Please note: The format for the commentary for the essays in this workbook
on the website has been changed from the original format given in the WPE
workbook.
ESSAY TOPIC “II”
DIRECTIONS: You will have a total of 75 minutes to respond to the topic below. A
time warning will be announced 10 minutes prior to the end of the test. You will not be
allowed to leave early.
Express your thoughts carefully, logically, and effectively.
Provide examples and evidence to support your ideas.
DO NOT WRITE ON A TOPIC OTHER THAN THE ONE ASSIGNED BELOW
"To move forward as a nation, we must respect and preserve our cultural
differences."
"Emphasizing cultural differences erodes the unity of our country,."

Explain how both of these viewpoints can be defended.

Support your response with evidence from your own experience,
observations, or readings.
__________________________________________________________________
You may use both sides of this sheet to make notes or form an outline.
Property of CSULB
Do not remove from the test room
Please note: The format for the commentary for the essays in this
workbook on the website has been changed from the original format
given in the WPE workbook.
Essay Paper II-A"
America is a melting pot in
which a variety of cultures have
originated and flourished. This
cultural variety is what makes
our country such a wonderful
place to live.
“To move forward as a nation,
we must respect and preserve our
cultural
differences.”
Our
nation is overwhelmed by cultural
differences.
However, it is
these cultural differences that
makes our nation so unique. For
example, you can go into a mall
and choose from a variety of
cuisines. Those cuisines could
range from chinese, italian,
indian to american.
It is
important to respect and preserve
our cultural differences because
only then will we learn from
them.
In order to respect a culture
you
must
learn
about
that
culture.
It is important to
learn a cultures values and
beliefs in order to respect and
preserve that particular culture.
When learning about a culture it
also important no to judge or
compare it by your own cultural
values.
This is called ethno
centrism and it will only impede
the growth of our nation.
“Emphasizing cultural
differences erodes the unity of
our country.” Cultural
differences should not be seen
as a handicap, but rather as an
enhancement to our nation.
Viewing cultural differences as
being negative will eventually
erode the unity of our country.
This is where racism and
stereotypes originate. A strong
example of this would be the
riots concerning Rodney King.
What started out as a small
incident turned into a fullblown riot which resulted in
major destruction. This
incident could have been
prevented if people could have
resolved their irrational fear
of cultural differences.
In conclusion, it is
important to preserve and
respect cultures that are
different from our own.
In
doing this we enhance our own
culture. Cultural differences
are a positive aspect of our
country that we can learn alot
from. Cultural differences
should not be looked upon as
something that impedes, but
rather as something that
encourages growth and
prosperity.
Commentary
Essay Paper II-A"
4 SCORE--ADEQUATE: The scoring guide assigns a 4 to papers that provide an
adequate analysis of the writing assignment. It should be reasonably developed and
focused. It may have minor weaknesses, but it should use appropriate sentence structure
and diction.
This paper is not as fully developed or as strongly argued as the 5 or 6 papers. It has
neither the concrete examples nor the personal voice of those essay; instead, it rambles
on rather vaguely, never really making a strong point. The only specific example it
mentions is the riot that followed the Rodney King trial. Overall, the paper is an
"adequate" response to the writing assignments; however, it is somehow simplistic and
highly repetitive. For example, although it is true that Americans have a wide choice of
international foods, it hardly follows that eating chow mein or a pizza teaches one cultural
differences.
The sentence pattern in the third paragraph, in which the author must struggle through
four vague and repetitive sentences to get to the word "ethnocentrism," is indicative of
the essay's failure to achieve more than mere "adequacy."
Essay Paper II-B"
I moved to America in 1991
with my family for immigration.
The first time I saw this
country is so rich and
beautiful. I really love it. I
started going to Bolsa Grande
High school a month later. In
school there were lots of people
who came from different
countries in the world such as
Chinese, Japan, Mexico, etc.
Instead of English they spoke
their language sometimes infront
of me. I didn’t understand what
they were talking but I know
they are not Vietnamese like me.
United States is a big country
which contains many cultural
differences, and those
differences that make the
country has different parts in
the unity of the country such as
different human believes and
observations, different holiday,
and wear different costum.
Vietnamese and American have
different human believes and
observations. With Vietnamese,
if someone shows the middle
finger, that means good luck.
Vietnamese people believe that
wearing hat in the house or talk
louder infront of parents or the
old person is mean and rude.
Children can not talk or go out
until their parents let them go.
Parents can allow let their
children any time they want.
The children have to get married
with someone their parents
expected. Actually, Vietnamese
children have to obey everything
from their parents; they are not
free to do anything they want.
American are completely opposite
with Vietnamese. They don’t
need to obey their parents if
they think it is not right.
They can go out any time they
want. They get married with
person they love. Actually, if
they show one middle finger,
people can see that represents
for a bad thing. To live in
America, I can see human
believes and observations
differently between Vietnamese
and American.
Chinese and America have
different new year celebration.
Long times ago, Chinese had
followed their ancestor’s style
to expect time, differently from
other people. They desired the
month for their calender thirty
to forty days after American
way. That’s why Chinese’s new
year has to celebrate different
with American.
Vietnamese and Japanese wear
different custom. Vietnamese’s
custom is a long shirt with a
big pant. Japanese wears
Kikino. People were it to
represent for their country.
America is one beautiful and
rich country, it is a dream
nation for many people in the
world want to live. That’s why
it contains many cultural
differences. To live in
America, I can see it clearly
when I hear someone talk
different languages, celebrate
different holiday, and wear
different custom. Cultural
differences erode the unity of
United States.
Commentary
Essay Paper II-B"
2 SCORE--INCOMPETENT: The scoring guide states that the 2 essay lacks analysis,
focus, direction, coherence, or completion. It is often characterized by persistent errors in
sentence structure, grammar, spelling, or usage.
The two most basic problems with this essay are that it does not respond to the writing
assignment and it has no clear organization. Instead of trying to defend the two
viewpoints, the author merely provides a loose narrative of his early experiences in
America and then lists in random order as many cultural differences as he can think of.
The fact that the author cannot yet clearly express his ideas in English is reflected by the
simplistic and awkward sentence structure and the numerous syntactical and grammatical
errors. The author needs more training and more practice in the use of basic conventions
of English writing. But just as importantly, the author needs to understand that he must
respond analytically to the assignment and must develop his ideas in an organized rather
than a rambling fashion.
Essay Paper II-C"
America is a melting pot. It
is filled with cultures
indigenous to our land and of
those from foreign countries.
Two different viewpoints can be
used to express the cultural
diversities of our nation. One
states that, “To move forward as
a nation, we must respect and
preserve our cultural
differences.” This refers to
the fact that since we are
uniquely comprised, we must
learn about and respect other
cultures.
It also means that
we must protect our own unique
heritage from getting lost. The
other viewpoint states that,
“Emphasizing cultural
differences erodes the unity of
our country.”
This statement
means that the commonalities
that we all share as Americans
should not be weakened by the
fact that we do have different
backgrounds. Both statements
provide an interesting topic for
debate.
It is true that to move
forward as a nation we have to
preserve our heritage and
cultural differences. One way
that this is achieved is seen
all over college campuses. You
can’t walk by an empty wall
space without seeing a banner
advertising a club or meeting
representing a specific cultural
heritage. On the way to this
exam I learned that the BSU
(Black Student Union) will have
a meeting on Thursday, the PAC
will hold its last two meetings
in the following weeks and that
the Mexican heritage group, “La
Raza” will be having a bake sale
on Monday. These groups on
campus allow those with similar
cultural heritages to get
together and discuss how to
preserve it. They also invite
people from other backgrounds to
attend and learn about their
culture.
Groups like those mentioned
above work to preserve their
specific cultural differences,
but it is not the only forum
seen on college campuses. There
are many courses offered in the
CSU system that allow people to
learn more about their own
heritage as well as explore new
ones. One class in particular,
Ethnic Studies 319, gave me an
introduction to four cultures I
knew very little about. The
class was taught by four
professors all with different
cultural backgrounds,
Black, Chicano/Latino, Asian
American and American Indian.
In this class I learned a little
about the struggles each culture
had to go through to gain
acceptance in American society.
I learned that they had to
struggle to adjust to the
American way of life without
compromising their individual
cultural backgrounds. I also
learned that this struggle is
far from over.
On the other side of the
coin, a valad argument can be
made to support the idea that
too much emphasis can be placed
on these separate cultural
heritages instead of on the fact
that we are all Americans. When
people ask what my heritage is,
I tell them I’m American. I’m
not a native American but I am
the oldest of the ninth
generation of my family born in
America. In my mind that makes
me American. I do not say that
I’m half Irish on my Mother’s
side and 1/4 German and 1/4
English on my Father’s side. To
me this defeats the purpose of
being American.
Also, there is no cultural
club on campus for me to join.
I have yet to see a banner
advertising that a weekly
meeting of the ‘Western European
mutts from the upper middle
class suburbs” will be held on
Wednesday. I believe that a
club like this would probably be
considered racist. If clubs
were not restricted to a
cultural background, more
emphasis would be based on the
things that we as Americans have
in common. Instead of being
about the things we do not.
I’m sure that there are many
good arguments for and against
cultural diversity in America.
I agree that we do need to learn
about, respect and preserve the
many cultures that make up
America. But I think the fact
that we are all Americans should
be more emphasized. We all live
together in America and should
be able to find ways to get
along without emphasizing our
differences. It is the
differences in people that
frighten some and lead them to
not trust or get to know anyone
from other cultural backgrounds.
If these differences were not
so emphasised, maybe there would
be less racism and more
acceptance today.
Commentary
Essay Paper II-C"
6 SCORE--SUPERIOR: The scoring guide used by readers of the WPE essay states
that to receive a grade of 6, the essay must be an intelligent, perceptive response to all
parts of the writing assignment. It must be well-written, organized, and detailed. And it
should use complex and varied sentence structure and effective diction.
The author of this 6 paper addresses the two viewpoints directly in the first paragraph,
clarifying their meaning to establish how she will examine the issues in her essay. She
uses concrete examples from her own observation and experience of campus
organizations and ethnic studies classes to defend the first viewpoint and discusses her
own cultural background to defend the second viewpoint.
The author responds to the writing assignment in a perceptive, well-organized way,
supporting her points with examples and logical reasoning. The sentence structure and
word choices, while not overly complex, are economical, straightforward, and appropriate
to her approach. She conveys sincerity, conviction, and balance.
Although this essay does not explore the many complexities of the viewpoints
expressed, it expresses a clear, controlled, personal, response to the writing
assignment.
Essay Paper II-D"
We are growing further apart
as a nation. The only way that
we can move forward as a nation
is to respect and preserve our
differences. You see it every
day in the newspaper. A young
man is killed in Wyoming,
because he is gay.
A Black man
in New York is beaten in part
because he is Haition. We all
come from different parts of the
world, but we must respect one
another. Emphasizing are
cultural differences will not
bring us together, instead it
will pull us apart as a nation.
Racism is a problem that this
country has had to deal with
since the birth of are nation.
One example of this is the
Rodney King beating. One
personal example that I observed
was a man’s car was vandilized
in part because he was from Arab
desent. We will never move
forward as a nation, unless we
stamp out racism and learn to
accept cultural differences.
The media also plays a big
role in emphasizing cultural
differences. The media sells
more newspapers by putting one
culture against another. One
example of this is the O.J.
Simpson trial. The media and
television made it Black culture
against White culture issue.
The truth was that it was a
murder trial.
The final big cultural
difference that effects all
cultures is economics. When one
culture remains poor, we will
always have cultural
differences. That will never
get better. One example of this
is are nations poor that seem to
stay in this econmic statis.
In conclusion, to move
forward as a nation we must
respect and preserve our
cultural differences. We must
move away from racism and
emphasizing cultural
differences. We must also be
aware of the medias agenda of
selling newspaper. The most
important is improving the
econmic statis of the poor. In
doing this we will move forward
as a nation.
Commentary
Essay Paper II-D"
3 SCORE--INADEQUATE: The score of 3 indicates that the essay is an inadequate
analysis of the writing assignment. The essay fails to developed a focused response or it
is weak in structure, syntax, or mechanics.
The author of this 3 paper seems to have difficulty establishing the terms of the argument
clearly in the first paragraph. First she says that the only way we can move forward as a
nation is to preserve differences; then she says emphasizing our cultural differences will
pull us apart as a nation. We think we understand the difference she is trying to
establish, but we cannot be sure.
The paper has a number of concrete examples, for example, the Rodney King beating,
the vandalism of a car, the O.J. Simpson trial, but it does not really make clear the
significance of the examples; it does not explain the Rodney King beating, provides no
evidence that the car vandalism was racially motivated, and simply asserts that the O.J.
Simpson case was a murder trial with no racial implications. Although the author brings
up the issue of economics in the conclusion, she fails to make clear the relationship
between ethnic background and poverty.
Finally, the paper is marred by frequent spelling and grammatical errors. The last
sentence of the first paragraph, for example, has three errors: using "are" for "our,"
shifting from the plural "differences" to the singular pronoun "it," separating two
complete sentences with a comma. The last sentence of the fourth paragraph also
has four errors: using "are" for "our," failing to indicate possession with an apostrophe
in the word "nations," misspelling the word "status," shifting from the singular "one
example" to the plural verb "are."
Essay Paper II-E"
“To move forward as a nation,
we must respect and preserve our
cultural differences.”
We are all live in this
world, and we are all different.
Respect each other is the first
role we’ve all must follow. It
is important for people as a
nation to live together, and to
move forward together.
Coming from different
countrys and having different
backround, language, cultural,
all these differences, makes it
very difficult for people to
live together. Makes it
difficult to understand each
other. But respect and perserve
help a small family to live with
each other. Being different is
normal respect other people is
important. Reading about other
cultural . . . . [essay not completed]
Commentary
Essay Paper II-E"
1 SCORE--INFERIOR: Readers are instructed to assign a score of 1 to papers that
show little understanding of the writing assignment, that provide no analysis or
development, or that fail to express even the most basic ideas comprehensibly.
One cannot be sure whether the author of this paper did not really understand the
topic or whether she did not have sufficient time to think about it and respond to it.
Whatever the reason, the paper is so little developed and so sketchy and general that it is
a very minimal response to the writing assignment.
This writer needs much more instruction and experience in English so that she can
think more quickly in the language and express herself more clearly. As it stands, this
paper is little more than a few general, rough ideas, expressed in awkward and
disconnected sentences.
Essay Paper II-F"
In this essay I will explain
how two very different
viewpoints can be defended. The
two viewpoints that I will
discuss are first, “To move
forward as a nation, we must
respect and preserve our
cultural differences,” and
second “Emphasizing cultural
differences erodes the unity of
our country.”
I will discuss
my personal feelings as well as
the feelings of those around me.
I do believe that “to move
forward as a nation, we must
respect and preserve our
cultural differences,” because
there is so much to learn and
share between the cultures. If
we all were the same culture,
the United States would be a
boring place to live. We have a
variety of cultures that makes
things more interesting. People
need to be proud of their
culture and share it with others
and learn about other cultures
than their own.
This is an interesting
viewpoint for me because I have
two cultural backgrounds. My
mother is white, and was born in
Washington State and my father
is black, and was born in North
Carolina. How much more
different can you get? I feel
that having two very strong
cultures in my life has made me
a very open person to know and
want to learn about other
cultures. In my house we have
different ways of doing things.
For example, my mother may cook
bread one way and my father may
cook the same bread another way.
That gives me a choice as well
as a variety of breads, and
other things, to eat.
We have to realize that there
is not just one culture in the
United States and in order for
us to move forward as one
nation, we must acknowledge
that. We must put all of the
“my culture is better than your
culture” behind us and instead
say things like “what can I
learn from your culture” and
“what can I share with you about
my culture.” We all have to work
together as one and respect each
other in order for us to make
any progress. If we don’t then
we have failed not only
ourselves but our children, our
future, and any hope for a
better nation.
Now this leads me into the
next viewpoint which states that
“Emphasizing cultural
differences erodes the unity of
our country.” I do not agree
with this view point, because if
we ignored all other cultures
than our own, one I would not be
alive today and, two we would
all eat, breath, and smell the
same. There would be no room to
move forward. Some people in
the United States do believe
this viewpoint is the key and
the only key to the future.
I can only guess why someone
would think that emphasizing
cultural differences would erode
the progress of our future. In
reality we can ignore other
cultures as much as we want but,
when we open our eyes they are
here and they are not going any
where, so what better thing to
do then acknowledge them and
work together instead of “you do
what you need to do for your
culture and I’ll do what I need
to do for my culture.” Thoughts
like this is what holds the
United States back from moving
forward.
If I did agree with this
viewpoint I think I might feel
that another culture is getting
in the way of my cultures
progress. We do not need
another culture to help us move
forward because we are doing
well all by ourselves. Those
other cultures are only getting
in our way of our progress. We
must emphasize on our culture
and make sure that we can go
where we need to go and make our
culture strong even at the cost
of other cultures.
Some people may say that we
should make one culture and that
would be the American culture.
Then no one would have to worry
about what culture are you or I
can’t understand the way your
culture does things. The
American culture would do things
the same way. We have to come
back to reality, because even
though we may live in America,
there are many different
cultures that live here as well.
In my life time I have come
across many different cultures
and they all have so much to
offer. If we or I were to
ignore one then I feel that I
would be missing out on
something and America would be
missing out on something if they
ignored the many different
cultures of our society. If we
all put our minds together in a
posative manner, who knows the
things we would be able to
accomplish. We must forget
about “what culture are you” and
emphasize on “what can you offer
to make this nation move forward
as one?”
In conclusion there are many
different view points in our
society and we must choose one
that will benifit us as a
nation and help us move forward
to the future. We must respect
and preserve the different
cultures and not forget where
we came from, because how can
we find out who someone else is
if we do not know our own
culture.
The only way to
survive and prosper is to live
with an open mind and at least
listen to what other people of
other cultures have to say, who
knows you might find something
out about yourself.
Commentary
Essay Paper II-F"
5 SCORE--COMPETENT: The scoring guide states that in order to receive a score of
5, an essay must be a thoughtful analytical response to all parts of the writing
assignment. It must be clearly organized and developed and skillful in sentence
construction, variety, and word choice.
This paper is a good example of a common-sense approach to the topic; it has an
engaged personal point of view that convinces the reader by its conviction and
energetic presentation. Although the opening paragraph is routine and less interesting
than the information-filled first paragraph of the 6 paper, once the author gets the
opening formalities out of the way, he describes how his own mixed racial background
makes him more open to cultural diversity than most people. His argument in the third
paragraph is, as it is throughout, based on simple common sense, and his cultural
background gives it vigor and force.
The author admits that he does not really agree with the second viewpoint in the
writing assignment, but, knowing that he must try to defend it, he provides what he
guesses underlies such a viewpoint. Having done that, he hypothesizes what he might
feel if he did agree with the viewpoint; this is an honest and forthright approach that
predisposes the reader favorably to the rest of his argument.
Although the essay is not characterized by complex sentence structure and elaboration
and is not free from occasional errors and flaws, it is a good example of a writer who
establishes a personal voice, draws from his own experience, and tackles the writing
assignment honestly and straightforwardly. The result is good, clear writing.