Lindsey Moshell
March 26, 2002
Dr. Hocks
Eng. 1103
Sporktacular
Eating is a wonderful thing. Almost everybody enjoys eating their favorite food,
especially in the US. After all, we are considered the fattest country in the world, and
that is fattest with an f, not a ph. No other country in the world has the munchies as often
as America. Is it maybe that we have so many cultures mixed up that we have the
greatest variety of foods? Or maybe we mix recipes from around the world to concoct
our own delicious dishes? It could be all the butter we use that makes the food so good.
However, it is neither the food nor the lack of exercise that makes us so plump. The truth
is that we have developed the most efficient eating utensils. Not only are the fork, spoon,
and knife widely used, but we have the ultimate eating utensil available at our disposal.
Most commonly found at fine, chicken based, dining establishments like Kentucky Fried
Chicken, Mrs. Winner’s, and Popeye’s, the spork is probably one of the most celebrated
inventions of the twentieth century.
The popularity of the spork is really based on its versatility. No other eating
utensil allows a restaurant patron to stab and hold a piece of food with such a strong
grasp, and to slurp soup without swapping eating instruments. Unfortunately, sporks are
rarely made of metal and can, therefore, not typically perform the task of the knife. Still,
the spork can do anything a fork or a spoon can, but can do the job of either one without
the need to waste endless amounts of time going from fork to spoon and then back again.
Many eaters enjoy a variety of flavors while eating. There are those few who eat
only one item at a time, but they obviously have more stressing issues to deal with than
their eating habits. Anyway, if a person is having soup or any other food that is normally
eaten with a spoon as well as having a dish eaten traditionally with a fork, and possibly a
knife, the spork permits the diner to take bites from both foods with a remarkable amount
of efficiency. With this increase in efficiency comes an increase in speed in which one
can eat. Logically, the faster one eats, the more time between pre-designated dining
times. The more time between pre-designated dining times, the hungrier one will
become. It is human nature to eat more when one is hungrier. More food equals more
calories, which, in turn equals fatter persons; fatter with an f, not a ph.
Just because the spork is so efficient and ends up making users of it more obese, it
is no reason to cast it off as belonging to the Axis of Evil. Nobody criticized Henry Ford
for creating a more efficient way to make cars, even though along with increased car
production came increased pollution and commercialism. Americans love efficiency. If
a new product can save them time eating so that they can watch another three or four
minutes of television between the end of dinner and Survivor, they will buy it without
question. Americans value efficiency above everything else, even honesty. We don’t
care if someone lies, as long as they do it without wasting words. The whole idea of
maximum output for minimum input is very appealing. Considering the whole efficient
thing has somewhat caught on globally, it is surprising the spork has not.
Reports of spork use in other countries are nonexistent, but not completely out of
the question. The possibilities of spork use in Asia are truly boundless. A diner could eat
fried rice, General Tsao’s chicken, and egg drop soup a lot easier with a spork than with
chop sticks. Of course the spork may also become popular wherever the use of regular
forks and spoons is an improvement over the utensils currently in use.
There is something about the spork that really reaches out and requires attention.
Perhaps the simplicity or the brilliant shape is what does it. Nothing compares to the
almost Zen like balance of this unique tool. Whereas the fork, spoon, and knife are very
utilitarian, the spork is nearly art. Actually, that is exactly what the spork is; it is art.
Nowhere on this vast, green earth can one find something as beautiful as the spork. Well,
maybe way up in the mountains or on the beach at sunset, but nowhere else. Nothing can
beat the spork’s usefulness, except maybe a good ink pen. A good pen is the best.