English 105 (Smart)
“The great enemy of
clear language is
insincerity.”
George Orwell
“In matters of grave
importance, style,
not sincerity, is the
vital thing.”
Oscar Wilde
February 2, 2006
Grammar & Flow1: Characters & Actions
taken/adapted from J. Williams (2000) Style, 6th Ed.
“Grammar” is a word used for different purposes by
different groups. Grammarians employ what is called
prescriptive grammar, telling what language usage is
right and wrong. Linguists typically follow more
descriptive line, seeking to understand and explain
how a language works.
There are three kinds of correctness:
1.
2.
3.
Some rules that define the fundamental structure of English: articles precede
nouns: the book, not book the. These rules are rarely intentionally violated
by native speakers of English.
A few rules distinguish standard speech/writing from non-standard: you were
versus you was, I don’t know anything versus I don’t know nothing. The
only writers who consciously strive to follow these rules are those striving to
join the educated class. We mostly notice these rules only when others are
violating them.
Finally, some grammarians have invented rules they think everyone should
observe. Most date from the last half of the 18th century:
-Don’t split infinitives, as in to quietly leave
-Don’t end a sentence with a preposition, as in Who are you talking to?
-Don’t use between with three or more, as in between the three of us
-Don’t use hopefully for I hope, as in Hopefully, it won’t rain.
While understanding how a language works and how to use the conventions of the
educated class is helpful in a college career, this knowledge does not typically make
your writing more interesting or clearer. And, in general, many writing guides give
pretty useless advice on how to write clearer or more interesting sentences. They
suggest making your writing direct, concise, flowing (and to avoid being unclear,
indirect, wordy, confusing, abstract, etc.), none of which is very helpful. So, here is the
first technique to make your sentences “flow”
1. Make your characters act: Every story
needs characters and actions. This one has
several problems:
“Action is eloquence.”
William Shakespeare,
Coriolanus, 3.2
Once upon a time, as a walk in the woods was taking place on the part of Little
Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump out from behind the tree occurred, causing
fright in Little Red Riding Hood.
This reads terribly. Why? First of all, identify the subjects and verbs of the sentence.
And who are the characters and what are the actions? Now, revise the sentence so that
the characters are the subjects and the actions are the verbs.
English 105 (Smart)
February 2, 2006
Ok, changing from fairy tales to academic writing, read the following excerpt. The
principles and problems are the same as in a fairy tell: even the most abstract sentence
has some story to tell:
The Federalists’ argument that the destabilization of government was the result
of popular democracy was based on their belief in the tendency of factions to
further their self-interest at the expense of the common good.
This sentence seems to be a struggle to get through. We can make it more
understandable if we revise it to make its subjects characters and its verbs actions:
The Federalists argued that popular democracy destabilized government,
because they believed that factions tended to further their self-interest at the
expense of the common good.
Rewrite the following sentence to make the characters the subjects and the actions the
verbs:
There is opposition among voters to nuclear power plants near population
centers because of a widespread belief in their threat to human health.
“It takes less time to learn to write
2. Revise nominalizations. If you express
nobly than to learn to write lightly
your actions as verbs, your sentences will seem
and straightforwardly.”
clearer. If your writing seems too impersonal
Friedrich Nietzsche
or abstract, you have almost certainly used too
many abstract nouns, particularly nouns
derived from verbs and adjectives, nouns ending in –tion, -ment, -ence. Such nouns
have a technical name: Nominalizations (a word illustrating its own meaning).
VERB >>>> NOMINALIZATION
discover
discovery
resist
resistance
react
reaction
ADJECTIVE >>> NOMINALIZATION
careless
carelessness
different
difference
proficient
proficiency
Some nominalizations are identical to their corresponding verbs (e.g. request, return)
Here are several verbs, adjectives, and nominalizations. Turn the verbs
into nominalizations and the nominalizations into verbs and nouns:
Analysis
Believe
Attempt
Conclusion
Suggest
Approach
Comparison
Define
Explanation
Expression
Failure
Appeal
Improve
Decrease
Accuracy
Careful
Important
Decide
Explicit
Precise
and adjectives
Emphasize
Discuss
Acquisition
Intelligence
Evaluate
Now write 5 sentences using in each of them some of the verbs and adjectives from
above. On a separate sheet of paper, rewrite those sentences by using the
corresponding nominalizations to express the same idea. Give the sentences with
nominalizations to a classmate and see if she/he can revise the sentences.