Dear Student,
This document contains an example of a 5-paragraph-essay. This essay was written by a 15 year
old teenager for her English class. The topic she was asked to write about was:
How are Native American mascots used and portrayed in team sports
at high schools.
She received one article to read about this topic and she had one week to complete the essay.
Below you will find the essay. Please read through it.
Once you have completed reading the essay, you can continue reading the analysis of the essay.
The analysis of the essay is followed by a ‘check-list’ of aspects that she included in the essay
and what she avoided.
I sincerely hope that this essay and the analysis will help you gain a good understanding what a
5-paragraph-essay entails.
Fighting Prides
By Cheryl Brown
Grade 9
English Language Arts
Imagine going to a football or basketball game at your High School and seeing your family
traditions being ridiculed with loud and negative cheers and even disgraceful gestures in front of
thousands in the stadium. How would you respond? Infuriated, disgusted, or terrified? Large portions of
the Native American community are overwhelmed by a flurry of perplexed emotions when schools use
their tribe name as a school mascot, because they are often portrayed incorrectly and offensively.
Schools don’t understand the extent of history and culture that the Native Americans have kept sacred
for thousands of years and now foolishly believe that they are actually honoring them by making their
tribe the school mascot.
Mascots are a true icon of school pride and have been around ever since 1Yale began the
tradition in 1889. They are chosen for their courage, confidence, and gallantry. The most common
mascots are those referring to animals, such as panthers, which show aggression to intimidate the
opposing team. The Indianapolis football team mascot, a turbulent Colt, was chosen because of its
intoxicating energy. In view of this, the representation of animals as mascots is analogous to how Native
American mascots are typified. Many schools chose Native American tribes as their mascots, such as the
Kansas City Chiefs, Washington Redskins and North Dakota Fighting Sioux. Native American activists
counter argue this point because they believe that these particular examples standardize the rich
traditions belonging to Native Americans.
Ironically, a majority of the Native Americans seem to take no offence to the mascots. Native Americans
state that they are proud of their American name of “Sioux” and “Redskin” and hope that the schools
keep the names.2 Eunice Davidson, 57, from North Dakota, who is proud of the name “Fighting Sioux”,
applauded, “I am full-blood, and I grew up on this reservation. I have to tell you, I am very, very honored
that they would use the name.” Native Americans feel honored because they now view themselves as
an integral part of the multicultural American society. They feel recognized and accepted, rather than
feeling alienated from their home-country. This point however, casually overshadows the fact that some
of the names American schools give the football teams are incredibly offensive. Obviously, the mascot
names such as “Chiefs” and “Warriors” are not offensive, but names such as “Redskins” and “Savages”
are. The offensive names generate a false perception of what a true Native American represents,
because they have negative historical connotations embedded within them. Therefore, football and
1
2
Information used from http://www.yalebulldogs.com
Quote used from The New York Times http://teacher.scholastic.com/scholasticnews
basketball teams need to be more culturally sensitive when designing mascots to avoid stereotyping the
Native Americans. Conducive to this fact, Native American activists argue that oftentimes the type of
clothing worn by the team mascot, before and during the game, is not an authentic representation of
the Native American’s traditional clothing. For example, the Redskins mascot can be viewed as
“improper” and “a disgrace” because of its over simplification, which makes it seem as though the
character has just stepped out of a comic strip. Heritages are important to every society, and should not
be ridiculed by false representation. 3
This is a prominent example of the
stereotypical mascot, the Redskins.
In many cases, therefore it becomes clear that several sports teams are designing mascots
based on an uneducated understanding of the Native American culture. A website called 4
“Understanding Prejudice” states the following: “Many U.S teachers discuss Native American history and
culture, especially at Thanksgiving time. Unfortunately, the portrayal of Native Americans is often
stereotypical, inaccurate, or outdated.” This means that our education system is built on biased
assumptions of what it means to be Native American. To extend the notion of prejudice further, the
blockbuster movie ‘Pocahontas’ offers an excellent example. The website5 ‘Disneyandmovie.pbworks’
discusses the following point: “According to Chief Roy Crazy Horse (my insert: the name Chief Roy Crazy
3
4
Image used from the website http://images.sodahead.com/polls/000740099/polls_redskins_mascot
Information for this quote was found at the website http://www.understandingprejudice.org
5
Information for this quote was found at the website http://disneyandmovies.pbworks.com
Horse is offensive), Pocahontas is known because she became the “good Indian” for Euro-Americans,
the one who saved the life of a White man. Thus, a prominent theme in the movie is that of the
good/bad Indian. With this stereotypical portrayal, children learn that “Indians” are bad people but
some are exception to that rule, like Pocahontas”. In both instances, Native Americans are subjected to
racist ridicule. School mascots fall into the same category as the two examples provided because they
are designed on naivety and racism.
The rift between honor and ridicule for Native Americans is a great one and presents a whole
host differentiating viewpoints. Numerous Native Americans see a school mascot that represents the
fundamental principles of their tribe as a tribute to who they are as a people. On the contrary, many
Native American mascot names and visual representations erroneously portray Native American culture,
making them appear primitive and violent, rather than the proud and modest people that they are. The
belittling of cultures into basic stereotypes must be curbed at all costs and we should take pride in our
Native American culture by understanding its entrenched roots in our history, rather than mock it by the
over simplification of offensive mascots.
Now that you have read through the essay, read the analysis that follows.
This analysis has been discussed through the use of the template that you will be
using for your FEED essay. I have discussed each section in more detail to
illustrate what the writer does, how the writing elements function in the essay and
how the reader responds.
The Five Paragraph Essay
A five paragraph essay consists of an introduction, three body paragraphs and a
conclusion.
Introduction
Hook (Get the reader’s attention):
Imagine going to a football or basketball game at your High School and seeing your family
traditions being ridiculed with loud and negative cheers and even disgraceful gestures in front of
thousands in the stadium.
Comments: The first line introduces the topic she is going to write about without using the exact wording
of the actual topic. She sets the scene for the reader by using the word: imagine. She uses clear and precise
adjectives (negative cheers, disgraceful gestures) to tell the reader what it may feel like to be ridiculed. This line
conveys a strong tone that the writer is passionate about the topic because she is not afraid to use powerful
language.
Background (Book Title and Author’s name, and lead into your claim with some
explanation/context)
How would you respond? Infuriated, disgusted, or terrified?
Comments: In this case the writer has asked a question to lead the reader to her thesis statement. In the
FEED essays, this would be an excellent place to introduce the author of FEED and end off with a question that leads
to your thesis statement.
Thesis/Theme/Claim (What is the overall theme that you are looking at in the novel and in what
ways?)
Large portions of the Native American community are overwhelmed by a flurry of perplexed emotions
when schools use their tribe name as a school mascot, because they are often portrayed incorrectly and
offensively.
Comments:
1. The thesis introduces the topic of the essay: the incorrect and offensive portrayal of their tribes at
schools when they are used as mascots.
2. The thesis helps to organize thoughts and arguments: the reader knows that the writer will be writing
about the ‘perplexed emotions’ of a ‘large portion of native Americans’ and why this is a point of
concern.
3. The thesis statement takes a stand: She is very confident in saying that the portrayal of Native
Americans as mascots is offensive and incorrect. This is HER standpoint!
Preview the 3 body paragraphs – highlight the 3 main points you will be using to support your
claim.
Schools don’t understand the extent of history and culture that the Native Americans have kept sacred
for thousands of years and now foolishly believe that they are actually honoring them by making their
tribe the school mascot.
Comments: Her final sentence supports her thesis statement by setting the mood and tone of the essay.
Notice her strong and confident word choice: ‘don’t understand’, ‘foolishly believe’, ‘actually honoring’, ‘making
their’. These words are not rude at all. Rather, they reveal confidence and the reader feels satisfied that he/she will
not be wasting his/her time reading this essay. The reader actually wants to continue reading because he/she
wants to know more about WHY the writer has such a strong point-of-view.
Here is a preview of the 3 paragraphs she will be writing about: (these will not appear in this exact order in
her essay and that is okay.)
1.
2.
3.
Schools and education,
Native Americans who wish to keep their culture sacred,
Many schools believe that there is no problem is using Native American mascots.
Body:
Paragraph 1:
Support claim (What is the first main point you are using to support your overall claim?)
Mascots are a true icon of school pride …
Comments: Based on this very short and powerful partial sentence, the writer is foreshadowing what this
paragraph will be about. She has decided to begin her essay by viewing the opposing point of view other than her
own. At the same time, she admits that mascots are an icon of school pride, a fact that cannot be denied. By doing
this, the writer is keeping those readers involved in her essay who might have been against her point of view in the
first place. This sentence tells ALL readers that she is willing to look on both sides of the coin.
Data (How are you proving your point? Use data that supports your claim including page
number and correct citation.)
and have been around ever since 6Yale began the tradition in 1889. They are chosen for their courage,
confidence, and gallantry. The most common mascots are those referring to animals, such as panthers,
which show aggression to intimidate the opposing team.
Comments: Her opening line is supported by clear evidence and it has been cited correctly. She also
explains why this mascot was chosen which is: courage, confidence and gallantry. This is actually very smart of her,
because this is the exact reason why Native American mascots are chosen to represent sports teams. She is, in
actual fact, setting the reader up for her ‘slam-dunk’ point of view which will emerge at the end of the paragraph.
The fact that she wrote about ‘intimidation of the opposing team’, shows that she has a good understanding of the
function of a mascot.
Warrant (This is the analysis of the evidence. How does this prove your claim? Connect quote to
your claim.)
The Indianapolis football team mascot, a turbulent Colt, was chosen because of its intoxicating energy.
Comments: The writer wraps up the claim she has made by adding specific examples of teams who use
animals as their mascots. Notice how she repeats the three crucial words, ‘courage, confidence and gallantry’ into
two really strong words: ‘intoxicating energy’! By doing this the reader is very impressed with her vocabulary use
which convinces him/her even more to believe her point of view.
Transition (How are you smoothly moving from one example to another? Remember to use
transition words appropriately when necessary.)
In view of this, the representation of animals as mascots is analogous to how Native American mascots
are typified.
Comments: ‘In view of this’ is a clear indicator that the discussion is going to change. The writer is going to
introduce an opposing point-of-view. The next part of the sentence summarizes the two comparisons she is writing
about: Animal mascots compared to Native American mascots. The use of the word ‘analogous’ is a GREAT word to
use as a transition word. The powerful word: typified is just as strong as her word choice throughout the essay
already and it alludes strongly to how she feels about the issue at hand.
Data #2 (How are you proving your point? Use data that supports your claim including page
number and correct citation.)
Many schools chose Native American tribes as their mascots, such as the Kansas City Chiefs, Washington
Redskins and North Dakota Fighting Sioux.
Comments: The evidence is very clear. These teams are famous for their mascots. No more needs to be
said here. It is a ‘slam-dunk’ sentence that is strong and to the point.
Warrant (This is the analysis of the evidence. How does this prove your claim? Connect quote to
your claim.)
These sports teams chose these specific mascots because they epitomize bravery, confidence and strong
perseverance.
Comments: Notice how perfectly aligned the words ‘bravery, confidence, strong perseverance’ is to
‘courage , confidence, gallantry’. At this point she has successfully proven that Animal Mascots are directly parallel
to Native American Mascots. She can write with confidence because the data backs up her claims.
Connection/Transition (Connect this main point back to your overall claim and transition to
your next main point.)
Native American activists counter argue this point because they believe that these particular
examples standardize the rich traditions belonging to Native Americans.
Comments: The transition word used in this sentence is: counter argue. Notice how she pulls this
entire paragraph together by relating it back to the thesis statement. Look at the table below and see the direct
parallels. “ … portions of Native Americans’ has the same meaning as ‘Native American Activists’ because they DO
represent a portion of the Native American population.
1.
2.
3.
Thesis statement
‘… portions of Native Americans’
‘Flurry of perplexed emotions’
‘Portrayed incorrectly and offensively’
1.
2.
3.
Closing line of paragraph one
‘Native American Activists’
‘Counter argue’
‘Standardize the rich traditions’
Paragraph 2:
Support claim (What is the first main point you are using to support your overall claim?)
Ironically, a majority of the Native Americans seem to take no offence to the mascots.
Comments: First of all, notice how well the word ‘ironically’ works as a transition. It contributes effectively
to the tone of her entire essay thus far. This word connects perfectly with the word ‘foolishly’ and serves the
purpose of keeping the subtle sarcastic, yet serious, tone of the essay. With this line the writer is letting the reader
know that the discussion will now view the other side of the topic.
Data (How are you proving your point? Use data that supports your claim including page
number and correct citation.)
Native Americans state that they are proud of their American name of “Sioux” and “Redskin” and hope
that the schools keep the names.7 Eunice Davidson, 57, from North Dakota, who is proud of the name
“Fighting Sioux”, applauded, “I am full-blood, and I grew up on this reservation. I have to tell you, I am
very, very honored that they would use the name.”
Comments: Before introducing her data, Eunice Davidson, the writer creates a lead-in sentence which
helps the reader understand why the quote that he/she is about to read is important to the topic of discussion. The
fact that the quote has been cited allows the quote to receive full credit and is interpreted as valuable and
important evidence. When Eunice Davidson is introduced, notice how effectively this is done. Within the
introduction, the reader learns about his age (57) which allows for the inference that this is an elderly Native
American and also where he comes from. These two pieces of information allow the reader to be placed into
context that Eunice Davidson is a real person and therefore his quote is important and valid. The word ‘applauded’
is very effective because it offers an indication to the reader how to read the quote, which is with enthusiasm. He
did not just say it, he applauded it! Notice too how the writer used the word proud and NOT honored in her lead on
sentence. Proud and honored are synonymous but the fact that she did not use the same words as Eunice shows
that she has a rich vocabulary and a good understanding of the subtleness in language and words.
Warrant (This is the analysis of the evidence. How does this prove your claim? Connect quote to
your claim.)
Native Americans feel honored because they now view themselves as an integral part of the
multicultural American society. They feel recognized and accepted, rather than feeling alienated from
their home-country.
Comments: The writer tactfully summarizes the words and emotions of Eunice Davidson in the first line.
She also gives a reason why Eunice Davidson, who represents many Native Americans, feels so honored, he feels
part of a multicultural (GREAT word choice) society. The last line strategically refers to American history. However,
she only refers to it but does NOT discuss it simply because it is not part of her discussion. If she did, she would be
going off topic.
Transition (How are you smoothly moving from one example to another? Remember to use
transition words appropriately when necessary.)
This point however, casually overshadows the fact that some of the names American schools give the
football teams are incredibly offensive.
Comments: The transition phrase is: ‘this point however’. This transition indicates to the reader that the
writer is going to turn the discussion of the paragraph to consider another point of view … which is HER point of
view. The phrase ‘casually overshadows’ is yet another great example of how the writer continually includes her
smart innuendo which supports the tone of the essay. She ends her sentence with a very powerful statement which
brings the reader right back to her thesis statement. Since the essay is more than half way, the writer makes sure to
refresh the reader’s memory of the thesis statement by using an exact word: offensive.
Data #2 (How are you proving your point? Use data that supports your claim including page
number and correct citation.)
Obviously, the mascot names such as “Chiefs” and “Warriors” are not offensive, but names such as
“Redskins” and “Savages” are. The offensive names generate a false perception of what a true Native
American represents, because they have negative historical connotations embedded within them.
Comments: Just to keep all her readers of this essay captivated (even those that do not agree with her) she
makes sure to make the point that not all names are offensive and she gives two examples. However, at the same
time she does let the reader know that other names are offensive by giving two examples again. By creating the
parallel, she keeps the reader engaged in the discussion and he/she wants to know what she is going to say next.
The next sentence makes a very solid statement in which she reiterates her strong point –of-view and also refers
back to the historical connotations at the beginning of the paragraph.
Warrant (This is the analysis of the evidence. How does this prove your claim? Connect quote to
your claim.)
Therefore, football and basketball teams need to be more culturally sensitive when designing mascots
to avoid stereotyping the Native Americans.
Comments: At this point the writer is adding a new perspective: ‘culturally sensitive’ (which she alluded in
this paragraph) to the previous discussion of stereotyping in the first paragraph.
Connection/Transition (Connect this main point back to your overall claim and transition to
your next main point.)
Conducive to this fact, Native American activists argue that oftentimes the type of clothing worn by the
team mascot, before and during the game, is not an authentic representation of the Native American’s
traditional clothing. For example, the Redskins mascot can be viewed as “improper” and “a disgrace”
because of its over simplification, which makes it seem as though the character has just stepped out of a
comic strip. Heritages are important to every society, and should not be ridiculed by false
representation. 8
Comments: In this section the writer added an additional piece of information. This does not need to be so
in every essay, however, the writer made the choice to add this additional claim. This shows the reader that she is
thinking over and beyond just the few arguments in this essay. At this point the writer also introduced an image. An
image is always a very helpful element to support evidence and is welcomed in a 5-paragraph-essay – as long as it
makes a VALUABLE and EFFECTIVE contribution to the discussion.
Paragraph 3:
Support claim (What is the first main point you are using to support your overall claim?)
In many cases, therefore it becomes clear that several sports teams are designing mascots based on an
uneducated understanding of the Native American culture.
Comments: The writer is able to use the word ‘therefore’ confidently because she has proven her point.
From this point onwards, she is able to introduce another aspect of her discussion which involves how the education
system causes a misconception of Native Americans. Once again, the reader is very interested in this point-of-view
and wants to continue reading.
Data (How are you proving your point? Use data that supports your claim including page
number and correct citation.)
A website called 9 “Understanding Prejudice” states the following: “Many U.S teachers discuss Native
American history and culture, especially at Thanksgiving time. Unfortunately, the portrayal of Native
Americans is often stereotypical, inaccurate, or outdated.”
Comments: The writer has used a different form of data compared to the quote by Eunice Davidson. This
allows the reader to infer that the writer has done extensive research.
Warrant (This is the analysis of the evidence. How does this prove your claim? Connect quote to
your claim.)
This means that our education system is built on biased assumptions of what it means to be Native
American.
Comments: The phrase: ‘This means’ shows that the writer has made a grounded conclusion. Note that
the word ‘biased’ is very effective because it is another way of saying ‘stereotype’ and ‘naivety’.
Transition (How are you smoothly moving from one example to another? Remember to use
transition words appropriately when necessary.)
To extend the notion of prejudice further, the blockbuster movie ‘Pocahontas’ offers an excellent
example.
Comments: Notice that the writer has not used the same transition twice. This keeps the discussion fresh.
The word ‘extend’ shows how the writer is able to think further about the issue of how Native American’s are being
learned about at school as well as in the media.
Data #2 (How are you proving your point? Use data that supports your claim including page
number and correct citation.)
The website10 ‘Disneyandmovie.pbworks’ discusses the following point: “According to Chief Roy Crazy
Horse (my insert: the name Chief Roy Crazy Horse is offensive), Pocahontas is known because she
became the “good Indian” for Euro-Americans, the one who saved the life of a White man. Thus, a
prominent theme in the movie is that of the good/bad Indian. With this stereotypical portrayal, children
learn that “Indians” are bad people but some are exception to that rule, like Pocahontas”.
Comments: This direct quote reinforces the previous quote at the beginning of this paragraph that states
that children are being taught incorrectly at school. The two quotes are directly aligned with each other and
support the discussion of this paragraph and thesis statement.
Warrant (This is the analysis of the evidence. How does this prove your claim? Connect quote to
your claim.)
In both instances, Native Americans are subjected to racist ridicule.
Comments: The two words ‘racist ridicule’ continues to build of the expanding discussion of the ‘incorrect’
and ‘offensive’ portrayal of Native Americans in the thesis statement. “Incorrect’ is supported by ‘ridicule’ and
‘offensive’ is supported by ‘racist’. The discussion is clearly developing to a mature and in-depth analysis of the
thesis statement and topic.
Connection/Transition (Connect this main point back to your overall claim and transition to
your next main point.)
School mascots fall into the same category as the two examples provided because they are
designed on naivety and racism.
Comments: Notice how the discussion has grown to embed deeply reflective issues: naivety and racism. At
the beginning of the essay the writer used words such as ‘typified’ and ‘stereotyped’ but now she is using the word
‘naivety’ to reiterate that once a concept, person or idea is ‘typified’ and ‘stereotyped’ is born out of a sense of
‘naivety’. The fact that she used the word racism is very effective too because she constantly protects the ‘rich
culture’ of the Native Americans in her discussion and if it is not protected, it is ‘offensive’ and racist.
Conclusion
Wrap up of main ideas (How are you smoothly coming to a close?)
The rift between honor and ridicule for Native Americans is a great one and presents a whole host
differentiating viewpoints. Numerous Native Americans see a school mascot that represents the
fundamental principles of their tribe as a tribute to who they are as a people.
Comments: The writer is beginning to end off the discussion. She does this by reiterating that fact that she
addressed two opposing view-points: that of honor and ridicule. The strong word: rift indicates that the
perspectives are very far apart. She acknowledges that there are two viewpoints and she has addressed them both
successfully with data and supporting evidence.
Re-examination of thesis/theme/claim (What is the claim you are trying to make initially? Don’t
just rewrite this original claim, write it in a new way.)
On the contrary, many Native American mascot names and visual representations erroneously portray
Native American culture, making them appear primitive and violent, rather than the proud and modest
people that they are.
Comments: By writing ‘on the contrary’ the writer is reconfirming that she remains by her standpoint. The
thesis statement has been rephrased. Here is what the rephrased thesis statement looks like compared to the
original thesis statement. The most important KEY WORDS have been rephrased.
The original thesis statement
1. ‘portrayed incorrectly’
2. ‘offensively’
3. ‘native American community’
4. ‘school mascot (name)’
The rephrased statement.
1. ‘erroneously portray’
2. ‘primitive and violent’
3. ‘Native American culture’
4. ‘Native American mascot’
Closing/Memorable Statement (Think of this as a warrant … how are you going to leave us with
something that is impactful and applicable to your original claim. Don’t provide a whole new
claim here, just give us a new way of looking at the information you’ve already presented us
with.)
The belittling of cultures into basic stereotypes must be curbed at all costs and we should take
pride in our Native American culture by understanding its entrenched roots in our history, rather than
mock it by the over simplification of offensive mascots.
Comments: The writer leaves a final strong statement by writing that ‘stereotypes must be curbed’
because it causes ‘oversimplification’ and that the Native American culture should be cherished.
So what does the writer do and what does she avoid?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
No ‘you’ perspective is used. Avoid this at all costs!
She sets the scene at the beginning of the essay in a creative way.
Her essay as a very good and imaginative title.
Very strong and varied word choice.
Each sentence is complete with a subject and predicate.
Strong use of adjectives.
7. Uses specific words to illustrate an idea, concept or person. NO: thing, nice or etc.
8. Uses GREAT transition words and phrases.
9. Each paragraph is focused and discusses one idea through comparisons.
10. Each paragraph contains data, a claim, a topic sentence, a quote and they are ALL
connected!
11. Each quote is cited.
12. The thesis statement is clear in each paragraph.
13. Avoids going off topic.
14. Each quote is discussed in a reflective and mature manner.
15. Strategically includes her own opinion and sticks to it!
16. The essay has excellent tone and mood.
17. The opinion remains strong because she offers multiple perspectives, adds strong data
and proves her point.