Sensitively making a fool of yourself?
In my work as an intensive interaction practitioner, I see many staff that have difficulty in sustaining interactions.
Although these people do enjoy some degree of success in their work, why is it that they are unable to go beyond this
initial stage? Reflecting upon my own experience, I think that a major hurdle is feeling too self conscious.
Intensive Interaction is presented as an approach based upon natural human interaction that teaches fundamental
communication skills. Participants at training days are told that they do not need any specialist skills, that they are
already communication experts, and for successful practice one simply needs to be a sensitive and flexible
communication partner. Of course this is true, but if sensitivity and flexibility are not a person’s strong points, how do
they develop this skill?
It is my view that an alternative approach to the question may help. Rather than thinking ‘how can I learn to be flexible
and sensitive?’ we can turn the problem around and think ‘what is preventing me from being flexible and sensitive?’
Can we identify the problems that we are having and then let go of them, much like a person stood in a supermarket
queue may suddenly realize that they can relieve their aching shoulders by putting down the bags they were holding.
A typical mother would not feel self-conscious when mimicking the behaviour of their infant. The child would be
making various vocalisations and funny faces, all of which the mother can celebrate and would generally feel happy to
mimic in public because all the behaviours associated with a mother-infant interaction are socially acceptable things to
do. The two communication partners can naturally focus upon each others behaviour as neither person is distracted
by worrying what other people think. An autistic person’s behaviour can be very different however. Strange
vocalisations, odd body movements and unusual postures will tend to make the beginning practitioner uncomfortable if
they attempt to join in. The more unfamiliar the patterns of behaviour, the more self-conscious the practitioner may feel
and the more they will worry about what other people will think of them if they are witnessed reflecting back the
behaviours of the autistic person.
There are several strategies that I would suggest if you feel self-conscious. We live in a society where there the range
of movement seems quite limited. I recently visited China and Hong Kong to study Chinese martial arts and found that
many people of all ages can be found at dawn in the parks practising tai chi, qigong (or even ballroom dance).
Practicing my tai chi in those parks simply attracted positive looks of recognition, contrasting starkly with the blank
stares that I often receive from passers by in England. Imagine also the reaction that somebody would receive if they
spontaneously began to dance and sing down Oxford Street or in Meadowhall – some people would certainly think the
persons behaviour where highly unusual whereas in Cuba or Africa this would be considered quite normal. It would
seem clear therefore that it is quite normal for us to feel self conscious about movements that we are not familiar with
and I suggest that a good first step is to start by joining in with vocalisations or perhaps facial expressions. There are
many sessions that I have been part of when myself and the learner have been sat opposite each other intently
observing each others faces and I believe that the range of sounds and facial expressions we are happy to make can
be somewhat larger than the range of body movements. This, therefore, can be a good place to begin an interaction
to help you feel more comfortable.
The second strategy is to just go for it. Once you are part of an enjoyable interaction then you will not care what other
people think because all of your attention will be involved in the interaction. Self consciousness will not appear if you
are truly engaged and having a good time. You will of course also feel more comfortable with more Intensive
Interaction practice.
A third strategy is to start an evening class in drama or tai chi or maybe even dance – any activity that expands the
repertoire of body movements that you feel comfortable with performing in front of other people. I have been
practicing tai chi and qigong in the parks around where I live for and also have stage experience as a storyteller and
musician. I believe that this experience has really helped me feel less self conscious as I have already made a
complete fool of myself many times over! With regular practice of any of these disciplines I believe you will soon feel
much more comfortable and at ease during Intensive Interaction.
In summary, I understand that for us to be sensitive and flexible communication partners we need to relax and
concentrate upon the interaction without being distracted, Self-consciousness presents difficulties because our mind is
filled with worry and we could easily miss an opportunity to engage with the learner while feeling reluctant to
communicate at the appropriate level. I remember a comment by Phoebe Caldwell to the effect that as soon as she
felt self conscious during an interaction she would try a new approach because she interprets the feeling as being
disengaged from the learner. I believe that all the answers we need in order to be able to find a way to communicate
with someone are right there in front of us during an interaction. We just need look in the right way.