This is an example of an “A-” (content) essay by a freshman in 9 ACP.
The form grade was lower (65).
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Student Name
Mrs. Garcia
English 9 ACP
14 May 2012
The Persistent Novel
Heart-wrenching, inspiring and a tsunami of passion and hard work; get ready for a
million dollars if the first guess is The Alchemist. Although ridiculed by many, The Alchemist is
an effective novel because it imparts deep and compassionate morals and ideals. Throughout the
entire novel, Coelho tries to teach the readers new facts about life and how to deal with personal
goals. The theme of the book embodies the hope and persistence in human beings. Santiago’s
hard work and patience paid off at the end, rewarding him with gold more than he could have
imagined. This shows the readers that a person should always try towards achieving their goal
and must never give up.
An effective novel teaches the readers important facts about life and the hardships that
come along with it. The Alchemist is an effective novel because of its simplistic but effective
theme that; any of your goals can be achieved through hard work and persistence. Coelho depicts
throughout the entire novel, that through hard work, Santiago achieved his personal legend of
discovering the treasure. For example, although Santiago was robbed of his money, He kept
pursuing his dream and earns his money back working for, “eleven months and nine days”
(Coelho 60) in the crystal merchant’s shop. This shows that Santiago is not only a hard worker
but also possesses qualities such as extreme persistence and loyalty towards his work. Coelho
tries to induce this same message into the reader’s minds because he realizes that hard work
always pays off. Another example where hard work paid off for Santiago is when, he reaches the
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pyramids and is forced to, “continue digging…. [and] the men began to beat [him]” (Coelho162)
thinking that Santiago has hid treasure under the ground. Right here, Santiago proves his
persistence because, he knows that the treasure is under the ground and he keeps digging even
though he is severely beaten by others.
An effective novel always emphasizes the need of constant learning and changing
yourself throughout the journey of life. The Alchemist portrays the qualities of an effective novel
because it emphasizes the need to learn new facts about life as you go on its journey and it also
shows how a person can change mentally and emotionally throughout life’s journey. For
example, at the beginning of the book, Coelho tells the readers that Santiago was a mere
shepherd and did not understand the facts about life and one’s personal legend, in depth.
However, as time went on he started learning new facts such as, “wherever [his] heart is, that is
where [he] [will] find [his treasure]” (Coelho 128). Coelho draws the reader with this particular
phrase because; parents have been always telling their kids to believe in their hearts and try their
fullest if they want to achieve their goals. This phrase on a deeper level means that if a person
wants something really bad, he should always trust his heart because it is the organ that keeps a
person alive and helps the person make many moral decisions. The reader also learns many
important facts about following one’s dream and accomplishing it at the end from this novel. For
example, The Alchemist tells Santiago that, “Each search begins with beginners luck. And every
search ends with the victor’s being severely tested” (Coelho 132). By this, Coelho means that,
when a person tries to achieve his goal, it seems very easy at the beginning but, as the person
approaches the end, he has thoughts about giving up. So, this is what Coelho tries to tell the
readers through this quote. Throughout the entire book, Coelho always teaches the readers new
facts about life.
Student Name 3
An effective novel is one to which readers can connect and feel the emotions of the
characters. The Alchemist succeeds as an effective novel because of its universal theme and
connectable characters. The theme of the novel says that, a person cannot accomplish his
personal legend or goal, when he has fear of achieving his dream. For example, Coelho shows
the readers an example of fear overcoming the desire to accomplish one’s dream when the
Crystal merchant tells Santiago that, “[he] is afraid that if [his] dream is realized, [he} [will] have
no reason to go on living” (Coelho 55). The author shows the readers here that, the crystal
merchant fears that he will have no reason or desire to live if his dream of going to Mecca is
achieved. Coelho tries to tell the readers that; fear has gotten in between the Crystal merchant
and his dream of going to Mecca. He tries to tell the readers that to achieve one’s dream, the
person has to overcome his fears and face the truth. Often, fear gets in the way of one’s dreams
and later, they realize that they should have accomplished their dreams a long time ago. Also,
another example of fear getting in the way of one’s dreams is when Santiago tells the Alchemist
that, “[He] [has] found Fatima and as far as [he] is concerned, she’s worth more than treasure”
(Coelho 118). The author shows the readers here that, Santiago is almost at the brink of
abandoning his search because he fears that he will lose Fatima once he goes out looking for
treasure. Here, Coelho once again tries to show the readers that fear is the main obstacle that
stops people from achieving their goal. The Alchemist not only has an effective theme but also
has relatable characters. For example, although Santiago is the protagonist of the book, Coelho
wants him to have flaws. This is because; a character with flaws is more relatable than a
character that devours people with his brute strength and intelligence. Many great authors
throughout the history of Mankind have made sure to have flaws in their characters. For
example, in the novel “Of Mice and Men”, Steinbeck makes sure that Lennie has flaws like;
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being mentally challenged. The readers can connect to Lennie because a lot mentally challenged
people feel just like Lennie does. So, in the same way, Santiago has flaws like, making silly
decision while under pressure or in new territory. For example, one unintelligible decision made
by Santiago was to hand over all of his money to a stranger; which led him to be robbed. So, by
making the character more connectable, The Alchemist proves to be an effective novel.
The Alchemist is an effective novel because of its effective ending. At the end of the
book, Santiago finds his treasure after the arduous and dangerously threatening journey. By
making Santiago find his treasure, Coelho shows the readers that anything can be achieved when
the person works hard to achieve their dream. For example, Santiago overcame challenges like,
“[transforming] himself into the wind” (Coelho 140). Santiago transforming himself into the
wind symbolizes that even the most seemingly impossible task can be done if a person tries hard
and concentrates. So, since Santiago overcame such hurdles he deserves a happy ending. This is
why, a “happily ever after” cliché ending is suitable to this novel. Although some readers may
argue that The Alchemist is an ineffective piece of literature because it has a cliché ending, it in
fact has a very effective ending. Many readers fail to recognize this because they read on a
superficial level and should find the deeper meaning of the ending. The deeper meaning being of
course that when a person strives his best to achieve his goals, he will have a happy ending.
Also, many readers fail to recognize that many famous books like Harry Potter and The Hunger
Games have cliché endings too. So when these books can have cliché endings, what is wrong
with the Alchemist have a cliché ending?
The title of a book generally dictates what will happen throughout the entire book and
gives the readers an idea of what the book is about. The Alchemist has the qualities of an
effective novel because of its unique and insightful title that keeps the readers eager. The title of
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this book seems appropriate because, the Alchemist stands as the main character that helps
Santiago on his journey towards his treasure, he also teaches Santiago many important lessons
about life and this is why the book is called “The Alchemist” and not “Melchizedek: The king of
Salem”. Although some may argue that the title seems inappropriate because readers do not meet
the Alchemist until more than half of the novel, it is in fact an effective title because Coelho
keeps the readers at the edge of their seats, wanting to meet the new character. Also, the title is
appropriate because the Alchemist is the one that helps Santiago the most throughout his entire
journey. For example, when Santiago and the Alchemist are traveling through the desert, the
Alchemist teaches Santiago many important lessons about life such as, “wherever[Santiago’s]
heart lies, that is where [he] [will] find the treasure” (Coelho128) and, “ When [someone] poses
great treasures within [himself],and try total others, seldom [is] [he] believed” (Coelho 134).
This shows that the Alchemist has immense knowledge about life and has experience on how to
deal with it. Coelho names the title after the Alchemist because of the important role that he
plays in Santiago’s journey. By teaching Santiago such important lessons, the Alchemist earns
his name on the cover of the book.
The Alchemist has showed the reader that through hard work and patience, one can
achieve any of their goals. The Alchemist is an effective novel because it teaches the readers
valuable lessons about life, it helps the readers constantly learn new facts, it has a connectable
and effective theme, its inspiring ending and its intriguing title. The book is so interesting and
inspiring that it constantly keeps the readers on the edge of their seats because of the
unpredictable feeling that Coelho managed to generate in the beginning. The Alchemist not only
teaches the readers important facts about life but also teaches them to never stop working
towards their dream.
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Teacher Notes:
For Content (ideas), this essay scored an A- (borderline B+).
It scored 65 for Form (includes proofreading and application of teacher conference feedback)
On a scale of 1 to 6 in each category, for a maximum total of 24, the student scored 21, broken
down as follows:
Thesis or Controlling Idea:
5
Evidence and Text Support:
5
Ideas, Extension, and Elaboration: 5.5
Organization, Mechanics, and Style: 5
The essay content was strong overall. While most students struggled to write 3 pages, this
student wrote 5. However…
 Student needs to make his/her points concisely by condensing, trimming
fluff/redundancy.
 Student should avoid use of vague words such as “many” and “things.”
 There are proofreading/grammar issues. Typically an essay with many grammatical
issues would have lost more points; however, the writing style and organization were
strong and offset the errors to a degree.
o Verb tense errors
o Comma errors
o Semicolon errors
o Pronoun agreement errors
o Apostrophe errors
o Typographical/spelling errors
o Needs to italicize book titles
o Use of “your”
Teacher comments:
 Condense!
 p. 1: All paragraphs need to link back to thesis. Needs a more unified thesis. What
sentence is it?
 p. 2: Does he have a choice at that point?
 P. 2: What does that really mean?
 p. 2: Not literally a heart, as in aorta.
 p. 2: Santiago changes from what to what?
 p. 3: We call this “empathy.”
 p. 3: Yes, you literally just said that by inserting the quote.
 p. 3: Is there any success, or just the author “trying”?
 p. 4: Is that why we connect?
 p. 4: But is that a “Scooby Doo” or “Disney” ending?
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


p. 4: But he doesn’t really turn into the wind; he manipulates it.
p. 4: The word “ending” is used 9 times. Condense.
p. 4: Steinbeck has Lennie and George overcome hurdles too, but he doesn’t give them a
happy ending. “Deserving” something in life doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen.
Life is pain, according to J. Steinbeck. The world is cruel.