Playing Nice in the Sandbox
Kim Ratz -“the Speaker who Sings”
My Core Message:
I help people create more HARMONY in your own life, & in your relationships with others.
If you want to do your best, especially when it’s important to you, or you’re facing
change/challenge/conflict, strive for –
CONGRUENCE = aligned ATTITUDES ATTITUDES++ APTITUDESAPTITUDES++ ACTIONSACTIONS
It’s about CHOICES -what you do & how you do it - that largely determine if you feel Content, or regret,
and whether you just “get by,” or Thrive …
When it comes to creating a “nicesandbox,” what can you do?
1. YOU are influential, & make a difference The question is: What kind of difference do you make?
2. YOU can anticipate some challenges and be prepared.
3. YOU can make good choices when responding - EVEN when someone else isn’t playing nice!
Point #1:
While you can’t change other people, You ARE influential - You DO make a difference.
The question is:
What kind of influence are you –
What kind of difference do you make?
(Pro-active - WHAT’S THAT LIKE?)
Gallup survey indicators:
• I know what is expected of me at work.
• I have the materials & equipment I need to do my work right.
• At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day.
• In the last seven days, I have received recognition of praise for doing good work.
• My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care about me as a person.
• There is someone at work who encourages my development.
•At work, my opinions seem to count.
•The mission / purpose of my employer makes me feel my job is important.
•My associates or fellow employees are committed to doing quality work.
•I have a best friend at work.
•In the last 6 months, someone at work has talked to me about my progress.
•This last year, I have had opportunities at work to learn & grow.
(responses are on a scale of 1-5; 1= “Extremely dissatisfied” … 5 = “Extremely Satisfied,” … 0 = “Don’t
know/Not applicable)
(4 stages of group dev.: Forming -Storming -Norming -Performing)
Examples of GROUP NORMS:
It could be a behavior you want to encourage -or discourage …
• We will occasionally disagree & “agree to disagree.”
• We won’t interrupt someone who is speaking.
• We will avoid using sarcasm with each other.
• We will focus on the problem, not the person.
It could be a policy you want everyone to follow …
• We will return all voice & e-mail inquiries w/in 24 hrs.
• If we say 8:30am, we start at 8:30, not 8:50.
• We’ll review options & pros/cons before big decisions.
It could be a philosophical position you want to focus on …
• Each member is an equal member of the team.
• We will strive for continuous improvement.
• We will convey to others that we care and want to help.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE:
1. Discuss & select 3-5 Norms to help your group.
2. Everyone must agree to hold self & each other accountable.
3. Write out & post for visibility at meetings.
4. Agree on & use code word (norm, plop, etc, not ouch)
5. Evaluate progress, celebrate success, pick next norm…
What are 2-3 Group Norms your group could focus on?
What are 3 ways you’d like to see RECOGNITION expanded in your program, or other ways to
accentuate the positive?
Review - Revisit:
What is one thing you can and will do to pro-actively influence good change and contribute to a nicer
sandbox?
Point #2:
You can anticipate some challenges that will “push peoples’ buttons,” including your own - and be
prepared to deal with situations more effectively.
(WHAT’S THAT LIKE?)
“Anticipation is half the battle.”
The 3 Ts: T________, T_______ & T________
Change-external event or situation
Transition-your response to change
The Transition “process”:
END (Denial)
NEUTRAL ZONE (Exploration)
BEGINNING (Commitment)
“It’s not so much what happens, but more what you do.”
“Change” can trigger 4 fears that can keep you from doing what you other-wise could do: (“fear of” …)
• Failure
• Rejection
• (the) Unknown
• Success
When change hits, transitions can be difficult on a team - different people feel a relative sense of “Loss”
or “Gain” re: • Certainty • Purpose • Goals • Relationships • Power • Routine • Self-esteem
“BE the change you want to see.” - M. Ghandi
Elements needed to manage complex change ...
Review - Revisit:
How do you usually feel when you have to deal with a major change in your life?
What do you generally get out of dealing well with change?
What motivates you to do well with changes at work?
• How can you apply this to a change you’re dealing with right now?
• What future change(s) can you anticipate?
Point #3:
Even when someone else doesn’t play nice, YOU can still make good choices by using
appropriate skills in HOW you respond that make you feel content, not regret …
(Reactive - WHAT’S THAT LIKE?)
You can’t “change other people,” but you can be a positive influence. It’s not about good or bad, right or
wrong, better or worse … It’s about “Different.” “Flexing your style” helps you bridge the gap in style
differences. Use the “R & R Princple”: (Respect & Reframe)
Sometimes it’s a “STYLE
thing” - we’re each a unique blend of “styles”:
• Behavior & Communication
• Listening
• Expressing emotions
• Gender
• Leadership & Supervision
• Problem solving
• Conflict resolution
• Learning
• Age & Generation
• Cultural
• What schools were like when we attended
• Etc …
The key is: “flex” your own style …
BEWARE the “Blind Spot!”
Giving Feedback:
• Position the discussion -“3 plusses & a wish.”
• Use “I” statements.
• Describe specific, observable behavior.
Receiving Feedback:
• Positive: listen carefully for their message. Thank them and tell them how it helped.
• Corrective/negative: remember the “blind spot.” Thank them -explain how it can help.
• Ask for specifics if general/vague. Don’t get defensive.
CONFLICT HAPPENS!
Conflicts are legitimate.
Conflict rarely goes away by itself.
Conflict is manageable.
Conflict is not inherently bad.
It’s all about the choices you make to achieve your life roles & goals … It’s what you do
and how you do it, including conflicts that come up …
Personal Promise
The one thing I will do to help me “play nice” and help keep our “sandbox” from turning into a “litter
box” is:
Three things I will do in the next week to make this happen are: 1. 2. 3.
Other “Ah-hahs & notes to self …