Topics and Subjects: Another Look at Coherence
According to Joseph M. Williams's Style, readers expect a sentence's subject (that is, the grammatical
subject) to be the same as the sentence's topic (what the sentence is "about"). Furthermore, if a paragraph
has too many different topics, the reader will have difficulty connecting the topics to each other. Ideally,
then, a paragraph should limit the number of subject-topics. After all, if readers decide they must re-read a
paragraph because the paragraph does not make sense, readers may rather decide not to re-read a
paragraph, which is bad news for a writer.
Example:
The particular ideas toward the beginning of sentences define what a passage is "about" for a reader.
Moving through a paragraph from a cumulatively coherent point of view is made possible by a
sequence of topics that seem to constitute a limited set of related ideas. A seeming absence of context
for each sentence is one consequence of making random shifts in topics. Feelings of dislocation,
disorientation, and lack of focus in a passage occur when that happens.
Note how the subject of each sentence differs from the subject in the preceding sentence. In some cases,
the subjects (complete subject, in grammatical terms) are quite long.
The particular ideas toward the beginning of sentences
Moving through a paragraph from a cumulatively coherent point of view
A seeming absence of context for each sentence
Feelings of dislocation, disorientation, and lack of focus in a passage
This passage needs to focus on what it's really "about": topics and readers. Rewrite each sentence so that
one of these concepts also serves as the grammatical subject. For even more coherence, follow this rule
for all clauses (both main and subordinate).
Improved example
Readers look for the topics of sentences to tell them what a whole passage is "about." If they feel
that its sequence of topics focuses on a limited set of related topics, then they will feel they are
moving through that passage from a cumulatively coherent point of view. But if topics seem to shift
randomly, then readers have to begin each sentence from no coherent point of view, and when that
happens, readers feel dislocated and disoriented, and the passage seems out of focus.
Steps for improving a passage's topic-subject ratio:
1. Underline the complete subject of every clause.
2. Determine what the passage is "about" (the topic, that is). You may have more than one topic, but do
not have too many of them.
3. Compare the underlined portions with the passage's topics.
4. Rewrite the passage.
(a) Make the grammatical subjects the same as the set of topics from step 2.
(b) Put those topic-subjects as the beginning of sentences.
(c) Avoid long introductory elements such as phrases or subordinate clauses.
(d) Avoid long complete subjects.
(e) When appropriate, substitute pronouns for nouns, but be sure the pronouns' antecedents are clear (see
the example above).
Exercise
For the passage below, improve coherence by altering the location of topics and subjects.
The importance of language skills in children's problem-solving ability was stressed by Jones (1985) in
his paper on children's thinking. Improvement in non-verbal problem solving occurred as a result of
improvements in language skills. The use of previously acquired language habits for problem articulation
and activation of knowledge previously learned through language is thought to be the cause of better
performance. Therefore, systematic practice in the verbal formulation of non-linguistic problems prior to
attempts at their solution might be an avenue for exploration in the enhancement of problem solving in
general.
Source: Williams, J., & Nadel, I. (2005). Style: Ten lessons in clarity and grace (Can. ed.). Toronto: Longman. See pp.78-84.