The 1997 United Waterbodies Conference ‘Save our Waterworld’:
Some Observations Concerning Fish Biodiversity.
Rainer Froese
ICLARM
If in 1997 there had been a United Waters Conference with 100 fishes proportionally
representing the 25,000 finfish species of the world, a look through the assembly tank and
the directory of delegates would have revealed the following information:
60 delegates came from the oceans and 40 from rivers and lakes (one delegate, a sturgeon,
argued that this distinction was arbitrary and could under no circumstances be applied to
the species he represented).
Of the marine group, 43 delegates were from the Indo-Pacific, 15 from the Atlantic, 1
from the Arctic Sea, and 1 from the Southern Ocean. Some delegates (the frequent
traveler type) claimed to represent more than one area.
Of the freshwater group, 15 came from South America, 11 from Africa, 9 from Asia, 4
from North America, and 1 from Europe.
Females were well represented with about 50 delegates. However, the exact number could
not be determined because some delegates were in the process of changing sex, and one
(Rivulus marmoratus from Florida) even claimed to be functionally male and female at
the same time. The local tabloids dedicated pages to the “scandalous” sexual habits of
some delegates. This was unfortunately spurred by an unauthorized photo of a (deep-sea)
female delegate with three males permanently attached to her abdomen. One delegate (a
red salmon with a distorted snout, who irritated delegates and media by repeatedly
shouting “Upstream! Upstream!”), stated in an interview that the species he represented
were so extreme with sex that they would immediately die from exhaustion after engaging
in what he called the “big bang.” In another incident a big female moonfish—in the
middle of a heated debate—lost control of herself and flooded the assembly tank with an
1
extraordinary spawn of 300 million eggs.
Standing out among the mostly silvery-gray delegates, a group of 15 very colorful and
active coral reef fish seemed to use the opportunity of the conference to promote human
underwater tourism in their respective countries, as a means to protect their habitats.
However, a corpulent member of this group from a popular bay in Honolulu, who wanted
to remain anonymous, later told reporters that he was already “fed up” with/by this kind
of visitor.
Conference facilities had to be flexible with 4 delegates being smaller than 5 cm and 2
delegates exceeding 2 meters; the average length was about 25 cm. The majority of the
delegates were of the typical fish form, with 34 looking like perches, 10 being carp-like,
and 9 representing catfishes. Conspicuous shapes among the remaining participants were
2 sharks, 2 rays, 2 flatfishes, 2 eels, 1 seahorse (an obviously pregnant male!), and 1 bony
tongue. Apparently, there were constant complaints about the temperature in the assembly
tank, with a tilapia (a hot spring extremist) asking for 44C, whereas the delegate from
Antarctica insisted on –2C.
Most delegates were senior representatives of their species, with an average age of 12
years. However, interwaterbody experience varied widely, with 4 delegates being unable
to attend more than one of the annual conferences during their lifetime, and two delegates
being 60 or older, with no intention of retirement: one claimed to be 120 years old.
A group of 4 delegates was elected to chair the conference. Not surprisingly, these fish
came from the big families of carps, gobies, cichlids, and tetras, respectively. While most
delegates agreed that the choice of the well-known and moderate common carp as chair
was a good one, fish were less satisfied with the choice of the vice-chair, a
mouth-brooding lady from Lake Malawi who could hardly be understood. Business
started late because the marine group insisted to be also represented at the podium, an
issue that was finally resolved by electing an impressive Napoleonfish, one of the 2
wrasses representing the largest marine family, as 5th chair. An honorary chair was given
to a delegate from the Comoro Islands, to whom many respectfully referred as “old
2
four-legs”, whereas some of the younger delegates called him a “living fossil.”
A group of five delegates claimed that their experience was much deeper than that of the
others, and that they therefore should also be represented at the podium. This claim was
rejected by the majority of the assembly, some of which referred to this group as “voices
from the dark.”
Security was tight because half of the delegates were known to occasionally eat other fish.
Media attention was focused on a shark and a puffer fish, the two representatives of more
than 500 militant species that claimed to have killed humans by attack, poisoning,
electrocution, or other means. One of these species, a tiny Amazonian catfish with sharp
spines, was even reported to enter and get stuck in the urethra of human bathers, some of
whom subsequently bled to death.
A group of 28 delegates presented severe accusations against exploitation by humans: 17
delegates had written evidence that the species they represented were used as human
food; 5 delegates claimed to be under constant human threat as representatives of 1,200
fish species listed in the 1996 Red Book of Threatened Animals; 10 delegates complained
about being imprisoned in aquaria, and 4 delegates were marked with scars and had metal
hooks pierced through their lips, maintaining that this was not an imitation of a human
fashion trend, but a result of encounters with anglers.
Two delegates showed clear signs of jet lag and culture shock because the species they
represented were constantly shipped around the world by humans and introduced to
exotic environments. Other delegates accused them of hypocrisy and suggested that they
sought to take advantage of these transfers to displace native species, thus expanding their
own aquitory.
One delegate (a catfish) who represented fishes used in human aquaculture gave a special
press briefing with shocking details about the plight of this group. According to him,
these species were deprived of their freedom, kept in overcrowded tanks and cages, fed
3
on artificial, boring diets, and—with a few exceptions—were denied the right to
reproduce. Moreover, he claimed that some species, to which he referred as GMOs, had
their genes tampered with to distort their body proportions, induce unhealthy growth
rates, or create male-only populations with obvious social and psychological problems.
The freshwater group was very explicit in their protest against increasing habitat pollution
and destruction. In addition, the marine group deplored the brutal human warfare that had
reached an unprecedented scale with the deployment of huge invisible suffocating
devices, booby-FADs, dynamite, and cyanide poisoning.
Chairfish Carp tried his best to contain emotional outbreaks. He stressed that militant
actions were shortsighted and that many humans—in their strange ways—actually seemed
to care about fish, as could be seen in the numerous books, publications, and societies
dedicated to fish. He said that there were signs that some humans were trying to stop the
worst atrocities directed towards fish. He pointed out that, for example, humans had
started declaring safe havens for fish, a small but important step in the right direction.
After one week of deliberations, which at times were close to the boiling point, the
conference unanimously passed a resolution towards saving the blue planet Mother Water
from the onslaught of one recent island species with a guppy-like reproductive behavior
and a shark-like appetite, and whose uncontrolled population growth was clearly
exceeding the carrying capacity of its dry habitat.
GlossaryGlossary
aquitory – aquatic equivalent of territory.
booby-FADs – refers to Fish Attracting Devices, i.e., underwater structures that pretend
to provide shelter but which are heavily fished, sometimes with poison or dynamite.
GMO – genetically modified organism.
interwaterbody – aquatic equivalent of international.
Mother Water – aquatic equivalent of ‘Mother Earth’, which also happens to be more
appropriate given that 70% of the planet’s surface is covered with water.
4
old four-legs – refers to the coelacanth Latimeria chalumnae.
safe havens – refers to underwater parks and protected areas.
suffocating devices – refers to gill nets.
United Waterbodies – aquatic equivalent of the United Nations.
Voices from the dark – refers to the fact that deep-sea fish live in constant darkness.
Acknowledgment
All numbers, ratios, and facts about fish and fisheries presented in this article reflect true
relationships and are based on data derived mainly from FishBase, an EC-sponsored
global database on fish available on CD-ROM. Otherwise, this article is a work of fiction,
and any resemblance with real conferences is purely accidental. A ‘100 fish’ article was
proposed by Mina Bartz. Maria Palomares, Daniel Pauly, Roger Pullin, Michael Vakily,
and the FishBase Team made suggestions for improvement. Roberto Cada created the
sketch of the assembly tank.
5