COMMUNICATION THAT MAKES CONFLICTS
a.





Focus on myself
I assume that something is wrong with me
I assume that I did something wrong and that I am guilty
I am labeling myself (stupid, naive, incompetent….)
I am feeling quilt, shame and fear
I start to defend myself
b.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Focus on others
I assume that something is wrong with others
I assume that others did something wrong and that they are guilty
I am labeling others
I feel anger
I start to attack others
COMMUNICATION THAT CREATES ATMOSPHERE OF MUTUAL
UNDERSTANDING
a. Focus on myself
I am focusing on my feelings and needs
b. Focus on others
I am trying to recognize and understand feelings and needs of
other
person
Adapted from Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Copyright © 2005 by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
A PuddleDancer Press Book
ToT ESJ, Belgrade Serbia, April 2007
DIFFERENT KINDS OF LISTENING
LISTENING THAT CREATES CONFLICTS AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS
1. QUESTION WE ASK: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? ( FEELINGS OF GUILT,
SHAME….)
Example
Person A: I don’t find this workshop interesting!
Person B: I am completely incompetent!
2. QUESTION WE ASK: WHAT IS WRONG WITH OTHERS? (FEELINGS OF
ANGER)
Example
Person A: I don’t find this workshop interesting!
Person B: You are not intelligent enough to understand it!
LISTENING THAT MAKES MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING AND CONNECTIONS
BETWEEN PEOPLE
3. QUESTION WE ASK: WHAT DO I NEED? (FOCUS IS ON OUR FEELINGS
AND NEEDS)
Example
Person A: I don’t find this workshop interesting
Person B: I am confused, I need clarity. I would like to know what is going on and
why this person said that. I am going to ask her.
4. QUESTION WE ASK: WHAT DOES THE OTHER PERSON NEED? (FOCUS IS
ON OTHER PERSON`S FEELINGS AND NEEDS)
Example
Person A: I don’t find this workshop interesting!
Person B: Are you feeling frustrated, because you would like other forms of
activities?
Adapted from Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Copyright © 2005 by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
A PuddleDancer Press Book
ToT ESJ, Belgrade Serbia, April 2007