The Ten Commandments Series – Commandment #7 – part eight of eleven
“You Shall Not Commit Adultery” – MARRIAGE MATTERS
The point of the message this morning: Marriage matters to the LORD!
We live in the era of Desperate Housewives – the ABC television series that so many in America
are addicted to watching each week. The plot or concept of this series, you may ask? Simple –
married women very “desperate” to commit adultery.
I remember when the 80’s brought us movies like Fatal Attraction, where Glenn Close went
psycho on Michael Douglas after a brief adulterous encounter. You found yourself really hoping
Douglas could get away w/ the dirty deed and keep his life in order.
What about the 80’s movie No Way Out, starring Kevin Costner and Gene Hackman This was a
really average movie, but what I remember is Costner and a young woman being intimate in a
limo, and after they had enjoyed their time together, they learned each others names.
Let me start this morning w/ two observations:
Observation#1: We live in an Adultery-Friendly culture and country.
Illustration: The publisher's review of a recent book describes it as "a thoughtful, detailed
discussion of every aspect of considering, preparing for, beginning, and conducting a
successful and emotionally fulfilling extramarital affair." The book is called Affair! How to
Manage Every Aspect of Your Extramarital Relationship with Passion, Discretion, and
Dignity (by Cameron Barnes, UPublish.com, 1999). For just $19.95, plus shipping and
handling, you can get a practical summary of the lies the devil would have you believe
concerning adultery.
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Our culture says “if it feels good, just do it!” No matter what it is you are doing.
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Remember back in school reading the book “The Scarlet Letter” – the character had to sew
an “A” on her sweater so everyone would know she was an adulterer. Today, I’m not sure
wearing that “A” would be considered bad by many in our culture.
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Our priorities and principles are all turned around and upside down.
Result? Marriages everywhere are under attack like never before.
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There may never have been a time in the history of our land where marriages and the
institution of marriage was under attack quite like it is today.
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Do you remember 1998? That was the year that President Clinton faced impeachment –
and that was a result of dishonesty related to an extra-marital sexual relationship with a
White House intern. I did some research on 1998 – and do you realize Clinton’s approval
rating was higher as he was being impeached in December of 1998 than it was during the
first couple years of his presidency.
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Also, related to the events of 1998 – Rep. Bob Livingston (who was Speaker of the House
for about a week) – while calling for Clinton to resign, was himself exposed as an adulterer
and forced to resign not only as Speaker of the House but from Congress all together.
Observation #2: Many, even most, Christians are scared or embarrassed to discuss
Sex.
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We are not comfortable – many of us – talking about SEX.
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We don’t have sermons or lessons on SEX and the Christian. Now, we do have TV shows
like “Sex and the City”, but many Christian leaders have decided to abstain from this
subject.
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In fact, the only time I’ve ever preached on this topic was because a good ministry friend
didn’t want to tackle the topic himself.
Result? Much of what we learn and acquire about sex comes from “outside the faith”
sources.
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Much of what we are learning – much of what our children and grandchildren are acquiring
is coming from sources other than the church or our preacher or others.
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You may be saying, Greg, aren’t you condemning yourself? Yep – I’m guilty as charged –
that is why I’m not going to hold anything back this morning.
The commandment is simple – “you shall not commit adultery” – Exodus 20:14
What does this mean? Sexual relations are meant exclusively for the marriage
relationship.
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If you grab nothing else this morning for whatever reason, will you understand this
scriptural principle? Sexual relationships outside the marriage relationship are an extrabiblical concept.
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You cannot find a Biblical mandate or excuse for sex outside the marriage relationship.
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And realize this would not be considered good news for some of us.
Old Testament heroes of the faith and sexual integrity:
#1 – Joseph – Genesis 39
My question – does anyone in the Bible seem to have a worse run of luck than Joseph? You may
remember Joseph was the favored son (out of 12) of Jacob. He was also an amazingly gifted young
man – especially in the area of interpreting dreams. His problem, at least early on, was he was a
little too vocal about his future – specifically as it related to his brothers. He let them know that
one day they would bow down and serve him – remember – this is son #11 out of 12 and the other
brothers didn’t like this very much. In fact they grew to hate him. So they did the unthinkable –
they beat him up and they sold him into slavery – and they convinced his father he had been
mauled by a large animal and was dead. Nice family love playing out here, huh?
But God blesses Joseph and he was bought by an Egyptian official and before long Joseph is in
charge of the entire household – quite an accomplishment. In fact, look at chapter 39 beginning
w/ verse 3:
“when his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord gave him success in
everything he did, Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him
in charge of his household and he entrusted to his care everything he owned.”
And Potiphar is blessed because of this decision – our text tells us from the time Joseph is in
charge, Potiphar is blessed and everything connected to him as well. Verse 6 says Potiphar didn’t
concern himself “with anything – except the food he ate.”
One problem – Joseph, our text tells us, was well-built and handsome and Potiphar’s wife really
had eyes for him. She came after him – she wanted to “know him”, the Biblical sense. And yet
Joseph will have none of it. He makes it clear to her he will not do this evil thing. He makes it clear
he will not sin against God. And yet day and day, Potiphar’s wife makes advances on Joseph.
Finally, down in verse 11, Joseph finds himself alone w/ this woman. She grabs him by his outer
cloak and won’t take no for an answer. But Joseph is so strong in his resolve he flees – he runs –
and leaves his cloak in her hands. Well, you probably know where this is going – Potiphar’s wife,
embarrassed and angry, says Joseph was after her and before long Joseph finds himself in prison.
Joseph did the right thing – and faces difficulty anyway – not fair at all.
Lessons from the Joseph narrative:
Notice Joseph’s very Grounded approach to sexual temptation.
Notice Joseph’s plan to Flee the advances of Potipher’s wife.
#2 – King David – 2 Samuel 11 and 12
I really love the example of David in so many different ways. I love his courage to fight Goliath; I
love his compassion toward Saul even as Saul attempted to kill him again and again. I love his
heart – he was a man after God’s own heart. But late in life, David became complacent. And this
complacency led to his downfall.
In 2 Samuel 11, we read that in the spring, when the kings go out to war, David stayed in Jerusalem
and instead sent Joab into battle. This in itself may not seem like a huge deal, but the narrative
continues with David walking on his roof at night – probably bored – and the next thing you know
he sees a beautiful woman bathing. Before long, this woman – Bathsheba – has been summoned to
the palace and David ends up committing adultery with this married woman. What makes it
worse is that her husband is out fighting in the war.
Before long, David finds out that as a result of this encounter, Bathsheba is pregnant and David
turns to deception to try and save himself. Twice David tries to lure Bathsheba’s husband Uriah
home from battle – so he will sleep w/ his wife and David’s adultery can be covered up. But Uriah
is a stand up guy and he decides to sleep outside on his front porch instead of sleeping with his
wife.
Finally, as if adultery and deception were not enough, David commands Joab to put Uriah at the
very front of the battle – where is sure to die. And, as if the plan were perfect, Uriah is killed in
battle.
Lessons from the David narrative:
Notice the role Complacency played in the life of the man after God’s own heart.
So there you have it – the man who was after God’s own heart, because of his complacency,
becomes an adulterer, a deceiver and a murderer.
Notice the devastation Sexual Sin caused in the life of Israel’s king.
What a contrast from 2 Samuel 7 and the unconditional covenant promise to 2 Samuel 12
and the complete devastation David faces.
Notice the long-lasting Consequences David faced because of his decision to
commit adultery.
The consequences of David’s sin will literally haunt him for the rest of his life. Reading
through chapter 12 of 2 Samuel, we see that David’s child that was conceived in sin dies.
We also learn that the sword will never depart from David’s life and he watches in horror
as three of his sons die violent deaths over the years to come. Adultery causes great harm
and suffering – not just to David – but it touches so many other people as well.
Jesus and the topic of sexual integrity:
#1 – Matthew 5:27-30
27"You
have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'[e] 28But I tell you that anyone
who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your
right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part
of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes
you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than
for your whole body to go into hell.
Lessons from Jesus about commandment #7:
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Jesus upholds commandment # 7 – adultery is wrong and is prohibited.
o Jesus says DON’T DO IT – IT IS WRONG!
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Jesus accelerates commandment #7 – no window shopping allowed!
o Some have said, “I like to look at the ladies from time to time.” And Jesus says
if you “LUST” in your heart, it is the same thing as committing adultery.
- Jesus has a plan for those struggling with this temptation – get away
from it no matter what!
o You cannot literally cut off your hand or poke out your eye, but you are called
to get away from the temptation.
o Maybe that means eating lunch with a different group of people, or being
careful who you spend time with.
#2 – John 8:1-11
But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts,
where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of
the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand
before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.
5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were
using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on
questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him
be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9At
this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was
left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman,
where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11"No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I
condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
Lessons from Jesus and his encounter w/ this woman caught in adultery:
- All have sinned and fall short of God’s glory
o Jesus reminds his legalistic audience the truth we know as Romans 3:23 – all
have sinned and fall far short of God’s glory.
- Grace is greater than the Law
o Grace wins; Grace triumphs – the stones are put down, and the pompous and
proud retreat.
o I love the words of the hymn – Grace:
 “Grace, Grace – God’s Grace, Grace that will pardon and cleanse
within! Grace, Grace – God’s Grace, Grace that is greater than all our
sin!”
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Grace doesn’t excuse sinful behavior (“leave this life of sin”)
o What did Jesus say? Get back to your adulterous lover and
Five challenges for Christians in 2010 related to Marriage and Sex:
1. Admit and Confess your Sexual fallenness.
The first commitment is confession. I must acknowledge and confess my fallenness as it relates to
my sexuality.
In our Matthew 5 text, Jesus is not saying that it's wrong to find someone attractive. That's part of
being a human being. The word used that translates "to lust" is the word epithumeo, which means
mishandled or misdirected sexual desire, fantasy, or intent, even if you've never committed
adultery.
Imagine how offended the religious leaders are when Jesus tells them they have problems with
sexual righteousness. It's as if Jesus were to come here and say, "Anybody who lusted this week,
who engaged in any behavior or thought that was sexually inappropriate, will die in ten seconds."
I'd be speaking to an empty auditorium.
Jesus is not saying, "If you've done adultery in your heart, you might as well go ahead and do it
physically because one is just as bad as the other." He's not saying one is as bad as the other.
Physical adultery includes everything that's wrong with lusting in the heart plus more: deceit,
betrayal, the breaking of a promise, damage to family, deeper hurt to a spouse. Ask anybody who
has been hurt by it.
Jesus' point is, if you think you're sexually perfect and need no repentance because you have
avoided committing physical adultery, think again. It runs deeper.
2. Embrace the reality that Sex is one of God’s greatest gifts.
I must accept and be grateful that God made me a sexual though I have problems handling it. I
must not despise what God has done.
In Matthew 19:4 Jesus says, "Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning
'made them male and female. "God made human beings as male and female. God made sex up. It
was not some great mistake God made when he ran out of good ideas. When Eve was brought to
Adam, Adam's response was not, "I'll bet she's got a wonderful personality." Remember what
Adam said? "This now is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Yea, God!"
When people don't understand this, tragic things happen. If you followed the story of the Heaven's
Gate cult, you know that the leader and several members had themselves castrated. They were
following this same distorted principle. If I mutilate my body, I won't be capable of sinning. They
despised God's gift, their bodies.
I need to be grateful for God's gift.
3. Commit to Sexual Purity before your Marriage, during your Marriage, and in
some cases, after your marriage.
I would challenge you this morning if you are not in a marriage relationship, do not begin or do
not continue to be sexually active.
I would challenge you this morning if you are in a marriage relationship, to practice sexual purity.
I would challenge you this morning if you were in a marriage relationship but are no longer – for
whatever reason, to have sexual integrity in your life.
4. Fulfill the marital sexual relationship.
We need to maximize our marriages by serving and loving our spouses in every aspect of our
relationship, including our physical relationships.
Paul puts this strongly in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5: "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his
wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but
also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but
also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that
you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt
you because of your lack of self-control."
Sexual fulfillment within marriage, which God designed, is so important to God that he calls it a
duty. That is the word Paul uses. Paul says you need to think about yourself as a servant, to the
extent that you think about your body as belonging to the person to whom you're married. What is
, especially in that day, is that he says not only is it true that a wife's body needs to belong to her
husband, but a husband's body needs to belong to his wife. Unthinkable in those days.
Illustration of Ed Young Jr.’s Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Texas and his assignment for his
church back in November 2008:
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If you are married – have sex every day for a week.
Make a commitment to maximize your marriage. Talk about your physical relationship with your
spouse. Often, there may be subtle differences in sexuality between husbands and wives.
5. Start talking and learning about Sex – even if it is uncomfortable or outside
your comfort zone.
We need Christian parents to talk to their children about their sexuality and about God's plan for
them.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 was given to members of all households in the Old Testament. "These
commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your
children." The commandments referred to here are primarily the Ten Commandments, which
includes the one about sexuality that Jesus talks about: adultery and coveting somebody else's
spouse. God designed the primary place for sexual education to happen in the family.
This doesn't mean you have one talk about the facts of life and get it over with. This involves an
ongoing conversation about children's bodies, physical changes they're going through, dating,
marriage, how they feel about people of the other gender, responding to questions.
There are good books written from a Christian perspective, that are targeted at kids at appropriate
ages for appropriate kinds of issues and appropriate places developmentally about their bodies
and how reproduction works. If these conversations don't happen naturally or spontaneously for
you, I'd encourage you to go to the bookstore. Read through them with your kids, or have them
read and then talk about them afterward.
GT’s plea: Don’t buy the lie of NO CONSEQUENCE Sex outside the marriage
relationship!
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Don’t buy the lie of our culture that No Consequence Sex is available for the taking
outside the covenant of marriage. It is a lie – and it is a lie that leads to devastating
consequences.
Bottom Line: 1 Thessalonians 4:3 – “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you
should avoid sexual immorality.”