4 - Working with Mental and Emotional pain.
Obsessive thinking/dullness & drowsiness/ Emotional pain
When one begins to practice meditation, the diversity of physical feelings that one learns
to observe in the body, can seem quite astonishing at first. And similarly, meditators can
also be quite surprised to discover, after beginning to pay attention, just how busy their
minds are. And surprised to discover too… that not only are our minds often full of
thinking… they are also often experiencing a remarkable array of constantly changing
feelings. In practicing mindfulness of feelings, we train in becoming mindful of both
physical and mental feelings. Over time… with deepening awareness… one begins
to notice more clearly, just how many feelings mental and emotional phenomena give rise
to, in the complex experience of life. Sometimes pleasant, sometimes neutral, and often
times rather painful.
In this talk, we will take a look at the habit of thinking a lot, and consider ways to
become more aware, moderate and skillful in this important area. With regards to
practicing with mental and emotional phenomena. While some meditators may have
been surprised to discover just how emotional they actually are. Other, more ‘emotional
types,’ might have been aware of the existence of all of these feelings for quite some time
already. In this talk, we will also explore ways to practice bringing genuine ‘mindful
awareness’ into this sometimes wild and turbulent realm.
As a general principle, in mindfulness meditation, it is best to aim to be primarily mindful
of a type of neutral physical feeling, such as the in and out breathing. So as to have a
fairly consistent anchor, with which to practice generating and maintaining a clear quality
of awareness. And yet it is also often the case, that while trying to be mindful of the
breathing for example, other phenomena, often mental, are impinging significantly upon
this awareness. There can be a sense of struggle in staying with the meditation object.
This is quite normal, but the question might well arise, how does one practice with such
things?
Take for example the experience of thinking obsessively about something. On those
occasions when the mind is recycling the same thoughts, or reactions, or opinions about
something, and simply won’t let them go. If we take ourselves off to sit on our
meditation cushion at these times, and try to practice mindfulness of breathing. We
will probably find that the heart area feels hot and cramped, and somewhat oppressed.
So how should we address the habit of excessive thinking, and the suffering which it
generates?
Likewise… if there is sadness or grief present in the mind, becoming mindful of the
feelings of these emotions, the area of the heart can feel rather swollen or heavy and
acheing. Or suppose we are happy and excited about a promising plan for the future,
and keep rehearsing and rehashing our plan again and again in our minds, we can really
make ourselves quite dizzy. On a feeling level, there might be heat and spinning
sensations in the area of the head, and the excited heart will probably be thumping a little
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harder than normal in our chest.
And so it is precisely because the powerful phenomena of our emotional and thinking
habits can be quite deluding, self perpetuating, and also significantly painful. That in the
course of developing the skills of meditation, practitioners must necessarily learn
skillful ways to pacify the habit of obsessive thinking. And learn also, how to bring the
emotional world into a more moderated state of harmony and equilibrium. So how do
we do this?
Fortunately… if cultivated sincerely enough, a lot can be achieved with mindfulness of
breathing alone. When we train ourselves consistently, to pull back from thoughts, and
keep encouraging mindfulness to rest upon the awareness of the in and out breath, it us
usually the case that the excessive thinking mind will eventually calm down. And as for
working with strong emotions and feelings, once again the breath can be utilized to assist
in calming and pacifying the heart. We will come back to this important component of
meditation practice little later in this talk. Of course gaining these kinds of good results
from anapanasati, or breath meditation, does require a sincere and disciplined
commitment to the practice.
Understanding mindfulness…
Seeing a thought as a thought…
But first of all, before exploring the practice of meditation any further. It is important
and can be very helpful for meditators to understand, that as a general principle, when
there is a lot of discursive thinking occurring in the mind, at such times, the quality of
ones mindfulness is quite weak. This information can come as a surprise to many
people, because our intelligence can be so convincing, we can delude ourselves into
believing that when we are thinking a lot, we are doing it ‘with mindfulness.’
Many contemporary meditators have a real challenge here. And so it is very important
to understand, that mindfulness by itself, does not conceive of selves and others… Nor
does mindfulness think about the past, or plan for the future… and mindfulness does not
express feelings either… All of these types of activities, fall into the realm of what
might more correctly be called, mental proliferation. And excessive mental proliferation
actually has the direct effect of weakening this quality of mindfulness. Understanding
this simple point, helps us to understand why it is that we find it difficult to be mindful of
our breathing, while we are thinking a lot, or just after a period when we have been
thinking a lot.
Certainly one can think in a focused way with wisdom… and one can also bring some
mindfulness to keep an eye on one’s thinking, ensuring that it stays within skillful
boundaries. One can also be mindful of the occasional thought, or string of thoughts
‘popping up,’ without making a problem out of it. But generally speaking, if we are
thinking a lot, in a scattered, restless, or obsessive sort of way, it is good to be honest
about the fact that mindfulness is weak at such times, and that the mind is absorbed in
thinking.
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Right mindfulness is aware of phenomena as phenomena… with a quality of clarity…
and objectivity. It sees a thought… as simply a thought. A feeling… as simply a
feeling… and it is aware of these things… as they are experienced in the mind and
body… in the present moment. When mindfulness is strong… although there might be
any number of physical and mental feelings to be aware of in the moment… there
would not be much of a story… or much of a ‘sense of self,’ present in ones experience.
I don’t mean to criticise the act of thinking here perse, or infer that people should not
have a sense of self within experience. Of course it is necessary to think and to plan and
to remember to some degree. And until we have had direct and powerful insights into
not-self, the sense of being a self will quite naturally be present a lot of the time. But for
most of us, the thinking habit has got a little bit out of hand. To the point where thinking
does not so much relieve us of stress as we might hope, but rather, adds an additional and
unnecessary element of stress to our lives. And so as meditators, who are interested in
developing peacefulness, and learning how to think more skillfully, moderately and
wisely. We need to take a courageous look at our habits of thinking, and learn ways to
restrain, challenge, pacify, and develop these habits skillfully.
In learning to develop peacefulness and wisdom through meditation, we all need to
become skilled in recognizing thoughts as simply being ‘thoughts,’ with mindfulness.
And to recognise with mindfulness as well, feelings, whether physical or mental, as
simply being ‘feelings.’ The reason that we need to train in this way, is because when
we are able to bring sharp mindfulness to bare on the phenomena of thoughts and feelings
objectively, the mind is then able to separate from them to some degree, instead of
becoming absorbed. When the mind can separate from thoughts and feelings, it is able
to find a calm centre in which to rest.
Or perhaps it is more the case, that when the mind can separate from it’s mental objects,
they can then simply fall away from the mind, leaving some space for ‘natural awareness’
to abide. As the mind abides resting in this centre, the quality of mindfulness becomes
more energised and sharp, if one then trains this awareness to abide with a wholesome
meditation object, one can then experience the mind becoming more and more collected
and peaceful. Within this process, thought activity naturally becomes pacified. In this
way, mindfulness and clear comprehension work in conjunction with ‘right
collectedness,’ or right concentration. To let go of the activity of unnecessary
proliferation, and to establish a deep and natural sense of clarity and well being in the
mind.
Learning to separate the mind from thoughts and feelings is not an easy task. Because
these things tend to flood the mind… to fill it up and overwhelm it… and to delude us
as it were. And this is the way things have been for a very long time. By employing a
useful metaphor, Venerable Ajahn Chah, the famous Thai Forest tradition meditation
master explained… It is as though there is a chair in the centre of the mind, and there
are many different guests coming into the mind, and sitting in this chair. Some of these
visitors are wholesome, but many of them are not. Luang Por Chah expounded upon this
metaphor further, by explaining that as meditators, we need to learn to sit consistently in
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this chair - the centre of conscious experience, with mindfulness and wisdom. Keeping a
watchful eye on who or rather what, is coming into the mind. And not just allowing the
mind to become deluded or overwhelmed by the various emotions or mind states which
appear or arise there.
During formal meditation, and during other quiet moments when it is possible to do so,
we must practice pulling back from the activity of mental proliferation. So as to sharpen
the quality of mindfulness and clarity, in relation to the ‘present moment’ experience of
life. And so as to maintain the sense of having a calm centre within experience, being
able to observe our lives with some wisdom and objectivity. This actually gives us a lot
more freedom, and empowers us to make better choices.
For people who do think a lot, the good news is, that after spending some time
developing mindful awareness, the habit of mindfulness can become very powerful.
Experienced meditators learn how to engage thinking when they need to… and learn
how to put it down when it is unnecessary. Or at the very least… we can learn how to
know that there is a lot of thinking going on… without getting completely lost in it.
Why do we think so much?…
Since it is such a common experience for many modern meditators. Let us look at this
habit of thinking. How many times have you come to your cushion seeking some
peacefulness… and found that the thinking mind, would simply not allow mindfulness
to rest with the breath?…
(pause)
…….
Probably quite a few times.
Have you ever wondered at these times, if there might be something you could do, to
bring things more into balance?…. (pause) …. I’m sure you have.
Fortunately there are various skillful means that we can utilise, to develop more skills,
strength and power here. But before we look at some of the remedies for the habit of
excessive thinking, it might be helpful to recognise the way we feed, encourage and
perpetuate this habit.
Most modern people think a lot… and talk a lot… and read a lot… and view a lot
of media… which involves listening to the verbalised thoughts of many, many others.
And so given that we spend so much time generating and articulating our thoughts. As
well as reading and listening to the written and verbalised thoughts of others. It is not
really so surprising that our heads are full of thoughts. If you compared a current day
city dwellers mind, to the mind of a traditional farmer or potter for example, you would
probably be astounded to see just how much more thinking goes on in modern peoples
heads… than went on in the heads of generations which came before.
If we understand how much we feed the thinking process, it should not then be so
surprising to find that we cannot simply turn it off at will. Something which we can do
however, is learn how to direct the thinking mind onto a skillful, pacifying object, and
keep it there for some time, until it inclines towards more calm.
Chanting suttas and reciting mantras…
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In traditional Buddhist Asia, the practice of chanting and reciting suttas, became a central
aspect of spiritual discipline, and for very good reason. When we engage our thinking
and articulating habit to recite auspicious verses and teachings in a rhythmic and
somewhat monotonous manner. The thinking mind is being placed onto a skillful object
for a period of time, in a way that inclines the mind towards peace. It is the experience
of many meditators, that the mind becomes much more peaceful, much more easily, after
a half an hour of chanting. This practice often seems too alien or ritualistic for many
contemporary meditators. But the fact that it is very effective, should not be overlooked.
If you feel uncomfortable or shy about chanting out loud alone, another similarly
effective practice, is the practice of reciting some mantras for a period of time, before
turning to observe the natural breath. One simply uses a traditional rosary of 108 beads,
and starts reciting quietly… Buddham saranam gachami on the first bead…
Dhammam saranam gachami on the second bead… Sangham saranam gachami… on
the third bead etc, until you have done one round. Several rounds might be helpful if the
mind is really scattered or busy. Recollecting the three jewels of refuge and taking
refuge before meditation is an excellent way to prime the mind.
Itipi So Bhagava Arahang Sammasambuddho… is another very good mantra to
recollect quietly with prayer beads before meditation. “Homage to the
Sammasambuddha, perfectly enlightened.” Meditators can choose a mantra which is
inspiring, uplifting or relevant to their own practice, and take up the practice of
recollecting and reciting this mantra at the beginning of each sit. So as to establish a
little more of a sense of being present and collected, before turning inwards.
Walking meditation…
Another practice which helps to subdue, both obsessive thinking and strong emotional
reactions, is the practice of walking meditation. For many people, it might not be very
realistic, to sit down at the end of a busy day, and expect the mind to rest with the subtle
object of the natural breath. At such times, the mind will usually be either tired, or
absorbed in distracted or discursive thought. It is generally a little easier to be mindful
of the physical feelings of the feet touching the ground, while walking up and down along
a quiet path or hallway, than it is to be mindful of the breath.
Walking swiftly, yet mindfully… up… and down…. up…. and down, a walking
path… … mentally reciting a skillful recollection such as “Bud-Dho”… “Bud-Dho”…
“Bud-Dho”… in conjunction with the footsteps. Is a very effective way to begin to
calm the mind, and generate more of the quality of mindfulness needed for skillful
meditation. When we deliberately, yet gently place our mind on another more neutral
object with mindfulness, and keep it there for some time… thinking usually does slow
down quite naturally, all by itself..
In fact the mind often becomes very peaceful while practicing walking meditation alone.
If one cultivates this practice sincerely enough, it is possible for some people to become
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more peaceful while doing walking meditation than sitting meditation. This practice is
of course a central component to the meditation disciplines of forest monks in Thailand.
And once again, it is the experience of many meditators, that the mind will generally
become more peaceful more easily in a session of sitting meditation, after a half an hour
of walking meditation.
Once again, I am aware that many people can find this activity alien. Or not quite as
promising and alluring as the formal sitting posture. People often have resistance to the
idea of pacing up and down. But the simple fact is, that many people do feel quite
peaceful, after practicing mindfully pacing up and down, for a period of twenty minutes
or so.
To understand the principle of why it is a good idea to do some walking meditation
before sitting meditation, simply consider this progression. One starts with a more
coarse meditation object first, generating a clear and consistent quality of, ‘body based
awareness,’ practicing ‘mindfulness of walking.’ Before turning to be mindful of a
more subtle meditation object, such as the breath. It is interesting to note that the
‘grounded’ and ‘present’ quality of ‘collected awareness’ that can be generated through
walking meditation, is precisely the type of peacefulness that many meditators are hoping
to give rise to, in the often un-focused session of sitting meditation.
Noting and labeling…
Of course another skillful way to wrestle with the thinking habit… is to skillfully
engage the process of thinking, within the meditation itself. We can learn to practice
noting our thoughts, or labeling them, so as to establish some detachment and objectivity,
as a tool to help us to let them go. Many experienced meditators have seen the benefits
of using mental noting, as a means for establishing a little more space or objectivity in the
mind. Returning to the simile of the chair; - mental noting can be a way of
acknowledging what is actually present in the mind, and of ascertaining whether it is
skillful or unskillful, wholesome or unwholesome. When we practice seeing what is
present in the mind, and practice ‘knowing it’ according to it’s characteristics, the
qualities of mindfulness and clear comprehension are being established, and we are
taking our place on the metaphorical seat in the centre of a more peaceful mind.
Before talking more specifically about ways of recognizing and noting thoughts,
hindrances and mind states… it is important to talk about attitude and intention first.
When we train in using mental noting, we are not trying to repress, annihilate or
obliterate mental phenomena. Nor are we trying to ‘push’ mental phenomena aside
quickly, in order to ‘get’ some peacefulness. It is important not to allow various types of
aversion or greed to affect this practice, subsequently degenerating it’s effectiveness.
And so in utilizing any type of mental noting practice, we must consistently recollect, that
we are trying to bring qualities of patience, and a cool quality of, ‘clear knowing’ into our
experience, not any further forms of unskillfullness.
Whenever there is a lot of thinking in the mind, sometimes noting the simple word…
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…‘thinking’… …‘thinking’… can be enough to help us to drop the thought and gently
return to the breath. At other times, we might need to be somewhat more determined to
pull away - noting with more detail… or micro labeling as it is sometimes called.
Some examples might be…
…“thinking about the future”…
… “thinking about the past”…
…“thinking about another person”…
… “thinking about another place”…
Or…. “greedy thoughts”… … “angry thoughts”… … “sexual thoughts”…
… “critical thoughts”… etc. At other times, practicing recognizing whether thoughts are
wholesome or unwholesome, skillful or obstructive, can also be quite helpful.
To assist us all in learning how to develop and maintain a balanced and peaceful mind,
the Lord Buddha offered many wonderful teachings and instructions. With perfected
mindfulness and wisdom, the Buddha was able to see all phenomena clearly, as they
really are. And from this wonderfully clear vantage point, he was able to elucidate many
pertinent lists of dhammas, which can be contemplated, investigated and utilized in
various different ways.
Recognizing a hindrance as a hindrance… in order to let it go…
One of the most simple and practical lists of dhammas to train in recollecting, is the list
which describes the five main hindrances to peacefulness. The Buddha said that these
qualities or habits were like robbers or bandits invading the mind, stealing away energy
and the possibility of being peaceful. Once we can recognise a hindrance as a hindrance,
it is generally a little easier to abandon it. So what are the five hindrances.
The first is ‘sensual craving.’ This means all of those things, big or little, that we desire
or want. So whenever the mind is affected by thoughts related to longing, craving,
subtle or intense desire… one can try to establish a little more objectivity and
mindfulness in the mind by noting… …“the hindrance of sensual desire”…
The second hindrance is ‘aversion and ill-will.’ So here, any angry or aversive thoughts,
towards either objects, or people, or situations, or any phenomena at all, can simply be
noted as… … “the hindrance of aversion”…
The third hindrance is ‘sloth and torpor’… Sleepiness.. Tiredness.. Dullness..
Fuzziness..
We will talk a little later about how to practice with dullness and tiredness. But as an aid
to help recognise the quality of our thoughts, we can note thoughts like…
…“I want to go back to bed”… “I’m tired… it would be better to sleep”… etc.
As… …“the hindrance of sloth and torpor.”
The fourth hindrance is restlessness and worry. When the mind is very busy and
agitated, it is often this hindrance which is most prominent. Remorse… diss-ease…
agitation… confused worrying… can all be noted as … …“the hindrance of
restlessness and worry.”
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The final hindrance is doubt. This can be doubt about the meditation practice… doubt
about our abilities… doubt about the Buddhas enlightenment… doubt about our
teacher… or whatever. It is very important to learn to recognise doubt as doubt,
because this quality can undermine our confidence and capacity to focus in meditation…
so try to note and label doubting thoughts as… …“the hindrance of doubt”…
Many meditators will discover that sometimes there are several hindrances present in the
mind. These types of lists can be very helpful in generating some more clarity, but
naturally, experience does not always fall into neat and clear cut categories. Even so, it
is still possible to note several hindrances. Such as …“the hindrances of restlessness and
worry and aversion”…or… “sleepiness and desire”… etc.
It is good to feel confident that learning to recognise mental phenomena more clearly is a
valuable skill to develop in and of itself. So even if one finds that the hindrances do not
always drop away after noting them, and after having made a concerted effort to pull
away from them. At the very least, in seeing and recognizing these hindrances more
clearly, one is establishing a little more mindfulness and clear comprehension in the
mind, than would have otherwise been there. It is the experience of many meditators,
that although sometimes it seems as though there is no space in the mind from thoughts at
all. After spending a session observing these thoughts with a little more awareness and
wisdom. Once the session is over, one generally feels much more peaceful and clear
than before the meditation began.
With the intention of encouraging your own efforts, it is important to recognise the
benefits of the practice outside of the time of the actual meditation session. So even if
you do still think a lot during the meditation sometimes. Make a point to notice how you
feel a few minutes after the session is over. Most of the time you will definitely be
experiencing more clarity, well being and peacefulness than before. It is important to
notice this.
Dullness…
With regards to practicing with intense dullness or sleepiness. Sometimes overcoming
sleepiness can simply be a matter of meditating somewhere where it is bright and light, or
of turning the lights on in the room where you meditate, rather than off. Because light
helps to dispel drowsiness from the mind. Getting up and splashing some cool water on
the face, and then returning to meditate can also be quite effective.
Of course one of the main reasons that many modern people feel tired when they come to
meditate, is actually because the mind has been over stimulated, and is genuinely a little
worn out. If you have a big challenge in this area, it can be helpful to do some exercise,
some yoga or Tai Chi, or to take an invigorating cool bath before the meditation session.
In order to both relax and revitalise the system. Other people find that meditating in the
morning… after having rested, gives better results than trying to meditate after a busy
day. You could try sleeping earlier and getting up earlier to meditate, and see if this
helps.
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Generally speaking, the more people meditate, the stronger the quality of mindfulness
will become, and the mind will develop a sincere and eager interest in experiencing
peacefulness after it has become accustomed to it. Once this has been established,
dullness, boredome and sleepiness become much less of a problem. But as an always
relevant basic principle, for people interested in developing true peacefulness. It is
important to try to cut back on excessive stimulation and distraction throughout the day.
Because these kinds of activities do take a lot of energy from the mind. Look at your
lifestyle and habits, and see if there are ways that you can learn to be a little more careful
and restrained. Keeping a little more, or a lot more energy inside, so that when you
come to meditate, you have some resources to tap into.
Painful emotions and mental feelings…
So having talked a little about practicing with thinking and also with drowsiness and
dullness, let us move onto a different realm of phenomena now. The realm of emotions
and mental feelings.
Once people have meditated for some time, they will usually find that their minds seem
more sensitive and aware than before. This heightened sensitivity brings both
advantages and challenges. Being more sensitive and aware can be very helpful for
heightening the capacity to recognize the nature of our mind states more quickly. It can
help us to be aware of how things and situations affect the mind. Subsequently assisting
in the process of learning how to protect the wholesome, and avoid and abandon the
unwholesome in all areas of our life. But extra sensitivity also frequently brings a
heightened awareness of suffering and pain as well. And because of this, it is important
for meditators to learn ways to relate and respond to the experience of having heightened
awareness, and more acute sensitivity.
So far we have been exploring at length, the habit of excessive thinking. For people who
have meditated for some time, and have had some experiences of peacefulness. You
will probably notice that thinking a lot is actually quite painful. Similarly, sometimes
during meditation, once we have been able to calm the thinking mind, we can notice that
the heart feels rather sore or bruised. As though all of the preceding thinking and
busyness was causing pain in the heart. Even after the thinking ceases, a residue of pain
remains. Experiences like this can help us to see that thinking and mental feelings are
not actually as separate as we might habitually assume.
For some people, it is frequently the case, that once thoughts drop away, and the
awareness of the breath becomes more prominent, the next most prominent sensation in
awareness… is the sensation of pain in the area of the heart. As though these painful
feelings were already there just below the surface, yet until the mind became a little more
peaceful, it was difficult to be aware of them. These kinds of mental feelings can
pulsate… and throb… become sharp and piercing… grow bigger… grow
smaller… and fade away… arising in the area of the chest or solar plexus, and
moving around throughout the entire chest, stomach and abdomen areas. Not everyone
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is very sensitive or aware in this area… but quite a few people are.
Generally speaking, with regards to mental feelings, when there is some mindfulness and
wisdom and a somewhat collected quality present, the feelings in the mind will be
predominantly pleasant and neutral. Alternatively however, whenever any one of the
five hindrances, or any unwholesome mind state for that matter, is affecting the mind
significantly, unpleasant mental feelings will definitely be there. Whether beings
actually notice this or not, will depend upon their level of sensitivity and awareness. It is
not entirely necessary to become aware of these feelings. I simply mention this
phenomena here for the sake of encouraging those people who are aware in this area, to
learn how to practice with such things.
It may be interesting for some people to hear that one or several of the five hindrances
can definitely be present in the mind to some degree, even if they are not appearing or
manifesting in the form of thoughts. This goes some way in helping to explain, why
there can be unpleasant feelings arising in the heart, even when thinking seems to have
been significantly subdued. It is understood that if one can maintain very clear
mindfulness upon the breathing at the times when unpleasant mental feelings are present.
As mindfulness becomes stronger, and the mind becomes more centred and collected, the
hindrances which are present, will gradually subside and eventually simply drop away.
For people with very strong concentration or Samadhi, these hindrances and the painful
feelings which arise in conjunction with them, can drop away very quickly.
But occasionally, or sometimes frequently, depending upon your mind, it isn’t always
possible to go past these unpleasant mental feelings in meditation. And so at such times,
we must learn to abide with them as skillfully and patiently, and with as much wisdom as
possible. It can also be the case at times, that while a meditators mind is becoming quite
peaceful… all of a sudden, apparently without any rhyme or reason… a big ball of
painful feelings can arise in the area of the heart. This kind of experience can lead to
some confusion, especially if this occurs when there is no thinking, or very little thinking
present in the mind. One might well start wondering… “I’m not thinking about or
doing anything unskillful…
and nothing seems to have occurred to have stimulated a
painful reaction…
… so why is there all of this pain?”
Another interesting angle to consider, to help us in understanding where some of this
mysterious pain in the heart might be arising from. Is the possibility that previously
generated unwholesome kamma, may ripen in the heart as unpleasant feelings. Ajahn
Chah mentions in some of his talks, that past karmic habits certainly do swell up in the
mind, bringing a lot of unpleasant feelings along with them. And he explains that at
such times, the best remedy to be applied, is determination and patient forbearance.
If this sounds familiar to you… or if working with this kind of phenomena is
necessarily a large part of your practice, it might be helpful to know that what you are
experiencing is not that uncommon. The Buddha explained that one of the main
characteristics of all conditioned experience, was suffering and unsatisfactoriness. Once
they have begun a regular meditation practice, people with very sensitive minds soon
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begin to notice, that the Lord Buddha really knew what he was talking about!
In seeing mental suffering more clearly and more frequently, it is important not to
develop aversion or resistance to meditation, not wanting to experience the ripening of
kamma as unpleasant mental feelings. Keep in mind that it is just as much the case that
previously or recently generated skillful kamma, can and does ripen during meditation
sessions as pleasure, serenity, well-being, happiness and contentment. And it is
understood that even the actual act of meditating, produces a lot of good kamma that will
ripen in the future in a pleasant or fotuitous way.
Most human beings are experiencing one of the five hindrances most of the time that they
are alive. And most human beings do not actually investigate this experience very much
at all. For people who are unaware or unfamiliar with peacefulness, they will probably
hardly even notice just how much pain is in their minds. Rather, they will try to
entertain, distract and intoxicate themselves, before trying to forget themselves in sleep.
In moving away from this state of unawareness and reactivity, it is in fact necessary to
become more conscious of the noble truth of suffering, and the path leading away from it.
It is important to maintain a healthy perspective, understanding that even though
meditation can make one more aware of, or sensitive to mental suffering. Meditation
also plays an enormously powerful and important role in reducing the amount of
suffering that can be experienced by a being. Furthermore, it lays many of the causes for
the arising of future well-being, and ultimately will play a vital role in liberating one from
suffering altogether.
Generally speaking, men seem to be a little less ‘heart-based’ than women, although there
are always plenty of exceptions on both sides. This does not mean that there is less pain
in the hearts of unenlightened men than there is in the hearts of unenlightened women. It
just means that for whatever reason, men will probably be a little less sensitive or aware
of this pain than women are. But whether you are a man or a woman is not important…
… and whether you are aware of all of this mental and emotional pain or not, is also not
so important...
But for those people who do have very sensitive minds, one very important question
might be… …“How should I work with all of this pain?”… Good question!
In more than ten years practicing as a monk in a large international community, I have
hardly ever heard my predominantly male teachers talk about painful feelings in the
heart, and how to practice with this phenomena. There are instructions to be patient in
general, and encouragements to respond to suffering with Loving-kindness, both ones
own suffering as well as the suffering of others. But instructions with regards to
practicing with emotions rarely gets more specific than this. Although I am sure that all
of us have to practice with painful mental feelings at times, perhaps it simply is the case
that…
‘men don’t talk about these things very much’ at least not ‘Theravadin Monk Men’ 
One day however, a laywoman friend of mine gave me a copy of a talk by the Vajrayana
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nun, Pema Chodron, which did seem to address the subject of practicing with mental pain
a little more directly. After listening to this talk, it became apparent that my sister Pema
Chodron, is also no stranger to the experience of patiently bearing with painful feelings
present in the heart. Some of her advice seemed very insightful and practical. While
talking about how to practice with these feelings in conjunction with breath meditation,
Venerable Pema Chodron used a word which seemed to adequately describe a suitable
and appropriate mindful response. The word she used was the adjective, to ‘ventilate.’
To ventilate these feelings which we might call ‘pain in the heart,’ with the in and out
breath. We will come back to this helpful concept a little while later.
Mindfulness of breathing… the central pillar supporting further practice...
But first of all, before talking about how to meditate with the unpleasant feelings which
arise in the heart any further. It is very important in mindfulness meditation, to try to be
predominantly aware of the feelings involved in the in and out breathing. At least this is
what my own teacher, Ajahn Anan, a disciple of Ajahn Chah, explained to me.
Especially if you are a very sensitive or emotional person. Because maintaining this
awareness gives the mind an anchor, or a centre, or at least a consistent and fairly neutral
point of reference - to help one maintain some mindfulness. Breath meditation is the
necessary central pillar which supports the practice of holding mental feelings within
mindful awareness.
Emotional feelings are complex and potent things. They can stimulate a lot of further
reactivity and proliferation, if not contained and held with mindfulness. If meditators try
to observe this phenomena, without some clarity or integrity of mindfulness already
established. It is very likely that the mind will go off on a tangent, rehashing some old
story, feeling sorry for itself, or fretting about the future. So it is important not to be too
keen to delve into the feelings in the heart right at the beginning of the meditation
session. I know that for some people, at least some of the time, as soon as the eyes are
closed, the feelings in the heart seem more prominent than the feelings involved with the
breath. For others, this might only be the case during particularly emotionally trying
times. But in such a case, whether frequently or rarely occurring… what should one
do?
If the heart is full of strong feelings when you come to meditate. I would recommend
simply trying to ignore these emotional feelings for the first ten minutes or so of the
session. Being very determined to be aware of the in and out breath… counting the
breaths if this helps. Only after this, after ten or fifteen minutes of a concerted effort
establishing some body-based mindfulness, would it then be appropriate to relax the
effort somewhat, and begin relaxing and expanding awareness to include the feelings in
the heart. By doing this, one is not suppressing the emotions perse, rather one is simply
not giving them too much attention in the meditation at first.
Often, while practicing breath meditation, for many people, as the mind begins to gather
and collect after some time, there can be a sense that the mind is becoming somewhat
settled or centred in the area of the heart. But when the heart is swollen with strong
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mental or emotional feelings, this settled centre of awareness is difficult to establish. It
is however possible at such times, to ‘hold’ these feelings in the heart within a broader, or
larger field of awareness. For example, one brings or allows awareness, to settle within
the entire chest area, not pushing to make things more collected, but rather, allowing the
mind to settle in the larger space immediately surrounding the strong or unpleasant
feelings. Maintaining an attitude of patience and contentment with this degree of
collectedness.
Although there may still be a lot of unpleasant or painful feelings present in the heart, if
one can establish some coolness and stillness around the experience, the mind will
generally become more upright and wholesome after some time. It is also frequently the
case that during the meditation session, after some time, the strong feelings in the heart
can begin to dissolve and dissipate, or at least move around and change to some degree.
Whenever this occurs, the meditator actually has an excellent opportunity to contemplate
the impermanent and not-self nature of such feelings.
For although peacefulness is very pleasant and can be a wonderful support to mindful
investigations. Developing wisdom and insight is also very valuable and important. So
one needn’t think that experiencing a lot of pain in the heart is wasting ones time or
slowing down ones progress. If over time, one can learn to utilise a partially collected
mind, in order to investigate the changing and not-self nature of such mental feelings. A
lot of valuable growth in wisdom and understanding may occur.
It is also possible and in fact highly recommended, to try to utilise the natural breath, to
help to soothe and dissolve painful feelings in the heart. Or at least to soften the
perception of such feelings as being solid and unchanging. I think that this is what Pema
Chodron meant when she encouraged meditators to ‘ventilate’ the various forms of
clinging that can manifest as painful feelings in the sensitive space of the heart.
One does this by trying to breath through and around the feelings as it were. Allowing
the energy of the breath to flow through the feelings in the heart, to whatever degree this
is possible. Not with aggression or excessive determination, but rather with an attitude
of tender kindness and patience, working with the ordinary, natural breath. Without
wallowing in the feeling, or falling into a story about it, one simply breathes through and
around it, with an impartial quality of patience and tender goodwill, or metta. Often
these strong feelings can dissolve after practicing in this way. But even if they do not, at
the very least, a skillful attitude and a lot of wholesome energy have been brought to the
ordinary and common human experience of pain and suffering. And naturally, training
in this way will definitely have positive effects in other areas of ones life over time.
Of course to be able to breath through and around strong emotional feelings does require
some skill in maintaining mindful awareness of the breathing. And so hopefully all of
you will have enough fairly peaceful meditations where it is possible to make the breath
the main focus. So that when the more challenging times come, one has been able to
train in staying with the awareness of the breath in a fairly consistent manner.
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This brings us to the close of our exploration of some of the challenges one can
experience, with regards to working with mental and emotional phenomena and habits
during meditation. Hopefully some of what I have shared here has been informative and
useful to some of you.
Of course one of the best ways to learn how to overcome challenges in this area, is
simply by meditating a lot. Over time, with experience, most meditators learn many
skills regarding how to practice with their own particular mind and it’s habits.
So I would like to heartily encourage each of you to meditate a lot.
And I wish you every success and much happiness.
Be Well.
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