HOW TO RECOGNIZE AND HELP A FRIEND IN DISTRESS
People respond to and cope with stress in their own characteristic ways. Distress occurs
when life demands are excessive or a person’s usual ways of coping are not working
optimally. If distress escalates and becomes sufficiently intense or severe, a state of
emotional crisis may occur.
SIGNS OF DISTRESS
 Trouble sleeping
 Vague physical aches and pains and/or lack of energy
 Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed
 Ongoing depressed or lethargic mood
 Lack of motivation
 Excessive tension or worry
 Restlessness, hyperactivity, or rapid speech
 Excessive alcohol or drug use
 Decline in academic performance – decreased class attendance, poor grades
 Social withdrawal and isolation
 Changes in eating patterns or weight
 Self-injury (e.g., cutting, scratching, burning)
 Unusual or exaggerated response to events (e.g., being overly suspicious,
aggressive, agitated, or easily startled)
 Marked change in appearance or hygiene
HOW TO HELP
Take him/her aside and talk in private – Try to give the other person your undivided
attention. Just a few minutes of listening might enable him or her to make a decision
about what to do.
Listen carefully and with sensitivity – Listen with an open mind reserve judgment.
Be honest and direct, but not judgmental – Share what you have observed and why it
concerns you. For example, “I’ve noticed that you have been missing class a lot lately
and aren’t answering your phone and emails like you used to. I’m worried about you.”
Understand that distress often comes from conflicting feelings or demands – As
appropriate, recognize the issues with which your friend is struggling and reflect those
back to him or her. For example, “It sounds like on one hand you very much want to
please your family, but on the other hand you aren’t sure that what they want for you is
really what you want to do.”
Make a referral – Direct the person to someone who can help them with their concerns
including a community advisor, residence hall director, NIU Police, or Counseling &
Consultation Services.
Responding in a caring way to a friend in distress can help prevent the situation from
escalating to a crisis.
A crisis is a situation in which a person’s ways of coping are no longer working
effectively. The nature of a crisis can be highly subjective and personal, and its severity
can range from mild to life-threatening. A crisis should always be taken seriously and
responded to as swiftly as possible.
SIGNS OF CRISIS
 Extreme agitation or panic
 References to threats of suicide or other types of self-harm
 Threats of assault, both verbal and physical
 Highly disruptive behavior – physical or verbal hostility, violence, destruction of
property
 Inability to communicate – slurred or garbled speech, disjointed thoughts
 Disorientation, extreme confusion, or loss of contact with reality
WHAT TO YOU SHOULD DO
If you are on campus and observe a person exhibiting some of the above behaviors –
particularly if you believe there exists imminent danger that the person might harm either
themselves or someone else – you should immediately seek help by calling the NIU
Police (753-1212 or 9-1-1). You should not take it upon yourself to approach a person
who is highly agitated or violent nor decide by yourself what is in the person’s best
interests. For your safety – as well as that of others and the person in crisis – those
decisions should be handled by trained professionals.
Protect Your Own Safety and Wellbeing - Recognize Your Limits
In dealing with a distressed person, your own safety and wellbeing are just as important
as that of the person in distress. Crucial to this is recognizing the limits of what you can
and cannot do to help someone.
What you can do:
 Be genuinely concerned and supportive
 Be honest with yourself about how much time and effort you can afford to spend
helping
 Be aware of your own needs and seek support for yourself
 Maintain and respect healthy boundaries
What you cannot do:
 Control how another person will respond to you
 Decide for another person whether or not they want help or want to change
When responding to a person in need, remember that you do not have to do it alone!
When in doubt about how to handle a situation, you can enlist the help of the Counseling
and Consulting Services (Ph. 753-1206). You can walk-in and talk to a counselor
between 10am and 4pm on weekdays or request an on-call counselor after hours or on
weekends by phone (Ph. 753-1212).