Rentz/Lentz, M: Business Communication, 3/e
Chapter 4
Using an Appropriate Style
Critical Thinking Questions
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Evaluate this comment: “I’m not going to simplify my writing for my readers. That
would be talking down to them. Plus, if they can’t understand clear English, that’s
their problem.” (LO1)
“Using short words makes the writing sound too simple and not very professional.”
Discuss. (LO1)
“It is important to use business clichés like cutting edge and state of the art to
sound professional.” Discuss. (LO2)
“Because technical language typically consists of acronyms and long, hard words,
it contributes to miscommunication. Thus, specialized terms should be avoided in
all business communication.” Discuss. (LO3)
Using examples other than those in the book, identify some business-related terms
that would probably need to be defined for those outside the area of business in
which these terms are used. (LO3)
List synonyms (words with similar meanings) for each of the following terms.
Then explain the differences in shades of meaning as you see them. (LO4)
a. salesperson
b. co-worker
c. old
d. tell
e. happiness
f. customer
g. boss
h. misfortune
i. inquire
j. stop
k. lie
l. mistake
Explain what’s wrong with this sentence: “This procedure is different than the one
we use.” What kind of error is this? Can you come up with other examples besides
those provided in the chapter? (LO5)
Define and give examples of active and passive voice. Explain when each should
be used. (LO6)
Do you know of a situation in which a female staff person is referred to by her first
name (e.g., “See Joan at the front desk”) but the higher-ranking employees are
referred to by their first and last names (e.g., “Jim Smith in Tech Support can
answer your question”)? What do you think of this practice? Is it ever acceptable?
(LO7)
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Discuss this comment: “Long sentences tend to be difficult to understand.
Therefore, the shorter the sentence, the better.” (LO8)
Discuss ways to give ideas more or less emphasis in your sentences. Illustrate with
examples. (LO9)
This chapter discusses several kinds of illogical wording in sentences. Give an
example of each, explain the problem, and correct it. (LO10)
What are the principle causes of lack of unity in sentences? (LO10)
Explain how the concept of unity can apply both to sentences and paragraphs.
(LO10, LO11)
Analyze several types of business writing (e.g., a sales letter, a blog post, a
business article, a report). How is the paragraphing influenced by the genre or
medium? (LO11)
“Topic sentences are useful for reports and letters, but email messages don’t need
them.” Discuss. (LO11)
Describe and illustrate the three main transitional devices. (LO11)
Style experts advise against monotonous-sounding writing – that is, writing that
has a droning, “blah-blah” effect when read aloud. What advice in this chapter
might help you avoid a monotonous style? (LO1, LO6, LO8, LO9, LO11, LO12)
“If a company really wants to impress the readers of its messages, the messages
should have an impersonal style and should include the latest business
expressions.” Discuss. (LO12)
“If you can find words, sentences, or phrases that cover a general situation, why
not use them every time that general situation comes about? Using such rubber
stamps saves time, and in business time is money.” (LO12)
Discuss this comment: “The you-viewpoint is insincere and deceitful.” (LO13)
“I like writers who shoot straight. When they are happy, you know it. When they
are angry, they let you know. That’s why I always write this way.” Discuss.
(LO13, LO14, LO15)
A writer wants to include a certain negative point in a message and to give it little
emphasis. Discuss each of the three basic emphasis techniques as they relate to
what can be done. (LO16)
Imagine that a customer has written to complain about the lack of attention that she
received when visiting a paint store. The manager’s responding letter explains why
the sales staff was so busy, offers to make a special appointment with the customer
to discuss her decorating needs, and then ends with the following paragraph:
We do apologize again for any inconvenience that this situation caused
you. We thank you for your understanding. Please do not hesitate to
contact us again if we ever fall short of the superior service that you have
come to expect from us.”
If the manager asked for your feedback on this letter, what would you say? It’s full
of polite expressions. Is it a good concluding paragraph? Discuss. (LO12-LO16)
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Skills Building Exercises
Using Familiar, Short Words (LO1)
Instructions, Sentences 1-20: Assume that your readers are at about the 10th-grade level in
education. Revise these sentences for easy communication to this audience.
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We must terminate all deficit financing.
We must endeavor to correct this problem by expediting delivery.
A proportionate tax consumes a determinate apportionment of one’s monetary
flow.
Business has an inordinate influence on governmental operations.
It is imperative that consumers be unrestrained in determining their preferences.
Mr. Sanchez terminated Kevin’s employment as a consequence of his ineffectual
performance.
Our expectations are that there will be increments in commodity value.
Can we ascertain the types of customers that have a predisposition to utilize our
instant-credit offer?
The preponderance of the businesspeople we consulted envisioned signs of
improvement from the current siege of economic stagnation.
If liquidation becomes mandatory, we shall dispose of these assets first.
Recent stock acquisitions have accentuated the company’s current financial crisis.
Mr. Coward will serve as intermediary in the pending labor-management parley.
Ms. Smith’s idiosyncrasies supply adequate justification for terminating her
employment.
Requisites for employment by this company have been enhanced.
The unanimity of current forecasts is not incontrovertible evidence of an
impending business acceleration.
People’s propensity to consume is insatiable.
The company must desist from its deficit financing immediately.
This antiquated merchandising strategy is ineffectual in contemporary business
operations.
Percentage returns on common stockholders’ equity averaged 23.1 for the year.
The company’s retained earnings last year exceeded $2,500,000.
Using Technical Words Appropriately (LO3)
21. From a scholarly business journal, select a paragraph (at least 150 words long)
that would be difficult for a student less advanced in the subject than you. Rewrite
the paragraph so that this student can understand it easily.
Selecting Concrete, Precise Words (LO4)
Instructions, Sentences 22-30: Revise these sentences to make them more precise and
informative.
22.
23.
We have found that young men are best for this work.
She makes good grades.
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John lost a fortune in Las Vegas.
If we don’t receive the goods soon, we will cancel.
Some years ago she made good money.
His grade on the aptitude test was not high.
Here is a product with very little markup.
The cost of the online subscription was reasonable.
There is only a little time left on our copier’s warranty.
Avoiding the Use of Incorrect Similar Words (LO5)
Instructions, Sentences 31-42: Some of the following are correct and some are incorrect.
Indicate which is which and correct the problem sentences.
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We have less than 25 registrants so far.
I did not mean to infer that you had made a mistake.
If you turn in you’re report by Friday, you can work from home on Monday.
He is not adverse to your suggestion; he simply wants more information.
You may have whichever computer you choose.
The handbook offers advise on professional behavior.
Please except my apologies.
It’s time to remodel the break room.
A complementary breakfast is included.
Write in such a way that you elicit the response you want.
This laptop needs its’ battery replaced.
There is no reason why we should refund their money.
Using Proper Idiom (LO5)
Instructions, Sentences 43-50: These sentences use faulty idioms. Make any changes you
think are necessary.
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The purchasing officer has gone in search for a substitute product.
Based off of the auditor’s report, I recommend that we invest more of our cash.
This strike was different than the one in 2000.
This letter is equally as bad.
She is an authority about mutual funds.
When the sale is over with, we will restock.
The service truck collided against the wall.
We have been in search for a qualified supervisor since August.
Limiting Use of Passive Voice (LO6)
Instructions, Sentences 51-57: Revise the following sentences to eliminate passive voice.
51.
52.
Our action is based on the assumption that the competition will be taken by
surprise.
It is believed by the typical union member that his or her welfare is not considered
to be important by management.
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You were directed by your superior to complete this assignment by noon.
It is believed by the writer that this company policy is wrong.
The union was represented by Cecil Chambers.
These reports are prepared by the salespeople every Friday.
If more information is needed, the customer service department can be contacted.
Avoiding Camouflaged Verbs (LO6)
Instructions, Sentences 58-68: Revise the following to eliminate camouflaged verbs.
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It was my duty to make a determination of the damages.
Harold made a recommendation that we fire Mr. Schultz.
We will ask him to bring about a change in his work routine.
This new equipment will result in a savings in maintenance.
Will you please make an adjustment on this invoice?
Implementation of the plan was effected by the crew.
Approval of all orders must be made by the chief.
A committee performs the function of determining the award winner.
Adaptation to the new policy was performed easily by the staff.
Verification of the amount is made daily by the auditor.
The president tried to effect a reconciliation of the two groups.
Avoiding Discriminatory Language (LO7)
Instructions, Sentences 69-80: Change these sentences to avoid discriminatory language.
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Any worker who ignores this rule will have his salary reduced.
The typical postman rarely makes mistakes in delivering his mail.
A good executive plans his daily activities.
The committee consisted of a businessman, a banker, and a lady lawyer.
A good secretary screens all telephone calls for her boss and arranges his
schedule.
An efficient salesman organizes his calls and manages his time.
Two company representatives attended the conference: a Hispanic engineer and
one of our younger managers.
Three people applied for the job, including two well-educated black women.
These parking spaces are strictly for use by the handicapped.
He is one of the best gay designers in the city.
We recommend Mr. Sanchez, one of our oldest managers.
As a Gen Xer, she is very computer savvy.
Making Sentences Economical (LO8)
Instructions, Sentences 81-108: Revise the following sentences for more economical
wording.
81.
In view of the fact that we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some
profit.
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We should see the prime lending rate increase in the near future.
I will talk to him with regard to the new policy.
The candidates who had the most money won.
There are many obligations that we must meet.
We purchased gloves that are lined with wool.
Mary is of the conviction that service has improved.
Sales can be detected to have improved over the last year.
It is essential that we take the actions that are necessary to correct the problem.
The chairperson is engaged in the activities of preparing the program.
Martin is engaged in the process of revising the application.
You should study all new innovations in your field.
In all probability, we are likely to suffer a loss this quarter.
The job requires a minimum of three years of experience.
In spite of the fact that they hadn’t paid their previous bill, they placed another
order.
We expect to deliver the goods in the event that we receive the money.
In accordance with their plans, company officials sold the machinery.
This policy exists for the purpose of preventing dishonesty.
The salespeople who were most successful received the best rewards.
The reader will note that this area ranks in the top 5 percent in per capita income.
Our new coats are made of a fabric that is wrinkle-resistant.
Our office is charged with the task of counting supplies not used in production.
Losses caused by the strike exceeded the amount of $640,000.
This condition can be assumed to be critical.
Our goal is to effect a change concerning the overtime pay rate.
Mr. Wilson replaced the old antiquated machinery with new machinery.
We must keep this confidential information from being shared with others.
The consensus of opinion of this group is that Wellington was wrong.
Managing Sentence Content (LO8, LO9, LO10)
Instructions, Sentences 109-115: Make these sentences more readable by breaking them
up or restructuring them.
109.
110.
111.
Records were set Wednesday by both the New York Stock Exchange Composite
Index, which closed at 8,001.40 up 27.08 points, topping its previous high of
7,986.50, and Standard & Poor’s 500 Index, which finished at 1,264.03, up 6.90,
setting a five-day high.
Reserving this property requires a $500 security deposit, which will be refunded
unless there is damage to the property or evidence that there has been smoking in
the cottage or a pet on the premises or if the reservation is canceled within 30
days prior to the rental period.
The Consumer Education Committee is assigned the duties of keeping informed
of the qualities of all consumer goods and services, especially of their strengths
and shortcomings, of gathering all pertinent information on dealers’ sales
practices, with emphasis on practices involving honest and reasonable fairness,
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112.
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and of publicizing any of the information collected that may be helpful in
educating the consumer.
The upswing in business activity that began in 2013 is expected to continue and
possibly accelerate in 2014, and gross domestic product should rise by $544
billion, representing a 4 percent increase, which is significantly higher than the
modest 2 percent increase of 2012.
As you will not get this part of Medicare automatically, even if you are covered
by Social Security, you must sign up for it and pay $88.50 per month, which the
government will match, if you want your physician’s bills to be covered.
Given our discussion yesterday, I have decided that you may choose either to take
the final exam or to have the paper for which you received your highest grade
count as an additional 15 percent of your course grade, but you must let me know
in writing by May 1 which of these options you prefer.
Although we have not definitely determined the causes for the decline in sales
volume for the month, we know that during this period construction on the street
adjacent to the store severely limited traffic flow and that because of resignations
in the advertising department promotion efforts dropped well below normal.
Wording Sentences Logically (LO10)
Instructions, Sentences 116-136: Revise the following to eliminate illogical and
awkward wording.
116.
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Because the Swift Company has a service-oriented culture is the reason it
supports all forms of volunteerism.
On the night of your party, we experienced a rare occurrence with our seafood
supplier canceling at the last minute.
Our staff is among the best as we strive for the highest level of customer service.
Thank you for your feedback that will help us continue to improve.
The meeting room you have reserved has a projector, Internet access, and will
enable your attendees to hear the trainer easily.
As a five-star hotel, our guests’ satisfaction is our top priority.
Upon review of the facts, the problem was a short in the wiring.
This streamlined process will save us so much money.
Depending on how you phrase your request will determine how the boss will
respond.
In order to accommodate your request, please make your reservation by the end
of October.
On behalf of the management team, I appreciate your extra work on the project.
We need to know how many will attend, and please indicate their choice of
entrée.
As a member of the marketing staff, the best person to consult on this project is
Allal.
During tomorrow’s staff meeting we will discuss our progress on the new ad
campaign and how well the installation of the new software is going.
As far as phone-call monitoring, I believe we should try other methods first.
Through our research of three local charities we feel that each one would be a
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132.
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good one to sponsor.
Each department will now have access to update your section of the website.
It is such a worthy cause, but I fear the organization’s website will not attract
many donors.
This is an important message, but by placing it in a long paragraph, it is unlikely
that many people will read it.
As a 501(c)(3) organization, donations are tax deductible.
You can volunteer to help with publicity, set up, clean up, or you can bring
refreshments.
Managing Information in Sentences and Paragraphs (LO9, LO10, LO11)
137. Assume that you are the assistant manager of a hotel and are describing your hotel’s
meeting room to a prospective customer who is thinking of holding a seminar there. Turn
the following pieces of information into coherent writing, making paragraph breaks
where you think appropriate. Be ready to explain why you grouped the information and
managed the emphasis the way you did. You may need to add some words or information
to make the facts flow smoothly.
We have a meeting room.
It will be available on the date you requested.
It can seat 100 people.
The seating can be arranged to your specifications.
It is quiet.
It is on the ground floor.
It is not near the guest rooms.
The lounge has live music on occasion.
The lounge is at the opposite end of the hotel from the meeting room.
The meeting room has a lectern.
It has a projector.
It has a screen.
It has laptop hookup.
We can rent additional equipment.
We can rent it at no charge to you.
The charge for the room is $300.
This is the charge for one day.
Managing Paragraph Focus (LO11)
Instructions, Paragraphs 138-142: Write a topic sentence for each of the following, and
reword any of the other sentences as needed to create a smooth, clear paragraph. Be ready
to defend your placement of the topic sentence.
138.
Jennifer has a good knowledge of office procedures. She works hard. She has
performed her job well. She is pleasant most of the time, but she has a bad
temper, which has led to many personal problems with the work group. Although
I cannot recommend her for promotion, I approve a 5 percent raise for her.
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139. Last year our sales increased 7 percent in California and 9 percent in Arizona.
Nevada had the highest increase, with 14 percent. Although all states in the
western region enjoyed increases, Oregon recorded only a 2 percent gain. Sales
in Washington increased 3 percent.
140. I majored in marketing at Darden University and received a B.S. degree in 2011.
Among the marketing courses I took were marketing strategy, promotion,
marketing research, marketing management, and consumer behavior. These and
other courses prepared me specifically for a career in retailing. Included, also,
was a one-semester internship in retailing with Macy’s Department Stores.
141. Our records show that Penn motors cost more than Oslo motors. The Penns have
less breakdown time. They cost more to repair. I recommend that we buy Penn
motors the next time we replace worn-out motors. The longer working life offsets
Penn’s cost disadvantage. So does its better record for breakdown.
142. Recently China ordered a large quantity of wheat from the United States.
Likewise, Germany ordered a large quantity. Other countries continued to order
heavily, resulting in a dramatic improvement in the outlook for wheat farming.
Increased demand by Eastern European countries also contributed to the
improved outlook.
Using a Conversational Style (LO12)
Instructions, Sentences 143-152: Rewrite the following in conversational style.
143.
144.
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148.
149.
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152.
I hereby acknowledge receipt of your July 7 letter.
Please be so kind as to reply at your earliest convenience.
Attached please find the receipt requested in your May 1st inquiry.
You are hereby advised to endorse the enclosed proposal and return it to the
undersigned.
This is to advise that henceforth all invoices will be submitted in duplicate.
In reply to your letter of July 13, permission to quote from our report is hereby
granted.
Replying to your letter of the 3rd, we deem it a great pleasure to accept your kind
offer to serve on the committee.
Please be advised that, with regard to above invoice, a payment of $312 has been
credited to your account.
I am submitting under separate cover the report you requested.
Kindly advise the director as to your availability for participation in the program.
Using the You-Viewpoint (LO13)
Instructions, Sentences 153-166: Rewrite the following using you-viewpoint. You may
need to add additional material.
153. Company policy requires that you must submit the warranty agreement within
two weeks of sale.
154. We will be pleased to deliver your order by the 12th.
155. We have worked for 37 years to build the best lawn mowers for your customers.
156. Today we are shipping the goods you ordered February 3.
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157. (From an application letter) I have seven years of successful experience selling
office supplies.
158. (From an email to employees) We take pleasure in announcing that, effective
today, the Company will give a 20 percent discount on all purchases made by
employees.
159. We are happy to report approval of your application for membership.
160. Items desired should be checked on the enclosed order form.
161. Our long experience in the book business has enabled us to provide the best
customer service possible.
162. So that we can sell at discount prices, we cannot permit returns of sale
merchandise.
163. We invite you to buy from the enclosed catalog.
164. We give a 2 percent discount when payment is made within 10 days.
165. I am pleased to inform you that I can grant your request for payment of travel
expenses.
166. We cannot permit you to attend classes on company time unless the course is
related to your work assignment.
Rewriting for Positive Emphasis and Courtesy (LO14, LO15)
Instructions, Sentences 167-181: Underscore all negative words in these sentences. Then
rewrite the sentences for positive effect. Use your imagination to supply situation
information when necessary.
167. Your misunderstanding of our January 7 email caused you to make this mistake.
168. We hope this delay has not inconvenienced you. If you will be patient, we will get
the order to you as soon as our supply is replenished.
169. We regret that we must call your attention to our policy of prohibiting refunds for
merchandise bought at discount.
170. Your negligence caused the damage to the equipment.
171. You cannot visit the plant except on Saturdays.
172. We were disappointed to learn from your July 7 email that you are having trouble
with our Model 7 motor.
173. Tuff-Boy work clothing is not made from cloth that shrinks or fades.
174. Our Stone-Skin material is less weak than the fabric used by other brands.
175. Even though you were late in paying the bill, we still allowed the discount.
176. We were sorry to learn of the disappointing service you have had from our
salespeople, but we feel we have corrected all mistakes with recent personnel
changes.
177. We have received your complaint of the 7th in which you claim that our product
was defective and have thoroughly investigated the matter.
178. I regret the necessity of calling your attention to our letter of May 1.
179. We have received your undated letter, which you sent to the wrong office.
180. I regret to have to say that I will be unable to speak at your conference, as I have a
prior commitment.
181. Do not walk on the grass.
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