Response to AH
Community by Design
Chapters 2 and 5
Chapter 2
1. p. 1 I do not want to say “characterize”—I want to say that green space enhances
the Boston area. Reinstate “enhances,” and “that characterize it.”
2. P. 1 That is precisely my intention, and without the word “gently” the whole
meaning and force is removed. It was NOT seismic in a highly visible sense at
all; that would be a mischaracterization, which is the way it sounds without
“gently.” It was gentle but completely transforming. The phrase is exactly what I
intended and what must be there to convey what I wish to. Reinstate the word.
3. P. 1. The latter part of the last full paragraph has to refer to Brookline
specifically. I did not make that clear, and hope the way I have revised it does.
4. P. 2 Sometimes when a word is substituted it actually changes my meaning.
Reinstate “force” for “principle.” It was one of his guiding influences.
5. P. 2 Substitute “conviction regarding” for “belief in.”
6. P. 3 By chopping up the McLaughlin’s quotation there has been created the false
impression that those are my words. Reinstate the original quotation.
7. P. 3 Use “set” rather than “went” to sea.
8. P. 3 bottom Space inserted between “Olmsted’s” and “apprenticeship” where it
was missing.
9. P. 3 I do not like the word “problems.” Reinstate “difficulties.”
10. P.3 “gentleman farmer” is a very different thing, implying not taking farming as
seriously as these gentlemen did. Does not fit where you have inserted it. I have
removed “gentleman farmer” form the sentence below as well, changing it to
“agriculturist,” just to be certain.
11. P. 4 Substitute “being” for the inclusion of a new sentence.
12. P. 4 Reinstate the original quotation from Schuyler. You have removed
quotation marks from his quotation which is plagiarism, and the inversion of the
text is unnecessary and does not faithfully record Schuyler’s words.
13. P. 6 “throughout” makes it sound as if he traveled much more extensively than he
did. Reinstate “through.”
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Chapter 2 (cont.)
14. P. 6 Use “records” not “notes.” Record indicates a journal—this was from the
book he later wrote.
15. P. 6 Use “approach to landscape creation” not “aesthetic”
16. P. 6 Use “However” rather than “But.”
17. P. 6 I added close quotation mark after “art of man…”
18. P. 6 “Told” implies he spoke the words to Downing. He wrote them. Use
“wrote.”
19. P. 6 bottom I wrote “the” rather than “that” as in “that he had experienced…”
20. P. 7 It is important to record that Olmsted thought of seeing a landscape on foot
was to be “seeing the country of course to great advantage.” That is not
extraneous. Reinstate.
21. P. 7 Use “gratified” to observe, not “glad” if not using his word.
22. P. 7 Use “bent” on England, not “turned.”
23. P. 7 Use “writes” not “remarks” for Roper. I do not want her to be remarking.
24. P. 7 Olmsted had more than one epiphany. I am not referring to one.
25. P. 7 I am entirely unwilling to be referring to the lower classes in England as
“peasants.” If it is not to be in quotations, then it must read
“underprivileged classes.”
26. P. 7 bottom “, and he” for the two sentences.
27. P. 8 Use “on the alert” rather than “took notice.” I do not like it.
28. P. 8 Reinsert “Ambition to have his say…” I want it in there.
29. P. 8 leave Roper’s own words in there.
30. P.9 Use “beginning” rather than “start.”
31. P. 10 I replaced the second “Olmsted” with “He.” Does that work in relation to
the presence of his father in the preceding sentence?
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Chapter 2 (cont.)
32. P. 10 Olmsted went to the CT inn in 1857, not 1856.
33. P. 11 bottom I want the observation about his executive skills to come directly
from Van Rensselaer in the text, not as if from me. Reinstate “ according to Van
Rensselaer.”
34. P. 11 I agree with separating out the marriage into its own paragraph.
35. P. 12 Reinstate “manner” for “way.”
36. P. 12 I want the sentence in there that depicts the situation he found, and the
helplessness of the newly-formed commission. Reinstate the sentence.
37. P. 12 Delete your restatement of it.
38. P. 13 Wording correct for H W Bellows.
39. P. 13 Leave the sentence about Olmsted hesitating as I wrote it.
40. P. 13 bottom Use “exploiting” not “that used” native plants.
41. P. 14 Yellowstone has nothing to do with this discussion. See what I wrote in for
your query to improve its clarity.
42. P. 14 Reinstate Roper’s full quotation. Too awkward the way it is reconstructed,
and I want her voice heard in full at this juncture.
43. P. 14 Replace your suggestion with “they” collaborate.
44. P. 14 The deletion of “Beauty…” etc. takes away from the important element of
Beauty in the configuration and the importance of Ruskinian philosophy.
Reinstate the quotation.
45. P. 14 I am happy for “of” and a month to be in there. Joel Ray removed all of
them.
46. P. 15 McLaughlin, in writing, is still calling it the “rocky spine of Manhattan
Island” and will perpetually, as you have changed it for Zaitzevsky on P. 22. It
should be in the present tense.
47. P. 15 The reference noted to Laurie Olin needs to be left in, leaving out the
phrase “modern day.” Reinstate quotation in full. I do not want that in the
endnotes. Also add “Witold” to Rybczynski here.
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Chapter 2 (cont)
48. P. 15 “Tenure” is neither the proper word nor the one I intended to use. Reinstate
“association.”
49. P, 15 Return the sentence to the tense it was in and add the bits I’ve added.
50. P. 15 Replace “specialty” with “practice.”
51. P. 15 The formation of the firm of is mentioned at the top of page 15 —it was
the firm that was hired, and I added at that spot that it was named Olmsted, Vaux
& Company to clarify the point. Reinstate “the firm was...”
52. P. 16 It cannot be called “Olmsted’s firm” because of the partners who were there
as well. It is the Olmsted firm.
53. P. 16 The Chicago work mentioned earlier was for a community, NOT a park.
It must be kept. Reinstate sentence saying so.
54. P. 16 I deleted “with” because it was not a particular meeting, but the fact that
they met that was important.
55. P. 16 I changed “year” to “time”—too many “years” in a row.
56. P. 17 Why does the fact that Godkin is Irish-born have to be included? It feels
extraneous in the text, although fitting as an extra bit of information in notes. It
should go back in the note.
57. P. 18 The project of the Boston parks cannot be characterized as new. Actually
he first was up looking at the situation significantly earlier (see endnote #1).
58. *NB*: P.18 The quotation from Baxter and the paraphrasing have gotten
confused so that the paraphrase is actually using Baxter’s language, and therefore
really an inadvertent form of plagiarizing. Reinstate his quotation.
59. *NB*: P. 18 Once again, Zaizevsky’s words are being used without quotation
marks—see above. I am exceedingly sensitive to NOT taking anyone else’s
words, and do not want that risked ever in my work. Reinstate her quotation.
Both of these quotations impart important information in any case.
60. P. 19 I prefer “fresh” to “just” back. Reinstate.
61. P 19 I do not want the sentence beginning “In 1879…” divided in two—uses
“his” twice awkwardly.
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Chapter 2 (cont.)
62. P. 19 I don’t know mechanically how to insert that footnote about the civilized
community, so here is the citation:
Interview with Frederick Law Olmsted Jr., n.d. Quoted by Laura Wood Roper in
FLO: A Biography of Frederick Law Olmsted, 383.
63. P. 20 The internal quotation marks are from the article in the Chronicle, therefore
do they need to remain?
64. P. 20 Olmsted’s position was formally titled “Landscape Advisor.” Does that
mean it should be capitalized?
65. P. 20 Use “establish himself” not “live.”
66. P. 21 “persuade” is fine.
67. P. 20 Can’t use “persuade” twice so close with one another. Use “convince.”
68. P. 21 Add “unmarried” so explain why the sisters were willing to give up the
“ancestral home.”
69. P. 21 “be designed by” does not fit in that sentence. I have changed it to
“proposed building” and added “to” which I expect was what was being proposed.
70. P. 21 I don’t know that it was proposed to be designed by John Charles Olmsted,
so cannot state that.
71. P. 22 Once again I have purposely used the juxtaposition of organization and riot.
Reinstate.
72. P. 22 endnote #81 does not repeat information already given. These were two
huge projects that must be mentioned at least in passing.
73. P.22 “coincidently” does not convey what I wish to express. Use “inadvertently”
as a substitute for “unintentionally,” although I prefer “unintentionally.”
74. P. 23 Yes, for commissioners.’
75. P. 24 “laying” is correct.
76. P. 24 Baxter did not say that “above all” they were fortunate to have FLO. That
is an exaggeration that cannot be made.
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Chapter 2 (cont.)
1. P. 24 I deleted an extra “x” that got into “observer.”
2.
Endnotes
3. P. 25 Endnote #2 Use “College” with “Yale.”
4. P. 26 Endnote #8 Use “improbable” rather than “unlikely.” I have changed the
sentence to make the word fit better.
5. P. 27 Endnote #13 Page numbers are 348-349.
6. P. 29 Endnote #33. The article encompasses the entire bulletin, hence no page
numbers.
7.
P. 30 Endnote #49 It is the correct source.
8. P. 30 Endnote #53 It is the correct source.
9. P. 21 Endnote #72 should be deleted. The next endnote deals with the quotation.
10. P. 21 Endnote #74 Eliot and Codman were not “staff,” they were partners.
Leave it as “added to the firm” so that I do not have to go into when and how that
happened.
11. P. 33 Endnote #75 NO I know nothing of Gwendolyn Wright. It is Peter B.
Wight. Keith moved information about Olmsted/Richardson from my chapter to
one of his, hence the confusion. [please note: I think I put an errant “r” in his
name initially, also in Endnote #2 in Chapter 5.]
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Chapter 5
1. P. 1 Use “prominence” not “preeminence.” Sounds too imperial.
2. Use. “stature” not “standing.”
3. P. 2 Do you think that endnotes #3 & #4 should be combined, with the Karr
citation for note #4 coming first, followed by: See Karr for a thorough
disscussion…”?
4. P. 2 Use “regard to” rather than “in the case of.” It would actually have to be “in
the cases of” (as they are separate people) which sounds awkward.
5. P. 3 Use “provide” rather than “give”.
6. P. 4 quotation mark required before “and Colonel Perkins…”
7. P. 4 Do you think that the two sentences attributable to Thornton might be
combined into one for Endnotes #13 and #14? Or would that dilute the
attributions?
8. P. 5 NO, that is not Thomas’s estate but James’s estate. I believe the grammar
and word placement are clear on that, but I have added “[James]” so there is no
confusion possible.
9. P. 5 Adding “[now Jamaica Pond]” breaks up the flow of the quotation without
sufficient need to warrant the interruption. That fact should go back in the note.
10. P. 5 et al These quotations are too important (especially by the likes of Andrew
Jackson Downing) to shave. If I thought they even hinted at excess I would not
have put them in, nor would they have survived the first reading by my coauthors.
Quotations from contemporary writers are gold, and it is important part of the
mandate of this work to gather them and cite them, as well as those of later
observers.
11. P. 7 I substituted “flora” for plants because the word appears twice in one
paragraph.
12. P. 8 I removed Amy Lowell’s dates from the endnote, then put it back in. Within
the people being listed it is much more logical to have them there—an unusual
circumstance, and to leave it out of the text would be inconsistent with the rest of
the chapter.
13. P. 8 Use “And, he goes on” rather than “He recalls.”
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14. P. 11 Yes, it should say “glimpses.”
15. P. 11 The alliteration will have to stay. Not only is it early, but “suburban
streetcar” isn’t that much less alliterative.
16. P. 12 If you think the chapter requires spaces they are fine with me.
17. P. 12 I deleted the second “he” in the sentence you changed so it would not have
a dangling modifier.
18. P. 12 I’m going to use “Scandinavian” because the other bit, which I was copying
from other sources, sounds rather stupid, don’t you think?
19. P. 16 Here, I do not understand your question. Spongberg wrote “foremost” and
Asa Gray was without question one of the foremost, if not “the foremost” botanist
in the country at that time.
20. P. 16 Okay on move from notes to text from Whitehill.
21. P. 17 The first reference to Harvard as a university was in 1780.
22. P. 17 I prefer “austere” to “reserved.” It better characterizes his cold exterior.
23. P. 18 Should the punctuation mark after “Robbins elaborates” be a colon?
24. P. 18 Olmsted did NOT die in 1927—Sargent did. Olmsted died in 1903. I
believe the sentence structure is correct, but please confirm that.
25. P. 19 Use “worthiness” of the proposal. I do not like “rightness.”
Chapter 5 (cont.)
26. P. 21 Use “he wrote in 1875” not “decided.” We do not know when he decided.
27. P. 22 “she contended” not “she asserts.” It should be in the past tense as above it
is “she wrote.”
28. P. 23 The full quotation about beauty must be there because it shows firsthand
how he purposely planned to manipulate the visitor’s experience in the
Arboretum.
29. P. 23 Zaitzevsky “arrives at” the conclusion, not “asserts.” Too aggressive.
30. P. 23 Got rid of “very.” It’s “very” weak! Substituted “highly.”
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31. P. 24 “He advised her to adopt” not “indoctrinated” which has unpleasant
overtones.
32. P. 25 herbarium specimens are not “acquired.” They are produced by hand.,
hence “created.”
33. P. 26 Use “protected” rather than “preserved.”
34. P. 26 Use “to the creation of” there.
35. P. 26 Use “expanded” if the sentence is to be changed, not “branched out.”
36. P. 26 Removed “all over the world.”
37. P. 27 First sentence reconfigured. I do not want to short sentences there.
38. P. 27 “His daughter” not “As his daughter.”
39. P. 27 Have to have “also” in there because he was not always called “Chinese
Wilson.”
40. P. 27 Use “but also made sure,” with no additional “he.”
41. P. 28 No “and”—simply “ultimately introducing…” Added “and” awkward.
42. P. 29 Yes, “English-born.”
43. P. 29 Use “notwithstanding” not “regardless of.”
44. P. 30 I substituted a semi-colon for the “and” because I do not want too many
“ands” in one sentence.
45. P.31 If you are changing it to “the city” then the sentence must read “its” offer,
not repeating “the.”
Chapter 5 (cont.)
46. P. 32. Yes, “built-up” is hyphenated.
47. P. 32 NB: the page number for endnote #119 should be 86.
the endnote as well.
I will put that in
48. P.32—onward to p. 35. I do not in any form accept your rewriting of my
description of the Muddy River work. Reinstate the original form in total.
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49. P.38 The sentence about increased land values and tax bases cannot be left out.
Reinstate.
50. P. 38 moving new station information to notes is fine.
51. P.38 widening of Beacon Street in process, not executed.
52. P. 38 Use “placing” rather than “putting.”
53. P.39 Reinstate the excised part of the quotation. The work being done
economically refers to it being done within two years.
54. P. 39 “Scenic naturalism” is not a phrase I would ever use.
55. P.39 Changing of the David Sears portion is better the way you phrased it.
56. P. 39 “reported the commissioners” is fine.
57. P.40 I do not want “is able to” in that sentence. Reinstate “discusses.”
58. P.41 Use “the senior Olmsted” rather than spelling out his name entirely again.
Olmsted Jr. wasn’t around professionally then anyway.
59. P.41 I do not like the word “finished” in that place. Reinstate “completed.”
60. P.44 I changed “abounded” to “proliferated” because I use “abounded” again
right below.
61. P. 45 Should it read “the veneration” rather than “veneration?”
62. P. 45 “Planted” not “had planted.” I prefer to avoid the passive tense as much as
possible.
63. P.45 Reinstate “of.” Reads quite awkwardly without it.
Chapter 5 (cont.)
64. P. 45 Okay for the removal of the passage about the farming to the place thought
more relevant.
65. P.46 “Parents’ estate.” See next sentence.
66. P.48 Structure the sentence including Hay and Lowell as I have done or else it
give a very odd impression of who said what.
67. P.48 Use “numerous” rather than “many.” “Many” weak.
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68. P.49 “His” not “And his.”
69. P. 49 “to be disseminated” not “to become dispersed.” Would it then be “to” the
far-reaching public?
70. P. 50 There is an error here. The dedication reads “Stands Nearest to” not “is
closest to.”
Endnotes
71. P. 50 Endnote #2 Peter B. Wight, not Wright.
72. P. 51 Endnote #15 Manning History is 1880.
73. P. 52 Endnote #26 Date for Hunt is 1917.
74. P. 54 Endnote #31 Harley Farnsworth MacNair, ed. is correct.
75. P. 54 Endnote #45 No source for the word necessary.
76. P. 55 Endnote #49 C. M. Hovey is the name.
77. P. 56 Endnote #57 “Seeing” is correct.
78. P. 57 Endnote #67 Use “reference” do not use “remark.”
79. P. 57 Endnote #73 Arnold Arboretum Archives.
80. P. 58 Endnote #83 Correct source.
81. P.58 Endnote #87 In fact, Farrand wrote her own obituary before she died. She is
the author. Reinstate.
82. Pp. 58-59 Endnote #88 Added citations.
83. P. 59 Endnote #91. Yes.
84. P. 61 Endnote # 110 See rephrasing of Parkman sentence.
Chapter 5 (cont.)
85. P. 62 Endnote #147 Yes, correct source.
86. P. 65 Endnote #149 Yes, correct source.
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87. P.66 Endnote #164 Yes, correct source.
88. P. 66 Endnote #165 Yes, correct source.
89. P. 66 Endnote #169 MIT Endicott House.
90. P. 67 Endnote #178 Remove “quoting Harvard president A. Lawrence Lowell.” I
prefer it in the text. See #57.
91. P. 67 Endnote #179 Charles A. Birnbaum and Robin Karson, eds.
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