When Cancer Pulls the Rug Out from under You
I would be lying if I said the arrival of cancer into our lives had no impact. The news pulled
the rug out from under us for a while—especially after two years when we thought the
cancer had been treated. Its return at stage 4 was a shock to put it mildly. However, I think
the process of dealing with Rod’s cancer might have been aided a bit by a previous “rug
puller” 16 years earlier as we faced a similar announcement when I was diagnosed with
melanoma. In both cases I don’t think either of us questioned God as to Why? but we did
wonder what he had in store for us as a result of the unexpected bends in the road of our
journey through life. Our knowledge of Scripture and our faith in an all-wise, all-loving God
helped us. Knowing God’s purpose for our lives (to glorify him in all things) and that our
days were numbered before the foundation of the world reminded us that God (and not us)
is in control. We believed it, taught it, and now we would have the opportunity to show that
it made a difference in how we responded. Our desire has always been to allow God to
shape our lives to be better used by him to touch the lives of others. Perhaps thinking of a
word picture of sandpaper on wood or water on stone as both work as polishers to smooth
the wood and stone to a finished product. God can use everything in our lives to polish us to
make us into his finished product.
One area our lives was impacted the most was in letting go of each other. One discovers how
selfish they are when asked to let go of someone they hold so dearly. But death isn’t a thing
that can be stopped or controlled. When the time comes for one to leave this world in death,
there is a void left by the loss but life goes on and God’s purpose for the survivor remains
the same. Another area was watching our children cope/deal with losing Dad to cancer and
yet in that process, we have seen that the things we taught and lived before them has led
them to trust God in their own lives during this journey. We cry together, but not as those
who have no hope. Our hope is a biblical hope —a confidence or assurance in God, not a
wishful desire for our own comfort. Always in the background is the knowledge that God
remains good and faithful. We feel stronger as a result of this journey, even though it’s been
a hard path and one we wouldn’t have chosen ourselves.
Our reconciliation with cancer hasn’t been so very different from other major changes or
challenges in our lives. Knowing God is in control of every aspect of our lives overflows into
this journey through cancer (or what we believe and teach is in vain). Many things happen
in life over which we have no control. To some people, cancer might appear to be a
bigger/harder challenge to deal with than some other areas. Perhaps it’s because we can’t
see God’s overall plan or understand why. But we know that God in his infinite grace and
mercy is walking this journey with us. Our future isn’t bleak—although I will miss Rod
dearly, I know it’s not the end but just the beginning of a new walk/journey for both of us
until one day I also leave this life.
As we look back we can both say it was not an easy trip physically, but it was a good
journey. We have met many wonderful people on whom we hope we’ve left an imprint
through our contact as much as they have touched our lives. We only desire to finish the
course well and be faithful to the end.
Linda Decker (May, 2014)
Recently our daughter, Rachel, found a piece of paper that had fallen behind a table where
Rod has spent many days sitting, thinking, and writing. Whether it missed the trash can or
just slipped off the table we don’t know. Below is something he wrote sometime in the last
couple of months before he declined too much to focus on such things. He would be the first
to admit that he is not a poet, but I include a poem he wrote about life & death. His love of
technology wasn’t far behind his love for learning, studying, and teaching.
As I sit gazing at a finely formed piece of aluminum
I can’t help wonder when it will die,
Or, for that matter, when will I?
The glow of Apple logo white
The flow of platelets bright
Electronics manufactured ephemeral
Humans created eternal
One measured in years of utility to human hands
The other, many more in its responsibility to the Almighty’s plans
Aluminum and silicon know only temporal urgency—a decade or two amazing
Human flesh enjoys both 80 years of agency, then resurrection to service eternal
When electrons cease to flow, their “life” is over
When my neurons cease to function, my life has just begun.
Rodney J. Decker May, 2014