Courtney Calvo
Professor Erben
English 4125
17 November 2006
Introduction
“Advice to a Young Lady just after her Marriage” is an anonymously published piece of
non-fiction poetry that appeared in The American Magazine and Historical Chronicle (17431746) in December of 1744. The piece is written as a guideline for the etiquette and behavior of
newlywed women. It tells a woman how she should treat her husband and conduct her
household. According to Herman R. Lantz, the feelings and directions dictated in this poem
reflect both the reality of the period as well as the ideals of the period. He says, “We believe that
writings of a period reflect the life styles of that period as well as wished for, anticipated, or
exaggerated life styles imagined by the authors. But all are important (Lantz, Schmitt, and
Herman 572)!” In this, Lantz points out a crucial piece of understanding about the text—it
describes the ideal woman of colonial America; the woman described in “Advice to a young
Lady just after her Marriage” does not refer to any real person. Rather, the woman described is
the conceptualized, perfect woman of eighteenth century colonial America. The standard set
forth in this piece of writing for acceptable womanhood can and should be compared to the
standards of ideal womanhood in modern American society. By examining this early American
text, one can gain significant understanding into the female experience of society’s expectations
in the eighteenth century. More importantly, however, this text not only speaks to the women of
its own time—the message it sends to women resounds today in modern media.
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Before discussing the poem itself, one may benefit from a discussion of the poem’s
context, specifically, knowledge of the magazine it came from as well as periodical literature as a
whole in eighteenth-century America. The American Magazine and Historical Chronicle was
published in Boston and edited by Samuel Eliot and Joshua Blanchard. It was one of the very
first magazines to be published in America. According to Heather Haveman in her article,
“Antebellum literary culture and the evolution of American magazines”, only twenty-three
magazines were founded between the years of 1741 and the end of the Revolutionary War in
1783. The American Magazine and Historical Chronicle was first published in 1743, and
remained in production until 1746. Although this seems like a short life span (only three years),
it was actually considerably long for a magazine in the infancy of periodical literature in
America. Some magazines only published a few issues before closing.
Haveman notes three things about periodical literature in colonial America. First of all,
all of the magazines took material from other publications like books and other magazines
because copyright laws were nonexistent before 1790 and not applied to magazines until the
1820s. Secondly, their contents contained a wide variety of literary forms and topics—everything
from literary criticism to agriculture and science. And third, colonial American magazines
broadcast current events much like today’s newspapers. The American Magazine and Historical
Chronicle fell under the category of what was know as a “general magazine”. It did not cover
one particular topic, but rather published fiction, short stories, novels, poems, sketches and
etcetera on a variety of topics like politics, religion, and family life.
As far as readership of the magazine is concerned, Haveman says that, “the earliest
American magazines were written by the elite for the elite (Haveman 8).” She gives an example
of this later when she describes the tactics used by one magazine to garner readership:
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In a crass attempt to demonstrate it’s legitimacy, Matthew Carey’s American Museum
(1787-1792) devoted twelve precious pages up front (even before the introduction for
readers!) to a list of subscribers, highlighting George Washington and Benjamin Franklin.
Carey’s unsubtle plea for legitimacy worked: his venture was one of the most successful
magazines of the eighteenth century. (Haveman 10)
As Hargrave says, this is done in part to legitimize the magazine but it also could have
been used to boost the prestige of the magazine. Magazine readership is measured in the number
of subscriptions held (as well as the numbers sold at news stands) and Haveman notes that,
“Because eighteenth-century Americans produced much of what they consumed and purchased
very little—certainly very little that was designed, like magazines, to be of temporary value—it
was difficult to attract and keep subscribers (Haveman 9).” She goes on to explain another reason
for low readership was that the postal service refused to carry magazines from the time of the
Postal Act of 1792 until the Postal Act of 1794 and that even before that, some mail carriers
would not carry magazines. Once the postal service agreed to carry magazines, Haveman says
that readership went up, as well as the number of magazines published.
As stated previously, the author of this text, “Advice to a young Lady just after her
Marriage”, is unknown. This is likely due to the lack of copyright laws in early America.
However, Haveman notes that most of the content for The American Magazine and Historical
Chronicle came from two prominent English magazines—The Gentleman’s Magazine and The
London Magazine. It is likely that “Advice to a young Lady just after her Marriage” was first
published in one of these periodicals, but perhaps under a different title. Because there were not
any copyright laws in place, editors could republish material without giving credit to the author
or the publication they took it from. The profession of authorship was not recognized until 1819
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when, Haveman writes, “the Christian Spectator (1819-1838) pioneered the practice of paying
contributors, offering the princely sum of one dollar per page (Haveman 14).” When authors
began to be paid for their work, magazine structure changed. Before authors were paid, a lot of
poetry appeared in magazines. In fact, Haveman writes, “Poetry was the only literary form that
appeared with equal frequency in both literary and general magazines (Haveman 22).” The
amount of poetry in magazines, like the text presented here, significantly decreased after 1819
because it cost much less for an editor to fill a page with one short story rather than several
poems.
“Advice to a young Lady just after her Marriage” is written in the vein of conduct
literature. Conduct and etiquette literature set out guidelines for behavior—how to react or not
react in any given situation. They reached the peak of their popularity in the 19th century;
however, ladies conduct literature also shows up, in smaller amounts, in the 18th century. This
text articulates the societal expectations of a woman in colonial America. For example, it says,
“With Virgin Softness smile on ev’ry Friend Your Husband brings, or is obliged to send (699).”
This seems like a simple command, but with it comes several other demands that a woman must
follow to be socially acceptable. One can only imagine that any lady reading this text just after
her marriage would feel more than a little overwhelmed. The expectations of the text are high. A
reader at the time of publication would most likely have mixed feelings about the directions the
text gives. This is because, as Patricia McAlexander points out, the expectations of female
behavior at this time were in flux. McAlexander articulates this in her essay “The Creation of the
American Eve: The Cultural Dialogue on the Nature and Role of Women in Late Eighteenth
Century America” when she says, “in colonial America women were accepted as sexual, selfsufficient, and active—real partners to their husbands; but by the nineteenth century they had
5
been relegated to a pedestal where they were to be pure, pious, submissive and domestic—
venerated as Wife and Mother, but protected from the outside world (McAlexander 252).”
“Advice to a young Lady just after her Marriage” exhibits this transitional state. The poem
wavers between stressing the eighteenth-century husband and wife true partnership and the
nineteenth-century Victorian image of women. McAlexander attributes this shifting view of
women and their role as moral superiors in society to the conception of the American man.
American men were supposed to be strong, self-reliant, and spiritually sound. In order for this
sort of man to emerge from American society, he needed an equally superior female counterpart.
McAlexander summarizes this eighteenth century idea saying, “And so we have the creation of
the ideal mate of the American Adam—an American Eve who, bound by conservative restraints,
could never tempt Adam to his fall (264).” By creating within the literature the standard of a
morally perfected woman, men could easily disregard their own behavior. It was a woman’s job
to be moral.
One may ask why women would write literature that held themselves to extravagant
expectations, and let men “off the hook”, but one must realize that the author of this text is not
given. Yes, the writing style is distinctly feminine, however; Jorge Arditi points out in his article,
“The Feminization of Etiquette Literature: Foucault, Mechanisms of Social Change, and the
Paradoxes of Empowerment”, that “In effect, before the nineteenth century virtually none of the
manuals of behavior published in the United States were written by women (Arditi 417).” He is,
of course, talking about books, and not periodical literature, but it is a provocative question to
ponder—whether a male or a female wrote this text. The gender of the author changes the
implications of the text. If it is in fact a man, as Arditi predicts, the way in which one interprets
the text is altered—likewise with a female author. If a man wrote the poem, then this idealized
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woman is a product of the male fantasy. However, if a woman wrote it, many more questions are
brought into light. One question would be whether the woman described is a product of female
fantasy, or is it simply a female voicing the male fantasy? Without knowing the gender of the
author, these questions cannot be answered, but they are interesting to think about as one is
reading the text.
The author promotes the idea of a domestic wife, and this can be seen in the text when it
says, “View all that brighten, or that soften Life, And learn of those to be a happy Wife (701).”
Here it is implied that the “job” of being a wife should be a woman’s main desire and that it
should bring her a feeling of content. The poem implies that in order to keep one’s husband
happy, and in order to hold one’s marriage together, one has to follow the “rules” prescribed
within the text. Barbara Darby discusses this in her article, “The More Things Change…The
Rules and Late Eighteenth Century Conduct Books for Women.” This article relates 18th century
conduct literature to contemporary conduct literature and advertisements. The author says that
the common denominator between 18th century and modern expectations of women is the
economic climate. Darby says:
We, too, have seen intense political and economic change. We, too, have seen huge
masses of people thrown into turmoil because of the ethnic, racial, and economic
upheaval that accompany a highly stressed marketplace that demands a redefinition of
work on a global scale. And we, too, have seen a gender-based backlash. Forces like
unemployment and technological change can be seen as productive of an overarching
antifeminist discourse that explicitly or implicitly creates and promotes versions of
femininity that encourage working women to return to the home and to their roles as
mothers and care-givers. (Darby 339-340)
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This is a very interesting idea. Darby is saying that economic and technological changes
affect societies in such a way as to push women back into the domestic sphere. It is exemplified
in the late eighteenth century with the industrial revolution. When the industrial revolution took
place, women were pushed back into the domestic sphere to become the “pure, pious, submissive
and domestic (McAlexander 252)” wives and mothers of the nineteenth century. Eleanor
Leacock comments on this in her paper, “Interpreting the Origins of Gender Inequality” and
attributes this push to women’s child-bearing ability. She says, “I would say that the significance
of women’s child-bearing ability is transformed by new social relations when they become the
producers, not only of people as individuals, but also of what is becoming “abstract”—i.e.,
exploitable—labor (Leacock 493).” This means that as the economy shifted to exploitable labor
(people began to be paid for their time, rather than their craft) women’s function in society
shifted to that of “baby maker.” A woman was more valuable as a producer of more labor (in the
form of human bodies) than she was as a laborer herself. This push can be seen in modern times
as well. After 9/11, the economy of the United States changed significantly. One could argue that
this may lead to more women staying at home, rather that having careers.
Darby ends her analysis with a thought provoking statement, “The message of old and
new conduct books and many advertisements is that women should fashion themselves with an
eye toward masculine approval, that their lives' successes should be measured according to their
ability to gain this approval, and that such approval is more important than political, economic,
or social self-determination (Darby 353)”. The goal of conduct literature is to convince females
that they need a man to feel complete and that they best contribute to society by marrying and
taking care of their husband and children In looking at both eighteenth century texts like “Advice
to a young Woman just after her Marriage” and the modern perspective, one must question,
8
“Have women made any progress?” Some may say yes, but many would have to agree with
Darby in that women today still ultimately look to men for approval of their actions, rather than
themselves. So long as this perpetuates, so will the unattainable perfection that men request.
9
Editorial Note: Spellings have been retained from the original and all definitions of terms are
from Merriam-Webster Dictionary and Wikipedia.
Advice to a young Lady just after her Marriage.
[p.698] Bright Hymen now the pleasing Knot has ty’d,
And Souls akin in lasting Chains ally’d:
Some Months expir’d—no foe nor treach’rous Friend,
With half deceiving compliments attend
To wish thee all the pleasures of a Wife,
And hail thee happy in the nuptial life:
Then hear what Caius1 for thy welfare writes,
“His Hand is true to what his heart indites.”
Beauty despoil’d offends the fated Eye,
Its Charms all languish, and its Colours die.
No Bands but Sense attach the focial Mind,
Make the Wife lovely, and the Husband kind.
Some Rules there are to guide the Marriage State,
Between th’ Extremes of too much Love or Hate.
For raging Fondness will itself destroy,
And turn Jealousy what else were joy.
Of all Excesses then be much afraid,
Nor in the Wife forget the modest Maid:
Still let the decent blush, the downcast Eye,
Fresh Fuel to your Lover’s Flame supply.
1
Refers to Pope Caius, who was pope from 283 until he died in 296.
10
If e’er he dares t’oppose—at first be still,
And by submitting bind him to your Will.
By gen’rous Methods yet your Pow’r improve,
And though you love him show not that you love.
In all your actions aim to be sincere,
Avoid the false Embrace, the lying Tear:
Nor tare your Hair with Envy or Rage,
Deny’d a Chariot, or an Equipage.
Dare you repine at Flavia’s2 gaudy show?
‘Tis but alas the gay Outside of Wo.
View her meek Husband with her glaring Suit,
And thank kind Heaven your own is not a Brute:
Then if he shou’d deny you such an one,
Regard his Income, as if it were your own.
Let first each honest Tradesman have his Due;
The Poor reliev’d, ‘tis Time enough for you.
See Empty Rufa3 ten years hence a Maid.
If Business calls your spouse ten miles from home,
Be sparing of your Cautions when to come:
[p. 699] Allow him time, nor faint, nor grieve, nor mourn,
Nor in Hystericks fall till he return.
2
Refers to Julia Flavia (17 September 64-91). Flavia was the mistress to Emperor Domitian. She died of a forced
abortion.
3
Refers to Formica Rufa, also known as the southern wood ant. This species is commonly found in southern
England.
11
No Sign of Love is this, whate’er the mode,
The same you do when’er you see a toad:
Nor tare your Hair, nor discompose your Pinner4,
If not quite punctual to the Time of Dinner.
Receive him as your Lover, Friend, and Lord,
And show his guests they’re welcome to your Board
Your Husband absent, if a Col’nel court,
Remember Eve, nor with the Tempter sport.
The Ruffles, Sword-knot, Lace and martial Mien5,
Are the sleek guises of the Dev’l within.
With Virgin Softness smile on ev’ry Friend
Your Husband brings, or is obliged to send.
Observe each Day the Changes of your Face,
Nor vainly think the Error’s in the Glass.
The Rose and the Lilly, now distinctly shown,
May blend with Age, and mix into a Brown.
Those heav’nly Eyes that beam Seraphick6 Fire
With Age may cool, and from their Orbs retire.
Blest she in whom unite, devoid of Youth,
Knowledge with Ease, and Complaisance with Truth.
Admir’d though never envy’d, these remain;
‘Though rail’d at, wish’d for, even by the Vain,
4
a woman's cap with long lappets worn in the 17th and 18th centuries.
air or bearing especially as expressive of attitude or personality.
6
From the word Seraphim: an order of angels.
5
12
To Conquests nobler than Fancy rise,
Attach the Heart; and the Vanquish’d wife.
Shun Verbal Science, and the husk of Sense,
And arm with Knowledge in your own Defence.
Shun learned Clacks, and Females talking Greek,
Nor join in Scandal, more than once a week.
Let not base Custom always be a Law,
Nor after Dinner from your Seat withdraw:
No sep’rate Clubbings with the Ladies chuse,
To talk of Silks and Petticoats and Shoes.
Still let the Sex in Gold and Laces shine,
Be you contented that your Thought refine.
In Company still hearken to the Men,
And leave the Ladies to admire your Fan.
Yet to the Sex demean yourself with Ease;
And whom you want to profit, learn to please.
With Care distinguish Knowledge from Pretence,
The fluent Coxcomb7 from the Man of Sense.
Explore your Sex, and try if you can find
A Woman Partner fitted to your Mind:
Then bind her to your Arms and Friendship fast,
‘Twill help your Judgment, and improve your Taste.
Artless your Diction, yet not wholly so
7
a conceited foolish person.
13
Still let your reas’nings with Correctness flow.
[p.700] When from the Mine the first rough Oar is brought,
‘Tis carried to the Workman to be wrought;
But little of its Use we understand,
Till form’d and finish’d by his artful Hand.
The first Essays of Thought like this how rude?
They may be Labour’d, but they can’t be good.
‘Till freed by Care, Experience and Art,
From ev’ry foreign and superfluous Part:
Brought to the Touchstone, Reason must destroy
The impure Mixture, and the base Alloy;
A Friend, sometimes perhaps a Foe, refine,
Before your Thoughts in clearest Lustre shine.
Thank Heav’n who gave you Ease, Content and Love,
An humble Mind desirous to improve.
But, as for Riches, threw them All away
On short-liv’d Nymphs, and Beauties of a Day,
Who pine amidst the glaring Pomp of State,
At home how wretched! and abroad, how great!
Clarinda8 never thought in all her Days
But how to get Admirers by her Face.
She’s wedded to a ‘Squire that’s rich and dull
Who sated with her Beauty, calls her Fool.
8
No information could be found for the source of this name. It could be a fictitious name, used to make an example.
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Her passing Hours, how wearily they creep?
The Night in Cards, and half the Day in Sleep.
Yawning and Patching to take up half the Rest,
And Tea and Scandal when my Lady’s drest.
Now various Passions discompose her Soul.
The same Pursuit contents but for a Day:
Now reads a Sermon. And now reads a Play.
Now to the Ball for some Relief she flies,
Now tir’d of that, she sets herself down and cries;
Condemn’d by thise who once admir’d her most,
And all her Comfort, once she was a Toast.
Turn from Clarinda to Coronia9 now;
Behold the gathering Wrinkles on her Brow:
Her Beauty perish’d, but her Wit still lives,
And all the Ruins of her face survives.
Fair without Beauty, without Learning wife,
She blunts the Darts of fair Almeria’s10 Eyes.
Such once was *C—c— O11 dear, distracting Name!
Of Fame regardless, yet pursu’d by fame;
Whose Wit was sprightly, and whose judgment clear,
9
No information could be found for the source of this name. It could be a fictitious name, used to make an example.
No information could be found for the source of this name. It could be a fictitious name, used to make an
example.
10
11
*
No information could be found for the source of this name.
Mrs. S— C— who dy’d August 1. 1743
15
Polite her Manners, and her Heart sincere:
So form’d for focial Sympathy and Love,
O may thy Soul like her’s aspire to God,
Led by his Arm, and brighten’d by his Rod.
[p.701] Adopt her focial Virtues for thy own,
And fill that Void where she unrival’d shone.
View all that brighten, or that soften Life,
And learn of those to be a happy Wife.
Let such Examples still thy Footsteps bend
To the best Ways to gain the noblest End.
Would thou be blest? —the Haughty shun, and Proud,
The Bold, the Rattling, Swagg’ring and the Loud.
Survey Orania12 now, her life forsake,
Woman in Shape, in all the Rest a Rake:
Who all Defects of Nature ridicules
To gain Applause of ready Wit, from Fools.
Scandal’s her Treat; she gives it to you free,
And if you like it, throws in her Bohea13.
The Rancour of her Soul no Mortal knows,
‘Tis but her Habit keeps her from dry Blows.
If ‘twice to visit you the Creature dares,
Pray bid your Servant show her down the Stairs.
12
No information could be found for the source of this name. It could be a fictitious name, used to make an
example.
13
a kind of black tea, or, in the 18th and early 19th centuries, tea generally.
16
To outward Forms of Decency submit,
Nor sacrifice your Cleanliness to Wit.
Before your Husband with Decorum walk;
And shun too frequent, and too loving Talk.
Associate only with the worthy Few,
And love not Fools, lest Fools should honour you.
For once let Modes submit, and Fashions bend
To make one well-bred Clergyman your Friend;
With Knowledge, Manners, and with Virtue blest,
His Learning mod’rate, but his Life the Best.
Let his Instructions each Defect supply,
And teach you how to live, and how to die.
His Life your Love to Piety increase,
Whose Ways are Pleasure, and whose End is Peace.
December 31. 1744.
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Works Cited
Arditi, Jorge. “The Feminization of Etiquette Literature: Foucault, Mechanisms of Social
Change, and the Paradoxes of Empowerment.” Sociological Perspectives. 39.3 (1996):
417-434.
Darby, Barbara. “The More Things Change…The Rules and Late Eighteenth Century Conduct
Books for Women.” Women’s Studies. 29.3 (2000): 333-356.
Haveman, Heather A., “Antebellum literary culture and the evolution of American magazines.”
Poetics. 32 (2004): 5-28.
Lantz, Herman R., Schmitt, Raymond L., and Herman, Richard. “The Preindustrial Family in
America: A Further Examination of Early Magazines.” The American Journal of
Sociology. 79.3 (1973): 566-588.
Leacock, Eleanor. “Interpreting the Origins of Gender Inequality.” Anthropological Theory: And
Introductory History. Ed. R. Jon McGee and Richard L. Warms. New York: McGrawHill, 2000. 485-500.
Merriam-Webster Online. 17 November 2006. www.m-w.com
McAlexander, Patricia Jewell. “The Creation of the American Eve: The Cultural Dialogue on the
Nature and Role of Women in Late Eighteenth Century America.” Early American
Literature. 9.3 (1975): 252-267.
Wikipedia. 17 November 2006. www.wikipedia.org