Language that prevents heart connection
There are several choices in the way we communicate that can either prevent or support us
in connecting with what is alive in ourselves and in others.
The following aspects of our communication can limit the connection with the universal
needs, preventing others from listening to us and developing a heart connection.
The four D’s:
1. Diagnosis based on moralistic judgments
 Judgments
 Criticism
 Blame
 Sarcasm
 Comparison
 Labeling
 Unsolicited advice
2. Denial of responsibility
Language that implies a lack of choice
 Group pressure
 Referring to power of authority
 Referring to gender, age, race, religion etc.
 You make me feel……
3. Deserve language
Holding the concept of a privilege to make wrongness
 Should/ought/have to language
 Certain behavior merits reward and others punishment
 Certain positions and roles merit reward or punishment
4. Demands
Explicitly or implicitly threatening the others to comply.
 Not willing to hear a “no” to your request from yourself or from others
Process and static language
We can experience a huge difference between using a process or a static language. The
latter is based on the Diagnosis based on moralistic judgments and leads to connections that
are “dead”, expressing what “is” without the option for change and development. The former
is language that leads to connections that are “alive”, expressing what “becoming” and
creating space for different perspectives and dynamic connections.
Value and moralistic judgments
When making value judgments we express qualities(needs/values) that we value important to
life.
When making moralistic judgments we express our opinion about people and behaviors that
do not support our value judgments.
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