Chapter 4 Preparing Spoken and Written
Messages
Learning Objectives
1. Apply techniques for developing effective sentences and unified and coherent paragraphs.
2. Identify factors affecting readability and revise messages to improve readability.
3. Prepare visually appealing documents that grab the receiver’s attention and increase
comprehension.
4. Revise and proofread a message for content, organization, and style; mechanics; and format and
layout.
Chapter Overview
While Chapter 3 focused on the importance of using a systematic process to develop business messages,
Chapter 4 focuses on preparing a first draft and on revising and proofreading for accuracy and desired
impact. Such communication is carefully drafted and proofread for correct sentence structure, emphasis
on important ideas, coherent paragraphs, and easy readability. After a review of the writing process in
Chapters 3 and 4 and the Appendix, students will prepare letters, memos, and a variety of electronic
messages (email, instant, and text messages, blogs, and other web communications) and reports and
business presentations. The general teaching suggestions for Chapter 3 apply to Chapter 4.
Chapter Outline
PREPARE THE FIRST DRAFT 56
Craft Powerful Sentences 58
Develop Coherent Paragraphs 60
REVISE AND PROOFREAD 62
Improve Readability 62
Apply Visual Enhancements to Improve
Readability 63
Use Systematic Procedures for Revising and
Proofreading 66
Cultivate a Frame of Mind for Effective
Revising and Proofreading 68
Key Terms
Active voice 58
Coherence 60
Deductive paragraph 60
Inductive paragraph 60
Passive voice 58
Topic sentence 60
PowerPoint Slides
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
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Resource Slides — Students can review key chapter concepts on the Resource Slides (found on
the companion website (Student’s Resources)). Slides can be downloaded for convenient
printing of handouts for taking class notes.
Slide Number and Title
1. Chapter 4 Preparing Spoken and Written Messages
2. Learning Objectives
3. Process for Planning and Preparing Spoken and Written Messages
4. Step 5: Prepare the First Draft
5. Step 6: Revise and Proofread
6. Factors Affecting Readability
7. Visual Enhancements Improve Readability
8. Proofreading Procedures
9. Cultivate a Mindset for Effective Revising and Proofreading
E-lectures — Slides with engaging narration of key concepts—useful as reinforcement of
lectures and exam reviews—are available through the CourseMate site for BCOM3.
Resource Slides — A larger deck of slides for instructors for displaying in the classroom; these
slides for class enrichment and solutions to activities and applications are also available at the
companion website (Instructor’s Resources) and on the Instructor’s CD.
Slide Number and Title
1. Chapter 4 Preparing Spoken and Written Messages
2. Learning Objectives
3. Learning Objective 1 Apply techniques for developing effective sentences and unified
and coherent paragraphs.
4. Process for Planning and Preparing Spoken and Written Messages
5. Step 5: Prepare the First Draft
6. Step 6: Revise and Proofread
7. Avoid Writing Errors: Don’t Do This!!
8. Punctuating Compound Sentences
9. Learning Objective 2 Identify factors affecting readability and revise messages to
improve readability.
10. Factors Affecting Readability
11. Calculating Readability
12. Calculating Readability (cont.)
13. Learning Objective 3 Prepare visually appealing documents that grab the reader’s
attention and increase comprehension.
14. Visual Enhancements Improve Readability
15. Using Bulky vs. Broken Text
16. Before and After Examples
17. Learning Objective 4 Revise and proofread a message for content, organization, and
style; mechanics; and format and layout.
18. Proofreading Procedures
19. Cultivate a Mindset for Effective Revising and Proofreading
Teaching Suggestions
Learning Objective 1
Apply techniques for developing effective sentences and unified and coherent paragraphs.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
PREPARE THE FIRST DRAFT
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Refer students to the photo essay on page 69 as you discuss the need for using the first-draft
approach to writing. Ask students to think about how many times Michael Phelps and his staff
revised and re-worked his apology versus how many times Alex Rodriguez did. Find excerpts from
the apologies in the articles shown below:
Crouse, K. (2009, February 1). Phelps apologizes for marijuana pipe photo, The New York
Times. Retrieved from
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/sports/othersports/02phelps.html
Gammons, P. (2009, February 9). Rodriguez: ‘Sorry and deeply regretful.’ Bristol, CT:
ESPN.com. Retrieved from http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3895281.
Place students in small groups or pairs and have them review both apologies. Ask students to write a
defense of one apology versus the other, based on the use of strong language, visuals, and
appropriate sentence structure.
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For another in class activity, have students watch a clip from The West Wing, a TV show that ran on
NBC from 1999-2006 providing a behind-the-scenes look at the White House and the President’s
staff. Any episode could work, but a particularly good clip from Season 3, 100,000 Airplanes (“The
West Wing – Cure Cancer”) is available at http://www.youtube.com. In this clip, White House
Deputy Communications Director Sam Seaborn is talking about a portion of the State of the Union
that was left out. Have your students analyze the portion of the clip about curing cancer that was
removed from the State of the Union. Ask them to look for tone, strong visuals, and sentence
structure.
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Show the visual and discuss with students how these errors might affect a reader’s attention to a
message. Ask “What do you think when a message you receive is full of errors or unclear
information?”
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Resource slide 7: Avoid Writing Errors: Don’t Do This
Set the stage for the chapter by showing the visual and discussing the importance of PLANNING
messages, not only preparing them. Lecture topics should emphasize the importance of revising and
proofreading to create excellent documents.
Resource slide 4: Process for Planning and Preparing Spoken and Written Messages
Resource slide 5: Step 5 – Prepare the First Draft
Resource slide 6: Step 6 – Revise and Proofread
Administer a diagnostic language test if you have not done so already. Use your favorite language
test or a test posted at the companion website. Emphasize to students the value of becoming so
familiar with the rules and principles shown in the self-check that correct usage becomes automatic.
Craft Powerful Sentences
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Well-crafted sentences help the receiver understand the message and add impact to it. Remind
students that placement of ideas in a sentence, whether in an independent or dependent clause, for
example, can determine how the receiver perceives the idea.
Ask students to research President Barak Obama’s speaking style. He is known for his emphasis on
language and his speaking style is very different from what the country had become accustomed to
with former President George W. Bush. Two articles, outlining his oratory style include:
Coyne, A. (2008). A hunger for the real, and Obama’s feeding it. Maclean’s, 121(2), 10.
Sandbrook, D. (2008). The man of words. New Statesman, 137(4926), 16.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
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Contrast his speaking style with that of Bush, showing clips from speeches from both officials and
ask students to compare and contrast their word choices and their speaking styles. “President
Barack Obama 2009 Inauguration and Address” is available at http://www.youtube.com. “President
George W. Bush 2001 Inaugural Address” is available at http://www.youtube.com.
Project the visual and (a) review the examples of correct sentence structure and (b) recasting
sentences from passive to active voice.
Resource slide 8: Punctuating Compound Sentences
Develop Coherent Paragraphs
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Discuss guidelines for developing coherent paragraphs.
Assign Activity 4 to improve coherence techniques. Review the answers provided on the Resource
slide.
Case Assignment 1: Analysis
Assign the case at the end of this guide. Follow up with a class discussion on the Plain English Campaign,
the value of an endorsement by the Plain English Campaign and the misconceptions of plain English
writing.
Learning Objective 2
Identify factors affecting readability and revise messages to improve readability.
REVISE AND PROOFREAD
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Remind students that revising and proofreading are part of the writing process and that they will
shortchange themselves and their readers if they skip this process. Sloppy messages contain
misspellings, grammatical errors, unappealing and incorrect formats, and confusing content.
Discuss the use of word processing spelling and grammar checking features and how these features
do not detect every possible mistake. Ask students which errors spelling and grammar tools would
catch: Miskeyed words; Everything; Misused homonyms (their, there); Words left out?
Improve Readability
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Project the visual that presents the factors affecting readability. Explain the readability index
computation that is presented in the web enrichment content, Understand Readability Measures.
Resource slide 10: Factors Affecting Readability
Resource slides 11–12: Calculating Readability
Assign Activity 5 that requires students to improve the readability of several paragraphs; review the
answers in class.
Ask students to find a piece of writing that they think is extremely difficult to read. Send them to
http://fightthebull.com/putintherind.asp and have them key the writing into the box on the left.
They can send an email to you or to themselves, showing the rating for the number of “jargon”
terms and information on the Flesch Reading Ease.
Using Grammar Checkers to Improve Readability
Emphasize that like electronic spell checkers, grammar checkers are helpful in locating spelling and
structural mistakes; however, writers are responsible for the accuracy of the document. Lead a class
discussion about the advantages and limitations of grammar checkers. Point out the example in Figure
4-3 that illustrates when the writer’s judgment should override suggestions provided by the grammar
checker.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Learning Objective 3
Prepare visually appealing documents that grab the reader’s attention and increase comprehension.
Apply Visual Enhancements to Improve Readability
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Project the visual and emphasize the challenge of creating visually appealing documents. Show
examples of documents that have been enhanced through the use of enumerations, enumerated or
bulleted lists, headings, tables and graphs, lines and borders, and drawing tools, and clipart.
Show the visuals to emphasize how graphic highlighting can make a message easier to understand.
Refer students to Figure 4-2 in the textbook. Remind them that large blocks of unbroken text are
very difficult to read and understand. Also remind them that a paragraph can be only one sentence
long.
Resource slide 14: Visual Enhancements Improve Readability
Resource slide 15: Using Bulky vs. Broken Text
Resource slide 16: Before and After Examples
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Assign Application 4 that requires students to evaluate a document that you provide or one of their
own and to generate suggestions for visual enhancements. Select several students to project their
documents and explain their recommendations to the class. For greater impact, incorporate the
revisions and project the before and after versions of each document; show several approaches and
evaluate the impact of each.
Learning Objective 4
Revise and proofread a message for content, organization, and style; mechanics; and format and layout.
Using Systematic Procedures for Revising and Proofreading
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Stress the importance of revising and proofreading:
_ Discuss real-world examples of proofreading errors (a) celebrity names that are misspelled
frequently, such as Rachael Ray, (b), The University of California at San Diego inadvertently
sending an acceptance email message to all 28,000 students it had rejected, and (c) the AT&T
error that sent consumers to erotic phone entertainment number rather to the company.
_ Provide other examples of your own. Current examples can be found by keying “costly errors” in
an Internet search. A case occurred in Louisiana a few years ago in which a borrower signed a
note to the bank, supposedly pledging a boat as collateral. The description of collateral was
incorrectly keyed as a “boot.” The bank was not pleased with their repossession when the
borrower defaulted on the loan.
─ An article in The Scotsman from December 2009 outlines examples of Scottish city councils
spending thousands of pounds to correct street signs because of employee spelling errors.
Article available at http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/scotland/Signs-point-to-costlyspelling.5933481.jp
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Continue the discussion of the importance of revising and proofreading by having students discuss
their reactions to each the following questions:
─ As an employer, you discover spelling and grammatical errors in an application letter. What
conclusions might you draw about the applicant? Would such errors reduce the applicant’s
chances of being invited to an interview? As one of a bank’s depositors, you note grammatical
and keying errors in the bank’s correspondence. Would such errors reduce confidence that the
bank processes its numbers correctly?
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─
As an administrative assistant, you discover that your supervisor’s knowledge of grammar,
spelling, and punctuation is very weak. Would that weakness have any influence on your
evaluation of the supervisor’s effectiveness?
─ As an executive, you recognize your limitations in grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Would
you be apprehensive about keying your written messages on your computer?
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Project the visual showing the procedures for proofreading a document.
Resource slide 18: Proofreading Procedures
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Have students find and read the poem “Candidate for a Pullet Surprise,” by Mark Eckman and
Jerrold H. Zar (http://grammar.about.com/od/spelling/a/spellcheck.htm). The spell checker in
Microsoft Word finds no mistakes but reading the poem, students will see that the text contains
many errors. Discuss the pros and cons of “smart” software and remind students that software
cannot substitute for human proofreading.
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Discuss the improvements made in the effectiveness of the message in Figure 4-4 as a result of the
revisions made. Point out that careful proofreading resulted in changes in (a) organization, content,
and style; (b) mechanics; and (c) format and layout. Note the errors that would have been
undetected by a spell check.
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Encourage students to learn the standard proofreaders’ marks and use them as they revise
documents in the course.
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Have students complete Activity 6. Provide the solution and discuss the corrections in class.
Cultivate a Frame of Mind for Effective Revising and Proofreading
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Encourage students to set high standards for writing by reviewing the suggestions provided in this
section.
Project the visual and emphasize that the writer is ultimately responsible for revising and
proofreading.
Resource slide 19: Cultivate a Mindset for Effective Revising and Proofreading
Summary
 Ask students to review the “Check Your Communication” checklist in their Chapter 4 Review card to
summarize the material covered.
 Ask students to complete selected activities at the end of the chapter.
Chapter Review
1 Is writing rapidly with intent to revise or writing slowly and deliberately more effective? Explain.
(Obj. 1)
Normally, writing rapidly, with intent to rewrite certain portions if necessary, is better than slow,
deliberate writing, with the intent to avoid any need for rewriting portions. The latter can be time
consuming and frustrating.
2 How has automated speech recognition software affected the preparation of business messages?
What changes are predicted in the near future? (Obj. 1)
Even with two decades of use, automated speech recognition software is still difficult to use because the
software often garbles words and because it does not provide end punctuation, requiring in-depth
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
editing and proofreading. However, emerging technologies using hands-free devices and PDAs to record
and hear email messages, schedule and hear appointments, and access other types of information are
showing that speech recognition may become more prominent.
3 When is active voice preferred? When is passive voice preferred? (Obj. 1)
Active voice is best for conveying pleasant ideas because the subject of the sentence is the doer, which
makes the sentence more emphatic. Passive voice is preferred for conveying negative ideas.
4 Discuss several strategies that will enhance the quality and efficiency of writing with a computer.
(Obj. 1)
Strategies will include learning which word processing features students need more experience with,
specifically using screen-readable fonts, shortcut keyboard features, bullets/numbering, and style
sheets. Students must learn that THEY must be smarter than the software, even with spell check and
grammar check.
5 Explain the benefits collaborative technology provides to work teams. Include several examples of
the capability this technology provides. (Obj. 1)
Collaborative technology benefits work teams by providing (a) a shared work area for teams to keep
track of projects; (b) bulletin boards for discussing ideas, sharing and editing documents, and obtaining
member approval; (c) advance real-time communication; (d) group calendar and scheduling; and (e) a
tool for monitoring the flow of the team’s work. Software can keep up with who has a document and
who gets it next and who is behind schedule to facilitate the flow of information. Software can also
provides messaging and bulletin boards so workers in different geographic areas can discuss issues in
real time, with multiple people. The group calendar function can schedule meetings based on entries
showing when workers are available.
6 What value does knowing the readability level of a document serve? What two factors should be
evaluated for possible revision in an effort to reduce the readability index of a report?
(Obj. 2)
Knowing the readability level of a document gives the writer feedback about the readability of his/her
writing (specifically, the length of sentences and difficulty of words). Because of the complexity of the
communication process, writing at the exact grade level of the reader does not guarantee that the
reader will understand the message.
7 What are the benefits and limitations of electronic spell-check and writing-analysis software?
(Objs. 3, 4)
Spell checks are helpful in locating spelling and keyboarding errors; however, they cannot be relied on to
detect all errors. Errors undetectable by spell check include misused words, numbers that should be
spelled out or vice versa, misspelling of proper nouns, incorrect amounts or addresses, and so on. The
advice pro-vided by grammar checkers can improve the accuracy and readability of a message, but
writers must apply their knowledge of effective writing principles to accept or overrule advice based on
the specific writing situation and audience.
8 Explain the importance of creating a visually appealing document and provide four guidelines for
accomplishing this objective. (Obj. 3)
Writing visually appealing documents entices a reader to read rather than discard your message and
maximizes the effectiveness of a document. Techniques for writing visually appealing documents include
(a) highlighting important information using enumerations or enumerated/bulleted lists; (b)
transitioning the reader through the document with headings, lines, and borders; (c) simplifying and
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
clarifying information with the use of tables and graphs; and (d) adding interest and reinforcing
important ideas with relevant images.
9 How has instantaneous communication made possible by technology affected the proofreading
stage of the writing process? (Obj. 4)
The speed and convenience of today’s electronic communication have caused many writers to confuse
informality with sloppiness. Correctness is still important today; sloppy documents with grammatical
errors create negative impression of the writer and the company.
10 What are the seven steps for proofreading a document systematically to locate all errors? (Obj. 4)
Proofread several times, each time for a specific purpose, such as locating errors in (a) content,
organization, and style; (b) mechanics; and (c) format and layout. If using word processing software, run
the electronic spell check and proofread at least once from a printed copy, as errors on the screen are
often difficult to locate.
Activities
Teaching Suggestions and Possible Solutions
1. Active and Passive Voice (Obj. 1) Project the Solution slide and discuss the answers in class, or assign
the Student Handout (at the end of this guide and online) as homework.
2. Emphasis Techniques (Obj. 1) Project the Solution slide and discuss the answers in class, or assign the
Student Handout (at the end of this guide and online) as homework.
3. Emphasis and Ordering Techniques (Obj. 1–3) Project the Solution slide and discuss the answers in
class, or assign the Student Handout (at the end of this guide and online) as homework.
4. Coherence Techniques (Obj. 1) Project the Solution slide and discuss the answers in class, or assign
the Student Handout (at the end of this guide and online) as homework.
5. Improving Readability (Obj. 2) Project the Solution slide and discuss the answers in class, or assign
the Student Handout (at the end of this guide and online) as homework.
6. Proofreading Application (Obj. 4) Project the Solution slide and discuss the answers in class, or assign
the Student Handout (at the end of this guide and online) as homework.
Summary of Errors
Par. 1
Use “to” rather than “too.”
Spell out the number “nine.”
Insert hyphen in “two-day seminar.”
Refer to six guidelines rather than five.
Use “your” rather than “you.”
Hyphenate “two-week” orientation trip.
Correct dates for a two-week time period.
Spell “February” correctly.
Par. 2 [numbered list]
Make “Department’s” possessive in Item 2.
Use “affect” instead of “effect” in Item 2.
Add quotation marks after “International Management Exchange Program” in Item 3.
Insert semicolon to separate the items in a series that include commas (after “customs,” “city,”
“attractions,” and “tips” in Item 3).
Use “your” instead of “you” in Item 4.
Renumber second instance of “4” (it should be Item 5).
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Substitute “London” for “Paris” in [renumbered] Item 5.
Renumbered list results in the final entry being Item 6.
Par. 3
Use “you’re” instead of “you.”
Insert comma after introductory dependent clause in Sentence 2.
Spell “Berch” and “Bon Voyage” correctly.
Applications
Teaching Suggestions and Possible Solutions
READ
1. Have students locate the following article that offers tips on writing powerful business messages:
Jolley, D. A. (2009). Clear and compelling messages: The foundation for effective communication.
Public Relations Tactics. Available from Business Source Complete database.
After they’ve read the article, ask students to respond to the following questions:
a. What are the “Master P’s”?
b. Explain what the writer means by a “memorable quote.” Could you foresee exceptions to the
use of this approach for all business messages? Provide examples.
c. What is the role of rehearsing in assuring clear and compelling messages? (Obj. 1–4)
a. The Master “P’s” are Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance.
b. According to the Bliss article, a memorable quote includes a main point with supporting examples.
That quote should also use action words, analogies and comparisons, examples and experiences.
c. The role of rehearsal is to make the communicator more comfortable before a presentation. A more
comfortable presenter will communicate a clearer and more compelling message.
WRITE
2. Have students conduct an online search related to recent developments in speech (voicerecognition) technology. Students should prepare a brief written report providing information such as
(a) current status of speech technology as a viable business application, including challenges that have
hampered past developments; (b) examples of leading speech technology applications with related
results; and (c) projections for future development of this technology. (Obj. 1)
Responses will vary. Students should focus on the shortcomings of the software and steps the industry
has taken to overcome those shortcomings; they should list software currently available, including
Speechify, Speech Server, and VoiceXML. Articles available from Business & Company Resource Center
include:
Speech industry making minor, steady gains. (2003, September 30). eWeek.
Costanzo, C. (2003). Consumers still wary of voice recognition. American Banker, 168(175), 10.
THINK
3. Ask students to complete the business usage quiz at
http://businesswriting.com/tests/commonusage.html. Then have students assess their understanding
of 26 common business writing problems. Once they have reviewed the feedback provided for each
question, students should compile a list of areas in which they need improvement. Have students
email their score to you, along with their plan for improvement. (Obj. 1–4)
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Student responses will vary but their assessments should focus on punctuation, pronouns, subject/verb
agreement, word usage, and sentence structure. The test explains each of the incorrect answers
specifically and the test can help students understand their errors.
4. Have students access the Plain Language website at www.plainlanguage.gov/examples/index.cfm,
view a variety of documents revised for easy reading following Plain English principles, and then select
the “Before and After Comparisons” link. Once students have reviewed the examples posted under the
“Using Visual Explanations to Convey Information More Clearly” section, they should complete the
following activities:
a. Have students prepare a brief paper explaining how applying plain English principles improved the
readability of these documents. Ask them to suggest revisions to further improve the documents.
b. Have students develop a new example (from a document they received in the past or one provided
by you) that could be added to this site as a “before and after comparison.” Ask them to place their
two documents on a slide and be prepared to summarize their changes and explain how they
improved the impact of the document. (Obj. 3)
Responses will vary. In evaluating the document, students should focus on using (a) bullets or numbers
to break information into easy-to-understand pieces; (b) headings to direct the reader to sections of a
document; (c) tables and graphs to simplify and clarify information; (d) lines and borders to draw
attention to specific information; and (e) shapes and lines to highlight information.
SPEAK
5. Jon Warshawsky, coauthor of Why Business People Speak Like Idiots, was interviewed by Martha
Barnette, who is host of A Way with Words, a program that airs on National Public Radio. Ask
students to listen to the interview at www.fightthebull.com/ jwarshawskyinterview1.asp.
In the interview, Jon says that many executives might feel “it’s dangerous to have an original
thought,” which often leads to the use of a series of words they think they have to use to be seen as
smart. Martha refers to this tendency as corporate speak. Assign the following activities:
a. Ask students to conduct an interview in person, by phone, or online with an executive in the
student’s chosen career field. Students should ask the executive whether corporate speak is a
noticeable problem in the work environment, to identify common examples of corporate speak,
and for advice related to communicating effectively in their career field.
b. Ask students to make a short presentation to the class about how to avoid corporate speak and
communicate effectively in their chosen career field. Alternately, students could make a video
presentation and post it electronically for class access. (Obj. 1–2, & 4)
Responses will vary. Students should pick someone to interview that is an executive in a local firm and
ask him or her about corporate speak. Presentations should focus on using the best word for meaning,
not impression; on speaking clearly and concisely; and on improving audience understanding.
Digging Deeper
1. What habits hinder your success or enjoyment of writing? Identify ways to overcome them.
Answers will vary. Students should identify writing strategies from Chapters 3 and 4 to help them
overcome difficulties, such as identifying the audience, writing a first draft, and editing and proofreading
carefully.
2. How does online writing challenge a writer’s effort to develop a seamless, coherent document?
Because online writing often involves a menu-driven interface, paragraphs or sections of a document
must relate to each other but also be able to stand alone. Online readers won’t always read all parts of a
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
menu-driven document when sections can be linked to separately. Writers must know how the specific
online document will be set up and design transitions to make a seamless document.
3. Why do some writers rush through the proofreading phrase of message development?
Writers tend to rush through the proofreading phase because they don’t think about proofreading as a
phase but as something that can be omitted from the process. With the speed of business today, writers
often are more concerned with getting the message out rather than with the exactness of the message.
Cases
Teaching Suggestions and Possible Solutions
CASE ASSIGNMENT 1: Understanding the Plain English Campaign
The case addresses need for effective communication in business and how governments in the United
State and Great Britain are addressing it through a Plain English movement. The U.S. version of the
movement offers a Crystal Mark for documents with extreme clarity and organizations that strive to
meet Plain English standards, including presenting complex information in a way that the audience can
understand.
Effective communication is a major part of a manager’s job. Yet many managers continue to bury
what they want to say in pompous jargon or polysyllabic babble. Such communication fails miserably
because the people to whom it is aimed either do not understand it or regard it as garbage and ignore it.
A Plain English movement is gaining momentum in Great Britain and the United States. The Plain English
Campaign, founded in 1979, is an independent U.K.-based organization that fights to stamp out all forms
of gobbledygook, a term that includes legalese, small print, and bureaucratic language. The organization
is funded by its professional services, which include editing, writing, design, and training in Plain English
for a variety of companies as well as government and local authorities. The Plain English Campaign-USA,
a subsidiary of the England-based campaign, is based in Miami, Florida.
Documents that achieve a good standard of clarity may qualify for endorsement with the
Campaign’s Crystal Mark, a widely recognized and respected symbol of clarity. The Crystal Mark can be
found on over 7,000 documents around the world, and more than 1,000 organizations worldwide have
received the Crystal Mark for at least one document. It is a powerful marketing tool because customers
can see the Crystal Mark on documents and know they can be confident that the information is clear.
The Plain English Campaign also recognizes outstanding offenders of Plain English with its Golden Bull
awards; criteria for selection include worst examples of gobbledygook and the negative impact of the
documents on the lives of ordinary people.
Misconceptions exist concerning Plain English writing. Writing in Plain English does not mean
deleting complex information to make the document easier to understand. Using Plain English assures
the orderly and clear presentation of complex information so that the audience has the best possible
chance of understanding; it presents information to meet its audience’s needs. A Plain English document
uses words economically and at a level the audience can understand. Its sentence structure is tight. Its
tone is approachable and direct, and its design is visually appealing. A Plain English document is easy to
read and looks as if it is meant to be read.
Source: Plain English Campaign. (2003). Retrieved from http://www.plainenglish.co.uk
1. Compile a chart that lists companies, agencies, and other organizations that have benefited from
Plain English assistance and the stated results that have been realized. Arrange a telephone
interview with a person representing one of the organizations to obtain first-hand information
about the impact of Plain English in that organization.
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Chart components will vary. You may require students to submit a written summary of their
interview or provide the results in a short presentation.
2. Using links provided in the web sources for this case, familiarize yourself with a recent news story
that points out the need for Plain English. Summarize the reported incident in a one-page abstract
that includes the following parts: (1) bibliographic citation, (2) brief overview of the article, (3)
discussion of the major points covered in the article, and (4) application section that tells who
might benefit from reading the article and why.
Evaluate student abstracts for completeness, grammatical correctness, and appropriateness of
conclusions drawn in the application section.
3. Select an organization of your choice that could benefit from Plain English assistance; you may
consult the “List of Shame” organizations or identify one on your own. Recommend a plan for
implementing Plain English that includes the following: (1) reasons for implementing Plain English,
(2) training courses that are available, (3) other services that can be accessed through the Plain
English Campaign, and (4) the advantages of corporate membership in the Plain English Campaign.
Students may consult the website in preparation for writing this application. Refer students to the
reporting writing strategies and principles in Part 4 of the text if the assignment is submitted as a
written report.
CASE ASSIGNMENT 2: Securities and Exchange Commission Promotes Reader-Friendly Disclosure
This case encourages students to learn more about Plain English requirements in health-related
organizations and apply that information in a practical application.
When deciding how to invest one’s money, being able to accurately interpret information in a
company’s financial prospectus is critical. This task has not always been easy, since the concepts
discussed can be complex and the language complicated. In 1998, the Securities and Exchange
Commission (SEC) took a giant step toward assuring readability of the all-important financial prospectus.
The SEC requirements specify the use of reader-friendly plain English, also known as plain language,
in companies’ investment prospectuses. An issuing company is directed to write with the uninformed
shareholder in mind. Guidelines include the use of shorter sentences and paragraphs; concrete,
everyday language; active voice with strong verbs; and tabular presentation of complicated information
whenever possible. Bullet lists are recommended when information is embedded in paragraphs, and
concise summaries with explanatory sentences are encouraged. The guidelines also specify the
avoidance of obscure business jargon and multiple negatives. Risk factors must be presented concretely
and concisely and provide enough information to allow an investor to assess the degree of risk. Wider
margins are specified to aid in visual appeal.
Mastering the simplification of technical documents can present a significant learning curve. A Plain
English Handbook published by the SEC was written to aid writers of SEC disclosure documents. In a
quote from the preface, writers are encouraged to “Write with a specific person in mind.” Picturing a
sibling or parent who, though highly intelligent, is not an expert in accounting or finance will make the
task of explanation much easier. While the SEC’s plain language requirements initially caused delays for
some companies, subsequent filings have typically gone more smoothly. The general consumer response
has been favorable.
Prudential Insurance Company of America distinguished itself as one of the first companies to
comply with the SEC requirements for plain English. In addition to simplifying its prospectuses,
Prudential makes liberal use of graphics, colors, summaries, large type, an index, and captions.
Metropolitan Life Insurance Company’s overhauled report features characters from the “Peanuts” comic
strip to illustrate key points. Boldface type, charts, and sidebars help make the prospectus more
interesting and easier for customers to understand.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
A spokesperson for the SEC emphasized that writing in plain English doesn’t mean writing with less
substance. The Commission’s intent is not for issuers to “dumb down” their prospectuses. “The overall
idea behind requiring plain language is to try to make prospectuses less intimidating for the average
reader, with the hope that individuals making investments will be more likely to read and study shorter,
more readable documents.”
Plain English Requirements for Patient Privacy Disclosures
Health care providers are required by law to provide privacy notices that inform patients about how
their personal information is used and how they can control their medical records. The problem,
however, has been how to convey this information without using confusing legal and medical jargon.
Providers are required to provide the privacy notice in plain English to patients on their first doctor
visit or when signing up for health insurance. Many health care professionals worked cooperatively to
develop a simplified, yet informative document. Following the lead of food labels, the idea was to design
the document so patients can easily spot the topics of interest to them.
Sources: Securities and Exchange Commission. (1998, August). A plain English handbook: How to create clear SEC disclosure documents.
Retrieved from www.sec.gov/pdf/handbook.pdf; Prudential, MetLife are first to speak clients’ language (1999, July). Best’s Review, 100(3), 93;
Stucker, H. (1999). Annuity issuers hustling to speak ‘plain English.’ National Underwriter, 103(14), 7, 22; Weintraub, A. (2002, December 23).
Privacy rights—In plain English. BusinessWeek, 10.
Activities
1. Visit the HIPA Advisory website at to read about how to effectively use plain language in the
privacy notice.
From the website, students will learn more specific ways to make a HIPA Privacy notice more useful
to a patient. The site stresses using a conversational style, using shorter sentences, avoiding
hyphens and compound words, giving examples, using sentence case, and assessing readability.
2. Compare the plain language issues faced by health care providers in writing privacy disclosures
with those faced by the SEC in promoting clear financial disclosures. Prepare a short report about
the challenges involved in developing clear disclosures, whether a health care professional or a
company.
Students’ reports might refer to difficulties discussed at the HIPA Advisory site, including making
patients or clients aware of privacy issues and why they matter; making information sharing policies
clear to patients or clients; and having patients or clients sign a document outlining the policies.
3. Read the script of testimony given by Mary Schapiro to the U.S. Senate Committee on Banking that
addresses the need for clear disclosure in financial statements:
Exclusive: SEC Chairman Mary Schapiro’s testimony. (2009. March 25). Fox Business. Available at
www.foxbusiness.com/story/markets/industries/government/exclusive-sec-chairman-maryschapiros-testimony
According to Schapiro, what part does clear communication play in restoring consumer confidence
in the financial markets?
In her address before this Senate Committee, Schapairo emphasizes the SEC’s focus on requiring records
of market activities and prompt communication of pricing information. She also says the markets work
best when investors are fully informed, including getting information from investment firms and being
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
able to understand that information. The SEC’s emphasis on these areas will be critical in helping restore
consumer confidence in the market.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Student Handout, Chapter 4
Activity 1: Active and Passive Voice
Revise the following sentences using active and passive voice appropriately. Justify your decisions.
a. The funding for the European expansion was generated from the IPO.
b. The recommendation to implement a fraud management program came from J. D. Reese.
c. Elizabeth polled only the clients in the Southeast, thereby producing an inaccurate marketing report.
d. Adoption of a few financial strategies will increase the likelihood that financial goals will be
achieved.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Student Handout, Chapter 4
Activity 2: Emphasis Techniques
Choose the preferred sentence from each pair and justify your choice.
a. (1) Lindsay’s request to telecommute was denied, but she will begin a flextime schedule.
(2) Although her request to telecommute was denied, Lindsay will begin a flextime schedule.
b. (1) A microblogging site on Twitter will go online next week, thanks to Genni’s efforts.
(2) Genni deserves the credit for designing the microblogging site on Twitter that will go online next
week.
c. (1) Thank you for donating time to work with the United Way campaign this year.
(2) Congratulations on your outstanding work as the campaign coordinator for the 2007 United
Way campaign. Our city’s goal was easily exceeded thanks to your exceptional leadership
abilities.
d. (1) We appreciate your sharing your concerns.
(2) We appreciate your letting us know about the long wait time, irritating music, and language
differences that prevented you from understanding the instructions provided by our call center
representatives.
e. (1) Your warranty does not cover these repair charges.
(2) Had you completed all scheduled maintenance, your warranty would have covered these repair
charges.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Student Handout, Chapter 4
Activity 3: Emphasis and Ordering Techniques
Revise the following sentences, adding emphasis to the lists.
a. Employees should follow these basic tips for a more healthful lifestyle. Adding physical activity to
your day will help you manage your weight and make you feel like you have more energy. Try 5-10
minutes a day spread throughout the day. Adequate water is needed to quench your thirst and
hydrate your body. Your diet should include less fat and more nutritious fruits and vegetables.
Having healthy choices cut up and ready to eat will entice you to choose them rather than
something else. Also, it’s important that you start your day with breakfast as eating breakfast fuels
your body to start the day and makes you less likely to overeat later. Reducing stress is easier said
than done, but is important to a healthy lifestyle. Recommended techniques are keeping a positive
outlook on life, spending 30 minutes a day doing something you enjoy, and counting to ten to avoid
losing your temper, etc. Making sure you get enough sleep each night will recharge and refresh your
body.
b. Employees should be allowed a choice between overtime pay or compensatory time off. Many of
our employees are parents and would appreciate having more time to spend with their children.
Others are more interested in earning extra money. Therefore, offering a choice would improve
morale and reduce employee absenteeism, leading to a more efficient, committed workforce.
continued
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c. The company should modify its management incentive plan. Congress is expected to pass legislation
that will increase the tax rate on year-end bonuses. As a result of the current economic
environment, the investing public perceives incentive bonuses to be exorbitant and unjustified. The
company risks having significant institutional investors exert influence by placing a representative on
the board of directors. In short, the company’s ability to continue providing incentive-based
compensation to managers will be in danger if changes are not made.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Student Handout, Chapter 4
Activity 4: Coherence Techniques
Link each sentence to the preceding sentence to improve coherence (avoid abrupt changes in thought).
a. The marketing department reviews television ratings every month. They use these ratings to adjust
the advertising spent with the various networks. These changes ensure that our advertising reaches
our target demographics. It also allows us to maximize the return on our advertising expenditures.
b. Customers have not been swayed by the new buyer incentives. They don’t trust that the company
will be able to meet the expanded warranty. Traditional incentive plans, such as zero percent
financing, continue to be more effective.
c. Diversity awareness training seems important to some employees. It is very effective in improving
communication and understanding. Employees should participate in this training.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
d. Our company has initiated a new work scheduling plan. Employees can choose between flexible
scheduling or four 10-hour days. This could improve morale and productivity.
e. New computer software is being loaded onto our local area network (LAN). Personnel will be able to
generate expense statements from their workstations. This will make the old paper forms obsolete.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Student Handout, Chapter 4
Activity 5: Improving Readability
Improve readability by dividing each of the following sentences into shorter sentences.
a. Top management received approval for sending employees weekly emails during this time of
financial instability in order to keep them up-to-date and to reassure them the company is healthy.
b. Several members of our firm will be touring the manufacturing plant in Tokyo during the week of
May 16, 2011, and upon return to the United States will present a slide show documenting the trip,
followed by a question-and-answer session, both to be held in the banquet hall of the Ashton Hotel
in Denver on Friday, May 27.
c. The accountant will be arriving on Thursday to perform the audit, and will be using the 2nd floor
break room as a work area, meaning that employees should take morning and afternoon breaks in
either the courtyard or the 3rd floor lounge, and employees who use the 2nd floor break room for
lunch should report to the cafeteria at that time.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
d. People from such different backgrounds as today’s workers invariably bring different values,
attitudes, and perceptions to the workplace, which can lead to misunderstandings,
miscommunications, and missed opportunities to improve both the workers and the organizations.
Now suggest short, simple words in the following sentences to replace difficult words that raise the
readability index.
e. The derisive tone of his email can only be perceived as an insidious act designed to undermine
employee confidence in current management.
f.
The new concentration of the agency reflects a ubiquitous necessity for clean energy.
g. The supervisor’s deprecatory remarks demoralized the employees.
h. After a meticulous search, the committee has concurred on an epitome location for the convention.
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Student Handout, Chapter 4
Activity 6: Proofreading Application
Use proofreaders’ marks to correct errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation, numbers, and abbreviations
in the following message sent to Berch Enterprises. Do not revise a sentence and state its idea in an
entirely different way.
Congratulations! Your application too participate in our international management exchange
program has been approved. Your 9-month assignment in our London office will provide you with a
greater appreciation for the needs and concerns of our international partners, making you a better
manager upon your return. The following five traveling tips compiled by previous London participants
will assist you in preparing for you two week orientation trip scheduled for Febuary 3-12:
1. Begin the process of obtaining or updating your passport immediately.
2. Register your trip with the U.S. Department of State at http://travel.state.gov and review the State
Departments website carefully for travel advisories and other conditions that may effect your safety
and security while abroad.
3. Link to the “International Management Exchange Program on the company intranet to access
extensive information about the program and your assignment. You’ll learn about the country’s
geography, climate, and customs, the most convenient way to get around in the city, top tourist
attractions, important security travel tips, and much more.
4. Check current exchange rates and obtain an appropriate level of local currency for you stay.
4. Purchase a London Travelcard to be delivered to you prior to your arrival in Paris. The card will allow
you to begin using the public transport system (the London Tube and buses) as soon as you arrive.
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5. Notify the fraud divisions of your credit card companies to ensure that charges in the U.K. will not be
rejected as suspicious transactions.
Joshua, you have an enriching experience ahead of you with much to learn and to share with others
at Birch Enterprises. While your on assignment you can conveniently share your valuable experiences
and photographs by posting to your international travel blog already set up for you on the intranet. Bon
Vogue!
© 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.