PG: Parental Guidance - "Friends & Influences"
Beforehand: Be sure to check out Pastor Ben’s message online if you were not
able to catch it on Sunday morning.
Below is the outline of Pastor Ben's message.
PG: Parental Guidance – “Friends? Influences”
Opening - Why does other people’s influence matter?
Proverbs 13:20
1 Kings 12:6-11
(1) We don’t have all the answers
(2) They need other voices with the same message
(3) They need someone not in immediate authority
1 – Walk Away from the Wrong Places – Proverbs 13:20
2 – Walk into the Right Places – Proverbs 13:20
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Deep Six Study
Introduction
Proverbs 13:20 – “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools
and get in trouble.”
1 Kings 12:6-11 – “Then King Rehoboam discussed the matter with the older
men who had counseled his father, Solomon. ‘What is your advice?’ he asked.
‘How should I answer these people?’ The older counselors replied, ‘If you are
willing to be a servant to these people today and give them a favorable answer,
they will always be your loyal subjects.’ But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the
older men and instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up
with him and were now his advisers. ‘What is your advice?’ he asked them. ‘How
should I answer these people who want me to lighten the burdens imposed by
my father?’ The young men replied, ‘This is what you should tell those
complainers who want a lighter burden: ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s
waist! 11 Yes, my father laid heavy burdens on you, but I’m going to make them
even heavier! My father beat you with whips, but I will beat you with scorpions!’”
1 Corinthians 15:33 – “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good
morals.’”
In the first message of this series Pastor Ben reminded us that parents and
parents alone are ultimately responsible for raising their children. Our schools,
churches, relatives, friends, experts, good DVD’s, recordings, books, music, etc.
can and should only be supplementary and supportive to us as we fulfill our role
as parental guides. We must not abdicate our role to anyone or anything. We
become the primary influence in our children’s lives as we learn to fulfill our role
as parental guides with the good and appropriate assistance of other people and
resources. Last week’s Deep Six Study moved us from accepting and embracing
our role to understanding that our role is first and foremost a relational role
whereby in the context of day to day living with our children they catch from us a
godly and righteous lifestyle. Unfortunately, our children often spend significant
amounts of time in other spheres of life where they catch that which is far from
being godly and righteous. This problem can spiral out of control when our
children’s involvement and time spent with their peers, TV, computers, phones,
ipods, etc. overshadow the time and involvement parents and other godly and
righteous influences have with them. Exploring these challenges and discovering
how to handle them is the focus of this week’s Deep Six Study.
Question # 1 – What outside influences challenge your parental guidance in
your children’s lives the most?
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Part 1 - Corresponds to the first point of the message – “Walk Away From
the Wrong Places”(Part 1 and Part 2 answer the question: "What can I do to
guide them in their relationship with others?)
Proverbs 13:20 – “Walk with the wise and become wise;associate with fools
and get in trouble.”
1 Kings 12:8-11 – “But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and
instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him
and were now his advisers. ‘What is your advice?’ he asked them. ‘How should
I answer these people who want me to lighten the burdens imposed by my
father?’ The young men replied, ‘This is what you should tell those complainers
who want a lighter burden: ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist! 11
Yes, my father laid heavy burdens on you, but I’m going to make them even
heavier! My father beat you with whips, but I will beat you with scorpions!’”
Colossians 3:1-2 – “Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep
seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set
your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.”
Ephesians 4:17-24 – “So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that
you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their
mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God
because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their
heart; and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to
sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. But
you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have
been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your
former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in
accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of
your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been
created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.”
Philippians 3:17-19 – “Brethren, join in following my example, and observe
those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of
whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are
enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is
their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on
earthly things.”
1 Peter 4:1-4 – “Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves
also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has
ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for
the lusts of men, but for the will of God.For the time already past is sufficient
for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a
course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and
abominable idolatries. In all this, they are surprised that you do not run
with them into the same excesses of dissipation, and they malign you.”
Comment – While it is rather obvious, it does need to be mentioned, we are far
away from being able to help our children withstand the negative pressure of
peers and other harmful influences if we are not working and succeeding at
withstanding the negative pressure of our own peers and other harmful
influences. We need to identify for ourselves and our children those things that
are not a part of a godly and righteous lifestyle and we need to distance
ourselves from them. This may mean that for a time we distance ourselves and
our children from people who are a part of the problem until God’s transforming
work is such that we are more of an influence on them than they are on us and
our children. This can be quite a challenge especially when we are talking about
relatives, our long time friends, neighbors, children’s friends, teachers, coaches,
etc. A good place to start is to establish a plan together as a family for what it will
take to live fully for God. By including your children in this process, they will more
readily get on board with the challenge of withstanding all that hinders your family
from living fully for God.
Question # 2 – What is one thing that you need to distance yourself from
that does not contribute to a godly and righteous lifestyle?
Question #3 – What is one thing that you need to distance your children
from that is a negative and harmful influence on them?
_____________________________________________
Part 2 - Corresponds to the second point of the message – “Walk Into the
Right Places” (Part 1 and Part 2 answer the question: "What can I do to guide
them in their relationship with others?)
Proverbs 13:20 – “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools
and get in trouble.”
1 Kings 12:6-7 – “Then King Rehoboam discussed the matter with the older
men who had counseled his father, Solomon. ‘What is your advice?’ he
asked. ‘How should I answer these people?’ The older counselors replied, ‘If you
are willing to be a servant to these people today and give them a favorable
answer, they will always be your loyal subjects.’”
Colossians 3:1-2 – “Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep
seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.”
Ephesians 4:17-24 – “So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you
walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being
darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the
ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; and they,
having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice
of every kind of impurity with greediness. But you did not learn Christ in this
way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as
truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside
the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and
that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self,
which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and
holiness of the truth.”
Philippians 3:17-19 – “Brethren, join in following my example, and observe
those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of
whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of
the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and
whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things.”
1 Peter 4:1-4 – “Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm
yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in
the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the
flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For the time already
past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having
pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties
and abominable idolatries. In all this, they are surprised that you do not run with
them into the same excesses of dissipation, and they malign you.”
Comment – Finding and incorporating into your family’s lifestyle those patterns,
people, and involvements that will contribute and not hinder your family’s journey
of living fully for God is extremely important. The counsel of spiritual leaders and
other godly parents who are further along on the journey can make all the
difference with this. Also, it is important to take a close look at the educational
environment of your children. There are alternatives available and it just may be
that God is waiting for you to ask Him to show you the way in this area. God may
want you to continue with your children’s present educational environment, in
which case there is so much that can be done to offset troubling influences that
hinder and harm. Again the counsel of spiritual leaders and other godly parents
can be a great help with this.
Question # 4 – In terms of moving your children away from bad things and
toward good things what has your journey been like?
Question # 5 – What is one thing you would really like to see changed
about how your family operates that would make a great difference in
helping your children withstand the negative pressure of peers and other
influences?
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Conclusion
Ephesians 5:1-2, 7-10, 15-17 – “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved
children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for
us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma …. Therefore do not be
partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the
Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness
and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord …..
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the
most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but
understand what the will of the Lord is.”
What a wonderful passage. What hope is inspired in our souls at the words,
“Now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light
consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth, trying to learn what is
pleasing to the Lord.” What an expression of purpose and pursuit for the families
of our church as we go forward in seeking to live fully for God. May God grant us
and our children victory in withstanding the negative pressure of peers and other
influences as we embrace all that will allow the Light of Christ to shine more
brightly from ours and our children’s lives day by day.
Question # 6 – What is your "Family Guide" principle when it comes to the
negative pressure of friends and other influences?
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