Dealing with end of life with a family member can be extremely stressful and
emotionally painful. It is important as a family member to
Planning for a good death goes hand in hand with estate planning to insure
your wishes are honored and your legacy carries on with your family. Think
about what you want to leave behind with your family as your legacy. What
do you want people to remember about you? Write letters to your children
and loved ones sharing your love and accomplishments. What do you want
the future to know about you? What has changed in your lifetime and what
do you see as positives and negatives in society today. Explain in detail what
you are describing as time has a way of changing meaning and making
things we see as normal obsolete. In this era, video’s can be a great way to
pass on knowledge. A video for your children to have on their 50th wedding
anniversary or for your grandchildren at graduation can have just what you
want them to hear. Journals are also great gifts for the future.
Plan and pay for your funeral. It is a gift for family to not have to make
decisions or guess what your wishes are when you are gone. It is an
emotional time for family and the more that is done the easier it will be for
your loved ones.
If you have experienced loss (which we all do as we age) you may feel sad
and angry. Sometimes these losses happen over and over or in sequence
(loss of spouse leads to loss of home and loss of social support system). I
work with people that say,”Enough is enough I just cannot take anymore”.
Depression is actually anger turned inward. It takes time to process through
grief and loss and we must be patience with ourselves. If you feel stuck it is
important to talk to a mental health professional. Sometimes processing
your feelings can help release and reduce the power of the depression and
anxiety. The best treatment is medication and psychotherapy to develop
skills to manage and reduce the symptoms.
The amount of people providing care for others keeps growing as the older
population increases and resources dwindle. People are living longer and
statics say that on the average people will need care the last five years of
their lives. Providing care for another can be filled with stress and
frustrations. It can also be a time of reconnecting, finding closure on past
issues and emotionally fulfilling. The key is finding a balance between the
two.
One of the biggest stressors is associated with time. Providing care for
someone who is either physically or cognitively impaired can take up all of a
person’s time and there is no place for rest and relaxation. Or, the constant
giving of energy can drain the “life” out of a person. Providing care to
someone who has dementia can be full of frustrations of repeating the same
thing over and over again and needing to address constant behaviors that
cause emotional and physical fatigue. Along with the stressors and
frustrations, providing care can be full of opportunities for compassion and
laughter.
How do you balance the role associated with caregiving?
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Remind yourself that the person you are caring for has a damaged
brain (dementia) and try to not take personally their behaviors.
Share with the person (if they are able to comprehend) your feelings
and need for space and time for yourself.
Take and plan time for you to engage in pleasant activities. If you get
some respite use it for yourself and not time to catch up with
housework or chores. Take a nap!
Find a support group that offers care for your loved one and attend on
a regular basis. Sharing with others and learning new skills can be
helpful.
Find the humor in the daily caregiving activities, laugh often. Be
grateful for the time you have with your loved one.
Finally, if you are not getting enough sleep and feel drained and dread each
day, look into respite care, or a safe place for your loved one to live. You can
provide love and spend quality time with your loved one if you are rested.