A Closer Look at My Writing
Sentence Number
First four words
Special features
Verbs
Number of
words/sentence
This form will help you analyze your own writing. You will very quickly discover some of your strengths and
weaknesses. Not only will this form be used to analyze your own writing style, but it will also be used to look a the
writing styles of professional writers as well as your peers.
The following chart shows an analysis of the third paragraph of an essay about Benny Paret by Norman Mailer (AP
English Language and Composition Examination, 1986). The chart reveals Mailer’s mastery of diction, skilled
imagery, and manipulation. A glance, for example, at sentence nine, which recounts Paret’s fall, illustrates this idea.
This lengthy sentence (31 words) is a series of clauses slipping irrevocably into one another, even as Paret slides
slowly to the floor. Mailer consciously manipulates syntax to stress the meaning and effect of the sentence.
Sentence Number
First four words
1
2
3
And Paret
Paret died on his
And he took those
4
Some part of his
One felt it hover
He was still
standing
5
6
7
8
He began to pass
As he passed, so
9
He went down
more
As he went down,
the
10
Special features
Personification
Personification
Consonance
Simile
Simile
Verbs
died
took, happened,
was
reached
hover
was standing,
trapped, had been,
gave, were saying,
did know, was
going, came
began
passed, descended,
san,
went, had gone.
went, turns, slides
went, echoed
Number of
words/sentence
2
5
18
9
7
51
5
16
31
25
As a revision technique for your own writing, completion of the chart may signal various writing problems
(repetitiveness in sentence opening, possible run-ons or fragments, passive voice, poor verb choice, lack of variety of
sentence length, etc.). This technique allows you to revise not only for grammatical errors, but also to strengthen the
meaning and effectiveness of your writing.
The following chart is based on one student’s essay about the Benny Paret article analyzed above and reveals a
number of problems:

Repetition of identical sentence structure and especially sentence opening in #2 and #3. Also #5 and
#6. Revise to improve student variety

Excessive use of the verb “to be,” several repetitions of “says” and writes.” Revise to employ more
powerful verbs.

Possible opportunity for sentence combining with #2 and #3. Also #5 and #6. Revise for rhythm
improvement and to ensure that syntax enhances meaning.

Possible grammatical problems – evaluate #4 for possible run-on sentence; evaluate #7 for possible
fragment.

Possible use of short, powerful sentence structure, but also possible choppiness – evaluate #6 and
#7 to see if the ideas of the sentences are important enough to be singled out by a short sentence structure or
is the ideas of the sentences are enhanced by the short sentence structure.
Sentence #
First four words
Special features
1
2
In an article about
Mailer writes that
Paret
Mailer says that
the
After examining
the fight
The fight is an
The fight is also
Because of the
way
none
none
writes, described
writes, is, loses
none
says, reflects
15
none
believes, suggests,
is, reveals
is, penetrates
is
fights
40
3
4
5
6
7
none
none
none
Verbs
Number of
words/sentence
1
17
18
10
6
Much of the power of language arises from the way diction and syntax enhance meaning. Every student should focus
on the examination of these elements of language
Improving Sentence Style
1. What style of sentences can you find? List the number of loose, balanced, parallel, and periodic sentences.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
If you have no sentences of one of these types in your paper, rewrite some sentences in that style.
How long are your sentences? Count words in the paper, count sentences, and divide to arrive at an average
length.
Find your longest sentence. What is the length of the sentence before it? After it? If that long sentence is
not either preceded or followed by a short sentence, change one of them to a short sentence.
What forms are your sentences? Count simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences. If
you do not have variety rewrite some sentences to include these sentence types.
Count the number of to be verbs (is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been). Find three that can better be
expressed as action verbs and rewrite the sentences that way.
Count parallel constructions. If there are fewer than three in the paper, rewrite three sentences so they
contain parallel elements.
How do your sentences begin? If more than half of your sentences begin with the subject, rewrite them in a
way that varies the beginning.
Check your comma use by applying these four rules:
a. Use a comma before and, but, for, or, not, so, yet, and still when those words join independent
clauses.
b. Use a comma between all terms in a series.
c. Use a comma(s) to set off parenthetical openers and afterthoughts.
d. Use a comma after introductory clauses or phrases.
Have you used any semicolons? If not, find a sentence or a pair of sentences that would be better punctuated
with a semicolon and rewrite.
Have you used any dashes? If not, find a sentence that would improve with a dash and rewrite.
Have you inverted any sentences? If not, rewrite one to do so.
Find all which clauses and rewrite half of them to eliminate which.
Eliminate as many of, in, to, and by’s as you can.
Find all instances of there is or there are and eliminate as many as possible.
Find all instances of it with no antecedent and eliminate.
Find all instances of this or that used without a noun. Add a noun or rewrite.
Have you used quotation marks? Check for correctness.
Have you used apostrophes or colons? Do you need to?
Is your diction appropriate for your audience? Check for slang, trite expressions, and garbage words.
Eliminate as necessary.