The Living Forest
Water pushes its way through the algae covered rocks
Fish dart through the water; leaving bubbles behind them
Rigid rocks sit in the stream, eventually growing moss
The sun reflects off the top of the water, leaving a diamond effect
Sun penetrates through the jade leaves, leaving a green glow around the forest
Trees creak and bend in the light wind,
As they stand tall with pride, showering shade to the forest floor below
Orange, red and yellow leaves cover the forest floor like a pathway
Gusts of wind are powerless against the bold trees
Wisps of water spray onto nearby plants as light wind blows
Leaves dance in the air,
Then land gently onto the still tops of the water
Birds sing their last songs as the blue sky swallows the sun
The sky turns dark
The forest goes to sleep, as if they were alive
Slowly the heat disappears into the night,
As the silence settles deep into the forest.
This is a good start. You have a lot of nouns and verbs that you haven’t specifically described! That’s
my ‘what’ and ‘how’ comments. Where is some figurative language – similes, metaphors,
personification? That’s one aspect of the success criteria. Also you need punctuation – commas and
fullstops in each stanza.
The Living Forest
Rushing water pushes its way through the algae covered rocks.
Timid fish quickly dart through the water; leaving broken bubbles behind them.
Rocks of all sizes sit in the shallow stream, eventually growing moss.
The intense sun shines onto the calm water.
The sun enters through the jade leaves, leaving a green glow around the forest.
Old trees creak and bend in the light wind,
As they stand tall with pride, showering shade onto the forest floor below.
Orange, red and yellow leaves cover the forest floor like carpet.
Vast gusts of wind are powerless against the strong trees.
Wisps of water spray onto small plants as a light wind makes its way into the forest.
Weak leaves softly dance in the still air,
Then land gently onto the tranquil tops of the clear water.
Weary birds softly sing their last songs,
As the blue sky swallows the bright sun.
The vivid blue sky starts to turn
Slowly the heat disappears into the hours of darkness,
As the silence settles deep into the dark forest.
The Living Forest
Rushing water pushes its way through the algae covered rocks.
Timid fish quickly dart through the water; leaving broken bubbles behind them.
Rocks of all sizes sit in the shallow stream, eventually growing moss.
The intense sun shines onto the calm water.
The sun enters through the jade leaves, leaving a green glow around the forest.
Old trees creak and bend in the light wind,
As they stand tall with pride, showering shade onto the forest floor below.
Orange, red and yellow leaves cover the forest floor like carpet.
Vast gusts of wind are powerless against the strong trees.
Wisps of water spray onto small plants as a light wind makes its way into the forest.
Weak leaves softly dance in the still air,
Then land gently onto the tranquil tops of the clear water.
Weary birds softly sing their last songs,
As the blue sky swallows the bright sun.
The vivid blue sky starts to turn
Slowly the heat disappears into the hours of darkness,
As the silence settles deep into the dark forest.
The Living Forest
Rushing water bullies its way through the algae covered rocks.
Shy fish hastily dart through the water; leaving broken bubbles behind them.
Rocks of all sizes sit in the shallow stream, eventually growing moss.
The early morning sky holds the intense sun,
as it shines onto the calm water.
Vast gusts of wind are powerless against the strong trees.
Wisps of water spray onto small plants,
As a light wind makes its way into the forest.
Scrawny leaves softly dance in the serene air,
Then land gently onto the calm tops of the clear water.
A green glow is left around the forest,
From the vibrant sun entering through the jade leaves.
Trees stand tall with pride, showering shade onto the forest floor below.
Orange, red and yellow leaves cover the forest floor like carpet.
Weary birds softly sing their last songs,
As the blue sky swallows the bright sun.
The vivid blue sky starts to turn grey
Slowly the heat disappears into the hours of darkness,
As silence settles deep into the forest.
The Living Forest
Rushing water bullies its way through the algae covered rocks.
Shy fish hastily dart through the water; leaving broken bubbles behind them.
Rocks of all sizes sit in the shallow stream, eventually growing moss.
The early morning sky holds the intense sun,
as it shines onto the calm water.
Vast gusts of wind are powerless against the strong trees.
Wisps of water spray onto small plants,
As a light wind makes its way into the forest.
Scrawny leaves softly dance in the serene air,
Then land gently onto the calm tops of the clear water.
A green glow is left around the forest,
From the vibrant sun entering through the jade leaves.
Trees stand tall with pride, showering shade onto the forest floor below.
Orange, red and yellow leaves cover the forest floor like carpet.
Weary birds softly sing their last songs,
As the blue sky swallows the bright sun.
The vivid blue sky starts to turn grey
Slowly the heat disappears into the hours of darkness,
As silence settles deep into the forest.
You need to work on this more so that there is a flow to it. As it is some of it is just a series of
separate phrases. You need to link the ideas.
The Living Forest
Rushing water bullies its way through the algae covered rocks.
A nervous trout hastily darts through the water; leaving broken bubbles behind him.
Rocks of all sizes lazily sit in the shallow stream, eventually growing moss.
Early morning sky holds the intense sun, as it shines onto the calm water.
Vast gusts of wind are powerless against the bold trees.
Wisps of water spray onto small plants,
As a light wind makes its way into the forest.
Scrawny leaves softly dance in the serene air,
Then land gently onto the rippling clear water.
Vibrant sun enters through the jade leaves,
Creating a soft green glow around the forest.
Trees stand tall with pride, showering shade onto the forest floor below.
Orange, red and yellow leaves cover the forest floor like carpet.
The day slowly comes to an end.
Weary birds softly sing their last songs,
As the blue sky swallows the bright sun.
The vivid blue sky starts to turn grey.
Slowly the heat disappears into the hours of darkness,
As silence settles deep into the motionless forest.
By Alex
POETIC WRITING CRITERIA
Learning Outcome: Students will write on an abstract topic, shaping, editing and reworking texts,
expressing ideas imaginatively and using appropriate vocabulary and conventions.
1
2
3
Ability to
Captivate the
Reader
Some focus on the topic.
Well focused and interests the
reader throughout.
Captivates and involves the
reader
Ideas
Further thought needs to be given
to the writing to really build a
picture in the readers mind.
Work has elements of ‘greatness’.
Ideas are organised.
Ideas used build up a vivid picture
in the readers mind. Ideas flow
well and text reads effectively.
Some attempt to use imagery
(metaphors, similes,
personification etc).
Excellent use of imagery – similes,
metaphors, personification used
to paint a picture ion the reader’s
mind.
Limited use of vivid words.
Beginning to use vivid words.
Little or no attempt made to find
new adjectives / adverbs.
Some use of a thesaurus to find
new adjectives/adverbs.
Vivid detailed images and
intensely felt emotion.
Little experimentation with
imagination – risk free
Some experimentation with
imagination – evidence of risk
taking.
Ideas are disorganised.
Use of Imagery
Little attempt to include poetic
language.
Fails to use metaphors, similes,
personification to ‘show’ the
reader.
Use of
Language/
Vocab
Obvious use of a thesaurus.
Excellent use of fresh, interesting
adjectives & adverbs.
Highly imaginative.
Editing
Little attempt made to improve
the quality of the writing.
Some evidence of editing.
Work well edited. Final piece of
writing greatly improved.
Mechanics
Frequent mistakes.
Work would have benefited from
more careful proof reading.
Mainly error free work.
Teacher Assessment:
Well done. You have spent a lot of time editing and improving this piece. I have added a couple of
suggestions to link some of your phrases together to give it more flow but it now has too many ‘as’
but hopefully you get the general idea of linking things together. An area for you to work on is the
use of simile / metaphor to help build a more vivid picture.