Writing the Scholarship Essay
Kay Peterson, Ph.D.
The personal essay. It's the hardest part of your scholarship application. But it's also the part of the application
where the 'real you' can shine through. Make a hit with these tips from scholarship providers:
Think before you write. Brainstorm to generate some good ideas and then create an outline to
help you get going.
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Be original. The judges may be asked to review hundreds of essays. It's your job to make your essay
stand out from the rest. So be creative in your answers.
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Show, don’t tell. Use stories, examples and anecdotes to individualize your essay and demonstrate
the point you want to make. By using specifics, you’ll avoid vagueness and generalities and make a
stronger impression.
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Develop a theme. Don’t simply list all your achievements. Decide on a theme you want to convey
that sums up the impression you want to make. Write about experiences that develop that theme.

Know your audience. Personal essays are not "one size fits all." Write a new essay for each
application—one that fits the interests and requirements of that scholarship organization. You're asking to
be selected as the representative for that group. The essay is your chance to show how you are the ideal
representative.
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Submit an essay that is neat and readable. Make sure your essay is neatly typed, and that there is a
lot of white space on the page. Double-space the essay, and provide adequate margins (1"-1 1/2") on all
sides.

Make sure your essay is well written. Proofread carefully, check spelling and grammar and share
your essay with friends or teachers. Another pair of eyes can catch errors you might miss.
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Writing Scholarship Essay Tips: Academic Tips
Step One: Brainstorming
To begin brainstorming about a subject idea, consider the following points. From brainstorming, you may find a
subject you had not considered at first.
1. What are your major accomplishments, and why do you consider them accomplishments? Do not limit yourself
to accomplishments you have been formally recognized for since the most interesting essays often are based on
accomplishments that may have been trite at the time but become crucial when placed in the context of your life.
2. Does any attribute, quality, or skill distinguish you from everyone else? How did you develop this attribute?
3. Consider your favorite books, movies, works of art, etc. Have these influenced your life in a meaningful way?
Why are they your favorites?
4. What was the most difficult time in your life, and why? How did your perspective on life change as a result of
the difficulty?
5. Have you ever struggled mightily for something and succeeded? What made you successful?
6. Have you ever struggled mightily for something and failed? How did you respond?
7. Of everything in the world, what would you most like to be doing right now? Where would you most like to be?
Who, of everyone living and dead, would you most like to be with? These questions should help you realize what
you love most.
8. Have you experienced a moment of epiphany, as if your eyes were opened to something you were previously
blind to?
9. What is your strongest, most unwavering personality trait? Do you maintain strong beliefs or adhere to a
philosophy? How would your friends characterize you? What would they write about if they were writing your
admissions essay for you?
10. What have you done outside of the classroom that demonstrates qualities sought after by universities? Of
these, which means the most to you?
11. What are your most important extracurricular or community activities? What made you join these activities?
What made you continue to contribute to them?
12. What are your dreams of the future? When you look back on your life in thirty years, what would it take for
you to consider your life successful? What people, things, and accomplishments do you need? How does this
particular university fit into your plans for the future?
Step Two - Selecting an Essay Topic
Consider the following guidelines below.
1. If you are planning on writing an essay on how you survived poverty in Russia, your mother's suicide, your
father's kidnapping, or your immigration to America from Asia, you should be careful that your main goal is to
address your own personal qualities. Just because something sad or horrible has happened to you does not mean
that you will be a good college or graduate school student. You don't want to be remembered as the pathetic
applicant. You want to be remembered as the applicant who showed impressive qualities under difficult
circumstances. It is for this reason that essays relating to this topic are considered among the best. Unless you only
use the horrible experience as a lens with which to magnify your own personal characteristics, you will not write a
good essay. Graduate and professional school applicants should generally steer clear of this topic altogether unless
you can argue that your experience will make you a better businessman, doctor, lawyer, or scholar.
2. Essays should fit in well with the rest of a candidate's application, explaining the unexplained and steering clear
of that which is already obvious. For example, if you have a 4.0 GPA and a 1500 SAT, no one doubts your ability
to do the academic work and addressing this topic would be ridiculous. However, if you have an 850 SAT and a
3.9 GPA or a 1450 SAT and a 2.5 GPA, you would be wise to incorporate in your essay an explanation for the
apparent contradiction. For example, perhaps you were hospitalized or family concerns prevented your dedication
to academics; you would want to mention this in your essay. However, do not make your essay one giant excuse.
Simply give a quick, convincing explanation within the framework of your larger essay.
3. "Diversity" is the biggest buzzword of the 1990's. Every college, professional school, or graduate school wants to
increase diversity. For this reason, so many applicants are tempted to declare what makes them diverse. However,
simply saying you are a black, lesbian female will not impress admissions officers in the least. While an essay
incorporating this information would probably be your best topic idea, you must finesse the issue by addressing
your own personal qualities and how you overcame stigma, dealt with social ostracism, etc. If you are a rich
student from Beverly Hills whose father is an engineer and whose mother is a lawyer, but you happen to be a
minority, an essay about how you dealt with adversity would be unwise. You must demonstrate vividly your
personal qualities, interests, motivations, etc. Address specifically how your diversity will contribute to the realm
of campus opinion, the academic environment, and social life.
4. Don't mention weaknesses unless you absolutely need to explain them away. Why admit to weakness when you
can instead showcase your strengths?
5. Be honest - but not for honesty's sake. Unless you are a truly excellent writer, your best, most passionate writing
will be about events that actually occurred. While you might be tempted to invent hardship, it is completely
unnecessary. Write an essay about your life that demonstrates your personality.
Step Three: Writing the Essay, Tips for Success
You may be surprised that we do not address actually writing the essay until step three. From that, you should
understand the extreme importance of selecting a proper subject matter. However, even seemingly boring topics
can be made into exceptional admissions essays with an innovative approach. In writing the essay you must bear
in mind your two goals: to persuade the admissions officer that you are extremely worthy of admission and to
make the admissions officer aware that you are more than a GPA and a standardized score, that you are a real-life,
intriguing personality.
Answer the Question. You can follow the next 12 steps, but if you miss the question, you will not be admitted to
any institution.
Be Original - Even seemingly boring essay topics can sound interesting if creatively approached. If writing about a
gymnastics competition you trained for, do not start your essay: "I worked long hours for many weeks to train for
XXX competition." Consider an opening like, "Every morning I awoke at 5:00 to sweat, tears, and blood as I
trained on the uneven bars hoping to bring the state gymnastics trophy to my hometown."
Be Yourself - Admissions officers want to learn about you and your writing ability. Write about something
meaningful and describe your feelings, not necessarily your actions. If you do this, your essay will be unique. Many
people travel to foreign countries or win competitions, but your feelings during these events are unique to you.
Unless a philosophy or societal problem has interested you intensely for years, stay away from grand themes that
you have little personal experience with.
Don't "Thesaurize" your Composition - For some reason, students continue to think big words make good essays.
Big words are fine, but only if they are used in the appropriate contexts with complex styles. Think Hemingway.
Use Imagery and Clear, Vivid Prose - If you are not adept with imagery, you can write an excellent essay without
it, but it's not easy. The application essay lends itself to imagery since the entire essay requires your experiences as
supporting details. Appeal to the five senses of the admissions officers.
Spend the Most Time on your Introduction - Expect admissions officers to spend 1-2 minutes reading your essay.
You must use your introduction to grab their interest from the beginning. You might even consider completely
changing your introduction after writing your body paragraphs.
Don't Summarize in your Introduction - Ask yourself why a reader would want to read your entire essay after
reading your introduction. If you summarize, the admissions officer need not read the rest of your essay.
Create Mystery or Intrigue in your Introduction - It is not necessary or recommended that your first sentence
give away the subject matter. Raise questions in the minds of the admissions officers to force them to read on.
Appeal to their emotions to make them relate to your subject matter.
Body Paragraphs Must Relate to Introduction - Your introduction can be original, but cannot be silly. The
paragraphs that follow must relate to your introduction.
Use Transitions - Applicants continue to ignore transition to their own detriment. You must use transition
within paragraphs and especially between paragraphs to preserve the logical flow of your essay. Transition is not
limited to phrases like "as a result, in addition, while . . . , since . . . , etc." but includes repeating key words and
progressing the idea. Transition provides the intellectual architecture to argument building.
Conclusions are Crucial - The conclusion is your last chance to persuade the reader or impress upon them your
qualifications. In the conclusion, avoid summary since the essay is rather short to begin with; the reader should
not need to be reminded of what you wrote 300 words before. Also do not use stock phrases like "in conclusion,
in summary, to conclude, etc." You should consider the following conclusions:
Expand upon the broader implications of your discussion.
Consider linking your conclusion to your introduction to establish a sense of balance by
reiterating introductory phrases.
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Re-define a term used previously in your body paragraphs.
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End with a famous quote that is relevant to your argument. Do not try to do this, as this approach
is overdone. This should come naturally.
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Frame your discussion within a larger context or show that your topic has widespread appeal.
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Remember, your essay need not be so tidy that you can answer why your little sister died or why
people starve in Africa; you are not writing a "sit-com," but should forge some attempt at closure.
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Give your Draft to Others. Ask editors to read with these questions in mind:
o
What is the essay about?
o
Have I used active voice verbs wherever possible?
o
Is my sentence structure varied or do I use all long or all short sentences?
o
Do you detect any cliches?
o
Do I use transition appropriately?
o
Do I use imagery often and does this make the essay clearer and more vivid?
o
What's the best part of the essay?
o
What about the essay is memorable?
o
What's the worst part of the essay?
o
What parts of the essay need elaboration or are unclear?
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What parts of the essay do not support your main argument or are immaterial to your case?
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Is every single sentence crucial to the essay? This MUST be the case.
o
What does the essay reveal about your personality?
o
Could anyone else have written this essay?
o
How would you fill in the following blank based on the essay: "I want to accept you to this
college because our college needs more ________."
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Revise, Revise, Revise - You only are allowed so many words; use them wisely. Delete anything in the essay that
does not relate to your main argument. Do you use transition? Are your introduction and conclusions more than
summaries? Did you find every single grammatical error?
Allow for the evolution of your main topic. Do not assume your subject must remain fixed and that you can only
tweak sentences.
Editing takes time. Consider re-ordering your supporting details, delete irrelevant sections, and make clear the
broader implications of your experiences. Allow your more important arguments to come to the foreground. Take
points that might only be implicit and make them explicit.
Copyright by CollegeGate
Accepted by Princeton
Hiking to Understanding
Surrounded by thousands of stars, complete silence, and spectacular mountains, I stood atop New Hampshire's
Presidential Range awestruck by nature's beauty. Immediately, I realized that I must dedicate my life to understanding the
causes of the universe's beauty. In addition, the hike taught me several valuable lessons that will allow me to increase my
understanding through scientific research.
Although the first few miles of the hike up Mt. Madison did not offer fantastic views, the vistas became spectacular
once I climbed above tree line. Immediately, I sensed that understanding the natural world parallels climbing a mountain. To
reach my goal of total comprehension of natural phenomena, I realized that I must begin with knowledge that may be
uninteresting by itself. However, this knowledge will form the foundation of an accurate view of the universe. Much like every
step while hiking leads the hiker nearer the mountain peak, all knowledge leads the scientist nearer total understanding.
Above tree line, the barrenness and silence of the hike taught me that individuals must have their own direction. All
hikers know that they must carry complete maps to reach their destinations; they do not allow others to hold their maps for
them. Similarly, surrounded only by mountaintops, sky, and silence, I recognized the need to remain individually focused on
my life's goal of understanding the physical universe.
At the summit, the view of the surrounding mountain range is spectacular. The panorama offers a view of hills and
smaller mountains. Some people during their lives climb many small hills. However, to have the most accurate view of the
world, I must be dedicated to climbing the biggest mountains I can find. Too often people simply hike across a flat valley
without ascending because they content themselves with the scenery. The mountain showed me that I cannot content myself
with the scenery.
When night fell upon the summit, I stared at the slowly appearing stars until they completely filled the night sky.
Despite the windy conditions and below freezing temperatures, I could not tear myself away from the awe-inspiring beauty of
the cosmos. Similarly, despite the frustration and difficulties inherent in scientific study, I cannot retreat from my goal of
universal understanding.
When observing Saturn's rising, the Milky Way Cloud, and the Perseid meteor shower, I simultaneously felt a great
sense of insignificance and purpose. Obviously, earthly concerns are insignificant to the rest of the universe. However, I
experienced the overriding need to understand the origins and causes of these phenomena. The hike also strengthened my
resolve to climb the mountain of knowledge while still taking time to gaze at the wondrous scenery. Only then can the beauty
of the universe and the study of science be purposefully united. Attaining this union is my lifelong goal.
Accepted by Harvard
Of all the characters that I've "met" through books and movies, two stand out as people that I most want to emulate.
They are Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham from Field of Dreams. They
appeal to me because they embody what I strive to be. They are influential people in small towns who have a direct positive
effect on those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that positive effect is
something I must give in order to be satisfied with my life.
Both Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and
wisdom. When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things. The base has been formed for me to live a
productive, helpful life. As an Eagle Scout, I represent those things that Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the
child/adolescent world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I' ll be entering the adult world, a world in which I' m not
yet prepared to lead.
I' m quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham often wondered what they could do to help
others. They probably emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40year president of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas
Eves taking gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his bank could not justify a loan to someone in need, my
grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that characters
like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers. Through
him and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form the
foundation for a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and
wisdom necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world. I feel that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life
of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.
ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE COMMENTS:
This essay is a great example of how to answer this question well. This applicant chose characters who demonstrated specific
traits that reflect on his own personality. We believe that he is sincere about his choices because his reasons are personal (being
from a small town, and so forth). He managed to tell us a good deal about himself, his values, and his goals while maintaining
a strong focus throughout.
Essay Example #3:
Passengers dozed peacefully in the cramped, cold, and dark cabin, eye masks on. A sudden jolt, riveting the plane,
spurred only a few grumbling snorts from the unconscious travelers. The engines droned while chatty flight attendants
gossiped behind a curtain.
Everyone seemed at ease, if not bored. Passengers stared blankly at the monitors in front of them and stewardesses
sighed when summoned by blinking lights bearing their caricatured silhouettes. I imagined pilots, surrounded by panels of
crude switches, nodding off in the wake of the vast and empty frontier ahead of them. I, however, found the flight neither
boring nor exciting; as a twelve-year-old, everything about air travel terrified me. My white-knuckled fists, glistening with cold
perspiration, clamped onto the nearest armrest at the mere hint of turbulence. My breath came in shallow gasps as I kept my
ears perked for any sign of disruption in the engine's consistent rumble. I bawled during takeoff, clenched my eyes shut while
landing, and remained fidgety and sour in the intervening hours.
This phobia began affecting me long before my actual departure, days or sometimes even weeks in advance. At first I
would lie awake into the wee hours of the night, actively calling forth violent fantasies of what could very well happen during
the coming flight. My first vision would be of a quick death: the plane explodes, instantly consuming all its passengers in the
conflagration. I considered this possibility most preferable, as I would not have to endure the torturous moments of panicky
contemplation that would accompany falling to my death. What if the plane did not simply explode, though? What if a wing
dropped off at 30,000 feet? My fantasies would delve into every conceivable disaster, each less plausible yet more terrifying
than the previous. Just how carefully did they inspect the engines?
In fact, my mind would be so consumed by thoughts of my impending demise on the flight that the prospect of
survival would was begin to seem improbable, despite my continued existence flight after flight. On this particular trip,
though, my fears were nearly realized. After settling into my seat as much as I was capable after takeoff, my gaze flickered out
the window, coming to rest on the billowy plains below. My father joined me and began naming the illuminated grid patterns
and landmasses gliding by beneath us when he noticed something I had not: a stream steadily flowing out the edge of the
wing.
We called for an attendant, who in turn brought the captain.
I tried not to look or listen as the pilot arrived at my seat to observe the phenomenon. He craned his neck in what
seemed a scrupulous observation and, after a few moments of squinting, delivered his analysis.
"We should call this one in."
My father and I leaned forward, expecting more explanation or at least some tangible emotion.
"And...?"
The pilot, however, returned to the cockpit without answer, apparently realizing that we would not be able to
comprehend, much less do anything about the information he had just gathered.
Eventually technicians determined that the fluid streaming out of the plane was, in fact, jet fuel, and though our supply was
sufficient to reach our destination despite the leak, a lightning strike or spark of any kind would ignite the plane's left engine,
sending us ablaze into a spiraling freefall terminating in the dark Pacific. No doubt this would delay our arrival. At this
announcement, two passengers had seizures and a jittery man seated behind me had to be handcuffed. Most, however,
remained quietly anxious in their seats and either resumed napping or continued to stare cross-eyed into the tiny monitors
ensconced in the headrests of the persons in front of them.
Remarkably in this tense situation, I suddenly stopped obsessing about crashing. Now that I was actually facing real
aviation danger, I refused to let fear overwhelm me during what could have been the last moments of my life. Though the
chances of our plane being struck by lightning still hovered at roughly half of one percent, those tiny odds were still far greater
than the chance of encountering an accident on any other normal flight, which had previously been enough to scare me into
near total incapacitation. The increased threat of death did not send me into panic, instead focusing my thoughts on my goals
and future. In that situation, I clung tightly to the two very important people sitting next me as I reminisced about those I
would leave at home and imagined the new friends and acquaintances I might never meet.
I realized then that fear was really just noise, a mere distraction drawing me away from the issues of real importance in my life.
It was tunnel vision, corrupting my mentality, consuming me totally in its overwhelmingly irrational, one-dimensional state. It
was an addiction and a vice, and I had lived with it for far too long. Because of it, I had grown used to enduring flights like I
did the nightmares I contrived; they seemed to never end.
Thanks to my newfound clarity, the remaining hours of that tense flight slipped away without dread, and I never again
obsessed over our odds even as we touched down. Instead, more important things replaced those figures and fantasies, such as
the duties and goals I aspired to accomplish during my life. Rather than focusing on fear, I resolved to direct my energies and
thoughts at all that I have left to accomplish. While I have no control over possibly perishing in a freak airplane accident, I do
have the ability to improve my chance of attaining my dreams; thus, I intend to spend my life constantly looking forward,
rather than worrying about how high I rise or how far I may fall.