Writing the Personal Statement/Supplementary Evaluation
Adapted from the classroom from John Richardson’s Mastering the Personal Statement
https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/
http://www.ocadu.ca
Some undergraduate programs require a personal statement or letter of intent. The
University of Toronto undergraduate medical program, and the University of
Waterloo undergraduate engineering program both require information in addition
to grade transcripts. Some universities also refer to such statements as
supplementary evaluation. The Screen Arts Program at York University requires
both a personal statement and an 8-10 page portfolio, while OCAD provides samples
and templates, of letters of intent, for students applying.
Most college programs require a letter of intent as well. George Brown College
requests a letter of intent for programs such as game and digital design. Sheridan
College requests such letter in a diverse number of areas: Interior Design, Fashion,
Social Service Work, and the joint program with York University in Media and Film
Arts.
It is important to write a strong letter of intent/produce strong supplementary
content for evaluation. The content and reasoning for the production of such
materials will be explored through this assignment.
The Three Forms of Direct Applicant Input (this is where students reveal their
personal and academic qualifications)
1. Autobiographical Sketch -The applicant lists his/her activities. For example, a
person might outline: work experience, awards, education, volunteer
experience, and extracurricular activities. The answers are generally in a
prescribed form. Pay close attention to what is being asked and make sure to
address all parts. Please note---though similar in content this in NOT a
resume.
Example: List in chronological order starting with the most recent year. Provide
details of extracurricular activities, non-academic achievements and community
involvement. Indicate the nature and duration of your involvement with the most
current activities.
2. Multiple Questions Personal Statement -These are short answers to a
number of specific questions. This form of personal statement has the effect
of forcing the applicant to think about himself/herself in terms of very
specific issues.
Example
a) How have your secondary school course aided in your personal
development and prepared you for the study of ___________________.
b) Which extracurricular or community experience has been most
important to you, and why?
c) Why do you wish to study __________________________? What is your career
objective?
d) What personal skills or interests do you have that will assist you in
the study of _______________________ and your future career.
3. One Question Personal Statement- The applicant is required to write a short
essay response to one specific question (or in many cases no specific
questions—just a list of criteria). The form of the personal statement gives
more room for the applicant to determine what is most important. The
organization usually follows a pattern of past, present, and future goals.
Example:
a) You are to submit a brief but reasonably detailed personal statement.
This is your opportunity to inform the Board of Admissions about
your interests, achievements, accomplishments and goals. It should
include any facts, which should be brought to the Board of
Admissions.
For the course we will be focusing on writing short essay responses.
What are schools looking for?
All schools seek applicants who have the tools to complete the program. They
look for:
a) Ability- intellectual and academic
b) Motivation-because intelligence without focus is just wasted. Also, selfmotivation and self-direction are essential for the type of learning
environment within the university context, and for maintaining a high
level of achievement.
Beyond these basic qualities also not that:
A university or college may have different objectives and focus when admitting
students. Thus, look at the focus of the university or college and try and tailor your
personal statement to reflect some of the school’s focus or goals. You may wish to
emphasize different things about yourself at different schools. Look at this as
“targeted marketing” (6). You should consider that your personal statement serves
as a replacement for an interview.
Thus, in your personal statement:
a) Make sure that the piece allows the reader to get to know you
b) General statements are back up by specific facts and experiences
c) Show that you are competent, motivated and well rounded
d) Explain how significant events contributed to the development of your
personality
e) Be interesting—have a hook and tell a story
f) Explain why you are interested in that specific school
g) Have an organizing principle or theme
h) Explain jobs activities and awards
i) Describe facts from which the reader will have to infer that you have certain
qualities or attributes
j) Make sure your response is well written
k) Use clear and simple language
l) Make sure that the work is free of typos, grammar is sound, and there are no
errors in spelling. Be as concise as possible.
m) Stay within the length requirements
Use your personal statement to sell yourself to the school. Make it clear what you
have to offer!
Please keep in mind that some common qualities that schools look for: maturity,
discipline, hard working, honest, generous, motivated, intelligent, well rounded,
and community orientated.
Essay review/Workshop Discussion
Read the essays and make notes for discussion
Discern the following:
How is each essay organized? What questions do you think were asked to produce
these responses? Make a list.
How is each essay related to a specific program or the school?
How are assertions supported? What kinds of achievements and activities are
included? What qualities do the experiences outlined in each essay make evident?
What are the strongest parts of the essay? What are some areas you think could be
improved or edited?
Why do you think that the essays were effective and appealed to the Board of
Admissions?
Example
When I was 14 my grandfather told me, "In order to know where you are going you have to know
where you have been." Being 14, I rolled my eyes and filed what he ad said right next the "every cloud has
a silver lining" and "good things come to those who wait" clichés. As I got older, however, I realized that
what my grandfather had said was true. Both of my grandparents were Holocaust Survivors and their
stories and experiences were ever--present in my life. I found myself wanting to know more about what
had happened to them, so I began to read books on World War II and the Holocaust. It was then that I
started to realize the true importance of history. History was not just something far away; it was both
personal and complex. It was as close as my grandfather-- it was the numbers tattooed on my
grandmother's arm. My grandparents’ past was my past too, and the past had relevance to the present.
Thus, throughout high school I took as many History courses as I could. When it came time to
choose a major for university I chose History. In my first year at Trent University I was nominated for a
writing prize by Dr. Lynn MacKay, for a paper I wrote on Jewish Resistance in World War II. Although I did
not win, I felt encouraged and wanted to continue on in the study of History. In my second year of
university I transferred to York. At York, I was particularly drawn to the Social History Courses. I enjoyed
the emphasis many of the courses had on women, gender and sexuality. I found the courses Women in
Medieval and Early Modern Europe and History of Sexuality in Modern Western Culture particularly
influential. In taking these courses I discovered that as with my grandparents history--women's history
made me feel a real connection to the past. It was also these courses, which I think have provided me
with a strong foundation to continue in the study of history.
I learned about the importance of historiography, and gained analytical skills necessary for
effectively assessing sources. My primary reason for applying to graduate school at Guelph is that Guelph
offers MA level courses on historiography, while still putting emphasis on Social History. I know that
professors such as Linda Mahood and Elizabeth L. Ewan have both done extensive research and study in
the area of Women's History. I believe that the graduate program at Guelph would provide the
opportunity for the skills I gained at the undergraduate level to become more highly developed. Graduate
school would be a chance for more in depth reading, writing and research; to analyze and re-evaluate
sources, and tell the stories that have yet to be told.
Although my marks have not always been as strong as they have in the last two years of
university, I believe that this reflects a progression on my part. In my last term at York I was put on the
Academic Achievement list. I feel that I now have the determination and capability to succeed at the
graduate level. The completion of the MA program is essential to what I want to do in the future. I do not
want to stop learning. I would not only like to continue studying History, but eventually I would like to
teach it at the university level.
Outside of studying at York, I spent a year as a peer advisor at Founders College. Participating in
the Peer Advising Program was a positive experience. The program helped to further develop my listening
skills and taught me how to approach a problem from more then one direction in order to find the best
possible solution/course of action. Throughout my time in the undergraduate program I also worked parttime in the University's record store. My job entailed a lot of responsibility. I worked alone and had to
deal with any problems that arose during my shift. I think my experience working in retail helped to better
my communications skills and gave me the ability to deal with difficult situations under pressure.
In conclusion, I am proud of what I accomplished both academically and personally while working
on my undergraduate degree. I have enjoyed the university environment. I hope to be able to continue
my university education in September and pursue the study of History at the University of Guelph.
Thank you for considering my application,
D. Schwartz
EXAMPLE ONE
Bachelor of Education Letter of Intent
Both my mother and one of my great uncles were teachers. I have vivid memories of visiting them
and watching them settle in, usually with a cup of tea and a small dish of homemade cookies, at a
table in the living room stacked with papers. They would let me pretend to be helping, by
arranging the papers in neat little piles. This went on for three years and was, in fact, how I
actually began to understand the basics of language, memorizing the first few letters of the
students’ last names, and arranging the piles in alphabetical order.
I can’t tell you how clearly I can hear still my mother’s or my uncle’s voice praising: What a fine
teacher you are going to make, Tomas. Nurture and nature converging, you might say I feel destined
to become a teacher. I never really wanted to do anything else.
But it is not going to be easy. To become a qualified teacher today is somewhat more difficult
than it was in their day. My first barrier is, of course, money. None of my three brothers, nor my
sister completed high school. To keep the family going, it was necessary for them to begin their
working careers as soon as they were old enough to drop out of school.
With my whole extended family’s support, I was able to go on to high school by working part time
in Peoples’ Jewelry Store. I worked there for the four years while I attended high school, working
in the stock room, learning how to receive and record incoming merchandise, keep inventory and
even, occasionally, being allowed to work up on the floor servicing customers. I think I learned as
much working in the department store as I did in my high school subjects. The subject matter of
those two learning experiences were, of course, very different; and I was much more engaged in
my literature and art courses than I was in learning how to keep the inventory records up to the
minute.
This past fall, I graduated from Ontario College of Art & Design (OCAD) with a bachelor’s degree
in fine art (BFA), my area of specialization was drawing and painting; and I also completed a
minor in integrated media.
Because the University of Ontario Institute of Technology (UOIT) is, for the most part, a lap-top
based curriculum, I am very excited about realizing my dream of being a teacher by fulfilling a
Bachelor of Education program at your university. My family and my professors at OCAD, agree
that it is a perfect fit for me. The professors there in your Faculty of Education – Dr. Peter
Schupert and Dr. Rosalind Messer, for instance – are truly twenty-first century teachers, superb
theoreticians and soundly grounded in current teaching research and methodology. I am
particularly interested in working with these two individuals as I believe that my work with
computer-aided learning (CAL) would be greatly enhanced and supported under their guidance.
I have included samples of my work, a statement of my teaching philosophy, and letters of
recommendation from my professors at OCAD.
Thank you very much for taking the time to review my materials. I can’t wait to start the Bachelor
of Education program at UOIT. (Sincerely . . . . Tomos . . . )