones contain a mistake?

He asked me what to do and I said it
would be a good thing to go to the doctor.

You need to sharply twist the lid to the
right in order to open the jar.

I’ve never been to Bodmin – Bree is the
village I used to go to.

My brother likes very much toast for
breakfast.
Context: T. Suitor’s progress at school is unsatisfactory, so the headmaster invites him to his office and gives him
a good talking to…
Listening 1: In order to show just how poor Suitor’s performance is, the headmaster reads out to him the
beginnings of three pieces of writing of his. Change the following topics as necessary.
 “Write an essay about ‘Patience’”
 “What was notable about the late 1960’s?”
 “Define the ‘South Sea Bubble’ and its effects on the stock market”
What is it about Suitor’s answers that the headmaster finds exasperating?
Listening 2: Here is the script of the dialogue. Make any changes necessary, and fill in the gaps.
[H: Headmaster, S: Suitor]
H:
Suitor, when you first came to this school, we took you because of a most ………….
essay you wrote about a parrot that belonged to your aunt.
S:
Ah, yes, sir.
H:
Since then, your progress has been … unsatisfactory. I have here your exam papers
from this year. Let’s take a look at the paper, shall we? Question 1 was “Write a
composition about ‘Perseverance’”.
S:
Yes, sir.
H:
Do you remember how you began this very original essay, Suitor?
S:
Eer, no, sir.
H:
Read this, it’ll help.
S:
[Reads]: “General Paper, Final Exam. T. Suitor.
“Perseverence”.
H:
Yes, go on.
S:
[Reads]: “My aunt, who I live with, ……………………… ‘Perseverance’. * One day….
Autumn 1980, …………..:
T h e E s s a y - P a g e |2
H:
Yes, and you proceeded to tell exactly the same story you told when you first arrived at
this school. *
S:
Yes, sir.
H:
Here’s a different one: History, Question 5.
S:
[Reads] “What was remarkable about the late 50’s?”
H:
And your answer? [Reads] “My aunt, who I live with, used to have a parrot
………………… * who is now ………... The most notable thing about … the
………… 50’s… was his enormous appetite..” * And Question 7.
S:
[Reads]: “Describe the South Sea Bubble, and its effect on investment”.
H:
Carry on.
S:
[Reads]: “The ‘South Sea Bubble’ was a large …………. * and its effect on ‘Investment’
which was a parrot ……………… my aunt, * who I live with…
H:
SUITOR!! Do you think I am some sort of idiot?? Do you think I haven’t noticed?? *
It’s …………………………………………………………**….
NICK
T h e E s s a y - P a g e |3
THE ESSAY [KEY]
Warm-up: The following are sentences taken from students’ essays. Which ones contain a mistake?

He asked me what to do and I said it
would be a good thing to go to the doctor.

You need to sharply twist the lid to the
right in order to open the jar.

I’ve never been to Bodmin – Bree is the
village I used to go to.

My brother likes very much toast for
breakfast.
Context: T. Suitor’s progress at school is unsatisfactory, so the headmaster invites him to his office and gives him
a good talking to…
Listening 1: In order to show just how poor Suitor’s performance is, the headmaster reads out to him the
beginnings of three pieces of writing of his. Change the following topics as necessary.
 “Write an essay about ‘Perseverance”
 “What was notable about the late 1950’s?”
 “Define the ‘South Sea Bubble’ and its effects on investment”
What is it about Suitor’s answers that the headmaster finds exasperating?
Listening 2: Here is the script of the dialogue. Make any changes necessary, and fill in the gaps.
[H: Headmaster, S: Suitor]
H:
Suitor, when you first came to this school, we took you on account of a most entertaining
essay you wrote about a parrot that belonged to your aunt.
S:
Ah, yes, sir.
H:
Since then, your progress has been … disappointing. I have here your exam papers from
this year. Let’s take a look at the general paper, shall we? Question 1 was “Write an essay
about ‘Perseverance’”.
S:
Yes, sir.
H:
Do you remember how you began this essay, Suitor?
S:
Eer, no, sir.
H:
Read this, it’ll help.
S:
[Reads]: “General Paper, Final Exam. T. Suitor. Autumn 1980, Subject: “Perseverance”.
H:
Yes, get on with it.
S:
[Reads]: “My aunt, who I live with, has a parrot called ‘Perseverance’. * One day….
NICK
T h e E s s a y - P a g e |4
H:
Yes, and you proceeded to tell exactly the same story you told when you arrived at this
school. *
S:
Yes, sir.
H:
Here’s a slightly different one: History, Question 5.
S:
[Reads] “What was notable about the late 50’s?”
H:
And your answer? [Reads] “My aunt, who I live with, used to have a parrot called ‘50’s’ *
who is now dead. The most notable thing about … the late 50’s… was his enormous
appetite..” * And Question 7.
S:
[Reads]: “Describe the South Sea Bubble, and its effect on investment”.
H:
Go on.
S:
[Reads]: “The ‘South Sea Bubble’ was a large goldfish * and its effect on ‘Investment’ which
was a parrot owned by my aunt, * who I live with…
H:
SUITOR!! Do you think I am some sort of cretin?? Do you think I haven’t noticed?? * It’s
“WITH WHOM I LIVE”!! ** “My aunt WITH WHOM I LIVE” - not “who I live
with”….
NICK