The Adventures of Andy Rogers and the Astroteers: CAPTAIN
ANDY ROGERS AND THE SPACEKETEERS IN THE AMAZING 21ST
CENTURY!
ANNOUNCER
Put on your space-boots, kids, it’s time for CAPTAIN ANDY
ROGERS AND THE ASTROTEERS IN THE AMAZING 21ST CENTURY!..
With *Captain Andy Rogers*, a professional quarterback with
a medal of honour in the American Army- but hands off,
ladies, he’s saving it for marriage!
*Professor Brainsworth!*, A Professer with a degree in
Advanced Spaceology. Oh, Professor, what will you invent
next?
*Mary Weather!* Andy’s faithful sweetheart from Earth!
aaand..
*The Canadarm!*, Captain Andy’s faithful Canadian robot
companion.
But watch out, Andy, the universe isn’t safe yet! You still
have to watch out for *Communist Dictator* and his brutal
Communauts!
Last week on CAPTAIN ANDY ROGERS AND THE ASTROTEERS IN THE
AMAZING 21ST CENTURY, Captain Andy was just about to land on
the faraway planet of Mars.. let’s check in on him now!
EXT. MARS – DAY
Opening scene with the Astroglider landing adjacent to
Command Head Quarters Base Camp Alpha.
EXT. ASTROTEER HQ – DAY
The Astroteers: Andy Rogers, Professor Brainsworth, and
Mary Weather, accompanied by some anonymous crewmembers
enter the HQ through the automatic sliding door.
ANDY
Hey professor, I’m still a bit stiff from the
defridgeration process.
PROFESSOR
That’s probably a side effect of combining the hibernation
pills and the anti-radiation pills.
ANDY
Did they have to give us the anti-radiation pills too?
PROFESSOR
Of course, otherwise we would never have made it through
Mars’ electromagnetic atmosphere.
ANDY
First thing we’ll do is start exploring the planet. We
should split up to cover more ground. Splitting up always
works out for the best. Beta, you head east. Professor
Brainsworth, you come with me so you can identify any rock
samples I find.
MARY
What about me?
ANDY
You can stay here with the Canadarm and learn your way
around the kitchen. We’re going to be plenty hungry when we
return. Besides, Mars is no place for a woman or a Canadian
for that matter.
EXT. MARS – DAY
Scenes depicting the Martian landscape.
EXT. MARS, OUTSIDE HQ - DAY
Andy and the professor are ready to head out.
ANDY
Okay, so we’ll be back here at 04:00 hours.
PROFESSOR
Alright.
ANDY
Remember, Professor, that’s Mars time.
(dramatic flourish.)
As the Astroteers begin to head out, the communist dictator
peers at them from over a hill. Play villains’ theme song
(Troika done with synth electric guitar.)
COMMUNIST DICTATOR (monologuing)
Ah, it appears that the Astroteers have joined us on this
planet. If our glorious republic hadn’t strategically cut
the safety protocols in our space program to save time, the
Astroteers would surely have beaten us to Mars. But they
won’t get far; I’ll destroy them, just like I’ll destroy
Western Capitalism!
EXT. MARS – DAY
Andy and the professor walking across alien landscape.
EXT. MARS RUINS - DAY
Andy and professor are looking at rocks. The professor
picks up random rocks and looks at them with a microscope.
They notice the alien structures.
PROFESSOR
They appear to be ruins of some sort.
ANDY
A whole alien civilization, here on Mars.
PROFESSOR
Not any more, captain, they’ve been abandoned for ages.
They come across a patch of gummy bears.
ANDY
These rock formations look very peculiar.
He picks up a gummy bear among the rocks.
PROFESSOR
Look! There’s another.
ANDY
A whole colony of them.
The professor eats one.
PROFESSOR
They taste just like candy. Amazing. Candy based organisms
growing on the Martian surface.
Andy eats a few.
PROFESSOR
I’ve heard of this before. A class of invertebrates known
as confectoids. They use a process called photosynthesis to
harvest energy from the sun, which is then stored in the
form of delicious candy.
ANDY
Energy from the sun! I’ll take good old atomic power any
day.
COMMUNIST DICTATOR
The only power you’re going to be using (beat) is dead
power.
The communist dictator, a few henchmen and Commubot stand
in a row, ready to confront Andy and the professor.
PROFESSOR
Communauts!
ANDY
(this is supposes to rhyme)
Let’s turn these fools into fossil fuels.
The Communauts are taking cover behind Commubot and firing
lasers. Andy and the professor lie flat and fire from a
prone position.
PROFESSOR
Let’s make like a meson and get out of here.
ANDY
Excellent idea, professor. We’ll regroup and get
reinforcements.
They retreat, Andy providing cover fire.
EXT. MARS – DAY
More martian landscape.
INT. ASTROTEER HQ - DAY
Andy, the professor, Mary, and the Canadarm are present.
ANDY
Hmm… they seemed to be guarding a field of naturally
growing Martian candy.
CANADARM
Why’s candy so good, professor?
PROFESSOR
Well, candy is made of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen.
He draws on chalkboard (C-H-O, in a seesaw configuration)
He gestures to the bonds.
PROFESSOR
You see, it’s the energy bonds in the hydrogen atoms that
make candy healthy and taste good.
ANDY
Wait! Energy! Professor, don’t weapons also use energy of
some sort?
PROFESSOR
Why, yes they do.
ANDY
That must be what the Communauts want with it. We can’t let
the candy fields fall into the wrong hands. We must
liberate the confectoids at all costs.
MARY
Why can’t we be diplomatic about this? This is a pretty big
planet; there’s enough room for both of us, and we can
share the candy fields.
ANDY
I understand that it’s your biological inclination to think
emotionally, but this situation calls for logic.
MARY
What’s illogical about -ANDY
Please try to control yourself. Now isn’t the time to lose
your head. Diplomacy is exactly what the Communauts want.
They see any non-aggressive action by us as a sign of
weakness. But they fear us enough that a strong show of
force will give them no choice but to retreat. Fear and
cowardice is the Communaut way.
CANADARM
In my native land of Toronto, Wise Beaver imparted sacred
knowledge unto me, which I would now like to share with
you: When there is only one brewski left, it is permissible
to fight for it. But when there is plenty, you must treat
your friends like your neighbors and your neighbors like
your friends.
ANDY
Fascinating input, Canadarm, but I can’t decipher your
cryptic wisdom.
CANADARM
It’s the way of the mountie and the Canadian Armed Forces..
put down your weapons, grab a two-four, and go with the
flow, eh?
ANDY
Clever plan, Canadarm. If we can get them to put down
their weapons, we’ll be able to take them down with nothing
but a two-by-four.
PROFESSOR
We can use left over anti-radiation pills to protect us
from their laser rays.
ANDY
Good thinking, professor.
ANDY
(to Mary)
You see, logic.
INT. COMMUNAUT LAIR - DAY
The communist dictator and henchmen are present. Play
villains’ theme song (Troika done with synth electric
guitar.)
COMMUNIST DICTATOR
With this naturally available food supply, we’ll be able to
raise a formidable army. Then we can destroy the
Astroteers, and the planet will be all ours …
COMMUNIST DICTATOR
(scowling)
… Mars will finally be the Red Planet!
Commubot enters.
COMMUBOT
The Astroteers, they’re at the candy fields.
Communist dictator and henchman follow Commubot out.
EXT. MARS RUINS – DAY
The Communauts face the Astroteers and draw their laser
rays. They try to fire, but nothing happens. They are
frustrated.
COMMUNIST DICTATOR
Our laser rays, they’re not working!
COMMUBOT
Anti-radiation field detected! Bweeeep!
COMMUNIST DICTATOR
Then I guess we’ll have to dispose of them with our bare
hands.
The Communauts advance on the Astroteers.
Astroteers
(together)
Astrosuits engage!
FIGHT SCENE (double awesome)
Communist Dictator empties a test tube onto the gummy bear
colony. The Communauts retreat.
COMMUNIST DICTATOR
You haven’t seen the last of me, Astroqueers.
He flees.
ANDY
What was that substance he poured onto the confectoids?
PROFESSOR
It’s Rubisco inhibitorase kinase-kinase-kinase binding
protein binding protein protein factor, it kills
confectoids.
ANDY
Rather than let us have them, they chose to destroy it all.
We’ve all learnt something important today; the Communauts
are the ultimate evil and they will stop at nothing to
destroy us.
ANNOUNCER
Yes, the day is saved this time, Captain Andy Rogers, but
what crazy plot will (Communist Dictator) come up with next
week? We’ll find out.. on.. CAPTAIN ANDY ROGERS AND THE
SPACEKETEERS IN THE AMAZING 21ST CENTURY!