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The power of our words
Proverbs 8:6-8, 13
Proverbs 8:6-8, 13
6 Listen, for I have worthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right.
7 My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness.
8 All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse.
13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior
and perverse speech.
Pray
Words hurt
Tell me if this sounds familiar.
Oooh I stepped in something, did you sweep the kitchen like you were supposed to?
I swept it two times as if I have to report to you
Well, you did a terrible job do it again.
Don’t tell me what to do.
Do it again
Your not the boss of me
Oh yeah, well . . . your picture looks stupid.
You’re stupid.
You stink.
I do not, you’re ugly.
You know these kinds of word battles? In my house these kinds of battles usually result
in my wife crying and my sleeping on the couch.
Ok, I have never called my wife stupid, stinky or ugly, but I have used words to wound.
And I don’t know whether my wife has intentionally beaten me with words, but they have
had a pretty devastating effect in the past.
Anybody have a clue how powerful words are?
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The time that girl said she liked your shirt and you wore it every day for the next
month.
You still remember that time your dad said you wouldn’t amount to anything
The time your kid said “I hate you”.
Or the time your husband said “I never really loved you” He may still be with
you but it echoes in your mind every day.
The time your friend said you had a big nose. You have never looked in the
mirror the same way.
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When it comes to the book of Proverbs there is no topic that stands out more, that has
more verses mentioned on it (other than the topic of wisdom itself) than the topic of
speech, words, the tongue.
Very simply, the sages were very concerned with how you use your tongue.
They understood the raw power at your command.
Think about this for a second. Words are the primary way we communicate.
Communication is vital. Augustine is famous for his emphasis in reminding us that even
before time existed there was perfect communication within the Trinity. They knew how
to perfectly express themselves.
What do we all long for?
In fact, that is what we all long for. Perfect expression. To understand others and to be
perfectly known.
The importance of words in history
Words are so important. It’s God’s words that began it all. Remember, unlike most of the
ANE myths, God did not create the world through sexual acts, or an intricate battle scene
or blood or sweat or saliva. God creates the world through his word.
He speaks, “Let there be light” and there was light.
It’s through words that he reveals his redemptive plan in Scripture.
It’s relationships that develop mostly by words.
It’s Jesus, the living word, made flesh to dwell among us.
Words are important.
So it’s no wonder that the sages had a lot to say about it.
“The tongue has,” as it says in 18:21, “the power of life and death.”
James says that it is the most powerful muscle in the body and compares it to a horse’s bit
and a ship’s rudder. Small pieces that turn massive creatures and vehicles. Just a few
words can turn everything around. They can make your day or they can destroy it.
Life or death: three ways words kill
18:21, the power of life and death
Words not only hurt, this verse says, they kill. They take life.
This word “life” has several aspects, physical, psychological, and social.
We all know that words can physically kill. You may know of someone who took their
own life after being ridiculed. Its rude and callous and insensitive words that lead to
school killing sprees and bombings.
July 18th Andy Johnson yells something at a passing car and Skylar Jordan stops the car,
backs up and shot him with a .45
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But even if physical life isn’t taken, the inner life, the psychological life is often killed.
They are verbally abused and they never recover. They live their life assuming they are
worthless, assuming they can’t lead, assuming they aren’t a real man, assuming they
aren’t beautiful, assuming no man will ever want them and they die inside.
Community is often destroyed as well by just a few careless or perverse words
16:28 A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
Words destroy community.
Words kill.
Words may kill, but we need them desperately
And at the same time we need them like crazy. There is a word famine in the world. We
all need relationships which come primarily through words. We long, as I said, to
perfectly express ourselves and to be perfectly known.
There is a word hunger. We must express ourselves and we must give out as well. Out of
the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. We must be affirmed. Isn’t that right?
I know popular psychology often dismisses our need for positive words. They say it only
matters what YOU think of something. But that isn’t exactly true. At least not
psychologically. If I paint a picture and call myself an artist that is fine, but if after 5
years go by and no one else sees anything in that picture that cries out to them, I can call
myself an artist all I want, but its probably time to be honest. Someone else must affirm it
and we need it.
Speaking of the need for words…
Have you ever had someone use the silent treatment on you? It’s far worse than a
screaming match. It means you aren’t even worthy of my words. I refuse to give you
relationship that you so desperately long for.
This need for words and this silent treatment are so important to our psychological
understanding, so I am not sorry for giving you all this sociological stuff. The bible has
much to say about the way things affect us. Not to mention the longing for affirmation
and the silent treatment are part of the grand history of redemption which I will get to in a
few minutes.
The pull of the world
Let me remind you of what we are doing here. Remember the boy on a journey? He is at
a crossroads and he looks and sees the hot chick with an apron and a martini glass
beckoning to him. Now this boy must make a choice, choose wisdom who is this hot
chick, or choose foolishness, who is a female version of sloth with a big mole on her nose
and several hairs an inch long sticking out. And as we gaze at that mole we see that it is
actually somewhat attractive. We listen to her words, which as you might recall are loud
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and have no content (9:13) but somehow they are seductive. And Wisdom cries out
trying to break the spell but you’re torn.
Remember for a second what we are talking about here. Wisdom is a picture of Yahweh.
Lady Folly is a picture of the false teaching going on at the time. But it looks so darn
good. It tells me what I want to hear. The words are seductive and they speak to me right
where I am. I want to feel good about myself and Lady Folly is full of flattery and
deception. She is lying to you but you don’t care because you are so broken.
You ignore the false things she says, you are enamored by the wickedness. She is
crooked and perverse and yet…there is something seductive about it.
Don’t take my word for it. Look here is how Wisdom describes herself:
Proverbs 8:6-8, 13
6 Listen, for I have worthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right.
7 My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness.
8 All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse.
13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior
and perverse speech.
That’s the problem. Wisdom fears the Lord. Wisdom speaks what is true. Wisdom detests
wickedness. Wisdom hates evil. Wisdom speaks worthily.
But all those things are not what we want to hear. And the world, and the false teachers,
and the cool crowd have what, in our broken condition, looks to be a much better offer.
But Christians, despite the pull of the world, we have the Spirit within us enabling us to
choose wisely.
What should our speech look like?
Now let’s talk about what Proverbs says our speech should look like.
1. truthful honest speech rather than deceptiveness
2. wise and timely speech rather than carelessness
3. Economical speech rather than impulsiveness
1. Truthful speech, honest, not deceptive.
I hope it’s obvious that our speech should be honest. Christians are not to be liars.
In addition to being one of the ten commandments being not to give false witness. It
shows up in Proverbs 6:19, 12:17, 14:5, 14:25, 19:5, 19:9 and 21:28.
Each verse saying basically that liars will be punished.
And of course they should be. Lying is hiding reality. It is lack of transparency and
actually trying to persuade people that the world is not how they thought. Its saying, what
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you think is reality, is not. And this kills relationships. It says you are not important
enough to me to know reality correctly. I prefer for you to live in a fictional world. You
aren’t as good as me.
24:26 An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.
This phrase a “kiss on the lips” only appears here and Tim Keller says it refers to status
of a person. A kiss on the lips is done between equals. A kiss on the cheek is done for
those slightly under the other person. Someone greatly lower will not kiss at all, rather he
will prostrate himself before the other.
Honesty makes equals.
But we aren’t just concerned with liars. We are concerned with deceivers.
17:20 A man of perverse heart does not prosper; he whose tongue is deceitful
falls into trouble.
15:4 deceitful tongue crushes the spirit
My dad always said, deceit IS lying. And I think he is right. Because if we bend the truth
or not share all of it, we are accomplishing the same thing.
Kids it is very wrong to lie. That’s obvious.
If you want to go play outside and you ask permission and mom asks if you cleaned your
room and you say yes, but you didn’t, that’s a lie. God says he hates that.
Pro 6:16 There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,
18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil,
19 a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among
brothers.
Three of these things concern speech that hides truth.
But its equally wrong for you to go into your room and clean for 5 minutes and then tell
mom you cleaned your room even though you know its not yet clean. It was being
cleaned, but it is not presently clean. That’s deception. Telling some of the truth but not
giving it all.
And why is this so terrible. Why are all forms of dishonest speech so terrible: gossip,
slander, flattery. Because they stir up dissension. They create disunity because reality is
being hid from their eyes.
Can I add this? Remember when I spoke of friends. A friend tells the truth. This also
means that rebukes are needed. Words from courageous people are necessary.
16:13 Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth.
This is true of a prophet who comes to tell the king what is important. What pleases God
and what doesn’t. It’s what you do for friends. Tell the truth. You prepare them for
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ultimate community. Not only with you and others in the church, but with God, who
loves truth because he is truth.
23:15 My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad;
16 my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right.
17: 4 A wicked man listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a
malicious tongue.
2. Thoughtful and timely, not careless
We can agree that we should be honest and courageous, but we must also know the right
time to speak. Saying the right thing at the wrong time makes it the wrong thing. We
must think before speaking and make sure our words are spoken at the right time.
25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
You don’t have to rebuke your husband the day he doesn’t get the promotion. Don’t
criticize your wife when she gets off the phone with a hurting friend.
Of course you are to rebuke and you are to criticize, but be careful that you not only do it
gently, but that you do it with good timing. That passage continues:
25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
12 Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man's rebuke to a
listening ear.
Rebuking is good, done aptly.
We want to do what is ultimately delightful, fitting for them.
10:32 Lips of the righteous know what is fitting (delightful).
What I think this means is that we chose our words to fit the sensibilities of the listener. If
you want to get something across, figure out how to best get it across.
If you are a husband who comes from a family that was indirect. Lots of hinting and
innuendoes and subtle manipulations, but your wife comes from a family that just blurts
out what is annoying them and gets it over with, you will have to think carefully about
how you communicate
If hubbie uses communication patterns that he is used to from his family with his wife,
they wont communicate. They will talk, but no one will be understood.
Eventually it will come out and she will say, I never knew you felt that way.
But I told you over and over again. But in reality all he did was hint at it and she isn’t
used to that.
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Or the wife may blurt out how horrible he treated her for something and he will start
looking for a divorce lawyer. But she was just venting, that’s how she communicates.
15:23 A man finds joy in giving an apt reply-- and how good is a timely word!
If things are well considered and timely, there is joy. What a great promise.
3. Economical, not rash
This fourth one connects closely to the third, but I want to go a step further. Not only be
thoughtful and know when to say something, but sometimes, just be quiet.
Some of you have a talking problem. It’s not necessarily that percentage-wise you say
more hurting things or more foolish things, Its just that you talk so much, its nearly
impossible to guard your mouth as you should and so you end up regretting way more
things.
13: 3 He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to
ruin.
10:19 when words are many, sin is not absent.
See, if I must consider whether my words are true, apt, direct, and gentle and I talk all the
time, its going to be way harder to keep a check on these things.
15:28 The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked
gushes evil.
17:27 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding
is even-tempered.
28 Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his
tongue.
18:13 He who answers before listening-- that is his folly and his shame.
20:25 It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later to
consider his vows.
29:20 Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool
than for him.
As a Preacher and teacher, I have to be careful. I speak a lot. Its why I write out my
whole sermon. I don’t trust myself enough and I need to think things through before I say
them. My problem is that I know how Satan twists things so I want to say it just right.
And I know how desperately evil my heart is left to its own and how wrapped up in its
environment it is, so I have to think carefully.
Can I encourage some of you talkers to be quiet. Don’t take over the Sunday School or
the Bible Study. Don’t talk non-stop to your husband when he comes home. Don’t feel
like you have to give advice to your wife every time she shares something with you.
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Don’t feel like you have to respond to the person in front of you in line complaining
about this or that. It doesn’t matter if he is stupid. Just be quiet.
There is another example every day of someone in politics or a celebrity of some sort,
saying something stupid just because they felt the need to say something. Just be quiet.
Do any of these apply to you?
My guess is all of you have a problem with at least one of these. You speak too much,
you say the right things at the wrong time, you aren’t perfectly honest. You aren’t gentle.
And because of our lack of wisdom we wound people
12:18 “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the
wise brings healing.
We put a sword into them and they never recover. You can pull it out but the wound
remains. Some of you are dealing with much guilt over words that were spoken rashly,
without enough thought. They were true, but not apt and not gentle. Others were silent
and so allowed another to believe he was in the right and in essence deceived them. You
weren’t honest and brave.
Why do we have trouble with our speech?
We all have trouble listening and speaking as we should.
Why?
Because of our heart
It’s the heart that guides the mouth (16:23 A wise mans heart guides his mouth.)
Matthew 12:33 "Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad
and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.
34 You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of
the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
Non-Christian, I know I have a bunch of you here and I am so glad. This is a safe place to
consider your words and your status in life.
Let me ask you, Why are you dishonest sometimes and why do you hurt people
sometimes?
The answer is because your heart is messed up.
So if you are sitting here thinking you can fix this. Will power will do it, I am going to
watch my words and hold inventory of what I have said at the end of the day, let me tell
you right now.
You are going to fail.
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Because the only thing that will change your words is your heart. When I say heart, I am
not speaking of your emotions. Heart in scripture is the control center of the self. Its
through this that you hope and love and find meaning and look for significance and
security.
And its out of the overflow of that, that our problems come
We speak because we are insecure and we find in that that our idol is security
We lie because we are afraid people will think something about us and we find our idol is
needing to be liked.
We aren’t gentle because we are busy and thoughtless and we find our idol is work or
apathy
We quickly rebuke others when we are inconvenienced (forced out of bed or away from
the TV) and we find that our idol is comfort
Our heart is filled with something and it is our functional savior. As we figure out what
our idol is, we are humiliated and humbled. And as we find ourselves to be great sinners,
then we can see our need for a great savior.
Can your speech be healed?
Can your speech be healed?
Yes.
Genesis 11 had speech corrupted. It resulted in individualism and destruction of
community.
Acts 2 saw the Spirit come and heal speech so much that people who spoke in different
languages were still able to be understood and were truly known.
The reason is because Jesus filled their heart.
He was a great speaker. Nothing ever untimely, unkind, untruthful. But he is far more
than our great example.
Jesus is THE word made flesh. Hebrews says in the last days that God spoke through his
son.
He is the Alpha and the omega, the beginning and end of the dictionary.
He is the only word that will satisfy our word famine.
And he speaks to us. He is the only one to make us feel significant, and secure and loved,
and affirmed
He can do this because he took the ultimate silent treatment on the cross
“Why are you forsaking me?” Why aren’t you communicating?
But we were the ones who deserved that silent treatment. He should have abandoned us
But instead God talks to us. He says to Jesus “You are my beloved Son in whom I am
well pleased.
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And he says that to us.
He says you deserved Hell
He says “It is finished.”
He says “I love you.”
Romans 8:16 says that the spirit bears witness with ours that we are the children of God.
We can hear the one word from outside that we need. I am delighted in you.
If you really hear this, you don’t need to lie anymore, you don’t need to be harsh
anymore. Because your heart is secure, it has value, it isn’t prideful.