Carol Susan Eulogy
We are here this evening to celebrate Carol Susan’s life so I am not going to talk
about her illness that ended her life far too soon or my intense loss. I am going to
follow Carol Susan’s example and focus on the positive energy of love.
Carol Susan lived from her heart and “spoke” the language of love which is often
not words but acts of kindness, caring, and thoughtfulness. Carol Susan was the
most thoughtful, caring, and loving person I ever met. Her willingness to reach out
to others was exceptional and early in our relationship it was sometimes
frightening to me when she would offer her assistance to total strangers who
sometimes did not appear to be very receptive. Without exception my concerns
would prove to be unfounded as her positive energy would prove disarming and
transforming. Her touch brought change and growth. Even when change was
painful she was there to support and reassure with her positive energy. While I
came to expect her selfless acts of kindness towards others, I continue to this day
to be amazed and astounded by her impact.
Carol Susan was a citizen of the world. Her village was global. Her life’s work was
to help others grow, become more inclusive, open, caring, and loving. She wanted
to make the world a better place. She led by example. Her impact may be difficult
to quantify because the sign of a master facilitator is someone who helps people
take full ownership of their changes and claim the new territory as their own. The
large number of testimonials throughout her life and the outpouring of love
sometimes from almost total strangers clearly demonstrates that she touched
many lives. Her uncle Mike remembers Carol Susan at age 4 or 5 sitting between
her two grandmothers to translate their conversations since one spoke only
Spanish and the other only English. This shows she started her facilitation work
early and became a master at a young age.
I first met Carol Susan when she came to work at the mental health center in
Melbourne, Florida in January of 1977. She announced shortly after arriving that
she was going to offer family therapy and multiple family therapy and was looking
for a co-therapist, preferable male to achieve gender balance. Since most therapy
was individual one-on-one, multiple family therapy appeared radical. I told her I
was intrigued by the concept but had no experience providing family therapy.
Carol Susan told me she would teach me so I volunteered. We discussed families
of origin at length. Once we started working together as co-therapists we
functioned as a powerful psychotherapy team. As our professional relationship
blossomed we realized that we were ideally suited as life partners as we had
found our soul mate.
Carol Susan enjoyed mythic images including the image of the coiled dragon, the
ancient symbol of the uroborus, the union of male and female energies to create
unity. Carol Susan had my wedding ring custom made in the shape of the
uroborus with half rose gold and half yellow gold. We were married on the roof
top of the Chalet Suzanne in Lake Wales, Florida near sunset on July 30, 1978.
When Carol Susan started her business, DeVaney-Wong International in 1989 she
selected an Asian version of the uroborus as her logo to represent unity.
While Carol Susan’s life work was important to her, family and friends came first.
She was a loving daughter, granddaughter, niece, and cousin. Later she was a
loving wife, aunt, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, and mother. Carol Susan
treasured her large, diverse family and kept in touch with them remembering
birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and later deaths. When her family expanded
with step-parents and marriage, Carol Susan found room in her heart for them all.
She particularly treasured her cousin’s children and delighted in hearing about
and from them.
In late 1984 Carol Susan called me at work and insisted that I come home
immediately, since she did not sound hurt, sick, or grieving I had no idea why she
was so insistent. A short time later when I arrived at home Carol Susan told me
she was pregnant. We were both stunned since her doctors had informed her
that her medical condition ruled out any chance of pregnancy. As we talked the
shock became joy tempered with concern. After a number of scares Taryne Jade
was born July 17, 1985 at about 8 months old. Carol Susan and I often remarked
how determined Taryne Jade was to select Carol Susan as her mom and me as her
dad. Taryne Jade was a handful from the start. The nurses brought her to Carol
Susan to keep in the room since Taryne was keeping the other babies awake with
her crying. As soon as Taryne entered Carol Susan’s room she stopped crying.
Carol Susan’s positive energy and love nurtured and soothed Taryne even from
across the room.
Carol Susan was a devoted mother singing songs to Taryne in Spanish and later
making up elaborate stories that kept Taryne’s eyes wide open. Carol Susan
enjoyed creating family traditions for the holidays often with extended family and
friends and especially Taryne’s birthday celebrations. Carol Susan joyously
celebrated each of Taryne Jade’s developmental milestones including her first
steps in shoes with her arms outstretched as you saw in the picture. Carol Susan
was able to balance work and family so effectively that in elementary school
Taryne volunteered Carol Susan for school events saying “my mommy doesn’t
work.” Throughout Taryne’s growing up Carol Susan was there for her - mother,
mentor, and role model but most importantly surrounding Taryne with her fierce
love. Carol Susan talked about living a high definition life which she not only lived
but provided as a legacy to her daughter. Carol Susan provided her legacy to
many others but Taryne Jade is fortunate to have almost 27 years worth.
Carol Susan was a loving care giver and powerful advocate to three of her parents
(mother, father, and stepfather) during each of their terminal illnesses. She was
with each to the end of their lives making sure they had every possible comfort.
During her care giving to her parents, Carol Susan continued to guide Taryne Jade
into college and assisted her in making a successful adjustment to college life.
Carol Susan was very proud of her daughter when Taryne Jade completed her BA
degree in literature and was accepted into the masters degree program. Carol
Susan was doublely proud when Taryne completed her MA degree and was
accepted into the PhD program at the University of Iowa. Carol Susan celebrated
when Taryne passed her doctoral comprehensive exams and later when her
prospectus for her dissertation was approved by her committee.
While Carol Susan delighted in Taryne’s accomplishments she was deeply moved
by Taryne’s fierce advocacy during her illness. Taryne rearranged her schedule so
she could be with her mother during most of her illness. Carol Susan was
surrounded by the love of her daughter and husband just as we were by her love.
Carol Susan’s business was certified as a female minority owned business and as
part of her practice of inclusion she believed it was important to work with other
female and minority owned businesses. Carol Susan’s CPA since 1989, Kitti
Trudeau of Warrenton, Virginia was her friend in addition to being her CPA. They
talked regularly about each other’s families and friends. From 1989 until Mary’s
untimely death in 2009, Carol Susan had a professional relationship and personal
friendship with Mary Spear of Warrenton Wordshop. Mary and Carol Susan
shared their successes and disappointments. Carol Susan grieved for Mary and
often called her husband, Fred, to offer her support and love. Many of Carol
Susan’s former clients became close personal friends as well as people she
worked with at ASTD, SHRM, and other professional associations. The messages in
cards and emails during Carol Susan’s illness and now in messages of condolence
communicate many of the same themes. All indicated her positive impact on their
lives and talk about her being one of the most caring, thoughtful, and loving
people they ever met. Many mention that Carol Susan has been an inspiration to
them providing them with encouragement to open their imaginations to what
they could be and supporting their growth. She was a mentor and role model to
many both formally and informally. While her client list is impressive, she gave
the same full energy, laser focus, expertise, and caring equally to the biggest and
smallest. Each year Carol Susan facilitated meetings or retreats for at least one
not-for-profit pro bono. Prior to meeting with a group Carol Susan would talk to
as many individuals as possible. Her preparation work was transformational.
Often when she showed up onsite she was able to facilitate consolidation of
positive changes already begun. Carol Susan used toys in her work to help people
recapture the wonder, imagination, and energy of childhood. Play allowed Carol
Susan to change the focus of energy from the intellect to the emotions of the
heart where real change occurs. Carol Susan spoke of helping people see with
“fresh eyes” meaning encountering the world, others, and self from the heart.
Carol Susan was a master whose work often seemed effortless since it came from
her heart.
Carol Susan expressed regret that she would not likely dance at Taryne Jade’s
wedding, be a doting grandmother, and grow old with me. Carol Susan often
expressed her wish that she would be able to attend Taryne Jade’s PhD
graduation ceremony. She will be at all of these events in our hearts and in her
spirit form. Before she died she made me promise her that I would look after
Taryne Jade and she made Taryne Jade promise that she would look after me.
Even at the end she was taking care of her family and clearly very pleased that we
both promised her to look after each other.
A few days before Carol Susan died she ate some wonton soup and a fortune
cookie. After which she said she was full and did not want any more food. One of
our traditions is that I would break my fortune cookie in half and give half to her.
Since she did not want more food I put my fortune cookie aside. The day after she
died I saw the fortune cookie and when opened it said, “Love is in the air.” Carol
Susan’s shining spirit left her body and her love is in the air.
When you remember Carol Susan commit an act of kindness, no matter how
small, as she believed that as the positive energy of love accumulates this world
will become a better place.
In closing please stand and give Carol Susan a round of applause for a life well
lived. Thank you.
C. Eldon Taylor
November 19, 2011
Delivered by Eldon Taylor at Carol Susan’s Memorial Service in Richmond, Virginia
on November 19, 2011