The Essentials for an Extraordinary LifeTM Coaching Relationship – Follow-On Sessions Unconcealing and Shifting an Underlying Commitment 1. Distinction – Underlying Commitments A. Your outer world is a reflection of your internal commitments. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you’re always creating exactly what you’re most committed to. If your life isn’t reflecting what you say you want, it means that there is something else that you’re unconsciously more committed to having or experiencing, than what you claim to desire. We’ll refer to these hidden commitments as underlying commitments because they exist at an unconscious level. B. Let’s put this in terms of you taking your action steps and working toward your goal. You have set a goal to __________________, yet you’re consistently doing things that either keep you right where you are, or actually take you in the opposite direction entirely. Can you see what I mean by that? (Pause for brief discussion.) It’s important to understand that the choices you make and the actions you take (or don’t take) are always in alignment with your deepest commitments. C. As humans, we can always tell exactly what we’re most committed to by looking at the circumstances that are present in our lives. Through clearly and honestly examining our actions and choices, we can discover what our deepest commitments are. You’ve heard me say before that our outer worlds are reflections of our inner worlds. We can say that the results we attain in the outer world accurately reflect our inner commitments. Does this make sense so far? (Pause for response and brief discussion.) D. For example if you say that you want to be financially independent, yet you don’t save and often spend more than you make, then it means at a deeper level you’re not really committed to your stated desire of financial independence. When you honestly and clearly examine your patterns and habitual choices, you can begin to see what commitment they truly reflect. E. Whether you know it or not, you’re always creating exactly what you’re most committed to. If you’re failing to manifest or achieve something you desire, you can be certain that there’s a conflicting, hidden commitment to some other result or condition. Your underlying commitments drive your thoughts, your beliefs and most importantly your choices – they are the unseen forces that shape your reality. Your underlying commitments are responsible for the discrepancy between what you say you want and what you actually experience. Given what you’re experiencing right now in terms of your goal, does it make sense that you might have an underlying commitment that’s in conflict with what you say you want? (discuss) F. Most of us don’t even know that we have commitments other than those we’re aware of consciously. That’s because for the most part we make these underlying commitments to ourselves when we’re quite young. We make them as a result of some emotionally significant incident or experience or we make them as a way to deal with our circumstances. As we grow and mature and our circumstances change, we forget all about them, but unconsciously keep those first commitments as part of our personal operating systems. G. Share an example of one of your own underlying commitments if appropriate. H. One of the fascinating things about this type of internally focused coaching we’re doing is that every time you create a new vision or set a new goal you’ll likely unconceal new Underlying Commitments. It’s not like you can let go of one underlying commitment and they’re all gone for good. The possibility of finding new underlying commitments is something that you’ll constantly need to be aware of as you stretch and grow. I. We must expose our existing commitments before we have the power to shift them. By exposing our unconscious commitments, we gain the ability to see and tell ourselves the truth. This allows us to make new conscious choices based on where we are today instead of from our past. In a moment we’re going to go into an internal exercise to unconceal an underlying commitment. Is there anything you need to ask or say before we do so? 2. Internal Exercise – Unconcealing an Underlying Commitment A. Close your eyes. Take a few slow deep breaths and allow yourself to gently and easily drop down into your of inner knowing – the place within you where your internal wisdom resides. (pause) As you settle down inside, give yourself permission to receive whatever wisdom you need from your internal world today. B. Bring to mind your objective, (reflect back to the client the goal or result that they’ve set) this result that you desire to achieve in your life. Allow yourself to see and feel what your life would look like if you had attained that desire. What would be available to you? How would it make you feel knowing that you had manifested that outcome for yourself? (pause) Would creating that help you feel like you were living the best year of your life? Just breathe and allow yourself to feel the feelings of having already achieved this objective. C. Allow yourself to become aware of the choices you’ve made up to this point that have taken you further away from achieving this desire rather than closer to it. What are the choices you have made that are inconsistent with accomplishing your goal or fulfilling your desire? (pause) Breathe deeply and allow yourself to recognize the choices and actions that have disempowered you, that came from a place of fear, that came from your past programming, that were unconscious, or self-limiting. (pause) D. Now as you recognize all the choices and behaviors that have prevented you from accomplishing your goal, allow yourself to take responsibility for them. Without judgment or without making yourself wrong, just admit to yourself, “yes, I made those choices,” or “yes, I took or didn’t take those actions.” (pause) E. Imagine that all those choices and actions were actually in perfect alignment with what you have truly been most committed to. What have you been most committed to in this area of your life? What is the underlying commitment that has caused you to make those self-limiting choices and take those non-serving actions? Simply ask yourself, what would I possibly be more committed to than achieving my desire? (pause) Take a deep breath and allow yourself to become aware of the underlying commitment that has been controlling this area of your life. As you get it, write it down. (Work with the client here as necessary using focused questions to help them become clear on what the underlying commitment is.) F. Take another breath and acknowledge that you’ve actually made the perfect choices that have been in alignment with your underlying commitment. You are indeed a capable person, and you’ve been attaining exactly the results that you’ve been most committed to! Just breathe into that recognition, and as you do acknowledge that by simply shifting that commitment, you can and will create something new. G. Breathe easily again and focus your attention back into the area of your heart. Now ask yourself, “What do I need to know – right now in the present – that will allow me to give up this old underlying commitment?” What do you need to know that will allow you to feel safe and ready to give up that old first commitment? (pause) When you get it, write it down. H. Take another deep breath and ask yourself what current habits or behaviors you would have to choose to give up in order to move closer to your goal? What are the specific behaviors that are tied to this old commitment and do not serve you in moving toward the fulfillment of your goal and vision? (pause) As you get them, write them down. I. Allow yourself to see or hear a structure you can put in place to support you in giving up those old non-serving choices and behaviors. What kind of reminder, practice or other structure do you need to put in place to help you let go of the habits and behaviors of your underlying commitment? J. Bring your vision and goal to mind once again. (pause) As you do, ask yourself for a new commitment you can adopt that will support you in moving toward the fulfillment of your vision and goal. What new personal commitment can you make to yourself that will support you to make choices and take actions that will move you surely and consistently in the direction of your milestones, goal and vision? (pause) As you get it, say it to yourself a few times, and then write it down. K. Drop back down inside and breathe deeply again, reconnecting with your inner wisdom. Now allow yourself to get an action step or a practice that will support you to fully give up this old underlying commitment and live in the presence of your new conscious commitment. What specifically do you need to do to make your new commitment part of your personal operating system from now on? (pause) As you get it, write it down. L. Now, with another deep breath, thank yourself for being willing to look within and access your wisdom in this way. Then, if you’re willing and ready to give up that old commitment, promise yourself that you’ll take the action or begin the practice that’s needed to integrate and use your new commitment to your highest benefit. M. When you’re ready, breath easily and gently again and come on back to the room where you sit and back into our call.