The Quibbles
1
The Quibbles Radio Shows
Karen Riehl
Book Title
Author
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
2
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ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
3
NOTICE
Copyright: This play is fully protected under the Copyright Laws of the United States
of America, the British Commonwealth of Nations, including Canada, and all countries
of the Berne and Universal Copyright Convention.
The printed text is offered for sale at the price quoted, with the understanding that if
any additional copies are needed for production, they will be purchased from the
publisher.
The purchase of this play as an e-script entitles the purchaser the right to make
photocopies for your cast. Sharing of the material with other organizations or persons is
prohibited. This play may not be reproduced in any other form without the written
permission of the publisher. Please include the copyright statement on each copy made.
The laws of the United States are specific regarding the piracy of copyrighted materials.
Royalty: The writing of plays is a means of livelihood. Unlawful use of a playwright's
work deprives the creator of his or her rightful income. The play is subject to royalty
payment for professional and amateur performances. This includes readings, cuttings,
scenes and excerpts, whether admission fee is charged or not.
The royalty for amateur productions of The Quibbles Radio Shows is XXX and payable
two weeks prior to your production. Insert in your programs:
“Performed with special permission from ArtAge Publications’ Senior Theatre
Resource Center at www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998.”
Contact ArtAge Publications for information about royalty for professional
productions, permission to videotape, or additional questions. Royalty fees are subject
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Copyright Karen Riehl 2011
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
4
LIST OF SHOWS
CLEANING HOUSE
THE DIET
THE SURPRISE
MOTHER’S VISIT
SNORING PROBLEMS
THE 4TH of JULY PARTY
QUENTIN’S EYES
TRICK OR TREAT
HOLIDAY PLANS
QUENTIN’S NEW BEST FRIEND
Page 4
Page 9
Page 14
Page 19
Page 24
Page 29
Page 35
Page 40
Page 45
Page 50
WARNING
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
FreeView
CLEANING HOUSE
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ANNOUNCER: Now for another fun-filled visit with everyone’s favorite couple,
Quentin and Carol Quibble. The Quibbles are brought to you by Ipana toothpaste.
Ipana, the toothpaste that puts a shine in your smile. As the scene opens, we find Carol
and Quentin just finishing their breakfast.
CAROL: Quentin, I can’t see you. Are you chewing with your mouth open again?
QUENTIN: Yes.
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
5
CAROL: Quentin, why do you always read the paper while we eat?
QUENTIN: So you can’t see me chew with my mouth open.
CAROL: But then we can’t see each other.
QUENTIN: That’s right, Carol.
CAROL: You have the paper awfully close to your face. Maybe you need new reading
glasses.
WARNING
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
THE DIET
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ANNOUNCER: Halo, everybody, Halo! It's time for another laugh-filled visit with
the Quibbles. The Quibbles are brought to you by Halo Shampoo, the shampoo that
leaves your hair not just clean and shiny, but thick and alluring. Now, let's join Carol
and Quentin Quibble as they sit down for their noon meal.
QUENTIN: Where's my usual ham sandwich, Carol?
CAROL: You're not having it today, Quentin. You're having carrot sticks and celery.
QUENTIN: What else?
CAROL: A glass of water and a pickle.
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
6
QUENTIN: A pickle.
CAROL: Yes.
QUENTIN: What have I done wrong?
CAROL: Nothing.
QUENTIN: Then why are you starving me, Carol?
CAROL: You're gaining weight, so I put you on a diet.
(silence)
CAROL: Do you think we should take tap dancing lessons?
QUENTIN: No.
CAROL: Why not?
QUENTIN: Because I don't want to take tap dancing lessons. I'd rather have a
sandwich.
WARNING
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
THE SURPRISE
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
7
ANNOUNCER: It’s time for another happy visit with our friends, Carol and Quentin
Quibble. The Quibbles are brought to you by Lux Dish Soap, the soap for beautiful skin.
Keep your hands lovely and smooth, while Lux cleans your dishes. Today, as we join
Carol and Quentin, we find them at the breakfast table.
CAROL: Quentin, do you know what day this is?
(silence)
CAROL: Well?
(silence)
CAROL: Quentin, I think you need to have your hearing checked. You never seem to
hear me when I speak to you.
(silence)
CAROL: Well?
QUENTIN: Well, what, Carol.
CAROL: Are you going to have your hearing checked?
QUENTIN: Uh-huh.
CAROL: When?
QUENTIN: Soon.
CAROL: Soon, when?
(silence)
CAROL: (yelling) Quentin!
QUENTIN: Yes, Carol.
WARNING
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
8
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
MOTHER’S VISIT
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ANNOUNCER: It’s time for the Quibbles, brought to you by Postum. Avoid
tomorrow’s caffeine habit and serve Postum with milk today. Postum is a good habit to
get into! Now let’s join Carol and Quinton Quibble as they enjoy their evening meal.
CAROL: How did you like the mushroom and asparagus casserole?
(silence)
CAROL: Quentin!
QUENTIN: What?
CAROL: Did you like the new casserole?
QUENTIN: Uh-huh
CAROL: Uh-huh…what?
QUENTIN: Uh-huh, yes.
CAROL: I thought I might make it for this weekend when mother is here.
QUENTIN: Your mother is coming for the weekend?
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
9
CAROL: Yes, don’t you remember? I told you a few days ago.
QUENTIN: Right. A few days ago.
CAROL: I told you that on Saturday we’re going to take her on a nice long drive in the
country. Don’t you remember?
QUENTIN: Ah. (sounds ill) No, I don’t remember about the nice long drive in the
country.
WARNING
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
SNORING PROBLEMS
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet.
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ANNOUNCER: It's time for another laugh-filled episode of The Quibbles. The
Quibbles are brought to you this month by Chevrolet. Chevrolet brings you a new
concept in motoring. It's the new motoramic, with front suspension and touch down
over-drive! More people love Chevrolet than any other. See the USA in your Chevrolet!
Now, for our visit with the Quibble family. Today we find Carol and
Quentin just finishing their evening meal.
CAROL: Quentin, are you going to snore tonight?
(silence)
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
10
CAROL: Well?
QUENTIN: Well, what?
CAROL: Are you going to snore tonight?
(silence)
WARNING
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
THE 4th of JULY PARTY
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ANNOUNCER: It’s time for the Quibbles! The Quibbles is brought to you by Swan
soap, the soap made of the finest castiles. And it floats! Now, let’s join our friends, Carol
and Quentin Quibble as they sit comfortably in their living room, reading the evening
newspaper.
CAROL: Quentin, are you reading?
QUENTIN: Yes, Carol, that’s why I have the paper in front of my face.
CAROL: Will you be finished soon?
QUENTIN: (dejected) I’m finished, Carol.
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
11
CAROL: Good! I want to talk.
QUENTIN: I guessed that, Carol.
CAROL: I think we should be patriotic this year for the 4th of July.
(silence)
CAROL: Quentin, did you hear me?
QUENTIN: (dead pan) Oh, boy.
WARNING
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
QUENTIN’S EYES
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ANNOUNCER: It’s time for another laugh-filled visit with the Quibbles. Our program
today is brought to you by Duz laundry soap. Make wash day a pleasure, while you
brighten your clothes with Duz. Duz does it all. As we join our friends today we find
Carol and Quentin in the kitchen just finishing their noon meal.
CAROL:
Quentin, your hair is getting long.
(silence)
CAROL:
Quentin, I think you need a haircut.
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
12
(silence)
CAROL:
Quentin, when are you going to get a haircut?
(silence)
CAROL:
Quentin!
QUENTIN: Sometime.
WARNING
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
TRICK OR TREAT
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ANNOUNCER: The Quibbles is brought to you by Dr. Lyon's tooth powder, the
tooth powder that keeps your teeth clean and bright. Do as your dentist does: Use
powder. Use Dr. Lyon's tooth powder every day! Now, let's join Quentin and Carol
Quibble as they sit across from each other at the breakfast table. It looks like Carol may
have a new hobby.
CAROL: Quentin, don't move.
QUENTIN: I'm beginning to petrify, Carol.
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
13
CAROL: I'm nearly finished.
QUENTIN: Thank the Lord!
CAROL: There! How do you like it?
WARNING
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
HOLIDAY PLANS
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ANNOUNCER: It’s time for another laugh-filled visit with the Quibbles. The Quibbles
are brought to you by Rinso Laundry Soap, the soap that gives your children the
freedom to get dirty and does the work for you on laundry day. Now let’s join Carol
and Quentin Quibble as they relax in their living room after their evening meal.
CAROL: Quentin, the big holiday is just around the corner. I think we should make
some plans.
(silence)
CAROL: Quentin, did you hear me? QUENTIN!
QUENTIN: Yes.
CAROL: Yes, what?
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
14
QUENTIN: I heard you.
CAROL: Well? Do you think we should make plans?
QUENTIN: I’m sure you have that covered, Carol.
CAROL: Well, I have made a few lists.
QUENTIN: I thought so.
CAROL: First, you’ll have to move everything out of your study.
QUENTIN: Why do I have to do that?
CAROL: To make room for Quincy and Kathy.
WARNING
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
QUENTIN'S NEW BEST FRIEND
By
Karen Riehl
CAST
ANNOUNCER: Can be male or female.
CAROL QUIBBLE: Wife. Middle-aged or older. Full of talk and ideas.
QUENTIN QUIBBLE: Husband. Middle-aged or older. Quiet
MADGE: Female neighbor. The town gossip.
ANNOUNCER: It's time for another laugh-a-minute visit with the Quibble family. The
Quibbles are brought to you by Pepsodent tooth powder with Irium. Use it today and
tomorrow you'll wonder where the yellow went! Now let's join Quentin and Carol
Quibble as they finish their evening meal.
CAROL: Quentin, why are you sitting all slumped in your chair like that?
(silence)
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998
The Quibbles
15
CAROL: Quentin, are you listening to me?
(silence)
CAROL: Quentin, Did you hear what I said?
QUENTIN: Yes, Carol.
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
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ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, www.seniortheatre.com, 800-858-4998