Orinda Aquatics
Parent Meeting Overview
September 2015
Merging Success & Culture
Letter to Parents
We founded Orinda Aquatics over twenty years ago, with the intent of creating something different, and
something that would hopefully change the lives of young athletes. We believed unequivocally that in the
process of developing young athletes, it was possible to build great leaders and cultures. As our overt focus
is on swimming and the inherent pursuit of success, our deepest pride is in the backdrop and foundation of
this program, and this extraordinary group. We could not be more proud of this organization and what it
stands for, and our commitment to the greater lessons of life through sport, our commitment to putting
character first, and our commitment to the community and to helping others. We sincerely hope that we
have either had, or at some point will have, a positive effect on your children outside of the pool. Orinda
Aquatics has truly blended success and culture in a powerful way, and the teams’ mission is now recognized
by USA Swimming, ASCA, NISCA, and coaches around the world. It is our mission to show that integrity can
be the most powerful force behind an athlete’s and a team’s success. And you have done that.
From a developmental perspective with young athletes, our focus and philosophy has been to develop wellbalanced, efficient strokes that will support them as they grow, develop, and train and compete at higher
levels. After thirty-five years of coaching, we not only believe this is the best way to develop young athletes,
but should be the only way. From a personal perspective, we hope to develop true leaders in sports and in life,
to foster an environment that would support kids of all ages, to rise above the social fray and pull, and to make
positive decisions and life choices.
As you and your children move on through the sport, we would encourage the emphasis to be on those things
that promote a healthy long-term swimming career and a healthy life. The time that a swimmer achieves only
provides a glimpse of the process. It does not reveal work ethic, efficiency, team commitment, humility, a
desire to pursue the sport, or a willingness to persevere in challenging times (which there will be). Be vigilant
for these things and even be willing to abandon (early) success for the virtues and life lessons which can be
obtained on a daily basis, with proper perspective. In sum, keep the focus on effort and attitude, on
teammates and team success, and your child will succeed on a level that will be much more profound than a
swim, a meet, a season, or an award. While many parents want early success, the real pursuit should be early
growth.
Keys to Success for the young athlete
 Goals setting should be “top-down”, beginning with effort, attitude, and attendance.
 Efficiency and technique will be more importance in the long run than performance in the short run
 Emphasize the race over the time
 Make your child’s driving purpose to team commitment and to “making a difference”
We sincerely thank our swimmers and parents for supporting our team, our organization, and our message. As
we close out our 2014-15 season, we look back at the great careers and commitments of our graduating class
and look forward to a new and exciting season ahead.
Very sincerely, Donnie and Ronnie
“Today’s children are the future leaders in business, politics, and sports. People in such positions of authority
encounter ethical dilemmas on an even grander scale. It is imperative for teens to learn about ethics and
wise decision-making today in order to equip themselves for tomorrow.” Life in Perspective
Organizational Overview
 Orinda Aquatics Year-round swimming
o
165 members, 21 years
 Orinda Aquatics/Polar Bear Fall Swimming Program
o
350 swimmers, 31 years, 3 sites
 Orinda Aquatics Masters
o
100 Members
 Orinda Aquatics High School Pre-season swimming
o
100 swimmers
 Orinda Aquatics Spring Clinics
o
100 swimmers
 Orinda Aquatics Character Camp
o
30 Campers (2015)
 Orinda Aquatics employs twelve full and part-time coaches
 Orinda Aquatics supports local school fundraising
 Orinda Aquatics is a sponsor/partner of the NorCal Kids Triathlon and the Orinda
Foundation
 Orinda Aquatics is supporting the swimming efforts in Swaziland and Ghana, Africa
 Orinda Aquatics coaches volunteer in assisting local teams with program and staff
development
 Coaches are ASCA Level 5 (highest level)
 Coach on the Board of Pacific Swimming and The American Swimming Coaches
Association
 Coaches speak nationally/internationally on character and culture
 Orinda Aquatics is regarded nationally for developing high-character, student-athletes,
and for preparing swimmers for successful and healthy collegiate careers
Objectives of Orinda Aquatics
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To serve the various needs of the swimming community
To be a model program nationally in terms of athletic and character development
To create collegiate opportunities for all swimmers
To be the best youth sports program in the area
To continue to develop national and college level swimmers, and leaders
To be the “best” overall USA Swimming program in the country
Putting Character First
Why? Because…
 Character is more important than success.
 People are more important than athletes.
 And, life is more important than sports.
“Character is the only secure foundation of the state.”
“The influence of putting “Character First” and the work of the Orinda
Aquatics is among the most important work being done by any swim coaches
in the world today. When it comes to creating value for our customers of all
levels of swim skill, this is IT! - John Leonard, Executive Director of The American Swimming
Coaches Association
“Ron & Don, we as coaches are charged with the responsibility of teaching
athletes to swim but also, social skills, leadership, the value of a good
education, nutrition, goal setting, accountability, discipline etc. When a
coach is only interested in winning and forgets these other values, they are
cheating their swimmers of the real benefits of a good competitive
swimming program. Once again, thanks for the example you have set,
congratulations on your award and keep up the great job.” - Mel Roberts, NISCA
President (National Interscholastic Swimming Coaches Association of America)
Margaret Mead said,
"Never doubt that a small group of committed people can
change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
On behalf of USA Swimming, I would like to thank you for traveling to Boise
to present your Character and Life Skills Clinic to the Boise Y Swim team.
USA Swimming could not ask for better ambassadors for the sport than you
and your brother, Ron. USA Swimming appreciates your commitment to the
sport and is grateful for all you do to make our swimmers better people.
Bruce Stratton, President of USA Swimming
Character/Character-Driven
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Integrity
Respect
Trust
Effort
Humility
Team commitment
Athletic growth
Swimming success
Swimming longevity
Performance-Driven
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Personal growth at risk
Coach-swimmer relationship at risk
Team environment at risk
Team culture at risk
Career longevity at risk
At OA, all swimmers are evaluated regularly in terms of: integrity,
leadership, maturity, effort, humility, and team support.
Orinda Aquatics Group Developmental Plan
Skill
Training
Develop
Competition
Junior 1
Junior 2/3
Senior 1/2
Senior 3/4
Streamline, feel,
balance, body line,
distance per stroke
- technique in all
strokes, starts,
turns
Advanced drills,
"build" stroke, better
awareness and
discipline, refine start
and turn technique,
introduce stroke rates
Know drill sheet, drill
discipline, know
stroke keys, train
stroke rates, develop
under water speed,
improve pacing, start
and turn technique
and UW speed
Detailed stroke
breakdown, pace, back
half swimming,
aggressive stroke rates,
recovery, disciplined
walls, turns as assets,
disciplined recovery
Light aerobic
swimming, 50%
skill/drill (all
strokes), turn
technique,
introduce
stretching, injury
prevention,
introduce test sets,
develop 200 IM,
underwater speed
Introduce/develop all
energy systems,
increase test sets,
increase aerobic
base/threshold in free
and main stroke,
maintain stroke and
turn technique while
training, add pulling,
introduce longer
events, introduce dry
land, core, strength
training
Know energy
systems/test sets,
train with purpose/
focus, more
pulling/resistance,
increase kicking,
increase IM training,
add aggressive
strength/core work,
film (Dr. G),
attendance - optional
Increase
threshold/Vo2Max for
free and stroke,
increase stroke
training,
pulling/resistance
training, aggressive IM
training, increase
core/strength training,
film (Dr. G).
Attendance at 90%
Introduce training
principles (general
- why, how),
introduce team
culture, character,
relationships with
Jr and Sr groups,
HAVE FUN!
Training
efficiency/maturity,
introduce leadership,
humility, team
commitment, begin
long-term planning,
expand relationship
with Sr group
Zero tolerance for
adverse behavior;
look for leadership,
humility, and team
commitment. Elevate
focus on training and
competing. Strong
academics.
Leadership, humility,
perseverance,
appreciation, vision,
reach out to team,
strong academics.
Team accountability.
Attendance is 90%.
Begin college focus.
CBA+, JO, FW
CBA+, JO, FW, All-Star
Meets, Sectionals
CBA+, Senior Meets,
Clovis shaven, HS, LC FW, Sectionals
Senior Meets, Clovis
shaven, HS, LC - Santa
Clara, Sectionals,
Junior Nationals
Orinda Aquatics Team Overview
Culture:
Parent Goal:
Character
Driven,
Nationally
recognized
Best meet host
National
Development
Best support
200 Nat'l
swimmers
Best culture
20 Olympic Trials
College:
Orinda
Aquatics
90% compete,
25 Team Cap't.
Strong support
Organization:
#1 USAS under
200
"Best Practices"
Facility:
Soda
USA Swimming
Club Recog. 4
BOD Summit
OTC
Age-Group:
Staff:
Six coaches/150yrs
Level 5/ASCA BOD
Success at all levels
Swimmers
Coaches
Parents
Thee pool
complex
Orinda Aquatics Success 2015
Orinda Aquatics was #1 in the nation in scoring for USA Swimming’s
Virtual Club Championships for teams under 200 members for the 20152016 short course season. This encompasses over 2,500 teams. Of the
500 remaining teams, OA outscored approximately 465. A sincere
congratulations to every member of OA. Finish breakdown was:
Nation – 34th
Western states (13) – 9th
California – 6th
PacSwim – 3rd
Goals for 2016
 235,000 Points or Top 20 in the Nation
 Best team culture in USA Swimming
 Best parent culture in USA Swimming
Meeting Outline
Welcome
 Handout
 Schedules on the website (calendar)
Agenda
1. General Meeting - Donnie
2. Group Overview - Ronnie
 Senior – Ronnie
 Junior – Matt/Kevin/Marc
3. Q&A - all
Staff (bio’s on website)
 Donnie, Ronnie, Matt, Kevin, Marc, Sophie
 ASCA World Clinic/BOD
Board of Directors introduction
 Jim Lennon - President, Sharon Lee, Jean Follmer - Secretary, Jon Wheeler, Trent McDonald,
Renee Owyoung, Susan Strong, Jeff Jacobs – Treasurer/Ex Officio
The Swimming “World” (we have a macro view)
 Rec
 Age-group
 Senior
 High School
 College
 Water Polo
Parent overview
 Vision/philosophy to help create an organization second to none (triangle)
 Team behind the team
 Be different. Be better.
 Embrace and support the process
 Only positive and supportive (as with the team)
 Maintain a broad-based long-term development view (IMX, etc)
Parent Commitment - Welcome letter (policies)
Registration Recap (Matt/Sophie)
 New members
o Pre-registration on Website
o Email or verbal confirmation from OA
o PacSwim form to OA
 Returning – Welcome back, on-line update
 Exemption – dissolved by OMPA Board
 Transfer – same as new, send Transfer form to PacSwim
 eScrip
 Review Behavior Policy
Host Meet philosophy
 Two additional meets
 Critical to financial position
 Obligatory to PacSwim
 Own facility (as opposed to San Jose)
 Pride of process (best in Pacswim)
 Would like to host Far Westerns – summer 2016 (Speedo is a sponsor)
Host Meet – Support
 Renee Owyoung – Meet Director
 Linda O’Brien – Parent Coordinator
 Holly Taifer – Official Coordinator
Host Meet policies
 Required regardless of entry in meet
 Buy-out
 No show/penalty
Timing at away meets
Team Support (committees)
 On Team Unify
 One job/no buy-out
Financial (outlined in letter)
 Dues increase
 Leaves of absence (only extended medical leave)
 HS water polo
 See’s
 eScrip
Merchandise – (form is on Website)
 Speedo/Policy
 See merchandise form
 Parent attire
 Included: Team suit (new), two caps, T-shirt, mesh bag
 Required:
o Workout: Cap, equipment: snorkel, paddles, fins
o Meets: Team suits, cap, jacket, t-shirt, backpack
Structure (on website)
 Workout schedule
 New Groups
 Meet schedule
 Enter Marin (Senior) and AIA (Junior)
Policies
 Attitude/behavior (character) – parents and swimmers to read letter
 Attire (team and otherwise)/equipment
 Attendance
 Meet schedule
 Lessons/Outside lessons
Parent’s role with swimmer
 Unconditional (positive) support
 Six words
 “I did the best I could with what you gave me”
 Demand sincere effort, integrity, team commitment, academic focus, responsibility,
accountability
 Communicate with coaches (don’t wait)
 Swimmer as point of contact
 Always refer to the coach for anything swimming related
 Goal Setting – big picture
o Who did you beat? Who did you help?
o What was your time? How was your race?
o Time and place obsession is never positive or productive
Communication
 Weekly email updates, notifications, and news
 www.orindaaquatics.org – Please review-college, swim team info, links, etc.
o PLEASE “VERIFY” cell numbers for coach communication
o Twitter: @orindaaquatics (NOT social)
o Facebook
o Calendar for the year
New /continued
 IMX Tracking (see summary in handbook)
 Deck Pass (see summary in handbook)
 Junior/Senior Buddies
 Mentors for new kids
 Dry land (both groups)
 Mental Training
 Teambuilding
 Lessons/Clinics
 Drill week
 Skill week
 Character week/Character Camp
 Intersquad/Red-Blue
 Parent social
 Holiday parties
 Ice skating
 Rafting
 Water slides
 Jr. pool party
Coaching Staff
Donnie Heidary
Ronnie Heidary
Matt Ehrenberger
Kevin Lai
Marc Cavallero
Sophie Lai
Don@orindaaquatics.org
Ron@orindaaquatcs.org
Matt2coach@comcast.net
Kevin@orindaaquatics.org
mrcavallero@gmail.com
Sophie@orindaaquatics.org
Q&A
510-410-7946
510-508-7966
510-375-1870
203-739-9320
925-899-2010
925-457-8818
USA Swimming’s IMX Program
The IMX point system is created and heavily promoted by USA Swimming as a tool to
encourage all participating USA swimming members to become well rounded
swimmers and compete and master different events and distances. Once swimmers
create an account with Deck Pass, USA swimming will automatically track and calculate
each swimmers IMX points as long as the event is completed at a USA sanctioned
competition. Rankings in the program is based on Power Points, a system created by
USA Swimming and Hy-Tek. You can learn more about the Power Points system at
www.usaswimming.org under members resource/ times/ Power Points.
The IMX system is broken into two parts: IMR (IM Ready) and IMX (IM Extreme). IMR is
geared for swimmers new to the sport and is based on shorter events which are:
9 & Under; 10-year olds: 100 Free, 50 Back, 50 Breast, 50 Fly, 100 IM (SC) or 200 IM
(LC)
11-year olds; 12-year olds: 200 Free, 50 Back, 50 Breast, 50 Fly, 100 IM (SC) or 200 IM
(LC)
13, 14, 15, 16, 17, & 18-year olds: 200 Free, 100 Back, 100 Breast, 100 Fly, 200 IM
I
MX is geared for more advanced swimmers and covers a wider range of distances
which include:
9 & Under; 10-year olds: 200 Free, 100 Back, 100 Breast, 100 Fly, 200 IM
11-year olds; 12-year olds: 400 Free (LC) or 500 Free (SC), 100 Back, 100 Breast, 100
Fly, 200 IM
13, 14, 15, 16, 17, & 18-year olds: 400 Free (LC) or 500 Free (SC), 200 Back, 200 Breast,
200 Fly, 200 IM, 400 IM
Rankings can be found on Deck Pass and
swimmers can see how they rank nationally
within their zone, even within their team!
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or
Do you know your IMX Score?
Do you want to see how your score is ranked – nationally, in your LSC and in the Zone?
Do you want to have easy access to your best times?
Do you want to connect to and follow your friend’s progress in the pool?
Do you want to earn virtual patches for every achievement?
Download USA Swimming’s App - Deck Pass – to any device and get updated right away!
Deck Pass is a program created and promoted by USA swimming to give swimmers a tool to track their
swimming progress, connect with friends, and to award and encourage swimmers to try different events
through a comprehensive reward system. Deck Pass can be found in the App store or on USA swimming’s
website, www.usaswimming.org. New users will be asked to create an account with USA Swimming, which can
be done directly through the App.
SCOREBOARD
1. Patches - swimmers can earn patches by competing in different events i.e., first ever 200 fly, 400 IM,
etc. There are literally hundreds of patches swimmers can earn with many different challenges.
2. IMX - Swimmers can track their IMX points here and see where they are ranked nationally, LSC and in
the Zone.
3. Times - A place to track season/lifetime best times
4. Goals - Swimmers can input goal times and compare to their current best times
5. Meets are automatically uploaded into each swimmers database as long as the competition is
sanctioned by USA swimming.
LOGBOOK
The Log Book is used to create a seasonal swim schedule and also a tool for swimmers to track their times if
they compete in a meet that is not sanctioned by USA Swimming (i.e. OMPA)
GOALS
Swimmers can create goal times for ALL events SCY and LCM. The goal tracker is a great tool that shows how
close the swimmers are to their goal times plus their seasonal best times.
FRIENDS
This is a great way for the athletes to connect with their teammates and new friends. This allows swimmers to
share their times, goals, patches earned and lots more.
TIME SEARCH
A great tool for swimmers and coaches to quickly find USA swimming rankings and standards
So This Is Competitive Swimming, Russ Sampson, Clarence Swim Club, New York
First, let me start off by saying you have chosen the best sport for your child. The process of developing in an
individual sport supports the life lessons that any parent would like to have instilled in their child. Character
traits and lessons like time management, dedication, communication, goal setting, commitment, self
improvement, sacrifice, overcoming obstacles, self worth, and pride. The reason I believe this to the best sport
for development for your child is simple. Like life, what you put into swimming, you get out of it. Like life,
swimming isn’t always easy; it isn’t always exciting; it isn’t always easy to love or even to like it. But like life,
the rewards that it gives are the best kind: Pride in the journey and processes that you have taken to bring
about a desirable outcome. Note the use of the word “outcome” and not “result”. Desired results should
almost invariably be faster than actual. Desired outcomes take into account the journey, the friendships, the
character growth, the actual results, the training, the relationships with the coaches, and the respect all that
deserves.
I would also like to say that you have chosen the best sport because of the professionalism in our structure.
USA Swimming is the single most decorated, successful and structured of any youth sport in the world. Our
club employs professional coaches with a passion for the sport and a strong concern for each of our swimmers.
Our Learn to Swim program offers the best 10 step process towards not only teaching your swimmer all four
competitive strokes and water safety, but preparing them for success in the competitive side of the sport,
should they choose to continue. Other youth sports are known for using volunteer parents with little or no
background/training in the sport they are coaching. But patience is needed. Swimming can be a life-long
endeavor. Success is relative to the competition you face, and there is ALWAYS better competition to be faced
(one of the beauties of the sport!) Fast at 10 years old is not fast at 12. Being super fast at 12 may be marginal
at 18 years old. And, often, slow at 10 does not mean slow at 18.
Understanding is needed. Our coaches have a plan, a structure and a direction for your swimmer. It includes
the possibility of swimming in college (if the swimmer wants this) and a near continual progression through the
sport with growth, development and results to bring about the desired outcome as noted before. Work with
the coaches and support your swimmer. Communicate with the coaches and over time, take a back seat and
allow your swimmer to communicate on their own behalf.
Knowledge is needed. Comparing your child to others is not healthy. Compare them to where they were a year
ago, and what is reasonable for them to strive towards over the next year. If you have a 1st grader learning
multiplication, it is not reasonable for them to learn quantum physics by 3rd grade. If you have two children,
you see that they differ in the way they develop, learn, grow and mature and those differences are what
makes them unique and special and not less or more adequate. Use the same principles when you start to
wonder why Suzie, who used to be slower than your child in the pool, is now seemingly light years ahead.
As we move forward in the sport, take great comfort that your children are surrounded by great people, from
the swimmers they share a lane with, to the coaches and parents that help run this club. Involve yourself as
much as you can in facilitating your child’s efforts in this sport by getting them to practice and meets on time,
by volunteering and/or officiating, by showing them that you care as much about their involvement as they do.
Support them with kind words and appropriate praise for jobs well done. Let the coach’s coach, and let
yourselves be the compassionate support system.
Parents, "Are you a Winning Parent?"
Reprinted from Competitive Advantage – Sports Psychology Services and Resources
Answer each question with a 1, 2, 3 or 4. 1 = never true; 2 = occasionally true; 3 = mostly true; 4 =
always true.
1) I get really frustrated and upset when my child performs below his/her capabilities.
2) I give my child critical feedback on his/her performance after each game.
3) If I didn’t push my child, he/she wouldn’t practice.
4) If my child doesn’t excel and win, I see very little point in them participating in their sport.
5) I can be very critical when my child makes mistakes or loses.
6) I set goals with my child in relation to their sport.
7) I think it’s my job to motivate my child to get better.
8) I feel angry and embarrassed when my child performs poorly.
9) The most important thing for my child’s sport participation is that they have fun.
10) I get really upset with bad calls by the officials.
11) Most coaches don’t know what they are talking about.
12) I keep a performance log/journal/statistics on my child’s performance so we can monitor his/her
progress.
13) I feel guilty about some of the things I say to my child after they play.
14) I try to watch most practices so that I can correct my child when he makes mistakes.
15) When my child fails I can feel his pain and disappointment.
16) I think it’s important that my child gets used to having coaches yell at him/her to help prepare
him/her for life.
17) My spouse and I argue about how I treat my son/daughter in relation to his/her sport.
18) I try to help my child keep his/her failures and the sport in perspective.
19) I’m never very concerned about the outcome of my child’s game/match/race.
20) I will not allow my child to be put down or yelled at by a coach.
21) If my child wasn’t so defensive when it comes to my feedback, he/she could become a better
athlete.
22) It’s not my job to evaluate or criticize my child’s performances.
23) I feel that my child owes us a certain performance level given all the sacrifices we’ve made for
him/her.
24) I believe my child’s sport belongs to him/her and not to me.
25) I just want my child to feel good about him/herself and be happy when he/she plays.
SCORING
Add scores for questions #1-8, 10-14, 16, 17, 21 & 23. (If you answered question #2 with a “mostly
true” you add 3 points to the total score.) Subtract scores for questions #9, 15, 18-20, 22, 24, & 25.
INTERPRETATION
The higher the score, the more potential damage that you are doing to your child.
American Swimming Coaches Association Swim Parents Newsletter
===================================================
On Holding Children Accountable, Guy Edson
A recent article, “Self-Esteem Lie” by Laura Caler, elicited a number of replies from coaches. To sum them up:
“holding children accountable would be a lot easier if parents would take a step back and allow them to
succeed and fail on their own.” Coaches love to coach accountability and responsibility. They know it leads to
better performances. But more importantly, and every coach will tell you, coaching life skills is every bit as
important as all the swimming stuff.
One former coach writes, “I am now in management and I can see that the younger people entering the
workforce who have not been allowed to fail on their own, who have not received negative corrections, or
who have been otherwise protected from negativity to their self-esteem are difficult to manage.
Unfortunately, a coach’s ability to teach accountability is often interfered with by the parent.
A coach told me about the time he gave a warning to a swimmer who was late getting in the water for practice
even though he observed him at the pool 30 minutes early. His warning was that on the next occurrence he
would dismiss the swimmer from practice for the day. That evening he received a phone call from the irate
parent telling the coach how difficult it was to arrange the transportation for getting the child to the workout
and if he ever dismissed the swimmer from practice for ANY reason he would have to answer to the Board of
Directors.
Another coach related to me the time at a swim meet when a swimmer was upset over her performance and
asked “What can I do to get better?” The coach replied that coming to practice on a consistent basis would be
the most important thing she could do. The father cornered the coach during a rare break time for the coach
at the meet and demanded he apologize to his daughter for making her feel badly. She was “involved in many
activities and was making as many workouts as she could” and her lack of improvement was the responsibility
of the coach. These are extreme (but not uncommon) denials of a swimmer’s personal responsibility.
What is a coach to do? Here is an answer most parents do not want to hear: The coach will learn to coach
those who are responsible differently from those who hide from responsibility. One coach writes, “We have to
pick and choose who we are honest with these days. It isn't a matter of style but more a matter of who the
parents are and their style. I have basically identified the swimmers I can be more honest and direct with and
the ones I can't, because of their parents. In my group of Juniors I have one swimmer I can't be honest with. I
just say, "Good job" and that's it. For others, however, they want me to push their kids and be up front and
honest with them. So, I am. And they respond. And as these kids get older, they will be more and more
handicapped because their parents will advocate for them, bail them out, and protect them so that when they
get to college or out in the working world, they will have no experience with any criticism or any failure.
What’s a parent to do? Parenting expert Susan Brown of the Commonwealth Parenting Center in Richmond
Virginia says to let your child fail. Learning to deal with failure, according to Brown, is part of becoming more
responsible and accountable.
Are Parents Setting Kids Up for Failure by Pushing Too
Hard for Success? By Lylah M. Alphonse, Senior Editor, Yahoo! Shine
Are parents harming kids by focusing on the wrong definition of success? No matter your socioeconomic
status, as parents you want your kids to have a better life than you do. But instead of launching a
generation of happy young adults who feel driven to succeed, parents who are hyper-focused on doing
everything "right" have created a country full of kids who are stressed-out, burned-out, and depressed.
According to psychologist and author Madeline Levine, "Our current version of success is a failure."
In her new book, "Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success," Levine says that parents
are preoccupied with "a narrow and shortsighted vision of success," and that we rely on our kids to
"provide status and meaning in our own lives." It's a harmful combination, weighing kids down with
serious issues -- "stress, exhaustion, depression, anxiety, poor coping skills, and unhealthy reliance on
others for support and direction, and a weak sense of self," Levine says -- when we should be trying to
teach them to be resilient and independent if we really want them to succeed in life.
When people are too caught up in finding the "right" way to parent, they can end up being physically
present -- perhaps too much so -- but emotionally disengaged. "While you think you're giving your kids
everything, they often think you are bored, pushy, and completely oblivious to their real needs," Levine
writes. A child's ability to succeed in life doesn't necessarily correlate to a parent's well-intentioned
efforts anyway, says Bryan Caplan.
"Today's typical parents strive to mentally stimulate their children and struggle to protect their brains
from being turned to mush by television and video games" pushing them instead to strive for academic
success, he told Yahoo! Shine. "Yet by adulthood, the fruit of parents' labor is practical invisible. Children
who grew up in enriched homes are no smarter than they would have been if they'd grown up in average
homes."
But as parents push kids to succeed -- and try too hard to shield them from failure --their kids are soaking
up the stress and increasingly unable to do anything without their parents' input.
"In the name of love, we parents have gutted our kids' sense of self-reliance and independence," David
Arthur Code, author of "Kids Pick Up On Everything," told Yahoo! Shine in an interview. "It's as if we run
out in front of our children, removing every obstacle from their path, or else showering them with
positive reinforcement if they stumble. Sure, they feel safe and protected and loved -- for now -- but they
never learn how to confront failures in childhood when the stakes are low, so when they become adults,
they fold like a house of cards at the first adversity."
The result: A generation of kids and young adults who are afraid of failure, who engage in dangerous
behavior in order to cope with stress they don't understand, or who don't know how to navigate life
without their parents' guidance.
"The cost of this relentless drive to perform at unrealistically high levels is a generation of kids who
resemble nothing so much as trauma victims," Levine writes. "They become preoccupied with events that
have passed - obsessing endlessly on a possible wrong answer or a missed opportunity. They are anxious
and depressed and often self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Sleep is difficult and they walk around in a
fog of exhaustion. Other kids simply fold their cards and refuse to play."
The solution? Levine suggests that parents step back and reevaluate what's important to them, create a
new definition of success, and then focus on fostering resilience in their kids. "How would you ever know
if you were capable or not if you didn't have to opportunity to try, fail, and pick yourself up again?" she
asks. Levine says that parents who want to raise kids who can really succeed in life should focus on
teaching them these life skills:
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Resourcefulness. Teaching kids how to self-soothe, acknowledging that there may be several ways
to solve a problem, and making them search for a solution slightly outside of their comfort zone
can help kids learn how to make the most out of the situations in which they find themselves.
That, in turn, helps them to be successful regardless of which path they take in life. But be patient
-- children have limited resources, and it can take time to figure out what to do. It's tempting to
try to rush them or, worse, save time by doing everything for them yourself.
Enthusiasm. "Without enthusiasm, kids are just going through the motions," Levine points out.
One major parental pitfall is expecting your kids to automatically admire the same things you do.
Instead of pushing your kids toward your own goals, observe their interests and remember that
their aspirations don't have to be the same as yours.
Creativity. Academic excellence is all well and good, but some kids just aren't cut out for life on
the Dean's list. The skills they learn from creative pursuits can help them learn how to think
outside of the box, solve problems, and succeed in non-academic settings. Keep crafts within easy
reach, Levine suggests, steer kids toward open-ended activities like reading and building with
blocks, and offer plenty of positive feedback.
A strong work ethic. "In addition to focusing on effort, persistence, and discipline, do make sure
to notice other components of a good work ethic like integrity or the ability to communicate and
collaborate," Levine writes. Make sure that the work your child is expected to do is reasonable -expecting a kindergartener to perform like a second grader just sets him up for failure and you for
disappointment -- and be sure to show them that you can embrace hard work as well.
Self-efficacy. Along with having good self-esteem and self-control, self-efficacy -- the belief that
we have a measure of control over what we do with our lives -- is crucial to success. "Don't project
your own anxiety as your child moves forward," Levine writes. Doing so prevents kids from
pushing past existing boundaries and trying new things, and robs them of their ability to solve
problems on their own.
"We do not have to choose between a children's well-being and their success. Both are inside jobs. They
are developed when kids are guided and encouraged to build a sense of self internally" Levine writes.
"Ultimately, it is only our children themselves who pass judgment on their success, or lack thereof, in their
lives."
PEAKS AND VALLEYS
Properly timing a swimmer’s training development can be tricky. The rules apply generally, but when it comes
to specifics, former world record holder and club coach Sue Anderson found herself repeatedly asking, “Am I
doing the right thing for this kid?”
Anderson, the resource development specialist for USA Swimming, recalls two 12-year-old girls she coached at
the Scarlet Aquatic Club in New Jersey during the 1990s. Both surpassed Junior National standards when they
were 12. Anderson held one back from the senior group and didn’t send her to Junior Nationals the first year
she qualified. Anderson pushed the other girl right along, both with training and competition. Neither
developed fully as a senior swimmer.
“It’s not a science,” Anderson says. “The only science to it is that you can’t count your chickens when the
swimmers are 10 and beating everyone else. It could be because they trained too much. It could be because
they were physically more mature and after a few years, others in their age group will catch up. Or it could be
because they have real talent for swimming and will continue to develop. You just never know.”
Raedeke agrees. Improvement is never a given, not in swimming or any other sport. Slumps are part of
athletics. Their causes can be as hard to pin down as next month’s weather. Problems arise when mechanics or
training routines are scrutinized too closely. Very often, neither is the major problem. Nevertheless, athletes,
coaches and parents demand answers when all that is needed is patience.
“As you get further into a sport,” Raedeke says, “improvements are harder and harder to come by. We all
know this, but when you are the one affected, you want to change things even though the best course of
action might be to wait it out.”
Pat Hogan knows a thing or two about waiting it out. In 1996, a swimmer he coached at the Mecklenburg
Aquatic Club in North Carolina, Jilen Siroky, made the U.S. Olympic team in the 200m breaststroke as a 14year-old. Though she continued to swim through college, she never got within three seconds of the time she
did in the final of 1996 Olympic Trials. This is not uncommon for girls whose bodies change dramatically in
their early teens. Siroky’s started to change immediately after the Olympics.
“She wasn’t the same swimmer,” recalls Hogan, USA Swimming’s managing director for club development.
A change in stroke technique didn’t work, though emphasis on other strokes helped, allowing Siroky to
experience once again the joy of improvement. However, she never achieved the level of accomplishment that
she did in 1996.
And yet, as Hogan says, “I was as proud of her the years after the Olympics as I was when she made the
Olympics. As hard as she worked going into 1996, it was no different in ’97 and ’98. She struggled, but that’s
one of the great things about our sport. When you are not improving, you begin to question, ‘Why am I doing
this?’ You learn to struggle, and that’s good for kids. They learn a lot. You can’t enjoy the peaks unless you go
through the valleys.”
Six Words You Should Say Today, Posted on April 16, 2012 by Rachel Macy Stafford
Very rarely does one sentence have immediate impact on me. Very rarely does one sentence change the
way I interact with my family. But this one did. It was not from Henry Thoreau or some renowned child
psychologist. It was a comment from kids themselves. And if I’ve learned anything on this “Hands Free”
journey, it is that children are the true experts when it comes to “grasping what really matters.”
Here are the words that changed it all:
“… College athletes were asked what their parents said that made them feel great, that amplified their joy
during and after a ballgame. Their overwhelming response: ‘I love to watch you play.’” The life-changing
sentence came at the beginning of an article entitled, “What Makes a Nightmare Sports Parent and What
Makes a Great One.” Although I finished reading the entire piece, my eyes went back and searched for
that one particular sentence; the one that said, “I love to watch you play.”
I read it exactly five times. And then I attempted to remember all past verbal interactions I had with my
kids at the conclusion of their extracurricular activities. Upon completion of a swim meet, a music recital,
a school musical, or even a Sunday afternoon soccer game, had I ever said, “I like to watch you play”?
I could think of many occasions when I encouraged, guided, complimented, and provided suggestions for
improvement. Did that make me a nightmare sports parent? No, but maybe sometimes I said more than
was needed. By nature, I am a wordy person—wordy on phone messages (often getting cut off by that
intrusive beep) and wordy in writing (Twitter is not my friend).
And although I have never really thought about, I’m pretty sure I’m wordy in my praise, too. I try not to
criticize, but when I go into extensive detail about my child’s performance it could be misinterpreted as
not being “good enough.” Could I really just say “I love to watch you play” and leave it at that? And if I
did, would my children stand there cluelessly at the next sporting event or musical performance because I
had failed to provide all the “extra details” the time before?
Well, I would soon find out. As luck would have it, my 8 year old had a swim meet the day after I read the
article. Her first event was the 25 yard freestyle. At the sound of the buzzer, my daughter exploded off
the blocks and effortlessly streamlined beneath the water for an unimaginable amount of time. Her
sturdy arms, acting as propellers, emerged from the water driving her body forward at lightning speed.
She hadn’t even made it halfway down the lane when I reached up to wipe away one small tear that
formed in the corner of my eye.
Since my oldest daughter began swimming competitively two years ago, I have ALWAYS had this same
reaction to her first strokes in the first heat. I cry and turn away so no one sees my blubbering reaction. I
cry not because she’s going to come in first. I cry not because she’s a future Olympian or scholarship
recipient. I cry because she’s healthy; she’s strong; she’s capable. And I cry because I love to watch her
swim.
Letters from OA Graduating Seniors
I’m not eloquent enough to adequately articulate what you all have meant to me in my journey over the past
several years. But just for the sake of being cliché, I’ll say it anyway: You have made me who I am today.
Anyone who has experienced the rollercoaster ride that is high school can tell you that it’s not exactly a walk in
the park. It’s not just the late nights, unsympathetic teachers, apathetic classmates, and multitude of
extracurricular activities; it’s the fact that you have to decide who you are in the process. You have to decide
what you believe in, what you stand for, and what your role is in the Big Picture. None of these dilemmas are
avoidable, and none are easily resolved. When faced with these forks in my journey, I would have been left
floundering without the firm base Orinda Aquatics has become in my life.
At every crossroads I struggled with, I fell back on what I learned here. I would remember how many people
believed in and supported me, and remember the high character athlete and person I dreamed of becoming.
Suddenly, my path would become clear.
I continue to be inspired each and every day by the spirit of this team. It manifests itself in the smallest, most
beautiful details; a warm smile, a hug, a veteran swimmer patiently explaining a drill to a newcomer, a simple
“How are you doing?”. I walk away from every practice reinvigorated and motivated to become a better
person.
As I open the next chapter of my life, I know I will continue to rely on all that Orinda Aquatics has helped me
learn about myself and what it means to be an athlete and a teammate. I hope to use this knowledge to go
forward and inspire someone else in the way you all have inspired me. To each and every member of this team
I have ever known, from those who were seniors when I joined to those I just had the privilege of meeting this
year: thank you for everything, I love you and will miss you dearly. To Ronnie and Donnie: please continue
making the world a better place, one person at a time. With love, Colleen O’Brien
Dear Orinda Aquatics,
I can only imagine where I would be today, right now, if I had never joined Orinda Aquatics back in seventh
grade. I see myself spending this Saturday night in my parentless house with a dozen members of my high
school’s top partiers, already a few drinks deep in my parent’s liquor, behaving like a sloppy mess. I see myself
dancing with boys I don’t even like, breaking my mom’s glass top coffee table, and getting into a car with a girl
who swears she’s safe to drive but clearly isn’t. And I wouldn’t even care. It would just be another typical
Saturday night. Instead, I’m here sitting on my couch writing a letter to the team that changed the entire
course of my life, the team that I owe everything to.
In middle school, I found myself, like so many others do, at a crossroads of sorts. The girls I considered my
best friends were making choices that made me uncomfortable on all kinds of levels, but I could still feel
myself slipping down with them. Looking back, I can see just how far I was about to fall. After joining Orinda
in seventh grade, I made the choice to stop hanging out with those girls. Over time, I began to categorize my
friends, as so many other swimmers do, as “school friends” and “swim friends.” It wasn’t long before “swim
friends” was shortened simply to “friends”. My life went from slipping downwards, and slipping fast, to
something entirely different and positive.
I have so much gratitude towards Orinda Aquatics for everything that the team has done for me over the past
seven years. To the coaches, I owe not only my career in the pool, but also the relationships that I consider
some of the most important in my life. I know that there are very few people in the world who would do for
me what Donnie and Ronnie would in a heartbeat, and I cannot express how thankful I am to have these two
people in my life. And to my teammates, well, I love you. We’ve been through a lot together and I know that
in the end we’re here for each other. To the girls in my class, you have been amazing friends over the years,
and I could not be more grateful. OA has given me so many lifelong relationships, and for that, there is
nothing I can say but thank you.
After seven years of obediently following the mantra set on repeat in my head, only recently did I begin to
consider what it really means to live character first. “Character First” was the basis for my entire high school
belief system, but I never thought to look into its actual denotation. Like I said, this team, along with its
character attitude, has changed my life for the better in countless ways, so there must be something right
about it. Character is who you are, whether or not someone’s watching you, whether or not anyone notices,
and whether or not there are consequences. Character is an accumulation of actions, words, thoughts, beliefs,
and attitudes that can define a person for their entire life.
In the end, I think it’s important to consider what it really means before taking it on as a life motto. How can
you live for something if you don’t know what it is? I now know and I am so grateful to Orinda Aquatics for not
only shaping me into the person I am today, but also for making me realize who that person is. Because of
Orinda Aquatics, I know my values, and I’m standing by them. I truly hope that the same has happened for my
peers, and will happen for those to follow. OA Grad
Collin English, Johns Hopkins
There was a moment, four years ago, that I have always remembered. It was one of my first Saturday morning
practices as a senior swimmer, and under the grim grey sky, I had a conversation with Ronnie Heidary. There
are few things about that conversation that I remember, other than a discussion on those spectacular Berean
High School swimmers that had come before me, such as Jill Jones and Chris Leon. In my memory it is clear as
crystal, the moment when Ronnie turned to leave and said as an ending remark: "You have big shoes to fill". I
have tried to fill those shoes ever since.
There was a moment, four years ago, that I have always remembered. It was under the burning sun of a
summer practice that Donnie Heidary pulled me aside. Into my hands he put the workout from that day, and,
before he walked away, told me to read the quote on the bottom. With slight confusion I looked down: "Only
the mediocre are always at their best". I have struggled to not be mediocre ever since.
To the mindset of a headstrong freshman, these were comments and quotes that were meant to facilitate my
athleticism. It was my dream to one day be as fast as Chris or Jill, and it was my goal to push my body beyond
the point of mediocrity. I wanted to be stronger and faster; I wanted to be the best. But as my four years
passed, my mind mellowed and became less headstrong, my dreams were not achieved and I began to
question, and in this new situation I began to understand what Donnie and Ronnie had really meant.
Chris Leon had been more than a fast swimmer; he had been uncompromisingly dedicated, loyal, humorous, a
friend, and a mentor. Jill Jones had been more than an athlete; she had been dedicated, kind, and the pinnacle
of leadership. For a long time I had only seen the swim cap, but I had forgotten to read what had been written
on it all along: "Character First". It is true that mediocrity can be found in athletics, but it is even truer that it
can be found in character.
So to my coaches, Ronnie and Donnie, and to my fellow teammates, thank you for making me a better
swimmer, but I thank you more for the lessons that will last me beyond the short limits of my swimming
career; whether it be the work ethic that comes from finishing a threshold set, the discipline that comes from
waking up early for morning practice, the social skills necessary to be positive that early, or the ability to
accept defeat and better myself from it.
I am not the one to judge whether I have filled someone's shoes, and I am not the one to decide whether I
have somehow escaped the bounds of mediocrity. But there is one thing I have firmly determined: that this
team has made me a better person, and as I depart after four years, I cannot help but feel grateful. Collin
A College Essay written by an OA swimmer
This is an essay I wrote for college. Thank you for giving me the inspiration to write this.
Character First. Coming across the Orinda Aquatics swim team, the first thing noticed besides the sea of bright
red t-shirts, is the phrase “Character First” plastered across shirts, caps, swim bags. More importantly, it is
demonstrated by all of the team members. At the end of my senior year I will have been a member of this
team for eight years. These eight years have transformed me as a person in various ways. I have blossomed as
a swimmer, achieving times I never thought possible, pushing my body to its limits and further. Even more
than that, I have become a better person.
Every Friday afternoon, after a grueling week of swim practice, school, and more swim practice, a normal
teenager would escape home to relax and recuperate. Several times, I found myself envying these teenagers,
but more often than not, I actually pity them. While my friends are bombarded with useless propaganda by
various media outlets, I go to an OA team meeting. Although each meeting has a slightly different focus, they
all center on the same theme of “Character”.
I, along with fifty other swimmers, dive into this theme, exploring all aspects of what it means for a person to
put “Character First”. We often read articles about famous athletes from around the world who have
overcome adversity to achieve success. This adversity ranges from a teenage boy who is the sole incomeearner for his family, to a young swimmer who overcame cancer. Through every article, I gain another
perspective on sports and life. Never give up, persevere, no excuse is a good excuse and always be humble,
are just a few of the countless lessons I have learned through these stories. Another common topic that our
team often discusses and debates are articles exploring moral values that often escape teenagers, such as
cheating, lying, or respecting parents.
For many years, I took these meetings for granted. As I opened my eyes more to the world around me, I could
see more clearly how not only teenagers, but adults as well, would take everything they have in their lives for
granted and neglect to put character at the forefront of their life and their decisions.
It is my hope to be able to promote this “Character First” view of life to everyone I meet. Even though the
message may be simple, it has made a lasting impression on not only my life, but also on every member of my
swim team. Being on Orinda Aquatics has taught me the value of trust, humility, integrity, and hard work, just
to name a few lessons. Reading article after article about regular people who do extraordinary things because
they are the right thing to do has made me reflect on my own actions. If these people can change the world,
then there is no excuse for me not to try.
Character has shaped my life for the better. It has opened my eyes up to a better way of living. I hope that I as
continue on with my life past high school, I am able to fully live a “character first” life. At college, I will continue
to do my best to live this type of live by example and help and encourage my new classmates and team
members to do the same. Cassidy
“Build for your team a feeling of oneness, of dependence on one
another and of strength to be derived by unity.” Vince Lombardi
New Parent Meeting: Topics and Points of Discussion
OA Team Philosophy
Based on thirty plus years of:
 Coaches personal swimming experience, coaching history in rec swimming, high school swimming,
USA Swimming, Collegiate Swimming
 Observation of youth personal and athletic development, social trends, etc.
 History of OA
 Access to USA Swimming Club Development and American Swimming Coaches Association
 A commitment to our kids’ personal growth, health, and happiness
 A clear objective to have our swimmers continue to develop beyond OA
 Learning life lessons through sports and maintaining an identity as an individual
 Nurturing and maintaining a strong team character culture
Rec vs. Year-Round/ Short-term vs. long term
Rec Swimming - General Development
 8 & under
 Positive: social, speed, learn competition/racing
 Negative: too often success-oriented (not development oriented), stroke speed (not
distance-per-stroke)
 9 & over
 Positive: social - keeps kids in sport to varying degrees
 Negative: social – many kids don’t acquire “training mentality”, technical development,
endurance base/phase needed for high school/college
 No event development, i.e., 100’s, 200’s, 500
 Social/near term success vs. long term development (technical/endurance/career)
 The swimming world is year-round (that is the high school and college competition)
 Multiple sports or activities vs. one main focus (pro’s and con’s)
The parent’s role with the child
 What matters – attitude and effort, health and happiness, what to demand/emphasize (life
lessons)
 Early success vs. athletic development
 Uphold principles
 Support personally
 Help to create communication path with swimmer and coach
The parent’s role with the coach (how to communicate)
 Ask questions
 Convey important information
 Maintain a “team” filter
The swimmers role with the coach (primary communicator)
Goals
 Big Picture – life, skills
 Team - culture
 Individual – personal growth
 Athletic – attendance, focus, training maturity
 Swimmer – mastering workout objectives
 Times – the last and only “goal” that is not within your control
Training (see articles)
 Attendance/resistance to workout
 Dry land
 General development:
o All strokes (IMX)
o Fitness
o Technique/balance
Technique (habits/responsibility)
 “Why didn’t you fix that?”
 Fundamental development
 Distance per stroke
 Turns/streamlining
 Specific focus/accountability
 Kids hurrying and not focusing
Competition
 Big picture (what do times mean?)
 Growth/development (no bad race – parents need to support)
 Meets
o How often/why?
o Distance meets
 Expectations
 Events
 Junior vs. Senior
 Plateaus
Water Polo
 Balance both
 Pursue one
 What is best?
Development/Progression
 Love of swimming/desire to swim (attendance)
 Love of training/desire to train (work ethic)
 Focus on technique (focus, efficiency)
 Embrace team philosophy as swimmers mature (character/team/sacrifice)
 Understand big picture (process, challenge)
 Prepare for high school swimming (high school development)
 Participation, commitment, reality, social pressure
 What we generally see
 Prepare for college swimming (collegiate experience/assistance)
 Mindset/preparation
 Become a student-athlete
 Division 1 to Division 3 - a program for everyone
 Collegiate development
 Collegiate leadership (OA captain history)
Athletics and life choices
 General discipline
 Academics
 Social pressure
 Ego, insecurity, self-centered perspective
Other Factors That Affect Age-group Development
The following are factors that affect swimmers development, ultimate success, and
career longevity. These are things we consider and incorporate into our program.
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Skill Development
Race development
Athletic maturity
Perseverance
Leadership orientation
Team Commitment
Parent-swimmer relationships
Injury prevention
Coaching philosophy
Coaching continuity/fluidity
Knowledge/competence
Coaches (prior) experience
Equipment
Group progression policy/criteria
Academic focus
Efficient training
Fun/activities
Time frame (horizon)
Compassion
Parent Education
Culture
Integrity
Discipline philosophy
Workout presentation
Planning
Goals setting process
Connection to kids
Daily monitoring of activity
Swimmer interaction
Value creation
Passion and perspective
Flexibility
Vision
Role models
Ego management
We would also like to thank our sponsors
Thank you for considering
Orinda Aquatics