Zdroj: DIPLOMOVÁ PRÁCA - Translation of lyrics by Jethro Tull -- Preklad textov skupiny
Jethro Tull - Diplomant: Václav Linda - Vedúci diplomovej práce: PhDr. Štefan Franko - V
Prešove, dňa 25.4.2000
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My procedure of translating
I would divide the procedure into four steps. They partly correspond with the ones introduced
by Vilikovský. Anyway, I want to concentrate more on the practical side of the process.
The first step is the first reading of the text. Throughout it I tried to catch the essence of
meaning, message hidden in the text. ‘… one of the most important operations by the artistic
translation is to reconstruct the depicted reality, i.e. to go through beyond the text.’(Vilikovský,
120) I think I don‘t have to explain that I haven‘t been successful for the very first time I tried.
I uncovered hidden meanings, puns and other features even in the very process of translating.
This step requires very careful reading and looking up the expressions in dictionaries and
other sources with all their connotations. There develops the image of the content and the
function of the song.
The second step for me meant to make a list of all the problematic expressions from the
song with a column for each. I filled these columns with equivalent expressions and later
synonyms in Slovak. So the table for a part of the first stanza of Journeyman would look like
this:
journeyman
tingle
spine-tingle
sleeper
four-square
robotník(dochád
zvoniť
husia koža
podval
solidly
zajúci)
nádenník
and
plainly built
brnieť
chvenie
spací vozeň(US)
podvalov
firm
determined
(BrE )
tovariš
pichať
pomocník
chvieť sa
remeselník
znervóznieť
pražec
triasť sa
kmitať
vibrovať
firm
beam
divide
rumble
fit
pevný
papršlek
rozdeliť
hrmieť
záchvat
solídny
svetlo
rozrezať
rachotiť
nával
pevne
lúč
rozčesnúť
stály
žiara
kŕč
vhodný
and
vytrvalo
hodiť sa
schopný
As it is clear from the notes, to the expression four-square, I recorded sometimes also the
definitions from the English-English dictionary. It helped me to find the corresponding
expressions in Slovak. The process then continued within the third step. There are also
noticeable digressions from the original meaning in some expressions (c.f. divide). These
words were found already on the level of synonymy or even metonymy. I worked with the
dictionaries I have mentioned in the bibliography but sometimes I haven’t found the
corresponding expression in these sources and I was left to find the equivalent on my own. It
may then take a lot of time and effort to manage.
In the third step there begins the actual creative work of translation. The first versions of
text arise. At this level the future poems have no rhyme. The most important principle is to
transfer the meaning and the images into the target language. The first version of One Brown
Mouse then appeared as follows:
Istá hnedá myš
Smej sa svojím malým smiechom --- zostaň chvíľu na čaj.
Stras si ten čierny mrak z pliec.
Potras fúzmi. Precíť, že si ozaj ozajstná.
Ďalšie popoludnie --- zas o deň starší.
Vdýchni si teplý vzduch do drobučkých dlaní.
Radšej by si bola človek
ten môže každý deň otočiť ďalšiu stranu.
Za pohárom si sedíš a hľadíš
do mojej večne otvorenej knihy --Hnedá myš sediaca v klietke.
Si zvedavá, či ťa ozaj mám rád --Alebo som len tvoja návšteva --Kto z nás kraľuje v starom mlyne --Kto skrýva hlavu, robí sa, že spí?
Smej sa svojím malým smiechom --- zostaň chvíľu na čaj.
A každý deň otočíme ďalšiu stranu
Za naším pohárom budeme sedieť a hľadieť
do našej večne otvorenej knihy --Hnedá myš sediaca v klietke.
The expressions are translated word for word when possible. So the first line sounds: Smej sa
svojím malým smiechom --- zostaň chvíľu na čaj. The little smile is accordingly malý smiech
although in the final version it is smiešok. The use of diminutive form is partly demanded by
the frequent use of these forms in Slovak texts with the same content and also for the sake of
preserving rhyme. There is an internal rhyme in the original: Smile your little smile --- take
some tea with me awhile. Smile rhymes with awhile. Then the double use of the word smile
plus the use of some creates alliteration. This I had to take into account when approaching the
next step.
The fourth step takes the most of time and is also the most creative one. I had to
contemplate all the features of the text both as to the meaning and the form. It then required
careful consideration of all the eventual possibilities. Of course, there were more of them most
of the time since the inventory of language is really rich. So, in the case of One Brown Mouse I
tried to preserve the euphonic features in my version by the use of words zasmej sa svojím
smieškom, all of them containing the hissing sounds that evoke the image of a mouse smiling.
The internal rhyme is preserved by the pair
smieškom – mliečkom. So the final version
sounds: Zasmej sa svojím smieškom --- ponúknem ťa mliečkom.
The process continues moreover further on. As I have already mentioned, the translations
are not finished. I concentrated myself mainly at the transfer of meaning and imagery, and at
the same time I tried to keep the original rhyme pattern. There might be some disagreement
in pattern of meter and the amount of syllables in verse although I tried to preserve the
number of syllables in my translations. This was but of lower importance for me. I tried to
include the whole information and imagery in the final text, so I avoided omission of relevant
words and forms. This causes the discrepancies between the meter of original and the
translation. In my commentaries, I would therefore not relate to the meter and number of
syllables in the translations, but rather concentrate on the other features of the text. I tried to
follow the principle that ‘ …the meter cannot be in opposition against the existing, established
language system, so that the rhythm may not violate the rules of accent in the language.’
(Slobodník, 45). Whether I achieved it, may be decided by every reader him/herself. The
translations should be easy to read and easy to recite. That would be the best proof of my
success. I tried to follow the original punctuation, though sometimes I had to insert some
commas for the Slovak punctuation rules differ from the English.