GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--1
Achieving a Readable Style
 The Paragraph
Use standard paragraph structure:




Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes content to come.
Include only information relevant to the topic sentence.
Place sentences in a logical order.
Avoid long paragraphs
 Basic Principles of Effective Style
Determine Your Reader(s)’ Knowledge of the Subject
Determine if a Particular Style Will Be Expected
Anticipate Your Reader’s Comprehension Level in a Given Context
Know Your Relationship to Your Reader and How You Want to Sound
Adjust the Style to the Reader, the Purpose, and the Context
Select your level of language; adjust the density of information.
 The Sentence
Watch sentence length.
Keep subjects and verbs close together.
Omit verbiage; use concrete verbs.
Write squeaky clean prose.
Avoid ponderous language.
Avoid excessive use of is/are verb forms
Use active voice for clarity.
Define when necessary.
Avoid impersonal language.
“Style” refers to the words and phrases you choose, the sentence structure you use, and
the overall way you express your ideas in a document. Style operates principally on the
word/phrase/sentence level and the paragraph level.
An Important Note: If you want your report read, you need to uses a style easy for
your reader to follow. If a reader has to reread a report several times, he may toss it out.
Unreadable documents usually result from bad style.
The Paragraph
The paragraph is a group of sentences that work together to produce a coherent idea.
Paragraphs should be a moderate length—long paragraphs discourage readers—and begin with a
topic sentence (a central statement) of the content of the paragraph. The supporting sentences
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--2
build on the idea stated in the topic sentences. The supporting sentences should occur in a logical
order. Let’s examine an example paragraph from James Watson’s book, DNA: The Story of Life:
Examples for Study
From James Watson, DNA: The Secret of Life
¶ 1. The human body is bewilderingly complex. Traditionally, biologists have focused on one
small part and tried to understand it n detail. This basic approach did not change with the advent
of molecular biology. Scientists for the most part still specialize on one gene or on the genes
involved in one biochemical pathway. But the parts of any machine do not operate
independently. If I were to study the carburetor of my car engine, even in exquisite detail, I
would still have no idea bout the overall function of the engine, much less the entire car. To
understand what an engine is for, and how it work, I’d need to study the whole thing--I’d need to
place the carburetor in context, as one functioning part among many. The same is true of genes.
To understand the genetic processes underpinning life, we need more than a detailed knowledge
of particular genes or pathways; we need to place that knowledge n the context of the entire
system--the genome. (165)
¶ 2. The genome is the entire set of genetic instructions in the nucleus of every cell. (In fact,
each cell contains two genomes, one derived from each parent: the two copies of each
chromosome we inherit furnish us with two copies of each gene, and therefore two copies of the
genome.) Genome sizes vary from species to species. From measurement of the amount of DNA
in a single cell, we have been able to estimate that the human genome--half the DNA contents of
a single nucleus--contains some 3.1 billion base pairs: 3,1000,000,000 As, Ts, Gs, and Cs.
¶ 4. Above all, the human genome contains the key to our humanity. Genes figure in our every
success and woe, even the ultimate one: they are implicated to some extent in all causes of
mortality except accidents. In the most obvious cases, diseases like cystic fibrosis and Tay-Sachs
are causes directly by mutations. But there are many other genes whose work is just as deadly, if
more oblique, influencing our susceptibility to common fillers like cancer and heart disease, both
of which may run in families. Even our response to infectious diseases like measles and the
common cold has a genetic component since the immune system is governed by our DNA. And
aging is largely a genetic phenomenon as well: the effects we associate with getting older are to
some extent a reflection of the lifelong accumulation of mutations in our genes. Thus, if we are
to understand fully, and ultimately come to grips with, these life-of-death genetic factors, we
must have a complete inventory of all the genetic players n the human body.
From Arthur Levitt, Take on the Street
To really understand the quality of a company’s earnings, you need to analyze the cashflow statement, the last document in a company’s financial reports. As its name implies, this
statement shows the actual cash that came into the company and the actual cash that flowed out.
Remember that the balance sheet reveals a company’s assets, liabilities, and shareholders’ equity
at the close of the fiscal year or the most recent quarter. The income statement reflects the
changes that have occurred in the balance sheet items, including promises of money that the
company has made or received. The cash-flow statement differs in that it reveals the changes in
actual cash that the business has generated and the actual cash raised from creditors and investors.
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--3
It also shows how the company invested that cash between the start of one fiscal year to the end
of another. In short, cash flows shows where the money is coming from and how the money is
being spent.
The cash-flow statement has three parts. First you’ll see “cash from operating activities,”
which is the money that comes in from sales of the company’s products and services and the
money going out to produce those sales. It also includes interest and tax payments. Recall that
accounting rules allow companies to list revenue on the income statement before they receive
actual payment. Not so on the cash-flow statement, which lists only revenues actually collected.
You may see negative cash flow from operations. While on its face that may seem like a
bad sign, it isn’t always a signal to sell. Fast-flowing start-ups, which consume more cash than
they can generate in the first few years of the business, will especially show negative cash flow.
They cover the shortfall by borrowing money or issuing stock. But sometimes negative operating
cash flow indicates that a company is in serious trouble, especially if the company is disposing of
assets, as by selling off pieces of the company, because it can’t persuade investors to buy its stock
or bankers to lend it money.
The second item on the cash-flow statement is “cash from investing activities.” This is
where the company reveals how it’s using its excess cash, either by investing in other companies
or by expanding its own business. If the company, like thousands of others, invested in the stock
market in the go-go ’90s, this is where you’ll see how much cash it received from stock sales, or
how much it spent to buy shares. Any gains or losses on such stock, however, are reported in the
operating activities section of the cash flow statement. The investing part of the cash flow
statement also reveals any investments in long-term assets, such as an acquisition (or a sale) of a
manufacturing plant or equipment, or the opening of new retail stores. Finally, if the company
lent money to its executives to allow them to buy stock, that loan will be listed here.
The third part, “cash from financing activities,” includes money that comes in or goes out
when a company sells or buys shares of its own stock. Issuing new debt or bank borrowings also
will show up here an increase in cash. Paying dividends or paying down debt will show up as a
decrease in cash. A start-up company with little or no sales is more likely than a mature company
to show lots of financing activity, since the cash to run the business has to come from somewhere.
So there’s the cash-flow statement in a nutshell. If you look back at the balance sheet
from the amount of cash the company has—listed under current assets—that figure comes from
the final cash balance on the cash-flow statement. (153-154)
***
This next example paragraph operates about a list, which draws the reader’s eyes to the
central idea presented in the paragraph, the three phases of an explosion:
The exploding wire is a simple-to-perform yet very complex scientific phenomenon.
[topic sentence] The course of any explosion depends not only on the materials and their
shape but also on the electrical parameters of the circuit. An explosion consists
primarily of three phases:
1. The current builds up and the wire explodes.
2. Current then flows during the dwell period.
3. “Postwell conduction” begins with the reignition caused by impact ionization.
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--4
These phases may be run together by varying the circuit parameters.
Use of the list emphasizes the topic sentence: how explosions develop. In this
case, listing provides a better method of topic sentence development for this particular
idea than the same material presented in a linear paragraph:
The exploding wire is a simple-to-perform yet very complex scientific
phenomenon. The course of any explosion depends not only on the material and shape
of the wire but also on the electrical parameters of the circuit. In an explosion, the
current builds up and the wife explodes, current flows during the dwell period, and
“postdwell conduction” begins with the reignition caused by impact ionization. These
phases may be run together by varying the circuit parameters.
Avoid excessive use of any writing technique—too many short paragraphs, too
much use of enumeration (first, second, third, etc.) as well as too many lists. However,
concise paragraphs that begin with topic sentences, well-structured sentences of moderate
length create clear, readable paragraphs. Why is Figure 2 easier to read than Figure 1?
Figure 1
With the substantial growth in computing in the College of Engineering during the past
decade, the issue of linking the departments through a computer network has become critical.
The network must satisfy a number of criteria to meet the needs of all the engineering
departments. We first state these criteria and then discuss them individually in detail.
To adequately serve both faculty and student needs in the present environment, the
network must be able to handle the number of computers currently in use. In addition, the system
must be able to expand and link in additional computers as the number of computers increases
over the next few years. The different types of computers that the departments presently possess
must all be linkable to the network, and the types of computers scheduled for purchase must also
be able to connect to the network, which should permit the transfer of files in both text and binary
form to facilitate student access to files and collaborative exchange among faculty and research
associates. The network must also have adequate bandwidth to handle the expected traffic.
Finally, the network must permit both students and faculty to link to the existing national
networks.
Each department currently has both computer laboratories for students and computers
that are associated with faculty research projects. The various departments possess different
numbers of computers. The Aeronautical Engineering Department at present has 27 computer,
while Civil Engineering has 12. The Electrical Engineering Department has the most in the
College with 46. Mechanical has 22, and nuclear Engineering, the smallest department in the
College, presently has 7. The total for the entire College is 114 computers, which will need to be
networked.
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--5
Figure 2
With the substantial growth in computing in the College of Engineering during the past
decade, linking departments through a scalable computer network has become critical. The
network must satisfy a number of criteria to meet the needs of all of the engineering
departments. We first list these criteria and then discuss them individually in detail.
What must the network do?
To serve both faculty and students, the network must be able to
• handle the number of computers currently in use
• link different types of computers
• expand as the number of computers increases
• link to the national networks
• transfer and store both text and binary files
The network must also have adequate bandwidth in order to handle expected traffic.
Handling the number of computers currently in use
Each department has both computer laboratories for students and computers used for faculty
research projects. The following table shows the number of computers in each department at
the end of the last fiscal year.
Aeronautical Engineering
Civil Engineering
Electrical Engineering
Mechanical Engineering
Nuclear Engineering
27
12
46
22
7
Total
114
Basic Principles of Effective Style
Effective writers adjust their style to the needs of their readers: (1) their knowledge of
the subject; (2) reader(s)’ expectations about style based on the specific kind of writing; (3)
reader(s)’ probable reading level based on the context in which the document will be read; and (4)
the writer’s relationship to readers—the professional roles of both writer and reader.
Determine Your Reader(s)’ Knowledge of the Subject
The reader’s familiarity with the subject will determine how many specialized terms you
can use. If the reader is thoroughly familiar with the subject, you can use acronyms, specialized
nomenclature, and jargon that readers in a specific discipline are comfortable reading and using.
If the reader is not thoroughly familiar with the subject, limit the use of specialized vocabulary or
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--6
perhaps define the terms. Another possibility: substitute phrases or words that will clearly
express your meaning.
The following examples show how audience determines how the same information can be
adjusted to the need of individuals with different levels of knowledge about the subject. As you
will see, you cannot separate analysis of your audience from the sentence structure and content
used in a document. The first example comes from a college textbook description of a ruminant
stomach:
The true (glandular) stomach in the ruminant is preceded by three divisions, or
diverticula (lined with stratified squamous epithelium), where food s soaked and
subjected to digestion by microorganisms before passing to the digestive tract.
The rumen, reticulum, and omasum of ruminants are collectively known as the
fore-stomach. The cardia is located craniodorsally in the dome-shaped atrium ventriculi,
which is common to both the rumen and the reticulum. The sulcus ruminoreticularis
(esophageal groove), which extended from the cardia to the omasum, is formed by two
heavy muscular folds or lips, which can close to direct material from the esophagus into
the omasum directly, or open and permit the material to enter the rumen and reticulum.
But in explaining to 4-H students how the ruminant stomach works, an agricultural
extension agent uses a different approach. Note that he uses examples and analogies that will
have meaning for primary school age students. He includes the technical terms for each part of
the ruminant stomach, but he immediately links each term to descriptive terms that would be
familiar to his student readers.
The ruminant animals--such as sheep, goats, cattle, deer, antelope, elk, and
camels--have a unique stomach system. The word ruminant comes from the Latin word
ruminate, which means to chew over again and implies that ruminants are “cud-chewing”
animals. Because of this need to chew their food over and over, their system differs
from that of the human or monograstic. Where the human stomach is one large tank,
the ruminant’s consists of four fermentation and storage tanks connected in series by an
intricate network of flexible plumbing. The first three tanks make up the fore-stomach.
The fourth tank is comparable to the human stomach and can be called the true
stomach.
The rumen is the first tank, or stomach, and is quite large. It is responsible for
about 75% of the digestive process. When it is full, the rumen holds up to 55 gallons of
food, bacteria, and fluids. The main job of the rumen is to store food and keep it until the
animal must chew it again. The rumen can be compared to the common blender. When
food enters, the rumen begins mixing it with bacteria, which causes the food to start
breaking down--or digesting.
The reticulum is the second stomach and is relatively small compared to the
rumen. The reticulum occupies 5% of the total stomach. Like the reticulum, its purpose
is storage. The reticulum looks like a cheese grater. The common name for the
reticulum is the honeycomb because it is lined with a mucous membrane that contains
honeycomb-like compartments. When food enters this stomach, it passes through the
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--7
honeycomb, which then breaks the food down and shreds it into small pieces. Once the
rumen and reticulum break down the food stored in the reticulum, the food moves to the
omasum.
The omasum is the third stomach and completes the fore-stomach. It is small-occupying about 8% of the total stomach--but it is important to the process of digestion.
The omasum’s purpose is to make sure the food is broken down enough before it enters
the true stomach. This stomach rips, shreds, and crushes the food into a liquid form so
that it will not clog the pipe that connects the omasum to the abomasums.
The abomasums, which takes up about 7% of the digestive system, is the fourth
stomach and is comparable to our own stomach. The abomasums digests what the
rumen, reticulum, and omasum break down. At the end of the abomasums is the pipe
that allows the food to enter the small intestine. This pipe is call the pylorus and is
similar to a strainer. Only properly digested food can enter the pipe.
Determine if a Particular Style Will Be Expected
Use the company style sheet and templates. But remember that you still have to adapt
what you say to your intended readers.
Know Your Relationship to Your Reader and How You Want to Sound
In analyzing your reader, you need to determine the kind of image that you must project
based on your position in the organization and your relationship with your reader. In selecting
the appropriate image to project, the language you choose can sound formal, casual, neutral,
effusive, rude, dictatorial, or respectful. Language can, and does, express a range of human
emotions. Thus, in choosing a style, you must ensure its appropriateness to your position in the
organization, to the context in which you are writing, and to your readers’ positions and
responsibilities in the organization.
Writing always conveys a tone or sound. As a writer, be aware of the image you want to
project and the tone you want your writing to convey. Controlling how you sound ensures the
effectiveness of your message. For example, the note below, written to a bank customer,
exemplifies how highlighting techniques can change the tone of language, from concrete to
abrupt and chastising.
Dear Mr. Green:
I am returning your mortgage papers so that you can add the mortgage amount
on page 2. Since the amount line is clearly marked, you should be able to insert the
amount and return it to me immediately.
I regret that this omission will cost you a penalty. You were specifically told
during our meeting last week that you were to complete all blanks and that the
completed documents had to be submitted by the first of the month. We have no
recourse except to charge you a late fee of $50 because of your error.
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--8
Your returning the completed form will be appreciated and will save you from
further late charges which begin the 15th of this month.
Is the message clear? Absolutely. But does the tone convey a positive attitude toward
the reader? Absolutely not. In short, concise sentences need to convey the appropriate attitude in
addition to the appropriate message.
Adjust the Style to the Reader, the Purpose, and the Context
Most of your business and technical writing should be as concise as possible because of
the large quantity of information that most readers confront. Because of the increasing number of
messages sent electronically, messages should focus on concise paragraphs and concise
sentences. Even in complex, highly technical reports, readers value conciseness: The longer, the
report, the less likely that anyone will read all of it.
The Sentence
Characteristics of Bad Writing and Good Writing
Bad Writing
Good Writing
____________________________________________________________
1. few verbs/number of words
per sentence
1. many verbs (verbals)/ number
of words per sentence
2. excessive “is,” “are” verbs
2. concrete verbs
3. abstract nouns
3. concrete nouns
4. many prepositional phrases
4. few prepositional phrases
5. few clauses
5. linked clauses
6. passive voice
6. active voice
7. separation of key words:
subject-verb
actor-action
“who’s doing what”
7. clear actor-action relationship
8. long, rambling sentences
8. specific, precise sentences
9. main idea of sentences
difficult to process
9. meaning of sentences easy
to find
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--9
10. sentences must be read
several times
10. meaning clear after one
reading
Select your level of language; adjust the density of information
Audiences familiar with your subject will expect and tolerate complex information.
However, in routine reports and messages that you want readers to digest quickly, use writing that
is less detailed and focuses on the main ideas. For reports, the broader the audience—in this case
Congress and the public--the more careful you need to be about selecting easy-to-understand
language. Refer again to the descriptions of the ruminant stomach. The audience for each
determines the density of the information and the level of nomenclature.
Watch sentence length
Documents composed of consistently long sentences can become difficult to read.
Sentence length should vary, but consider revising sentences that are over 15-20 words. Even
legal documents can benefit from shorter sentences:
Before:
This Appendix contains a brief discussion of certain economic and demographic
Characteristics of the Area in which the County is located and does not constitute a part
of this Official Statement. Information in this Appendix has been obtained from the
sources noted, where are believed to be reliable, although no investigation has been
made to verify the accuracy of such information.
After:
This Appendix contains a brief discussion of certain economic and demographic
characteristics of the Area in which the County is located. The Appendix does not
constitute part of this Official Statement. Information in the Appendix has been obtained
from the sources noted. They are believed to be reliable. However, the accuracy of the
information has not been verified.
Keep subjects and verbs close together
A recipe for sentence clarity: keep the subject of the sentence and the verb close
together, and emphasize verbs. The more verbs in a sentence, the sharper and more direct the
sentence. We call this verb/word ratio. For example,
s
v
s
v
John loves Mary because she inherited money. [verb/word ratio = 2/7]
Versus
s
v
Mary’s inheritance of money was one of the reasons for John’s interest in Mary.
[verb/word ratio = 1/12]
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--10
In this simple example, you can see the point: the more verbs, the sharper the sentence. If you
examine the note to Mr. Green again, you will see that clarity is good, IF the message also carries
the appropriate sound.
Let’s take this method a step further: Lengthy sentences become less distracting to the
reader if the writer structures them to enhance clarity and readability. To achieve clarity, build
sentences with clauses, using as many verbs and verbals as possible. For example, the sentence,
When they plan investment portfolios, financial planners recommend a variety of
investments because they resist rapid economic changes. (18 words)
develops about three clauses:
When they plan investment portfolios
financial planners recommend a variety of investments
because they resist economic change.
Note that the sentence follows the three guidelines:
Interlocking clauses [3 in this sentence]
Specific action verbs: plan, recommend, and resist.
Subject next to the verb in each clause.
they plan
planners recommend
they resist.
The verb/word ration in this sentence is 3/17.
Assume that the writer did not follow the guidelines and avoided verbs:
In plans for investment portfolios, a variety of investments is recommended by
financial planners because of their resistance to economic changes.
The verb/word ratio is 1/21. The sentence lacks directness and conciseness. Compare this
sentence with (A). Can you see the difference? Basically, the more verbs and verbals,
the clearer the sentence:
Omit verbiage; use concrete verbs
Both email and reports benefit from omission of verbiage, defined as the use of excessive
words when one word will do. Choose direct verbs.
Instead of :
give approval to
have a tendency to
Use:
approve
tend to
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--11
have an influence on
give notification of
have a discussion about
influence
notify
discuss
Eliminate excessive or redundant words and phrases to eliminate sentence clutter:
Instead of:
Use:
at a later date
at the present time
by means of
due to the fact that
for the purpose of
for the reason that
in the event that
in the normal course of procedure
on a daily basis
we are not in a position to
pursuant to our agreement
without further delay
later
now
by
since/because
to, for
since/because
if
normally
daily
we cannot
as we agreed
now
Many writers and speakers develop a habit of using two-word patterns. One word will do:
Absolutely free
Background experience
Basic fundamentals
Close proximity
Complete absence
Consensus of opinion
Exactly identical
Final end
Past experience, very unique
Summarize briefly
Very complete
For most writing, use conversational language. Write to express, not to impress. Use
specific, concrete language:
Instead of:
There is now no effective existing mechanism for introducing into the beginning initiation
and development stages requirements on how to guide employees on how to minimize
errors in product development efforts.
[verb/word ration = 3/31]
Use:
The company has no way to guide employees on how to minimize product development
errors during the early development stages.
[verb/word ratio = 3/20]
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--12
Instead of:
Our lack of pertinent data prevented determination of committee action effectiveness in
funding targeting to areas that needed assistance the most.
[Note that the sentence incorporates two clauses and two verbs. Verb/word ratio = 2/21]
Use:
Because we lacked pertinent data, we could not determine whether the committee had
targeted funds to areas that needed assistance the most.
[Note the revision of the sentence with four interlocking clauses and four verbs. Verb/word
ration = 4/22]
Or:
We didn’t have enough data: We could not decide if the committee had sent funds to
areas that needed them most.
When we break the sentence into two sentences, we still have four verbs. In addition, the
short sentence, followed by the longer, explanatory sentence makes the meaning clear.
When clarity is your prime objective, consider using shorter, more familiar words.
Instead of:
Consider using:
Accelerate
Accumulate
Aggregate
Anticipate
Cognizant
Correspondence
Endeavor
Facilitate
Inaugurate
Maintenance
Subsequent
Terminated
speed up
gather
total
expect
know
email, letters
try
help
begin
upkeep
later
ended
But always be aware of how direct/indirect words affect tone:
(A) We encourage you to anticipate the amount of correspondence you accumulate
and suggest you endeavor to answer it promptly.
(B) Please expect large amounts of email and try to answer it quickly.
Note that (B) is easier and quicker to read than (A). Now, go back to the opening scenario to this
segment). Try rewriting the sentence with the principles presented in this chapter.
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--13
Write “squeaky clean” prose
The following excerpt from DNA: The Story of Life, addressed to readers interested in
science and possessing a basic understanding of genetics, shows how the following guidelines
work when they are embedded in paragraphs and the paragraphs linked to form longer content
units. Note the structure of each sentence, the use of topic sentences, and the development of
each paragraph:
The great size of DNA molecules posed a big problem in the early days of
molecular biology. To come to grips with a particular gene--a particular stretch of DNA-we would have to devise some way of isolating it from all the rest of the DNA that
sprawled around it in either direction. But it was not only a matter of isolating the gene;
we also needed some way of “amplifying” it: obtaining a large enough sample of it to
work with. In essence we needed a molecular editing system: a pair of molecular
scissors that could cut the DNA text into manageable sections; a kind of molecular glue
pot that would allow us to manipulate those pieces; and finally a molecular duplicating
machine to amplify the pieces that we had cut out and isolated. We wanted to do the
equivalent of what a word processor can now achieve: to cut, paste, and copy DNA.
Developing the basic tools to perform these procedures seemed a tall order even
after we cracked the genetic code. A number of discoveries made in the late sixties and
early seventies, however, serendipitously came together in 1973to give us so-called
“recombinant DNA” technology--the capacity to edit DNA. This was no ordinary advance
in lab techniques. Scientists were suddenly able to tailor DNA molecules, creating ones
that had never before been seen in nature. We could “play God” with the molecular
underpinning of all of life. This was an unsettling idea to many people. Jeremy Rifkin,
an alarmist for whom every new genetic technology has about it the whiff of Dr.
Frankenstein’s monster, had it right when he remarked that recombinant DNA “rivaled
the importance of the discovery of fire itself.” (87-88)
This excerpt uses a variety of sentences of moderate length; close subject-verb patterns, familiar
words, description of recombinant DNA explained in terms easily understood by the nonscientific reader. The mean of “recombinant DNA” becomes concisely and picturesquely
expressed. In short, Watson has focused on simplicity in explaining the story of DNA.
Avoid Ponderous language
The concept of simplicity relates to the concept of naturalness. Writers often believe
that they must sound learned and sophisticated to impress readers. The idea that direct writing is
not sophisticated frequently derives from writing done in secondary school. Teachers encourage
high school students to expand their vocabularies. Academic writing in college further enforces
the importance of using jargon-laden language to convince the professor that the student knows
the subject and the nomenclature of the discipline. Instructors may reward students for writing
ponderous verbiage in research papers. On the job, however, verbose writing may be ignored or
misread by readers who are interested in gleaning information relevant to their job needs.
Remember that writing exists for human beings, and few of us enjoy writing that is
harder to read than it needs to be. What constitutes “difficult” writing depends on the reader, the
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--14
topic, and the purpose of the document. But direct, concise writing that uses a conversational
style will usually be appreciated by your readers. Using shorter, rather than longer sentences also
helps readers follow your thoughts:
Please give immediate attention to insure that the pages of all documents prepared for
distribution are numbered sequentially and in a place of optimum visibility. This is
needed to facilitate our ability to refer to items during meetings.
Vs.
Please correctly number the pages of all documents. Place numbers in the upper righthand corner. Sequential numbers helps us locate material during meetings.
Or,
Please number all pages sequentially.
Three additional examples:
1. It has recently been brought to my attention that only a small percentage of the
employees in our division are contributors to the citizens’ health research fund supported
by this firm. This fund is a major source of money for the encouragement of significant
discoveries and innovations made in behalf of research relevant to community health.
Vs.
I have discovered that only a small percentage of employees in our division contribute
the citizens’ health research fund. Our firm supports this research because the products
of this research improve community health.
****
2. As a result of their expertise, the consulting team is provided with the opportunity to
make a reasonable determination of the appropriate direction to proceed regarding their
selection of information systems.
Vs.
The consulting team has the expertise to select the best information systems.
****
3. It is our contention that the necessary modifications should be made to make the
system operation because its complete replacement is economically prohibitive.
Vs.
We believe that the system should be modified to make it operational. Complete
replacement costs too much.
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--15
Much business/technical writing is filled with words that have no specific meaning or
words so overused that they no longer have a specific meaning:
Concerns
Dynamic
Grid
Hardware
Infrastructure
Interface
Integrated
Logistical
Matrix
Program
Strategic
Synchronized
Systematized
While writers use words in this list, because they are common to our reading and writing
vocabularies, you should avoid using too many of them.
Avoid Excessive Use of Is/Are Verb Forms
Choosing specific, concrete verbs for clarity means avoiding forms of the “be” verb, if
possible. As the following sentences illustrate, excessive use of be verbs often obscures action
verbs. Many times, a be verb is the best choice (as this sentence exemplifies). However, you can
lessen the tendency to use be verbs by doing the following:

Avoid beginning sentences with there is or there are, there was or there were.

Avoid beginning sentences with phrases such as it is clear that, it is evident that, and it
should be noted that.

Choose a specific verb rather than is, are, was, and were verb forms.
Be verbs often create a longer, less direct sentence:
Delegation is a means of lessening the manager’s work load.
Vs.
Managers who delegate reduce their work load.
Another example:
My decision is based on the assumption that his statement is erroneous.
Vs.
My decision assumed that his statement is erroneous.
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--16
Another example:
Our office has been provided with the authority to make a determination about the
selection of a computing system.
Our office was authorized to select a computing system.
The clearest sentences focus on the agent and the action (the verb):
There are two systems presently available for testing job candidates.
Vs.
Two available systems can test job candidates.
Use Active Voice for Clarity
The structure of a sentence—the arrangement of words—affects the clarity of the
sentence. In active voice, the agent that does the action occurs next to the verb. In active voice
sentences, the agent and the action both appear in the sentence, and the agent becomes the subject
of the sentence.
agent
verb
The department teaches the course every spring term.
agent verb
Our office submits all travel vouchers within 24 hours of their completion.
The result? Concise, direct sentences:
Before:
(A) Attempts were made by the division staff to assess the project.
After:
agent
verb
(B) The division staff attempted to assess the project.
Sentence (A) uses passive voice. Sentence (B) uses active voice: the agent (staff) occurs as the
subject and is located next to the verb (attempted).
Research to determine the most readable sentence structures indicates that active voice
sentences may be more readable than passive sentences. Readers often need the agent (the actor)
placed near the action (the verb). Placing both the agent/actor and the verb at the beginning of the
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--17
sentence alerts the reader to the basic meaning of the sentence, as the subject and verb a contain
the essence of the sentence. The following examples illustrate this concept.
The door is to be locked at 6:00 P.M. This sentence, which does not specify the agent, could
mean either of the following:
The guard (or some designated person) will lock the door at 6:00 P.M.
The last person leaving the building at 6:00 P.M. must lock the door.
As both revisions illustrate, to understand a sentence, readers must know the agent and the action
carried out by the agent, as both revisions illustrate. When you write, be sure your sentences
indicate WHO or WHAT performs the ACTION.
Passive voice sentences often intentionally do not include the actor or agent doing the
action to hide responsibility. The result may produce a sentence that is more verbose and less
accurate than an active voice version:
Bad Sentences Make Bad Paragraphs
Overly long sentences create bulky paragraphs that discourage readers. Because we live
in a visual, media-dominated age, keeping all text concise remains increasingly important. Note
how principles of conciseness, applied to the paragraph blow, can reduce the length and enhance
the readability.
Version 1
I am presenting the famous seventeenth century quarrel of ancients and Moderns as, at
least in part, a birth pang of the Scientific Revolution, and a way of understanding an inevitable
suspicion that arose in this time between nascent scientists and entrenched humanists. The
mistrust between scientists and humanists should have dissipated long ago, but it has
unfortunately persisted as our legacy today. I wish to show the complexity and multifaceted
character of this founding debate, so that we do not conceptualize the birth and later history of
modern science as a war with two unambiguous sides. We do not want to think of a clean
dichotomy that sees, on one side, dogmatic and hidebound humanities holding the fort of
Antiquity, and, on the other side, a progressive assault and inevitable break by defenders of free
inquiry and the power of new discovery. First of all, no mutual hatred ever existed; nearly all
founders of the scientific Revolution revered (and liberally quoted) the great sources of Antiquity.
They also believed (and proved) that knowledge could progress by building upon those admirable
foundations. For example, both Bacon’s paradox and particularly Newton’s admirable image of
Antiquity have a firm foundation anchored by intellectual giants. Second, insofar as we may
specific sides in the quarrel between Ancients and Moderns, the scorecard of disciplinary
affiliations does not identify the players of this particular game. In particular, the ranks of
modernists did not include only the new scientific scholars but also encompassed many
prominent intellectuals from literary and other humanistic callings, including the theologian
Hakewill. (260 words)
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--18
Version 2
I present the seventeenth-century quarrel between ancients and Moderns as a birth pang
of the Scientific Revolution, a conflict between humanists and the first scientists. I wish to show
the complexity of this debate so that we do not view the birth of modern science as a war between
humanism and science, a distrust that unfortunately still persists. First, no mutual hatred ever
existed: nearly all founders of the scientific Revolution revered the great sources of Antiquity.
They also believed (and proved) that knowledge could progress by building upon those revered
foundations. For example, both Bacon’s paradox and particularly Newton’s admirable image of
Antiquity have a firm intellectual basis. Second, in the Ancients vs. Moderns quarrel
disciplinarity was not a factor: the ranks of modernists included intellectuals from all fields,
including the theologian Hakewill. (134 words)
Choosing the Best Style for the Occasion
How do you say that hydrochloric acid should not be used to
clean out clogged drains? How do you decide which is appropriate?
___________________________________________________________
1.The efficacy of hydrochloric acid is indisputable, but the corrosive
residue is incompatible with metallic permanence.
OR
2. We cannot assume responsibility for the production of toxic and
noxious residue with hydrochloric acid and suggest you use an
alternative procedure.
OR
3. Don’t use any more hydrochloric acid. It eats the hell out of the pipes.
References
Arthur Levitt (with Paula Dwyer), Take on the Street. New York: Pantheon Books, 2002.
James Watson (with Andrew Berry) , DNA: The Secret of Life. New York: Alfred A. Knopf,
2003.
GSH, Achieving a Readable Style--19