YESHIVAT HAR ETZION
ISRAEL KOSCHITZKY VIRTUAL BEIT MIDRASH (VBM)
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READING MIDRASH
Shiur #2: Anxiety
By Rav Ezra Bick
The midrash that I assigned for this week (39,8) is quite long and
contains a number of rather unconnected themes. I hope to get to most
of them, but let us start with one found approximately in the middle.
I. Fear
Psalms 110 is a chapter which the midrash repeatedly refers to
Avraham. Our first selection for today is concerned with one verse, one
that is very difficult to translate literally. "Your people volunteer
on the day of arming; in the beauty of holiness, from the womb of morning,
the dew of your youth is yours" (Psalms 110,3). Our midrash comments
on the final phrase:
"The dew of your youth is yours" - For Avraham was fearful
(mitpached), saying: Can it be that I bear a sin for all the years
that I was an idolater? God said to him: The dew of your youth is
yours. Just as the dew evaporates, so your sins evaporate. Just
as the dew is a sign of blessing for the world, so you are a sign
of blessing for the world. (39,8)
I wish to draw your attention to the word I translated as "fearful."
The word "mitpached" has the root PChD, which of course means to fear.
However, the reflexive form, mitpached, rather than the relatively
simple form, mefached, is unusual. A quick computer search of talmudic
literature came up with seventeen instances of this form, sixteen of
which are in the Midrash Rabba. In every case, it refers not to a case
of present danger but to lingering doubts. The seventeenth is from the
Talmud Yerushalmi, and is, I think typical and instructive. The Talmud
refers to one who is "mitpached baleilot," fearful at night. I would
suggest that a modern translation of this verb would be "anxious" or
"troubled" rather than regular fear. The reflexive form means one who
has an inner tremble, suffers anxiety, rather than is afraid of a specific
enemy or danger that he is directly facing. It is a fear that creeps
beneath the skin, that bothers you when you are busy doing other things
and not facing any particular danger at all, like the fear of one walking
in the night, which creeps up on him and cannot be faced precisely because
it has no well-defined address to attack. That is why it also is so
difficult to overcome.
Avraham, in our midrash, is suffering from a lingering anxiety
about his early years, when he, like his family and culture, was an
idolater. Avraham's "fear" is rooted in his sense of guilt, a feeling
of residual impurity. This is a classic case of anxiety, of insecurity.
Avraham knows that he is, at present, striving continually to walk in
the way of God, but he is unable to overcome the sense of inadequacy rooted
in his childhood.
[Note: Many of you will remember the midrash which claims that Avraham
discovered God at the age of three. In fact, there are two opinions in
the midrash, one of which claims that he was 48. This is based on a
computation that dates the building of the tower of Babel to Avraham's
forty-eighth year, and sees that occasion as the catalyst for Avraham's
searching and eventual discovery of God. In any event, our midrash, which
has Avraham worried about his youthful idolatry, apparently is based on
the latter opinion, since it would indeed be strange to find him worried
about the sins of his infancy.]
B. Anxiety and Spiritual Initiative
In fact, the midrash refers a number of times to Avraham being
"mitpached." The occasion where it is a direct comment on the "pshat"
is in Midrash Rabba 44,4. After - notice, AFTER - Avraham's victory over
the four kings, God says to him, "Do not fear, Avraham" (Bereishit 15,1).
The midrash naturally wants to know of what Avraham was afraid, since,
after all, the war is over and the danger past, and, in any event, Avraham
showed no fear at all before the battle.
R. Levi said: For our father Avraham was "mitpached," saying: Might
it not be that of all those multitudes that I killed there be one
righteous man, and one God-fearing man?
R. Levi offered another explanation: For our father Avraham was
"mitpached," saying: Might it not be that the children of those
kings whom I killed will gather a multitude and come wage war
against me?
Rabbanan said: For our father Avraham was
entered the fiery furnace and was saved; I
with the kings and was saved; Might it not
all my desert in this world and there is
the next? (Bereishit Rabba 44,4).
"mitpached," saying: I
entered into the battle
be that I have received
nothing left for me in
It is clear, I think, that the emotion being described here is
closer to anxiety than to specific fear. Avraham has won the war and
overcome all his enemies, but he is bothered by a nagging doubt, a feeling
in his guts, that all is not well, that his future, in one sense or
another, is uncertain, even though - or perhaps precisely because - there
is no perceivable danger on the horizon. The last opinion, that of
Rabbanan, is closest to the anxiety we found in the midrash with which
we began. Avraham is unsure of his destiny, of his "portion in the
world-to-come." In other words, Avraham lacks confidence in his own
spiritual self-worth.
It is easy to see why this is true for Avraham. Avraham is the FIRST.
He has no guide for his actions. As we saw last week, God guides him
only after he has made the first step, and even then, the command is
to proceed to the land - which I will show you. Every step of the way,
Avraham is venturing into uncharted territory. The Sages understood that
it is characteristic of such a personality that he be insecure,
uncertain, anxious, "mitpached." The textual foundation is God's
reassurance to Avraham to not be afraid after the war of the four kings,
but the Sages understood this to be a typical characteristic of Avraham.
But it is important to stress that Avraham, though plagued by insecurity,
is not paralyzed by it. On the contrary, he leaps forward on his own
and follows his conscience, as, for instance, he leapt into the fray
and pursued the four kings. After he has finished the war, acted the
way he felt he must, then and only then do his fears and anxieties become
paramount. It would be absurd to claim that the Sages saw Avraham as
timid. Avraham is an exemplar of how to boldly strike forward, according
to what you believe and know to be right, even as your personality is
beset by self-doubts about your destiny and your security. Not only are
these causes of insecurity possible despite the deeds you have
performed, they might even exist BECAUSE of the deeds you have done,
as the examples from 44,4 make clear. Nonetheless, Avraham fought the
kings without hesitation, and without, it is worth noting, a Divine
command to do so, setting aside his inner doubts until after the deed
has been accomplished.
I believe that the Sages are not merely psychoanalyzing Avraham.
This characteristic of anxiety, "hitpachdut," is being held up as
appropriate for the Avraham personality (which is, after all, one of
the three prototype personalities of a Jew). This does not contradict
the fact that God has an answer for each anxiety that Avraham expresses.
The answers are important and express important theological truths. But
the underlying emotion (rather than the doctrinal truth) of not being
sure of oneself, of realizing that while on the one hand we are called
upon to act "before" God, we are, necessarily, thereby subject to feeling
unsupported and unsure, is also a basic fact of true spiritual existence,
in the mode of Avraham.
C. Youthful Sins
Let us return to the original midrash, describing Avraham's
anxiety concerning his youthful transgressions. God tells him that his
sins are like the dew; they evaporate in the sun without a trace. This,
of course, is one of the principles of the Jewish idea of teshuva,
repentance. Teshuva leads not only to a suspension of punishment and
to a reconstitution of one's relationship with God; it annuls and uproots
the very existence of the sin in one's past. In the words of the Mesilat
Yesharim, negation of the will results in negation of the acts. It is
now understood why Avraham, who discovered so much of God's ways on his
own, was incapable of reaching this principle without a direct
revelation of God. This principle is inherently alogical, going against
everything on which the scientific mode of thinking is based. The past
is, almost by definition, irreversible. The principle of retroactive
annulment of sin is an expression of Divine miracle, itself an example
of direct revelation of God. Its operation requires not merely a
manifestation of providence within the world but a suspension of the
laws of nature. One who is immersing himself in the waters of repentance
is moving out of the world into the hands of God. Avraham, as great as
he is in discovering the presence of God WITHIN the world, cannot
understand this point without experiencing it.
[Without going into too much detail, the same point is true for the
mitpached reaction after the war of the four kings. There too, God's
answer is to make Himself present in a manner that transcends the laws
of nature - "Anokhi magen lakh" - I am a shield to you. God surrounds
Avraham and so changes his environment from this world to the direct
experience of God. I leave it to you to work out the details for each
of the three interpretations of "mitpached" and "magen" that are given
in 44,4.]
D. The Work Ethic
Let us finish this particular midrash. The last part of this
midrash (39,5) brings us to Eretz Israel:
R. Levi said: When Avraham was wandering through Aram Naharayim
and Aram Nachor (note: the area of Damascus), he saw the
inhabitants eating, drinking, and dancing. He said: May it be His
will that I not have my share in this land. When he came to the
"ladder of Tzur" (note: the descent from the plain of Tyre
southward towards Eretz Israel, modern Rosh HaNikra), he saw them
weeding in the weeding season and hoeing in the hoeing season. He
said: May it be His will that I have a portion in this land. God
then said to him: I will give this land to your seed.
First, I want you to notice that we have here a second example of
what we noticed in the first shiur. God communicates with Avraham ONLY
after Avraham has discovered the truth on his own. God confirms what
Avraham has discovered, in this case granting him the land he has chosen.
The textual basis for this comment is, of course, the fact that although
God told Avraham to go to the land "that I will show you," we never find
that God tells him where to go. The midrash is claiming that Avraham
in fact wandered about a bit, until he happened to come across the Land
of Israel and chose it for himself, whereupon God appeared and told him
that this is the land "I will show you." Once again we have a picture
of Avraham as a pioneer, not only in relation to other people but, in
a sense, in relation to God as well. Avraham walks before God. In fact,
that is an explicit verse - Walk BEFORE Me and be perfect" (17,1). It
is no wonder that Avraham is "mitpached," is anxious. Not only is he
the first to trod on this path, without a family tradition or the
experience of others, he is not even being explicitly guided by God on
the details of the path. He is forced to strike out totally on his own.
The Maharal describes this characteristic of Avraham in a manner
which makes clear how it includes what might be described as a lack of
support by God:
Noach was attached to God's presence and therefore was saved from
sin, and this is the aid granted him by God… and this is the meaning
of "Noach walked with God." But by Avraham it is written, "Walk
before Me," for he walked alone without that attachment to God's
presence… for several times God tested him and at that time the
attachment cannot aid him since it was testing him. (Gur Aryeh 6,9)
The interesting thing about this particular midrash is what it says
about Eretz Israel and why it is chosen. Avraham passes through Aram
Naharayim, Aram of the Two Rivers. This is a land with natural
irrigation, apparently so rich that the people need work only a few
months a year in order to harvest their crops. The rest of the time is
given over to celebrating, enjoying their leisure time. It sounds like
the Garden of Eden! Avraham has an instinctual aversion to a land with
such an abundance of natural resources. When he comes to the Land of
Israel, he sees that here it is not enough to plant and come back a few
months later to harvest. Here you have to till the land, to weed and
cultivate, to work all the time to make sure that the land will produce
its crops. No time for leisure here, no "eating, drinking, and dancing."
Avraham exclaims, "Now this is a land for me!" There are riches in Eretz
Israel, but you have to work for them, and they leave no time for
idleness. The land is not a reward for Avraham and his descendants, but
a challenge, a task, a field for productive work. This is the answer
for all those who wonder why there are not more Middle Eastern oil fields
in Israel.
-------------------Next shiur: 39,11