Exercise 3 Answers
Problem words or phrases are noted below with a brief explanation. The paragraph is then
rewritten to communicate the ideas with more clarity, precision, and conciseness.
These words are
redundant and add no
new meaning.
There are only a very few researchers who think that
Anthropomorphisms
attribute human
characteristics to inanimate
sources.
Western theories of counselling can be applied equally
well to all populations. Some theories have made
Referent of the
pronoun ‘these’ is not
clear = theories or
adjustments?
adjustments to account for cultural difference. However,
these are few and far between. There are a number of
The number of words here used
is excessive.
writers who have suggested that modifications to existing
Colloquial expressions
reduce precision.
This phrase is
common jargon, but is
not appropriate in
professional writing.
theories are insufficient. They point to studies that have
previously demonstrated that the assumptions underlying
Western theories are inconsistent with the worldviews of
many of the clients we might encounter. Other authors take
This word adds no new
meaning and is
therefore redundant.
This is wordy and also
uses ‘we’ in a broad and
imprecise way.
more of a fly by the seat of your pants approach, adapting
Anthropomorphism –
depending on the
interpretation of ‘they.’
models to fit with each individual client in the moment,
Does ‘they’ refer to
models or to each
individual client?
even though they may not all agree with the basic
This word adds no new
meaning and is
therefore redundant.
theoretical position of the particular counsellor and drawing
on both Western and Eastern models that speak effectively
This sentence is quite
long and might read
better in two parts.
to one another. “Theories are only theories – they are not
as important as our clients. The way that we practice and
the theories we draw upon should be assessed in light of
This quote is wordy and
should be paraphrased.
Unnecessary use of
quotations just clutters
the text and can reduce
meaningfulness.
the needs of our clients. In this way, we meet our
professional obligation to address the needs of all of our
clients” (Brown, 2005, p. 45). If theories are applied
appropriately then clients are more likely to continue to
Writing & APA Lesson 1 Exercise 3 Answers p. 1
Anthropomorphism –
models don’t speak;
people speak.
access your services than simply applying theories in the
same way with all clients.
The comparison here is
ambiguous – using parallel
structure will make the
meaning more clear.
Few researchers think that Western theories of counselling can be applied equally well
to all populations. Some theories have been adjusted to account for cultural difference.
However, these modifications are rare. A number of writers have suggested that
modifications to existing theories are insufficient. They point to studies that have
demonstrated that the assumptions underlying Western theories are inconsistent with
the worldviews of many clients. Other authors take a flexible approach, adapting models
to fit with each client in the moment, even though the changes may not fit with the basic
theoretical position of the counsellor. These authors draw on both Western and Eastern
models that reflect similar assumptions. As counselling psychologists, we have a
responsibility to ensure that all clients are well served through our theories and
practices. Clients are more likely to continue counselling if theories are applied
appropriately rather than applied in the same way with all clients.
As a result of these changes, this paragraph has been reduced from 220 to 154 words. As you
read through the paragraph again, you will likely find other ways to improve the flow of ideas.
Addressing these specific issues is just a starting place.
Writing & APA Lesson 1 Exercise 3 Answers p. 2