Mr. Mom and Three Men and a Baby: Analyzing Film to
Understand the Dynamic Role of Fatherhood in the 1980s
Honors 265: Manhood in America
The New Fatherhood movement that had its roots in the 1920s began as an attempt by
fathers to engage themselves on a superficial level with their children. This included acting as a
guide and mentor or a weekend playmate. According to Ralph LaRossa, the father-as-pal
mentality arose during the "culture of daddyhood" from the turn of the century to the late 1920s;
this aligned itself with domestic masculinity, or a playful, affectionate, and kind masculinity. 1 On
the other hand, the father as role model took hold in the early 1930s and lasted until World War
II. This kind of fatherhood was representative of masculine domesticity, which denoted the
adaptation of the domestic sphere to accommodate traditional masculine ideology.2
Unfortunately, neither of these models of fatherhood placed the responsibility of nurturing
children, especially infants, into the hands of the father himself. While many fathers did so, they
were often the targets of abuse and scorn by peers who criticized their maternal behaviors.3
After World War II, the New Fatherhood movement moved into a period of materialism
and suburbanization; fatherly responsibilities, duties, and obligations were now stressed in the
household.4 Thus the nation saw a re-emergence of the father as a mentor, or role model.
However, by the late 1970s, fathers were becoming less and less concerned with establishing
families and offspring. According to Robert Griswold, both men and women were less likely to
cite parenthood as a source of happiness and well being in the 1970s than in the 1950s.5 All this
was about to change, however. The 1980s heralded a new change in the role of the father; one
way to illustrate this is through an analysis of two films that gives a snapshot of the forces
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working at the concept of fatherhood during that period. These two films are Stan Dragoti's Mr.
Mom (1983) and Leonard Nimoy's Three Men and a Baby (1987). Mr. Mom and Three Men and
a Baby reveal a change taking place in the nature of fatherhood in the mid-1980s; whereas New
Fatherhood had in the past been associated with father-as-pal or guide and mentor, caring for and
nurturing children was now being recognized as a fulfilling and useful role for fathers to accept.
Mr. Mom, starring Michael Keaton, is the story of a laid-off car engineer named Jack
Butler whose stay-at-home wife, Caroline, decides to get a job; this leaves Jack the task of caring
for two young sons and an infant daughter. Immediately, a hint of foreshadowing reveals part of
the message of the movie, as Caroline says to Jack, "a lot of men would love to spend this time
with their kids."6 This statement reveals the state of affairs in most middle-class homes at the
time the movie was made. Most fathers were working all week to earn a living for their family;
these were the traditions handed down by the 1950s generation that measured a father's success
by financial support. According to Caroline's comment, when those fathers were not working,
they must not have had time to spend with their children either.
Jack initially has a difficult time adjusting to his new lifestyle. Wallowing in a world of
confusion, he makes many mistakes and clearly begins to feel emasculated. Having already been
laid-off, Jack is now feeling as though he is no good at taking care of the home and the children.
His reputation as a man is being destroyed in front of his very eyes. In response to these
feelings, Jack begins to change. To compensate for the feminine connotations of his role in the
home and the emasculating forces at work in his daily life, he begins to act hyper-masculine.
The result is a perfect example of masculine domesticity. Several scenes illustrate this point.
First of all, when Jack drives his children to school, he is amazed to find that there is an
intricate system involved in driving up to the building and dropping them off. When he does this
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completely wrong, he grumbles and claims that he is taking his kids to school his own way.7 The
assertiveness and self-righteousness involved in such a statement are stereotyped as masculine
qualities. Secondly, when Caroline's boss comes by to pick her up for work, Jack is wearing a
bathrobe, which he perceives to be emasculating and symbolic of his role as a stay-at-home dad.
Insecure about greeting the boss in such attire, he runs off to change clothes. When the boss
arrives, Jack walks into the room with a chainsaw and overalls, clearly trying to encapsulate the
rugged male qualities of physical power and craftsmanship.8 Third, during a party at the
residence of Caroline's boss -- whose grandfather was a commander in the army -- Jack attempts
to assert his masculinity by taking part in the physically challenging obstacle course. After
proving to himself and his wife that he is manlier than the boss is, he intentionally falls down and
lets the boss win; in this way, Caroline is not in danger of losing her job.9
The masculine domesticity theme is further enhanced when a military-style song is
played while Jack is washing clothes.10 The single-file line formed by him and his children
carrying laundry baskets and the marching pace they follow indicate a military -- and therefore
masculine -- influence in the household. Jack's subsequent bumbling when washing the clothes
leads to yet another indication of masculine domesticity; the stressful situations Jack must
resolve are treated as battles against imaginary monsters. First of all, the washing machine itself
breaks loose from the wall, and Jack must fight the water-spurting hoses and subdue them. Next,
he must stop the vacuum cleaner -- called "Jaws" -- from tearing apart the house. Finally, in a
later scene, the popcorn popper goes haywire and he must attack it with a fake sword and
shield.11
All of the above scenes coupled with Jack's beard growth, unwillingness to bathe, weight
gain, poker playing, and newly acquired habits of smoking and drinking reveal his attempt to
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bring hyper-masculine traits into the domestic world in which he lives. After a time, however,
Jack begins to realize that by taking on these traits, he has forgotten who he is. His wife
becomes disappointed in him and he begins to see his life mirrored in soap operas. In a plotchanging scene, Jack imagines himself to be a character in a soap opera, and ends up being shot
and dying on the floor.12
This revelation triggers Jack's final metamorphosis, which is representative of the
changing role of the father in the 1980s. After his revelation, Jack shaves his beard, burns his
dirty flannel shirt, and reverts to his old self, only with renewed confidence and vigor. He
accepts himself for who he is and becomes so secure in his own masculine qualities that he
allows himself to be whisked away to a male strip club with the women of his neighborhood.13
This change reveals much about the director's, and perhaps the culture's, conception of
fatherhood.
Jack's obsession with the hyper-masculine and the focus on masculine domesticity is
reminiscent of the older fatherhood ideals exemplified by the fathers of the 1950s and 1960s. By
emulating masculine ideals, Jack is attempting to feel more secure about himself, as well as
present himself as a role model for his children and others. The soap opera scene, however, can
be interpreted as Jack's rejection of the old symbol of father as role model. He realizes that by
pretending to be someone else, he is harming the relationships with those he loves most. It is no
wonder that in his fantasy he is shot by his own wife. The death of his soap opera character
allows Jack to be reincarnated and break free from the ancient traditions of fatherhood. With
newfound confidence, he is able to embrace the relationships he has with his family and in the
process become a much better father. After accepting himself in the traditionally feminine role
of homemaker, he feels more secure with his own life.
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Mr. Mom, then, besides being a light-hearted comedy, reveals a change taking place in
the conception of fatherhood. Whereas fatherhood before was thought of as a provider status and
a role-model position, this film gives evidence that such behavior is not very fulfilling for the
father himself. Only by allowing himself to feel the emotion and softness of his nurturing side
can the father truly become secure with himself and happy with his family.
This theme also pervades the film Three Men and a Baby, starring Ted Danson, Tom
Selleck, and Steve Guttenberg. Jack, Peter, and Michael -- played by Danson, Selleck, and
Guttenberg, respectively -- are roommates in an apartment, and they embody the typical
stereotypes associated with masculinity. The opening sequences reveal the men engaging in a
promiscuous lifestyle while a song plays with "Bad Boys" in the refrain; soon after, the men are
at an extravagant birthday party in which they attempt to ensnare women with their wily ways. 14
Also included in this setting are other indications of masculinity, especially in the case of Peter,
who is seen watching sports with his male friends, drinking alcohol, and later lifting weights.
The entire masculine behavior ends the next day. After Jack leaves to shoot a film in
Turkey, a baby arrives on the doorstep with a note from one of his ex-girlfriends asking if he
could look after her.15 Peter and Michael are left to nurture the child until Jack's return. Unlike
the Jack Butler character of Mr. Mom, the men do not seem to be aware of how caring for an
infant could be emasculating in the eyes of other people. In fact, most of their focus seems to be
on what to do for the child. At first, there is some traditional masculine behavior as they try to
adjust to caring for a child. As the baby sobs uncontrollably, Peter yells, "All we have to do is
feed it, and it will shut up!"16 Clearly, he is not entirely sympathetic to the infant's plight. Later,
as Michael and Peter change the child's diaper for the first time, they treat it as though it were a
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surgical operation, using cotton swabs to wipe away waste and negotiating throughout the entire
procedure.17
In a remarkably short amount of time, however, Michael and Peter both slip into a
nurturing, caring, emotional relationship with the child. Perhaps the ease with which they make
this transformation is in part due to the fact that they have someone to experience the ordeal
with. Whereas Jack Butler of Mr. Mom was raising three children on his own, Michael and Peter
are raising a single infant together. Thus, they are able to talk with each other, empathize, and
maintain self-esteem and security. This security shines through when Jack finally returns to find
out he has a daughter and that Michael and Peter are not going to care for it anymore. While
Michael and Peter nonchalantly play pool, Jack scrambles around trying to find out how to nurse
the infant.18 The casual pool-playing of the two roommates displays the impact their experience
has had on their life; rather than emasculating them, it has given them a sense of purpose and
accomplishment. They are men because they are in a position of knowledge that Jack is clearly
not in; they are in a position of power because of the knowledge they hold.
As Michael and Peter go out on a date to celebrate their freedom, however, an important
change takes place. They are suddenly overcome with an irrational fear that something bad
might happen to the infant while she is alone with Jack. In a fit of panic, Peter calls the
apartment and receives no answer; this prompts both roommates to hurry home and discover that
Jack was merely taking a shower with the baby.19 This scene illustrates the magnitude of the
change this entire experience has had on Michael and Peter. Whereas before they both reveled in
the position of power they held, they are now aware that they have special feelings for the child;
in fact, they are discovering that they have a maternal, nurturing instinct where the infant is
involved.
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From this point on, the three "fathers" engage in feminine activities both in the private
and public worlds. First of all, they each accompany the infant to her first swimming lessons,
taking pictures of her as she goes underwater for the first time. Such an activity has the potential
of being emasculating, since they are the only men in the pool; however, they do not seem to
recognize the implications of their actions. Peter later takes the baby to work, giving her a
miniature hard-hat and talking to the female employees about her. Finally, in a heart-warming
scene, the three men sing a song a-capello to put the child to sleep.20 The fathers are completely
secure with their new role as caring and nurturing providers of the infant.
Issues of fatherhood come to a climax when the mother of the child arrives out of
nowhere to reclaim her. After she leaves, the three men become depressed, lonely, and insecure.
Jack is able to communicate his feelings on the matter, and through a series of mishaps and plot
twists finally end up finding the woman and the child. They have now gotten to where they
cannot live without the child, and convince the woman to move in with them. Thus the men
have realized that providing for an infant has allowed them to open up emotionally and take
greater joy in their life; without her, they feel sad and alone.
Three Men and a Baby presents the same sort of inner peace for fathers through caring
and nurturing that was a theme in Mr. Mom; however, this concept arrives much more quickly
and is of much more focus in the former. The effects of utilizing the mothering instinct are very
clear in Three Men and a Baby. The three men simply cannot live without the child by the end
of the movie, and they are not ashamed that their lives revolve around an infant. This state of
affairs flies directly in the face of the father-as-provider mentality that pervaded 1950s and 1960s
culture.
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While two comedy films certainly do not shed light on all of the cultural factors shaping
and influencing the concept of manhood in the 1980s, Mr. Mom and Three Men and a Baby can
provide some insight. From these two films, it becomes clear that fatherhood in the 1980s was
being shaped and molded to allow for more of the nurturing, previously feminine qualities;
whereas fathers in the past had gained satisfaction through bread-winning and modeling
behavior, new fathers could also seek security and inner peace through the softer, gentler acts of
caring and empathizing with their children and family.
1
Ralph LaRossa, The Modernization of Fatherhood (Chicago, 1997), 120.
Ibid.
3
Ibid., 85-88.
4
Robert Griswold, Fatherhood in America (New York, 1994), 186.
5
Ibid., 228-9.
6
Mr. Mom, 1983.
7
Ibid.
8
Ibid.
9
Ibid.
10
Ibid.
11
Ibid.
12
Ibid.
13
Ibid.
14
Three Men and a Baby, 1987.
15
Ibid.
16
Ibid.
17
Ibid.
18
Ibid.
19
Ibid.
20
Ibid.
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