Characteristics of Abusive Men
1. Pushes For Quick Involvement-Pressures the new partner for an exclusive
commitment right away. Is intense and claims he has never felt like this with anyone else
before.
2. Exhibits Jealousy-Excessively possessive and is threatened by your attachment with
your friends and ex-partners. Calls you frequently and drops in unexpectedly to “check
up” on you and see if you are with anyone else. Is very aware of time and will question
where you been since he knows how long it takes for you to get places and wants you to
be accountable for your whereabouts. May check the mileage on your vehicle.
3. Controlling-Interrogates you regarding who you spend time with and where you’ve
been. Controls the money and requires that you ask permission before going anywhere.
May dictate the type of clothing you were and how you wear your hair. May place you in
a double-bind when he wants you to dress up and then accuse you of dressing seductively
when you do.
4. Unrealistic Expectations-Wants you to be perfect and meet his every need. Has little
sympathy or empathy for others and is self-absorbed.
5. Isolation-Tries to cut you off from your family and friends so you are easier to control.
Accuses your friends of being against him. Will be threatened by your holding a job
since you might meet other men there.
6. Blames Others For His Problems or Mistakes-Seldom takes responsibility and shifts
the responsibility onto others for his actions.
7. Makes Others Responsible For His Feelings-Feels that his feelings are caused by
others and does not see his part in how he feels.
8. Hypersensitivity-Is over-sensitive and “makes a mountain out of a molehill.” Feels
overly persecuted and “personalizes” things rather than seeing that people are just doing
their job. Feels that things are unfair.
9. Cruel To Animals And Children-Attacks animals when he is angry at the partner
because it is her pet. Uses harsh discipline with children and has unrealistically high
expectations of children.
10. May Use Force During Sex Or Play Fighting-Is inappropriately physically
aggressive at times.
11. Verbally Abusive-Is critical of you and calls you names that attack areas when you
are more insecure (weight, parenting, intelligence, etc.). May humiliate and embarrass
you in front of your friends or family. Plays mind games.
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12. Rigid Sex-Roles-Treats you like a servant. Expects to be the one to tell you what
each of you should be doing. Expects immediate compliance.
13. Sudden Mood Swings-Will be sweet and understanding one minute and angry and
distant the next. When angry may drive his vehicle in an intimidating manner to frighten
you. May strike out at things or throw objects and then minimize his actions.
14. Past Battering-Admits that he has been abusive with past partners, but that they
deserved this or asked for it.
15. Threats Of Violence- Makes statements that he will kill you or threatens you and
then dismisses them as no big deal when he is confronted. He minimizes or denies that
he has made these statements.
Paul A. Ricketts M.A.
Registered Marriage & Family Therapist
211 King Street West, Dundas, Ontario L9H 1V6
Tel/Fax: (905) 648-0786
web-page: www.rickettscounselling.com
e-mail: pricketts@interlynx.net